INSPIRATIONAL CHANGE

BY

MUONEKE CHIDIEBERE

08168473187

Chiboymuoneke@yahoo.com

Under Copyright 2012.






ACT ONE
The stage is arranged to suit a modern day sitting room.
There are couches, a center table, chairs and a fan attached to the ceiling of the stage where the play is being staged.

Mr. Jonathan, a tall, grey haired, heavy-set, with gruff voice, is sitting on a couch.
He is a successful businessman and his countenances shows that he is disturbed.
His Long time friend, Mr. Felix enters the stage.
He is an obese, bald, bright-looking man. He is the senator representing a senatorial district in________ part of Nigeria.
He drags a “Ghana-must-go bag” along as he walks to Mr. Jonathan.



MR. FELIX
(Grinning)
Good day, Mr. Jonathan.


MR. JONATHAN
Good day, Senator….what brings you to my home?


MR. FELIX
(Tugging the heavy “Ghana-must-go bag”)
I brought the quarterly revenue allocation for my senatorial zone….TWO HUNDRED MILLION NAIRA!


MR. JONATHAN
Wow, that’s a lot of money!


MR. FELIX
Indeed….indeed
(Beat)
Please, I want you to transfer them into that foreign account—


MR. JONATHAN
The Swiss account?


MR. FELIX
Yes…and our 70/30 ratio still holds. (Beat) Please conduct the transfer smoothly,
because those EFCC are lately sniffing around politicians these days….I will call you this evening.
(Mr. Felix smiles at Mr. Jonathan. He turns and tries to walk out of the stage)


MR. JONATHAN
(Calls calmly)
Mr. Felix. (Mr. Felix spins around to listen to him)I can’t—


MR. FELIX
(Drawing on a plastic smile on his face)
You can’t what?


MR. JONATHAN
I can’t transfer the money for you…..my conscience tortures me and weighs me down—


MR. FELIX
(Surprised)
How?


MR. JONATHAN
The state of the nation keeps deteriorating, haven’t you noticed?


MR. FELIX
(Makes a hand gesture)
Deteriorating, how?


MR. JONATHAN
Like going bad every day…..and you and I have been looting public funds constantly—


MR. FELIX
I don’t understand.


MR. JONATHAN
I can’t pay in this money for you into your Swiss account.


MR. FELIX
Please tell me you are joking, are you?


MR. JONATHAN
No, I am not…..my conscience tortures me.


MR. FELIX
But I always requite you well, don’t I?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes….but I can’t comply anymore.


MR. FELIX
(Shocked) what has come over you?
(Beat)
You have always helped me……..you are even my best friend, aren’t you?


MR. JONATHAN
I am your best friend quite alright, but people of the state are suffering—


MR. FELIX
Suffering? But I am not the president. I am just a mere senator…. I can’t do anything.


MR. JONATHAN
You can, of course…..you can do something…..Every day I drive through the street,
I see masses……the poor masses on the road looking awful, you know—


MR. FELIX
Awful, how?


MR. JONATHAN
They look like overworked jade horses dressed in rags—


MR. FELIX
Jade horses? What does that mean?


MR. JONATHAN
Like old, wretched horses who have worked from dawn till dusk—


MR. FELIX
But that’s not my fault
(Mr. Felix walks to the couch and sits)
I don’t see them.


MR. JONATHAN
Of course, you don’t, probably because they drive you around
in SUVs’ with tinted glasses and you don’t get to see the thick population out there—


MR. FELIX
Thick population?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes……Rising as though Nigerians have sex everyday


MR. FELIX
Oh! That’s because Nigeria women are fertile.


MR. JONATHAN
Yes, they are. But National Assembly has to do something about it.


MR. FELIX
Of course……They are trying to pass a bill, you know!


MR. JONATHAN
A bill?


MR. FELIX
Yes, a bill……that will see the federal Government
distribute condoms to everyone in Nigeria freely, especially the north.


(Frail barks are heard off the stage)


MR. FELIX
(Flinches; trembles)
What’s that?


MR. JONATHAN
Oh, my dog, Farouk—


MR. FELIX
Your dog?


MR. JONATHAN
Worry less about him…..he is subdued in his cage without food—


MR. FELIX
(Big breathe)
Umm, we have to be careful about animals,
especially dogs we keep in our houses these days.


MR. JONATHAN
Forget the dog.
(Beat)
Above all there are a lot of paupers living on the streets.
Each time the poor talk about their conditions in televisions, they croak like hopeless, old ravens!


MR. FELIX
So are we politicians the cause of their conditions?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes, of course
(Beat)
it’s like we are sweeping away their dreams and aspirations like they are piles of dusts.


MR. FELIX
But you can’t blame me alone….most leaders had seven….some eight and…..some even twelve years.


MR. JONATHAN
We know those previous leaders were hopelessly lazy lazy…..lazy like frogs!


MR. FELIX
Jonathan, you are making me feel bad—


MR. JONATHAN
Am I?


MR. FELIX
Yes.


MR. JONATHAN
Sorry if I do. (Beat)
but not only politicians should feel bad, even pastors—


MR. Felix
Pastors! How?


MR. JONATHAN
In Nigeria, Pastors have combined evangelism with predicting football matches
(Beat)
Arsenal would win champions league and they own more planes than Virgin Nigeria—


MR. FELIX
Oh, that’s true! (Beat) I feel so ashamed of myself.


MR. JONATHAN
I feel bad also.
(Beat; then speaks with tinge remorse)
Do you know that I have been running unusual business in town….houses of prostitutions of young girls
and housewives who can’t make ends meets for fifteen years now or something close to that?


MR. FELIX
Prostitutions of young girls and house wives?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes and most recently some Chinese girls—


MR. FELIX
Oh, sweet Jesus that makes you a foreign sinner!


MR. JONATHAN
My friend, there are no local sin or international sin….a sin is a sin.
(Beat)
I had a deep thought last night and early this morning—


MR. FELIX
Why? What could have been the reason?


MR. JONATHAN
…we are sinking into a terrible age where terrorism has taken a better part of the world………


MR. FELIX
You speak as if life these days has a cruel look—


MR. JONATHAN
Yes…….yes like has a zombie look.


MR. FELIX
(Shrugs his shoulders)
I am feeling hot. The weather burns!


MR. JONATHAN
Hot?


MR. FELIX
(Wipes his brow with a finger)
Sweaty and extremely hot. Please turn on the fans or air-conditioner……please.


MR. JONATHAN
No electricity
(Beat)
I wonder why Nigeria don’t have steady power supply—


MR. FELIX
Perhaps, because we are nearer to the sun—


MR. JONATHAN
What’s that suppose to mean?


MR. FELIX
We are close to the sun and sun is a natural source of light—


MR. JONATHAN
Is that a political reason?


MR. FELIX
Yes, probably P.D.P’s reason.


MR. JONATHAN
That’s a cheap reason.


MR. FELIX
You speak deeply like occupying a political office is EVIL!


MR. JONATHAN
It’s not…..we have failed.


MR. FELIX
So what are you suggesting we should do?


MR. JONATHAN
Me and you?


MR. FELIX
Yes.


MR. JONATHAN
I had thought deep in my sleep—


MR. FELIX
And what did you conclude?


MR. JONATHAN
Suicide!


MR. FELIX
That’s madness…..sheer madness!


MR. JONATHAN
We have indirectly killed.
(Beat)
Killing myself doesn’t scare me one bit
(Indicates a half inch on his finger)
One bit!


MR. FELIX
But I have a son—


MR. JONATHAN
Yes and he is serving sentence in China prison….. Accused of drug trafficking—


MR. FELIX
What about your daughter Amara? Has she stopped using drugs?


MR. JONATHAN
No., my dear daughter is useless.
Our children are no benefit to us.
What do we have to live for?


MR. FELIX
Sex! Sex lightens all problems, you know.


MR. JONATHAN
Sex is just a mortal thing…there is much more to life than sex—


MR. FELIX
Like what?


MR. JONATHAN
Like eternity.
(Beat)
There might even be reincarnation—


MR. FELIX
(Puzzled look)
Reincarnation! What does that mean?


MR. JONATHAN
Reincarnation means something coming back to life again—


MR. FELIX
Like Buhari or something like that?


MR. JONATHAN
No, not political reincarnation. But physical and spiritual reincarnation…..


MR. FELIX
Right now. It seems to me that I am Judas Iscariot.


MR. JONATHAN
(Makes a gesture to indicate him and Mr. Felix)
We are just like the two thieves, aren’t we, Mr. senator?


MR. FELIX
The two thieves in the bible?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes. The two rogues nailed with Jesus on the cross…..


MR. FELIX
…..But I heard that one of them was forgiven because he repented before his death—


MR. JONATHAN
Yes…. Yes one of them was forgiven…because he repented at the last minutes of his life.


MR. FELIX
What should we do?


MR. JONATHAN
Pray and poison ourselves—


MR. FELIX
If we do that would God forgive us and welcome us to heaven, will he?


MR. JONATHAN
I think so.


MR. FELIX
Are you sure?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes…..sure.


MR. FELIX
Do you have a poison in your house now?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes!


MR. FELIX
What are you waiting for? Bring the poison, let us drink and sail to heaven
(Beat)
I can’t wait


MR. JONATHAN
Okay.
(He rushes off stage and come back quickly with a bottle of poison)
This is it.


MR. FELIX
The poison—?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes……but we have to pray first—


MR. FELIX
Yes, yes.


(MR. JONATHAN and MR. FELIX sit abreast each other and hold hands. They murmur words inaudibly. MR. FELIX concludes the whole ritual saying ‘AMEN’)


MR. JONATHAN
Who drinks first?


MR. FELIX
You—


MR. JONATHAN
Me?


MR. FELIX
You…..Because you own the poison…..and you are also older, aren’t you older?


MR. JONATHAN
Okay, then
(He drinks the poison and hands the bottle of poison to MR. FELIX. Mr. Felix gulps the poison)


MR. FELIX
(Looks at MR. JONATHAN)
Umm…..the poison is sweet…..and tasty


MR. JONATHAN
I know….let’s wait for some seconds we will be dead….and we will be in heaven and see God.


MR. FELIX
Okay.
(There is big pause between both of them. They stare at each other steadily and not speaking to each other for few seconds)


MR. FELIX
Are we dead?


MR. JONATHAN
Are we?


MR. FELIX
I guess so—


MR. JONATHAN
Do you see God?


MR. FELIX
(Gloats)
Yes—


MR. JONATHAN
How is he?


MR. FELIX
(Staring directly at MR. JONATHAN)
He is standing in front of me. He has grey hair and speaking to me.
(Beat)
Seems like God has your face, Jonathan—


MR. JONATHAN
Where is he?
(Jonathan turns his neck abruptly, looks behind his back)
Where? Where is he?


MR. FELIX
It seems like God is you—


MR. JONATHAN
(Furrows his brows)
shut up!
(Beat)
Are we dead?


MR. FELIX
I think so—


MR. JONATHAN
But can you see anything apart from me?


MR. FELIX
I see, um, furniture…tables, chairs….and even a lighting bulb—


MR. JONATHAN
Don’t you see clouds or birds?


MR. FELIX
No…..I see…..I see
(Shoots a finger to the ‘Ghana-must-go bag)
I still see the money, are there “Ghana must go bags” in heaven, Jonathan?


MR. JONATHAN
No, forget the money for now…..Can you check the window and look outside?
(MR. FELIX rushes off stage; we hear sound of window being opened)
What do you see, Mr. Felix? What do you see?


MR. FELIX
(Standing at the right end of the stage)
I see bad roads—


MR. JONATHAN
Bad roads? Are there bad roads in heaven?
(Mr. Felix walks back to the stage dejected. He sits on the couch)


MR. FELIX
(Speaks weakly) No……we are still in Nigeria
(Beat)
Seems like we are refused passage into heaven because we are black—


MR. JONATHAN
Why?


MR. FELIX
Because posters of Jesus we have in our houses are all white—


(REBECCA enters. She is MR. JONATHAN’S wife)


REBECCA
(See MR. FELIX and her husband, Mr. Jonathan)
Good afternoon!


(No response)


REBECCA
(Greets again)
Good afternoon…


(MR. JONATHAN and MR. FELIX stares at Rebecca in bewilderment)


MR. FELIX
(Stares at REBECCA, glances quickly at MR. JONATHAN, and then back to his REBECCA, and then stares at MR. JONATHAN) Is your wife dead, too?


MR. JONATHAN
(Shocked)
I don’t know…I am surprised like you, too.


REBECCA
(Puzzled look)
What’s going on here?
(She sees the bottle on the table)
Are both of you drinking the bottle of syrup I bought this morning?


MR. JONATHAN
Syrup?


(MR. FELIX and MR. JONATHAN stare at REBECCA with large, widened eyes)


MR. FELIX
Syrup? So we aren’t dead.


REBECCA
(To MR. JONATHAN) Yes, syrup I bought for my cough.


MR. JONATHAN
What? What of the other bottle?


REBECCA
That acid? You mean the diluted acid in a bottle?


MR. JONATHAN:
Yes…..the other bottle?


REBECCA
I threw the bottle away—


MR. JONATHAN
You threw it away? Where?


REBECCA
(Surprise)
Outside…and it broke—


MR. FELIX
Broke?


REBECCA
Yes, broke.
(Surprised)
Why?


MR. FELIX
The bottle could have given us eternal life!


REBECCA
Eternal life? Did the bottle drop from heaven?


MR. JONATHAN
No, sweetheart
(Beat)
you won’t understand—


REBECCA
What is wrong with both of you right now? I assumed that, the liquid in that bottle was harmful.


MR. JONATHAN
How? How did you know?


REBECCA
How did I know?


MR. JONATHAN
Yes. Did you drink it?


REBECCA
No.


MR. JONATHAN
So how did you know?


REBECCA
I was sickened with cough this morning
and I needed a cough syrup to drink so I found your bottle in our bedroom…….in your cupboard.
I wondered what it was…..doubted if it was syrup or a hair dye. So I carried my experiment on a passing housefly—


MR. FELIX
Housefly?


REBECCA
(Nods her head)
Yes, housefly…..I tested the content of the bottle on a housefly—


MR. FELIX
That’s brutal—


MR. JONATHAN
That’s inhumane—


MR. FELIX
Rebecca, you killed an active thing —


MR. JONATHAN
(Jiggles his head)
Life is vain upon vain—


REBECCA
(Stares at both of them; shakes her head)
what’s wrong with you two….


MR. JONATHAN
Sweet heart, you just said you killed something—


REBECCA
Yes. I drizzled the contents of the bottle on a housefly and the housefly dried out….. Shriveling up like it was placed in fire—


MR. FELIX
That barbaric!


MR. JONATHAN
That’s insanity! My wife is so heartless—


REBECCA
How?


MR. JONATHAN
You took away the life and the dreams of that poor creature—


MR. FELIX
You ended the poor creature enthusiasm to live—


REBECCA
(With an enigmatic smile on her lips)
Umm….
(Sees the Ghana must go bag)
What’s in the bag?


MR. FELIX
In what?


REBECCA
In the bag?


(MR. FELIX and MR. JONATHAN looks at the bag and remembers there is money in the bag)


MR. FELIX
(looking the bag)
Oh, the bag?


REBECCA
Umm-hmm!


MR. FELIX
Money!
(He looks at MR. JONATHAN and raises his forefinger like he has a genius plan)
Jonathan! Jonathan, I have an idea—


MR. JONATHAN
(Highly interested)
what’s it?


MR. FELIX
I am going to boost employment with this money—


MR. JONATHAN
Boost employment?


MR. FELIX
Yes
(Flicks a bright smile)
Yes—and thereby reducing the number of poor people with dried lips and milky eyes!


MR. JONATHAN
Indeed, a very ingenious plan….A perfect idea!


REBECCA
Yes, indeed.


MR. FELIX
And that money I own in Swiss bank.
I am going to withdraw them and start a charity home for homeless kids……God has touched my soul today…


MR. JONATHAN
Yes. I am going to do the same, too. I am going to do something for Nigeria…..I am going to turn a new leaf—


MR. FELIX
Yes…..we are both changing our ways and uprooting the trees of greed in us!


MR. JONATHAN
Yes


(MR. FELIX glances at his hand watch sharply, looks at MR. JONATHAN)


MR. FELIX
I have to go now.


REBECCA
(To JONATHAN)
Please, Senator, wait a bit let me prepare something for both of you.


MR. FELIX
Sorry I have to leave now
(Beat)
most of the youths and graduates need to be employed and empowered—


MR. JONATHAN
Yes…..indeed
(Beat)
Senator, I am going with you—


Mr. FELIX
Thanks. Welcome on board! Let’s go and provide employment for the youths—


REBECCA
(To MR. JONATHAN)
My husband, are you not eating now?


MR. JONATHAN
Not yet…...until youths on the streets have food on their tables to eat.
(MR. JONATHAN and MR. FELIX stand from the couch)


MR. FELIX
(To JONATHAN)
Yes, it’s time to provide employment for youths and reduce the misery in Nigeria—


MR. JONATHAN
Yes, the time is now!


(They shake hands and exits)


REBECCA
Umm…..God is always with us and never sleeps (She smiles)


(THE CURTAIN FALLS)

I love ur comments. thanks alot George Lucas and Ingar Bergman (Village boi & sholey)

too much censoring kills bitter dialogue
thanks alot of making me sound like my pen had lisp!

moderator too much censoring
Thanks alot for making my work sound chinese

Contact me on chiboymuoneke@yahoo.com

A COMEDY PLAY

IRONY OF LOVE

BY


MUONEKE CHIDIEBERE









ACT 1


SCENE ONE:
The curtain rises up;
Tunde is seen sitting on a chair located at the right side of the stage.
He is writing down a letter on the table and on the table, there is also a little rose flower.
He is a dark, round faced, broad-shoulder, handsome young man in his late twenties.



TUNDE (V/O)
(Aside; Writing a note)
Jumoke, my love,
Whose beauty is excess;
Smiles are lovely bright
And demeanor is always right.
Your eyes reminds me of glittering stars---
Stars sprinkled in skies at night like diamonds.
I love everything about you.



Tunde smiles, stands up and walks to the left of the stage.
He calls Lekan, who is lowest ranked worker in the household.



TUNDE
(Calls)
Lekan! Lekan!


MAN’S VOICE
(Loudly)
Sir! Yes, sir!



Lekan appears quickly.

LEKAN
Yes, sir! You called for me!


Lekan is tall, gaunt man, with tooth-brush moustache and hanger-like shoulders


TUNDE
(Jiggles his head)
Please, I have told you a lot of times to stop calling me sir.
Just call me by my first name; ‘Tunde’


LEKAN
(Nodding)
I won’t sir!


TUNDE
But you just did!


LEKAN
I won’t again, sir!


TUNDE
(Wagging his finger; Droops his head)
Please, stop including the sir!


LEKAN
(In a subdued voice)
If I have wronged you, please forgive me, sir.


TUNDE
Okay. Never mind. I want you to call Bola.
Please tell her, she should come straight away.


LEKAN
(Bows)
Yes, sir!



Lekan exits.
Tunde takes a deep breath and ambles to the chair.
He sits.
Bola and Lekan enters and walks to the right of the side of the stage where Tunde is sitting.



BOLA
(Obese and puffy faced)
I heard news and rumors about you!
Gossips about you that would make you smile.


TUNDE
And what is it?


BOLA
(Smiling)
Ladies are gossiping that you are very handsome.


TUNDE
Ah! Is that it?


BOLA
Umm-Hmmm!


TUNDE
(Turns to Lekan)
Thank you, Lekan. You can now leave.


LEKAN
(Bows)
Yes, sir.


Lekan exits.


BOLA
(Sitting on the table; to Tunde)
And some ladies—


TUNDE
(Glares at Bola sitting on the table)
Bola, where are your manners?


BOLA
Ugh, Oh, I am tired of faking it!


TUNDE
(Defeated; Speaks weakly)
You will never change.


BOLA
More importantly, some ladies said that you have olive-oil looks
(Beat)
And they love your chest…


TUNDE
My chest?—


BOLA
Yes, they said it is as broad as barrel.


TUNDE
It surprises me that you are talking about handsomeness.
It seems like you have found a man? Have you?


BOLA
Why? No!


TUNDE
Aren’t you thinking of getting married some day?


BOLA
Ugh…for that only the lord knows.


TUNDE
(Surprised with her response)
But, it will be fine if you fall in love with someone
Like connect with the person’s soul and make mountains roll.


BOLA
But that’s sorcery!


TUNDE
Love is like sorcery.
It bond two persons together.
They dream of each other.
They want to be with each other
And drench one another with kisses!


BOLA
(Warily)
Are you in love with someone?


TUNDE
Yes, i am.


BOLA
(Gesticulates her arm)
I hope the person it’s not me!


TUNDE
(Wagging his finger)
Oh, It is not you.


BOLA
Who?


TUNDE
(Speaks slowly)
Jumoke.


BOLA
The district head’s only daughter?


TUNDE
Yes. our master’s daughter, Jumoke.


BOLA
(Look at Tunde. Nods her head respectfully)
You definitely have high taste! How did you pull it off?


TUNDE
Don’t worry about that.
I am writing her a sonnet and I want you to please give it to her.


BOLA
Hmmmm….


Bola peeps into the sonnet on the table.


BOLA
(Reads a line aloud)
"your eyes reminds me of glittering stars---
Stars sprinkled in skies at night like diamonds."
(Looks at Tunde; shaking her head)
Seems, you do exceedingly well in this trade.
(Beat)
Can you write me a sonnet praising my inner virtues!
Oh, I know I don’t have eyes shaped like diamonds,
but I have nice, amazing set of teeth so strong like chainsaw.


TUNDE
Maybe some other time.
(He picks up little rose on the table and sniffs it)
Little, beautiful rose flower,
Blessed with amazing power,
Beautiful from head to toe;
Just like Jumoke,
Splendid from head to toe!


BOLA
(Gazing at Tunde; Very amazed)
Love is indeed like sorcery!


TUNDE
I told you.


BOLA
Is it actually possible to fall in love with anyone…..like connect with someone like how you just did?

T
TUNDE
Oh, yes!


BOLA
To anyone?


TUNDE
Anyone except our master.


BOLA
Oh, don’t worry about that; his face scares me.
His eyes can make chettahs run slow
most time, when he is talking to me my heart stops beating.


TUNDE
(Laughs softly)
Ok. Please can you give the letter to Jumoke?
It’s a lot easy because you are her personal maid.


BOLA
No, problem.


TUNDE
Thanks. Please, don’t let our master see the sonnet.


BOLA
Sure.




SCENE TWO


In Jumoke’s room, Jumoke and her cousin, Bisi are lying on a bed.
Jumoke is reading one of the sonnets Tunde wrote for her.
Bisi is lying on the bed few inches from Jumoke and filing her nails.


JUMOKE
(READS FROM THE SONNET)
“I love the way you tread softly when you walk,
I adore your sweet voice when you talk;
I love your teeth arranged like hybrid corns,
And adore your lovely dark eyes like coals that burns…..”


Jumoke laughs.



BISI
What’s the matter?


JUMOKE
Oh, sorry.


BISI
Tell me, what’s the matter?
You have been reading a poem, smiling and laughing habitually.
And You look extremely happy.


JUMOKE
Is it obvious?


BISI
With your mouth giving out those rumbling laughs
like a Hyena even a deaf person will know that you are obviously excited.
so tell me what makes you so happy?


JUMOKE
This note—


BISI
Notes?!


JUMOKE
(Raises the note slightly high)
Yes, this note—

BISI
(SCOFFING)
Ugh, note! Oh, please don’t tell me madness runs in our bloodline!


JUMOKE
Note…..not this note exactly. I mean the writer of this note.


BISI
Are you fooling around with Shakespeare?


JUMOKE
No…..he’s bald.....bald and dead!


BISI
Christina Rossetti?


JUMOKE
That’s gay…


BISI
Soyinka?


JUMOKE
(VOICE SLIGHTLY LOUDER)
No……he has a big nose!


BISI
Then, who dead or alive on earth would touch your heart with the right words?


JUMOKE
Someone…


BISI
Who?


JUMOKE
A handsome man—


BISI
Is he rich? Is he—


JUMOKE
Rich? Cousin, love doesn’t have any criterion.
Wealth isn’t a criterion in falling in love with someone.
Love is very unpredictable, you know.


BISI
But poverty is very predictable.
Love doesn’t just go alone with words or kisses.
It also comes with goodies, too.
(DREAMILY)
Nice robes, nice jewelries, lipsticks, and so on.


JUMOKE
(SCOWLING)
Haven’t you fallen in love before, have you?


BISI
No!


JUMOKE
(COMPASSIONATELY)
Sorry, but why? You look beautiful…


BISI
Because men in our district aren’t rich enough
and marrying a poor fellow is like living with a scarecrow…….impotent and toothless.


JUMOKE
(With a digusted look on her face)
Eh…


BISI
Please worry less about me and tell who you’re in love with?


JUMOKE
(FLICKS A SMILE)
Tunde….


BISI
Tunde? Is he the son of the president of Nigeria or a legendary prince?


JUMOKE
(Jiggles her head)
No!


BISI
(Sharply)
Who’s he? Oh, wait a minute; does he work under your father? The butler?


JUMOKE
(PROUDLY)
Yes, Tunde…..the cute, handsome Tunde you know in the palace—


BISI
Please don’t tell me that throughout your married life you want to have sweet nights
but miserable mornings and sorrowful afternoon?


JUMOKE
I love him dearly. Moreover, love is blind, you know.


BISI
(Contemptuously)
Oh, that’s sad! Thank God, you still have eyes!


JUMOKE
Seriously, I do love him.


BISI
Please, Jumoke be realistic!
You’re supposed to know riches and poverty don’t go in the same direction.
Masters and slaves don’t involve in romantic Mingling!
This has been the basic rule since the beginning of life and this has always kept the world together.


JUMOKE
(Suddenly petulant)
I think I have my life to live, and whosoever I decide to love is none of your business.


BISI
But uneven love on earth makes angels in heaven mad.


JUMOKE
Thank good lord; we are still on earth and not in heaven, are we?


BISI
…cousin I am trying to save you from future poverty occurrence or something close to that…..


JUMOKE
But this is what I want. Can you keep it a secret?
Don’t tell anyone not even the birds?


BISI
Just that?


JUMOKE
Yes.


BISI
Then consider my lips sealed!



SCENE THREE:

Tunde is alone on the stage; he looks at both sides of stage suspiciously at intervals.
He murmurs words inaudibly to himself. Jumoke enters the stage. Tunde sees her and rushes to her.


TUNDE
[Cuddling her]
My love! My bright sunflower!


JUMOKE
[Smiling]
Did you miss me?


TUNDE
Greatly, dear.


JUMOKE
[Grinning]
I miss you, too.


TUNDE
I miss you double.
Most times I wonder what my life would be without you.
Perhaps, without you I will be hopeless like a broken winged eagle….or weak like a trembling star.


JUMOKE
[Deep pause]
Should get married?


TUNDE
(SURPRISED)
Marriage?


JUMOKE
Yes. Speak to my dad I guess he would consider and allow us to be together,
we both love each other. Don’t we?


TUNDE
Yes, we do. But I am a slave—


JUMOKE
No, you are not! We are born equal.
We eat, you eat, we walk, and you walk.
We feel love, and you love.
I love you and you love me.
I guess above all that’s the most important criterion


TUNDE
But your dad would reproach the whole idea now.


JUMOKE
What of if we elope?


TUNDE
Elope? I think that’s not the best idea.
Eloping stories don’t end well.
Most of the couples die of starvation or wild beasts. I don’t think eloping is the best idea now.


Jumoke is dejected. She walks to other end of stage, sits and droops her head


TUNDE
[Walks to her]
I love you so much, love.


JUMOKE
I don’t doubt you but you have to speak to my father.


TUNDE
[Drapes his hands around her body]
I know, Jumoke. I am waiting for the perfect time.
Rivers can’t quench love, neither can seas drown it. Love is as strong as death.
Just be a little patient. I will speak to your dad when the time is right.


JUMOKE
So you will talk to my father soon?


TUNDE
Yes, I promise.
[He takes her hand and presses it to his chest]
Feel my heart beats.
They sing your name.
They strum for you and will always sing melodies of you forever.
[Jumoke looks into his eyes and smiles]
Please just give me a little time.


JUMOKE
(BIG BREATHE)
I am scared……so scared I think my dad would marry me off to one of his friends to solidify their business ties—


TUNDE
No….he can’t do that. Our love can stand any opposition.
I am waiting for the perfect time to speak to your father……my master.


JUMOKE
[Nods]
Okay, I will have to go now. May be my cousin or my dad are looking for me now.



SCENE FOUR:
On the stage; there are two chairs. Jumoke and Mama Yetunde are sitting on them.
Her grandmother, Mama Yetunde, is an elderly beautiful woman, with tresses of her hair white as foams of seas.


MAMA YETUNDE
My child. I haven’t seen you for awhile now. Hope all is well?


JUMOKE
I am fine.


MAMA YETUNDE
Look at you. You have grown immensely beautiful.
Guess your father is feeding you well. So how is he doing? Your father?


JUMOKE
He is fine.


MAMA YETUNDE
I have planned to visit all of you, when everyone will be less busy.


JUMOKE
Grand mama, we will always have time for you.
We have even missed you.


MAMA JUMOKE
Okay.
[Looks at her carefully]
Is something bordering you? Your eyes look distress?


JUMOKE
My EYES?


MAMA JUMOKE
Your eyes are gloomy like you spent last night crying,
and your countenance tells me all isn’t right.

JUMOKE
I am fine grandmother.


MAMA YETUNDE
[Softly]
Are you sure? Sure?


JUMOKE
[Changes her tone]
Not quite fine, grandmamma.


MAMA JUMOKE
What is it bordering you? Tell me, my child


JUMOKE
Can I ask you a question?


MAMA YETUNDE
[Listens with interest]
Yes….


JUMOKE
Grand maa
[Stutters]
Have yo-you bee-been

MAMA YETUNDE
Ask me no matter how nasty it appears?


JUMOKE
[Pulls her legs together; places her hands on her thighs]
I am [Stutters] I-I


MAMA YETUNDE
Are you pregnant?
(Beat)
Are you?


JUMOKE
No, grandmamma!!
I wanted to ask if you have been in love before.


MAMA JUMOKE
[Laughs]
Ho-ho! Yes, but that was a long time ago.


JUMOKE
Do you recall how it feels?


MAMA JUMOKE
[Suddenly excited]
Different! I felt slightly different from normal day-to-day feeling.
My mind was at peace and my soul as ease.


JUMOKE
It felt good?

MAMA YETUNDE
It was exceptionally good.
Never have felt myself in such blissful mood and it was good
a real good feeling.


JUMOKE
So you can vividly remember how your first love felt?


MAMA YETUNDE
A man can forget his first love, but a woman will never.


JUMOKE
Who is he?


MAMA JUMOKE
Your late grandfather of course. Baba Akande.
He was strikingly handsome. He had these large, beautiful eyes like a Siamese cat,
and he wasn’t fat….


JUMOKE
Um…


MAMA YETUNDE
He was bold, hardworking and funny…


JUMOKE
Funny?


MAMA YETUNDE
Yes, funny. Women hate dreadfully boring men.
[Pauses and looks at Jumoke]
I am little queer that you are asking me these questions.
Are you in love with someone?


JUMOKE
[In soft, stuttering voice]
Yes….no. no.


MAMA YETUNDE
[Softly]
You can tell grandmother anything.


JUMOKE
[Still stuttering]
Yes….but… don’t worry grandmother.


MAMA YETUNDE
Aren’t you proud of him?


JUMOKE
No. Just tha-that…


MAMA JUMOKE
Please don’t tell me you are in love with a woman?


JUMOKE
[Her voice slightly louder]
No. No!


MAMA YETUNDE
Are you sure
[Jumoke nods her head]
It annoys me hearing and reading things like that. “Woman weds woman” or “man weds man”
I wonder what the world is turning into. Those people want humans to be in extinction.


JUMOKE
Don’t worry about that. Homosexuality doesn’t run in my genes.


MAMA YETUNDE
So who is then?


JUMOKE
[Speaks slowly]
Tunde.


MAMA YETUNDE
Tunde?
[Thinks; Taps her jaw gently with her finger]
Yes, I remember that young fellow. He works for your dad?


JUMOKE
Yes.


MAMA YETUNDE
Is it him?
[Jumoke nods]
I remember him clearly now. He is a very handsome fellow.


JUMOKE
He has an amazing face and eye brows, too.


MAMA YETUNDE
Hmmm, first love. Have you told your father?


JUMOKE
No, Grand maa. I don’t know how to tell him.


MAMA YETUNDE
Listen, my child. You want to know what I have discovered about humans.


JUMOKE
What, grand maa?


MAMA YETUNDE
The happiest of humans are not those with money,
but are people who are joyful and relaxed in their minds because they have made good decisions.
These kind of people are like the easy wind; Nice and benevolent.


JUMOKE
But I am scared!


MAMA JUMOKE
Why?


JUMOKE
Papa might rebuke the whole idea and even treat Tunde badly.


MAMA JUMOKE
Have courage my child. Summon courage and tell your dad.


JUMOKE
But daddy’s face?


MAMA JUMOKE
[With great interest]
What happened to my son’s face?


JUMOKE
He looks so-so


MAMA JUMOKE
Did he have surgery I don’t know of?


JUMOKE
[Jiggles her head]
No!


MAMA JUMOKE
Fatal pimples?


JUMOKE
[Speaks slowly]
No. He looks so mean---when he talks to everybody.


MAMA JUMOKE
You are different. Okay, I will talk to him.


JUMOKE
You will?


MAMA JUMOKE
[Nodding and smiling]
Yes.


Jumoke Stands up and hugs Mama Yetunde.



SCENE FIVE

In the District head’s palace, Chief Adewole is sitting on an ostentatious couch.
He is a heavy-set man, with a rotund stomach. His niece, Bisi, enters the palace and holding notes.
Chief Adewole raises his gaze up and sees her.


BISI
Good morning, Uncle.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(GRUFFLY)
Morning. What brings you here?
You’re supposed to be in your room studying with Jumoke.
You know education is the key to success these days.


BISI
I know, Uncle.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
So, what brings you here, then?


BISI
Jumoke, uncle


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Jumoke? I saw her this morning. What’s wrong with her now?


BISI
She’s going out of wheel.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Out of wheel? Is she kidnapped?


BISI
No, Uncle. Jumoke is going out of her mind?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Then go and call a doctor immediately.


BISI
No, Uncle. Not literally out of her mind.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
What do you mean then? Tell me. I don’t have all day to listen to your literature.

BISI
(HOLDING THE NOTES ALOFT)
Jumoke and Tunde are courting and Tunde has been writing her sonnets……..erotic sonnets!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(DEEP GRUFFY VOICE)
EROTIC SONNETS?!

BISI
(Walks and sits on the couch)
Yes, erotic sonnets professing his love for her. Just like Romeo in the Romeo and Juliet story.

CHIEF ADEWOLE
(BAFFLED LOOK)
Is it the story that both lovers died?


BISI
Oh, YES!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
That’s madness! Let me see the notes.

BISI
This is it, uncle.


Bisi hands him the notes.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(CLEARS HIS THROAT; READS FROM THE NOTE)
“Jumoke, your beauty could match those angels of the heavens
And your cheeks soft like daffodils strewn in kingly gardens
Your demeanors unique like nuns,
Your skin brims like glistening sun….”
(Tiny pause from Chief Adewole)
What does this mean?........ Does he watch my daughter when she takes her bath?


BISI
With him writing words like that I believe he has seen her naked.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Deep gruff voice)
Naked?


BISI
Or perhaps, they have had sex


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Surprise look)
Sex, have they?


BISI
Of course, slaves love sex a lot….a lot like horses, you know.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Ugh! That brute has been coaxing my daughter!
Bisi, you did well. Go and call Tunde, now! I have to put an end to this foolery.


Bisi leaves satisfied and swaggering out of the palace.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Aside)
Abomination! I have to put an end to these childish fantasies.


TUNDE and BISI enter the palace’s main room.


TUNDE
(Bowing)
Good afternoon, my lord.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(FUMING)
Kneel on your both knees and bow your head properly.
Gosh, shut your eyes….I hate seeing the eyes of traitors.
They irritate me greatly, that I want to pluck them out!
Have you been writing my daughter sonnets, have you?


TUNDE
Yes, my lord.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
So you neglect your duties to look at my daughter when she takes her bath….


TUNDE
What? No, my lord.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Speak the truth, hypocrite.
Do you neglect your duties to peep at my daughter when she is taking her bath?


TUNDE
I am not that stupid, my lord.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(SARCASTICALLY)
Eh, I guess there is a lot of wisdom acting like Romeo around my daughter.


TUNDE
Forgive me, if I have annoyed you greatly writing to Jumoke. But what we share is magical.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Oh, that’s the main reason I am putting an end to what’s going on between two of you.
(Points at Tunde’s eyes)
You have this dreadful pair of MAGICIAN-LOOKING EYES!


TUNDE
But we love each other, my lord.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
What nonsense! Your notes have annoyed me, but now your pride is tripling my anger.


TUNDE
I feel deep rooted affections toward her.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
You have gone mad.
(Calls loudly)
Guards! Guards!


The two muscular men enters, Bayo and Seun
They are both men of immensely impressive physiques.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Shoots a finger at Tunde]
Lock up this wretched fox in confiscated box or in a cage until he is old and aged!


Jumoke runs into the stage.


JUMOKE
[Kneeling with Tunde]
Papa, I love him! Please, papa.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Ho, what kind of movie is this?


SEUN
[Unintelligently]
I guess it is romantic comedy, sir.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Thundering to Seun and Bayo]
I will slap both of you. I said lock him up. Are both of you deaf?


Seun and Bayo seize Tunde and drag him of the stage.

JUMOKE
[Running after them]
Please don’t injure him. Take it easy with him.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Infuriated; To Jumoke]
Come back here! What’s wrong with you?


JUMOKE
Papa, I love him.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Stop acting like a child gone wild! It’s annoying me.


JUMOKE
Papa I will die without him.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
What?


BISI
Don’t worry Uncle I will be there to wake her up.


JUMOKE
Papa, I love him.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Don’t say that word again.


JUMOKE
Papa—


BISI
[To Jumoke]
I think your father wants the best for you.


Jumoke walks up to Bisi and embraces her.


BISI
[In stage whisper]
Listen to your dad. I believe he wants the best for you.


Bayo and Seun enters


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[To Bayo and Seun]
Guide Jumoke to her room.


BAYO
Sir?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Are both of you going deaf? I don’t pay both of you to ask questions,


Bayo and Seun seize Jumoke


JUMOKE
[Resisting]
Get your hands off me! Don’t you guys know how to treat a woman!


BAYO
No. We have never been in love before.


BISI
It’s enough. I will lead her to her room.


Seun and Bayo stops.
Bisi leads Jumoke off the stage.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[To Bayo and Seun]
Hey, both of you should have taken it easy with her.
She is not a wrestler. I asked you guys to guide her to her room and not force her into a container.


SEUN
We are sorry, sir.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Tell bola to get me my favorite bottle of whiskey.


SCENE FIVE
On the stage, Chief Adewole, the district head, is sitting alone on a couch and soliloquizing.
In front of the couch, there is a center table.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Aside)
Abomination! A slave courting my daughter!
A raven can never befriend a pigeon; because if they do cows would abandon hays or grass they eat and eat with men. But how did he pull it off? How? Oh, yes he is good-looking,
but girls are not only attracted to good-looks. Females like money and he has none! Moreover, my daughter has all a girl wants.

Bola enters the main room of the palace.
She is carrying a saucer containing a bottle of whiskey and a glass.


BOLA
(Nervously)
Good afternoon, my Lord.
Bola cocks her neck slightly to one side.
(CONT’D; Stuttering)
S-s-sir, you ordered for-r a bottle of whiskey.



CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes, drop it on the table.
Bola strolls to the table and drops the saucer on the table.


BOLA
(Resumes cocking her neck to slight to one side)
Can I go, sir?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Glaring)
Why are you always cocking your head? Do you always get into fights, do you?


BOLA
(Stuttering)
N-no….sir


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Suddenly compassionate)
Tell me why do you always cock your head?


BOLA
(Still bowing)
Your eyes! Your stare! Your head!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
How on earth does my face make you cock your neck?


BOLA
(Still cocking her neck to one side and looking at the Chief)
Just that when I am near you it feels like the sun is closer to me
and if I raise or lift my head sun beams will hit my eyes.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Irritated)
What?


BOLA
(Still cocking her neck to one side and looking at the Chief)
And just yesterday when I served you your dinner,
your face reminded me of an ex-convict now in Ogun state……..ex-convict with horns—


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Face like thunder)
What? Shut up! Shut up, before I help you do so! Shut up!


BOLA
Sorry, sir!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Leave!


Bola is about to leave.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Makes a hand gesture)
Yes, come back. I want you to go to my mother’s house and Baba Tunji’s house.
Tell them to come urgently.


BOLA
Yes, my lord


Bola doesn’t move and still cocking her head.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Move! Don’t stand here bowing like a canopy go and call him!


Bola flinches.
Bola is exiting the main palace


BOLA
(Speaks in low tone)
I wonder why the rich are mean, mean….mean….mean


Chief Adewole hears her response.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Oh, because we have common sense!


Bola trembles.


BOLA
God, he heard me and they also have ears everywhere, too.


Bola hurries off quickly.

FX: [DRUMS AND FLUTES ARE HEARD]



SCENE SEVEN:
On the stage, there is a long couch and Eames chair.
Chief Adewole and his mother, Mama Yetunde, are sitting on the long couch;
while Baba Tunji is sitting complacently on the Eames chair with his head thrown backward.
There is a table directly opposite them and on top of the table, is saucer which contains Kola nuts and drinks.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Clears his throat]
Welcome, Mama
[Glances at Baba Tunji]
Baba Tunji, thank you so much for coming.
I really needed your advice urgently on this matter I called both of you on….this matter has been bothering me for some time now.


Mama Yetunde nods.


BABA TUNJI
Thank you very much, my son.
Your father was very nice to me, but I can’t remember his face, but can recall his voice and it’s just like yours’


MAMA YETUNDE
Baba, it is okay. Let’s listen to what my son called us for.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Clears his throat again]
I got reports that my daughter is in love with a slave……my butler—


MAMA YETUNDE
Is it with Tunde?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Mama, how do you know it was with Tunde?


MAMA YETUNDE:
Jumoke told me.


CHIEF YETUNDE
I know you will always be against the whole idea. So I dealt with Tunde miserably.


MAMA YETUNDE
You did what?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Proudly]
I dealt with him. I locked him up for days without food
and made him work in excruciating pains in my farms under blistering sun.


MAMA YETUNDE
What?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Gloats proudly]
Yes, I even thought of hacking a hatchet through his head tomorrow morning,
but needed advise from both of you whether breaking through his head or piercing the hole of his genital is more appropriate.


MAMA YETUNDE
Is this all you learnt from university?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Me? No!
[Speaks in different tone]
I am trying to prevent atrocities from happening.
I once heard that marriage of uncommon status bear weird children like sheep with human head or frogs with human eyes.


MAMA YETUNDE
Son, love has no boundary.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Ho, mama, we are not travelling now.


MAMA YETUNDE
See, my son. What I am saying is that, love is an attraction.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
And then what?


MAMA YETUNDE
And good things in life appeals to both the rich and a common man.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
And what are you suggesting?


MAMA YETUNDE
Free Tunde.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Why?


MAMA YETUNDE
Because he and Jumoke love each other.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
If that’s love, then love is a terrible thing.


MAMA YETUNDE
Why?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
It’s making my daughter reason like a SWINE.


MAMA YETUNDE
And so?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Making a hand gesture]
It’s like she’s being controlled with a rein.
[To Baba Tunji is awfully quiet]
What are you suggesting Baba Tunji?


There is silent. Baba Tunji is asleep and snoring.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[To his mother nearer to Baba Tunji]
Please, mama wake him up.


MAMA YETUNDE
[Taps Baba Tunji on his thighs]
Wake up! Baba, wake up!

BABA TUNJI
[Wakes and yawns]
Yes! Yes. I was in a meeting in my dream and here also I am in a meeting.
It’s splendid being in two places at the same time. Growing old has many advantages and… [Sees Chief Adewole’s mean, frowning face]
Oh, your face truly reminds me of a soldier’s face, who haven’t had sex for a long time.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Frowning like a bull dog]
What are you suggesting I should do after I found out my daughter is in love with a slave?


Baba Tunji fully awake.


BABA TUNJI
[Half-wittedly]
Chief, I have grown quiet old
and I have seen many things because grey hair is very unique like gold.


MAMA YETUNDE
Yes…….


BABA TUNJI
And as I grew older I realized new things and I saw things differently—


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Which are?


BABA TUNJI
Now, I am older when I see bald headed men I think they are vanished white men.


MAMA YETUNDE
May be it is cataract affecting your sight.


BABA TUNJI
No. No—


CHIEF ADEWOLE
That’s not important in this issue! I asked a simple question.
“I found out that my daughter and my slave are secretly courting; and I called on you, Baba Tunji for advice.”


BABA TUNJI
Is he a man?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
If having a moustache makes him so. Then, he is.


BABA TUNJI
Then if he is man……a Man and a woman courting has always been a blessing.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Won’t a slave and my daughter’s relationship yield negative consequences? my daughter is of noble birth, you know?


BABA TUNJI
Noble birth?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes….


BABA TUNJI
Did she fall from skies?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
No!


BABA TUNJI
Did she come off a sea that ran out dry?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
No!


BABA TUNJI
Does she have a moustache and a penis?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
No….what?
[Shrugging off the question]
Please don’t ask me that!


BABA TUNJI
Sorry about that.
But I will tell the truth; a marriage between a man and a woman is always blessed by our ancestors.
[Beat]
The only affair that was despised,
and will always be condemned is a man and a man marriage or a woman and a woman
[Spits on the floor] I wonder how they enjoy that!
Horses are taking over the world!


MAMA YETUNDE
Baba Tunji has said it all. Moreover, Tunde is like a holy saint.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
How?


MAMA YETUNDE
How he talks and the way he walks like it is written on his forehead:”I am an honest man.”


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Deep gruffly voice]
Eh!


MAMA YETUNDE
And he is obedient and handsome like a rainbow.
You know obedient, handsome men are difficult to come across these days.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Looks at his mother warily]
Please, Mama don’t tell me you want to make him my Step-son soon.


MAMA YETUNDE
No! I am trying to say I would be happy to have Tunde as a son-in-law if that will make Jumoke happy.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
But he doesn’t have any money?


BABA TUNJI
Ha, my dad didn’t have so much and my mom didn’t ask much either.


Mama Yetunde nods agreeably.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
And he doesn’t have class, too? Or style?


BABA TUNJI
Style? Is that a new brand of alcohol sold in markets these days?
If he doesn’t drink at all I guess that is good.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Ugh! No! I meant he doesn’t have roots or prestige.


BABA TUNJI
Oh, don’t worry about that he will buy it like they do these days.


MAMA YETUNDE
Is possible, Baba Tunji?


BABA TUNJI
Ha, he can buy it.


Mama Yetunde nods agreeably again.


MAMA YETUNDE
[With admiration]
Baba, you are indeed a wise man.


BABA TUNJI
Ho, wisdom comes into a man if he has died many times.


MAMA YETUNDE
[Baffled look]
How? How did you die many times?


BABA TUNJI
Ho, every night I close my eyes to sleep.
So 365 days times my Sixty-five years. Indeed, I have died lot………lot of times!


Mama Yetunde Laughs.


BABA TUNJI
[To Chief Adewole]
So call the man so I could see if he is a proper man or an apparition.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Shrugs his shoulders]
Okay.
[Calls loudly]
Guards! Guards!


Bayo and Seun enter.


BAYO
[Bowing]
Sir, did you call us?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes, that’s why you are here!


BAYO
So we should come only when you call us and worry
less about guarding your house at night and battling mosquitoes?



CHIEF ADEWOLE
I think you should worry more about getting fired,
because if you ask me any irrelevant question I will fire both of you.


SEUN
[Winces; speaks in a stage whisper to the other]
Please be quiet I don’t want to be roasted like a chicken.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Both of you should go and bring Tunde here.


BAYO
We should do what sir?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Irritably]
Ugh! How on earth did I employ guards without brain?


BAYO
Brain? Don’t worry we will acquire some.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Oh, my God! You don’t buy BRAINS!


BAYO
We will grow to them, then.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
May be until when both of you are Seventy-five!
[Squeezing his brow]
Hey, Orangutans I said both of you should go and bring T-U-N-D-E here!


SEUN
Should we bring him on a boat or a train?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Sarcastically]
No, boats and trains are too cheap.
Both of you should bring him on yacht or jet!


SEUN
That would be very expensive, sir.


BAYO
[Nods agreeably]
Umm-Hmm! Very………..very expensive, sir.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Fools! Will both of you leave and come back with Tunde?


Bayo and Seun exit.


MAMA YETUNDE
[In a soft, comforting voice]
Son, easy, easy. Too much shouting makes a man bald quickly.
[To Baba Tunji]
Isn’t it, Baba Tunji?


There is silent. Baba Tunji is asleep and snoring as usual.


BABA TUNJI
[Wakes]
What did I miss?


MAMA YETUNDE
Nothing!


BABA TUNJI
Was I sleeping or closing my eyes and thinking?


MAMA YETUNDE
I guess you were sleeping unconsciously.


BABA TUNJI
Oh, please don’t blame me because sleeping unconsciously is one of disadvantage of growing old.


Bayo and Seun enter without Tunde.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[TO Bayo and Seun]
Where is Tunde?


BAYO
Um, we, um….um…we lost him.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Makes a phone gesture to his right ear]
You lost him, and then redial his number.


Seun and Bola guffaws.


SEUN
God, bless our master! Master is very comical.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Sarcastically]
Fools! This is one of the reasons of raising kids today with cow milk is very detrimental.
I guess your mothers nursed both of you with cow milk.


BAYO
[Dreamily]
Cow milk! Delicious cow milk!
I wonder what life will be without cows! I miss days I was a baby.


Seun nods agreeably.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Fuming]
Hush, idiots! I said go and bring Tunde!


BAYO
We, um, lost the k-key, sir.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
What?


MAMA YETUNDE
[Gentle voice]
Easy. Easy, son.
[To Bayo and Seun]
Check your pockets, sons.


They dip their hand into their pockets and one of them finds the key.


SEUN
Eureka! I found it! A woman is naturally SMART!


BAYO
They are gift to mankind.
I guess when they came to earth the air of the world became purer and lighter. [Sniffs the air]


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Annoyed]
Clap your hands, stand on your heads and sing a song “We have found it” Idiots, who lost the keys in the first place.


SEUN
[Unintelligently]
We, sir!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Then will both of you get out from here! And make sure you bring Tunde along, this time around!


Seun and Bayo exit.


MAMA YETUNDE
Son, easy…easy.


Bayo and Seun enter the stage, dragging Tunde. Tunde’s hands are tied together.


BAYO
[Gloats proudly]
Here he is, sir! Trodden and blue-beaten like he is from HELL! We made sure he was tortured and ridiculed.


They both smile
Tunde sees Chief Adewole, Mama Yetunde, and Baba Tunji.
He bows.


TUNDE
[Lift his head]
Good afternoon, sir. Welcome maa. Welcome Baba Tunji.


Baba Tunji is listening attentively.
His ears shoot up.


BABA TUNJI
Do I know you?


TUNDE
Not in person, sir. But everybody in Lagos knows about you, sir.


BABA TUNJI
[Walks to Tunde]
Speak again? Your voice sound very familiar.
Very persuasive and alluring, more like Oba Anikulapo! What’s your name?


TUNDE
Tunde, sir.


BABA TUNJI
Say it again.


TUNDE
Tunde, sir.


Everybody’s eyes are fixed on Baba Tunji and Tunde.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
What’s this MADNESS?!


BABA TUNJI
Madness? This is not madness; this young man has similar voice of Oba Anikulapo….


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Is it Oba Anikulapo, the great elephant?


BAYO
Is it the great elephant that ate humans alive?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[To Bayo]
Shut up and don’t say a word.
[To Baba Tunji]
Is it the great elephant that ate humans alive?


BAYO
But that’s exactly what I said.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Boy, shut up!
[To Baba Tunji]
Is it Oba Anikulapo, The Oba of all men?


BABA TUNJI
Yes, my chief. His voice so similar to Oba Anikulapo;
You know blood and voice don’t lie.


MAMA YETUNDE
Sure, they don’t.


BABA TUNJI
I remember Oba Anikulapo’s voice clearly.
Those days when we fought wars against the Ijaws---those annoying land snatchers and when our men were demoralized, Oba Anikulapo was the one, who cheered us on with his inspiration words:

“Brothers, let’s move onward,
Your eyes steady and forward;
Don’t flinch, shake or hide,
The gods of our ancestors are on our side;
And let’s defend our children, wives and lands,
Grains, fruits and sands…..”


Everybody gazed at Baba Tunji.


MAMA YETUNDE
[Highly interested]
Was it the last war we fought with the Ijaws?


BABA TUNJI
We? No! It was only men and horses. During time of war, horses are braver than women.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Tunde? Oba Anikulapo’s son!


SEUN
[Speaks to Bayo]
I once heard he defeated hundreds of soldiers with his both hands tied to his back.


BAYO
[Nodding agreeably]
Me, too. I heard he is a distant cousin of Sango!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[To Tunde]
Young man, who is your father?


TUNDE
I can’t recall his name.


BABA TUNJI
[To chief Adewole]
But how did he get here?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
I bought him from a caravan trader. Ten years ago.


BABA TUNJI
Exactly! Oba Anikulapo was looking for his lost son ten years ago.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Are you sure?


BABA TUNJI
Yes. [To Tunde]
Can’t you remember anything ‘bout him?


TUNDE
Oh, yes. I can recall one of his advices.
He always said to me: “Son, be strong like a lion only bravery
and self-belief can help you in your troubles and every passing day takes something away from you so learn to influence people around you positively.”


BABA TUNJI
[Joins in completing the last lines]
“So learn to influence people around you positively.”
I remember that speech, too. So how did you get here?


TUNDE
I came here ten years ago, sir.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Glance at Bayo and Seun]
Untie him!


BAYO
We should do what, sir?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
I have to get rid of these MAROONS!


SEUN
Please don’t sir. Please, my mom is a widow and she will starve.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Don’t worry about that. Just tell her to apply for your post.
That’s if she doesn’t have any of your hearing deficiency. Untie Tunde before I lose my temper!


SEUN
Sorry, sir.


Bayo and Seun men rushes to untie Tunde and bumps into each other.


BABA TUNJI
I suggest we should go to Oba Anikulapo’s palace right away,
because I think Tunde is his biologggiccaa….


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Biological son?


BABA TUNJI
Yes, that what I was trying to say. [Shakes his head] Old age indeed has disadvantage of word pronunciation.



SCENE EIGHT
On the stage, Chief Adewole, Baba Tunji, Mama Yetunde, and Tunde are standing at the right side of the stage.
Oba Anikulapo’s linguist comes in with a guard from the left side of the stage to meet them.


GUARD
[Shooting a finger to Chief Adewole]
This is the man, sir! He said he wanted to see his royal highness. He said the matter is very important sir.


They both walk up to Chief Adewole.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(To Chief Giwa)
Good evening, sir.


CHIEF GIWA
Yes.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
My name is Chief Adewole Akande.
I and my colleagues have travelled far and wide to see our royal highness.
We have an urgent discussion with him


CHIEF GIWA
What’s did you say your name is again?


CHIEF GIWA
Adewole Akande! I am the head of a district here in Lagos.


CHIEF GIWA
Adewole, if you want to discuss any matter with the king, then you have to tell me first.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
But this matter is so large like an ocean that it could swallow you from head to toe.


CHIEF GIWA
I don’t have time for this insolence!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Okay, I have come to see his royal monarch, because I have found who might be his missing son


CHIEF GIWA
His missing son?!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes, his missing son.


Chief Adewole points at Tunde standing behind Baba Tunji.


CHIEF GIWA
(Sees Baba Tunji standing in front of Tunde)
The old man, Good god,
you should have told me you brought Oba Anikulapo’s late father back to life.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
No, the old fellow is my adviser.
I mean the young fellow standing behind the grey-haired man.


CHIEF GIWA
The ordinary-looking man, uh?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
No, the Anikulapo-looking man! Can we see Oba Anikulapo now?


CHIEF GIWA
Are you sure he’s Oba Anikulapo’s missing son?
Because if he is not you will be crushed like a good-for-nothing mosquito.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
What if he is?


CHIEF GIWA
If he is, Oba will reward you


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Perhaps, by replacing you with me as his linguist, won’t it be nice?


CHIEF GIWA
You’re insane!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
I know. Can you let us in?
Chief Adewole turns abruptly and waves his hand.


CHIEF GIWA
Follow me!


They follow Chief Giwa in procession


BABA TUNJI
[Speaks slowly in awe]
It’s so different in here.


MAMA YETUNDE
Seem so. The sofa and throne looks Italian.


Chief Giwa leads them to a white, large sofa which is directly opposite the throne


BABA TUNJI
I can’t believe my eyes
[Gazing at the throne with interest]
We are truly in paradise!


CHIEF GIWA
Uhn!


BABA TUNJI
[To Chief Giwa]
Does his highness sit here and command rains to fall,
moon to shine and sun to heat up?
Or does he sit here and make babies grow in women wombs?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Please can you call Oba for us?


CHIEF GIWA
Sit and wait.


They all sit.
Chief Giwa exits.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[To Tunde]
Relax yourself. I have a feeling that you are Oba Anikulapo’s son. I
have always believed that there was something special ‘bout you.


TUNDE
Are you sure, sir?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes…..


TUNDE
Thank you, sir.


BABA TUNJI
[Gazing at the throne]
I bet this is where he gets all his wisdom from.
Oba Anikulapo, this is where you get your wisdom from! [Smiles]


Chief Adewole jiggles his head in disgust and Mama Yetunde laughs.


BABA TUNJI
I guess this throne could cure madness and make the blind see!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
So why are there mad people and blind people in Lagos?


BABA TUNJI
I guess they are not Lagosians!


Oba Anikulapo enters the stage, with Chief Giwa walking behind him
and three immense burly body guards. He is a man of medium height of sixty, dressed in an extravagant robe of many colors.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Speaks quietly]
Oba is here.


Chief Adewole, Mama Yetunde and Tunde stand up,
while Baba Tunji slumps on the ground with his face facing downward.


CHIEF GIWA
[Shoot a finger at them]
These are the visitors, my lord.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Walks calmly to the throne and sits]
Sit down!
Two of the three immensely burly body guards walks and stands behind Oba Anikulapo’s throne.
The other one and Chief Giwa stand behind the sofa which Chief Adewole and the rest are sitting.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Sees Baba Tunji lying on the floor]
And you lying on the floor stand up!


Baba Tunji shoots up immediately.


BABA TUNJI
“My ruler whose wisdom is large as the sky,
My ruler who hangs and floats above others’ like a winged butterfly
My lord who was dropped from a cloud
And hummingbirds sing his name aloud...”
We bring you news….good news—


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Waves his hand]
It is okay.


CHIEF GIWA
My lord, I think that one is emotionally unstable.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Looks at Chief Giwa meanly]
Insult our guests no more!


CHIEF GIWA
[Bows his head]
I am sorry, my lord.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Looks at the guests closely and sees Tunde]
You remind me of my son! Your face! You have my wife’s face. Tunde? Is it really you?


TUNDE
Papa?


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Shooting up from the throne and walks to Tunde]
Tunde? Come.


Tunde stands up and walks to him.
Oba Anikulapo practically got hold of Tunde, spins and slamms him to floor.
He pinned him to floor in a hammerlock.
Everybody is surprised and stunned.


TUNDE
[Whimpering]
My neck…….


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Pinning Tunde to the ground]
Be quiet and allow me to check your hand.
I remember there is a leather bracelet you always wore as boy
[He stretches out Tunde’s hand, but didn’t see any bracelet]
It can’t be! Where is the bracelet if you are my son?


TUNDE
[Whimpering on the floor]
My mouth….


OBA ANIKULAPO
Did you swallow the bracelet in your mouth?


TUNDE
[Whimpering]
My mouth….


OBA ANIKULAPO
Do you wear it inside your mouth? Do you?


MAMA YETUNDE
[Interrupting]
His mouth is forced to floor. He can’t speak.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Uh, yes
[Lifts his hand from Tunde’s head]
Now speak!


TUNDE
[Breathing heavily]
Thank you, papa.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Speaks aloud]
Mama was right. Women can indeed see through things.


BABA TUNJI
[Lost; in awe]
Did you see what Oba Anikulapo just did? He tossed Tunde down like he is a tornado!
Oh, those are muscles of a god!
Muscles strong like rod.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[To Tunde]
Speak up now. If you are my son where is the leather bracelet!


TUNDE
[Still breathing heavily]
I over……..


CHIEF ADEWOLE
No. Don’t say you threw the bracelet away.
Please Tunde. Don’t mention those words.


TUNDE
[Breathing slowly]
I overgrown the bracelet. Bu-but I still carry it around with me in my pocket.


Tunde dips his hand and brings out a bracelet


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Gaily]
That’s the trophy. That’s the key.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Seeing the bracelet]
Tunde! Tunde!


Oba Anikulapo lets go of Tunde immediately and helps him on his feet.


TUNDE
[Ecstatically]
Papa!


Oba Anikulapo and Tunde hugs.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[To Chief Giwa. Joyfully]
Go and tell everyone that I have found my lost son.
My forefathers have smiled my way today.


Chief Giwa exits.


TUNDE
Papa, where is mama? I missed her.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Walks back to the throne and sits. Speaks sorrowfully]
Your mother is dead.


TUNDE
Dead?


OBA ANIKULAPO
She is dead.
She couldn’t bear the agony when she heard you have been kidnapped.
She died. [Wipes tears from his eyes]


Tunde drops down and sit on the floor in grief and Mama Yetunde shakes her head in pity.


BABA TUNJI
Oh!


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Sorrowfully]
Yes……she couldn’t bear the agony when she heard you have been kidnapped. She fell ill and died.


Oba Anikulapo wipes tears from his eyes.
Tunde drops down and sit on the floor in grief.


Oba Anikulapo walks to his son, sits on the floor beside him and cuddles him.

OBA ANIKULAPO
( CONT'D; In comforting voice)
I am sorry, son. I did all I could to save her life.
I called the best herbal doctors to help restore her health, but they couldn’t.
And after that I decided not to marry again.


BABA TUNJI
Only a god can stay without a woman for many years not even for one night.


Oba Anikulapo walks to his son, sits on the floor beside him and cuddles him.


TUNDE
[Brushing away tears from his eyes]
Papa, can I ask for a favor?


OBA ANIKULAPO
Ask anything?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[speaks to himself silently]
I hope he doesn’t ask for my head.


TUNDE
I want to get married.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Have you found a lady?


TUNDE
Yes.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Then consider it done, son.


MAMA YETUNDE
[Smiling]
I wish all men are like this.




ACT TWO


SCENE ONE:
On the stage, there are troupe of ladies
and Chief Adewole is leading a procession which includes Oba Anikulapo, Prince Tunde, Mama Yetunde, and Baba Tunji.


OBA ANIKULAPOCHIEF ADEWOLE
(Leading them)
Welcome. My highness and my prince, Tunde
(Calls)
Jumoke! Bisi!
(To Oba Anikulapo)
My highness, I shout only when I am overjoyed.


OBA ANIKULAPO
(Calmly)
No problem.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Today is the happiest day of my life.


OBA ANIKULAPO
I am happy for you.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(Calls again)
Jumoke! Bisi!
(To Oba Anikulapo)
My highness, I know my voice is loud,
but my daughter’s voice is sweet like music.
You won’t be disappointed. You can ask my prince Tunde.


TUNDE
Umm-hmm….


Bisi and Jumoke enter the main room of Chief Adewole’s palace.
They are both surprised to see Tunde dressed in extravagant attire.




Bisi and Jumoke enter the stage.
They are both surprised to see troupe of people and Tunde dressed in a robe.


BISI
[Sarcastically]
What’s this? Are we having a circus party?


Jumoke gazes at Tunde with her eyes bulging out in awe.


BABA TUNJI
Circus party?


BISI
And who are these troupes of girls?
Are they one of those poor-stricken girls that their parents are begging Uncle to marry?


BABA TUNJI
POOR STRICKEN?


Chief Adewole and Mama Yetunde make gestures to Bisi to stop speaking.


BISI
[To Oba Anikulapo. Ignoring Chief Adewole’s and Mama Yetunde gesture]
And who is this BIG, BALLONED CLOWN standing beside Tunde? Is he--


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Hysterically]
Shut up! I say shut up! I wish I could trade you for a bottle for whiskey right now.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Dazed]
Is this your daughter?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Shakes his head]
God forbid! I never gave birth to a noisy chimpanzee!


OBA ANIKULAPO
Which between the two is?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
The other one……the shining rose is my daughter.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Are you sure?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes, my highness. Anyone apart from her is a counterfeit.


TUNDE
She is the one, papa.


OBA ANIKULAPO
She looks stunning beautiful.


TUNDE
She is really beautiful, papa. A rare beauty!


BISI
I don’t understand. What is going on here? Baba Tunji, what is going on?


BABA TUNJI
(With reverence)
Tunde is the son of the ruler of Lagos…..the son of a Demi-god


BISI
Please today is not 1st of April. I don’t understand.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Young woman, where are your manners?


BISI
I don’t know who y-yo…..


[Points at Jumoke]
This shining rose is my daughter.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Are you sure?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes, my highness. Anyone apart from her is a counterfeit.


Tunde waves at Jumoke.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Looks at Jumoke]
She looks stunning beautiful.


TUNDE
she is really beautiful, papa. A rare beauty!


BISI
I don’t understand. What is going on here? Baba Tunji, what is going on?


BABA TUNJI
(With reverence)
Tunde is the son of the ruler of Lagos…..the son of a Demi-god


BISI
Please today is not 1st of April.

She snickers.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Young woman, where are your manners?


BISI
I don’t know who y-yo…..


CHIEF ADEWOLE
(To Oba Anikulapo)
Please sir, forgive her. She had just been discharged from a correctional facility two nights ago.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Then, take her back there. She hasn’t fully recovered.



CHIEF ADEWOLE
Sir, I have a better alternative now.
[Calls] Guards! Guards!


Bayo and Seun appears.


BABA TUNJI
Hmmmm, I guess the air will be better without her.


SEUN
Did you call sir?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Oh, my God! Every time you ask me the same question you bunch of maroons with
(Tiny pause as he notices Oba Anikulapo)
with...with nice-looking faces just like macaronis!


BAYO
Macaronis? I love macaronis; Tasty and spicy.


SEUN
[Nodding agreeably]
Life would have miserable without macaronis!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Forces a plastic smile] Ho, I love these entertaining clowns.


BAYO
[Speaks to his colleague]
Master has confessed that he loves us and he will soon adopt us.


SEUN
Sweet, sweet master that thinks he knows all.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Still has the fake smile on his face]
Oh, my birds!
[Points at Bisi]
Please take her away it seems like her mental problem is coming back.


BISI
[Surprised]
What?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Take her away! Mental headaches! Terrible headaches for a small brain!


BAYO& SEUN
[Jointly]
Yes, sir!


They seize Bisi and dragged her out


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Bows to Tunde and Oba Anikulapo]
Please forgive me for the inconvenience.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Amazed]
Ho, no problem.
Wow that was a show.
[To Chief Adewole]
Are you always like that to your workers? Warm and nice?


CHIEF ADEWOLE: Most times, my highness.


OBA ANIKULAPO
Then you deserve to be my in-law.


Oba Anikulapo stretches out and shakes Chief Adewole’s hand.
Then he shakes Baba Tunji’s hands, too.


BABA TUNJI
[Looking at his hand]
God, I am blessed.


Mama Yetunde laughs.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Walks up to Jumoke and takes her hands in his]
This is my daughter, your highness.


JUMOKE
[Surprised]
Please wait a minute, papa. What’s going on?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
[Points at Oba Anikulapo]
They have come to marry you.


JUMOKE
Papa, please “no”. I told you I am in love Tunde. I love him and I won’t marry anybody else except him.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Surprised] Er.


JUMOKE
If it is not him, I will marry no one else.


Oba Anikulapo
[Smiles]
Ummm..

MAMA YETUNDE
True love.


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes. Tunde and his father, Oba Anikulapo, are here
and Tunde has asked for your hand in marriage.


JUMOKE
Tunde?


CHIEF ADEWOLE
Yes, he has asked for your hand in marriage and he is also a prince.


JUMOKE
A PRINCE?


BABA TUNJI
Prince of all princes! Prince above all princes!


CHIEF ADEWOLE
I won’t decide for you. But I will ask you if you want to marry him?


Jumoke is dazed and looked at Tunde and smiles


JUMOKE
Yes, I will.


MAMA YETUNDE
Good things and status appeals to everywoman.


TUNDE
[Smiles broadly at Jumoke] Thank you.


OBA ANIKULAPO
[Clears his throat] O.k. Now that my son has asked for your daughter’s hand in marriage
and she has also accepted him. They should both kneel and let me bless their marriage.


Tunde and Jumoke kneel before Oba Anikulapo.


OBA ANIKULAPO
(CONT'D)
My ancestors, I bless this marriage with the power bestowed on me. May their marriage be peaceful and bear children…


BABA TUNJI
I believe it will be filled with trailer full of boys!


OBA ANIKULAPO
(Nudges Tunde and Jumoke shoulders with his hand fan)
I bless both of you.


JUMOKE
(Speaks between her teeth to Tunde)
You never told me you were a prince.


TUNDE
I just found out. Should I renounce my status as prince and keep working under your dad?


JUMOKE
No, even my father will be mad with you.
This is perfect.

Tunde grins


TUNDE
(Sings)
“I will always love you,
Life is so beautiful with you;
I will always love you,
Love I feel with you is so true.”


JUMOKE
(SINGS)
“You got your magic spell on me,
And made me happier and free;
Loving you makes me feel so new,
I will always love you….”


TUNDE
(SINGS)
You are my bright light,
Shinning like stars at night;
I get sweet feeling
Every time I look into your eyes
That gets me gently swaying…
I will always love you,
Loving you makes me feel so new;
You got love growing in me,
Like a river is flowing in me.


JUMOKE
(SINGS)
My love for you is precious,
My love for you is gracious,
I treasure what we have between us,
And I will always love you.



TUNDE & JUMOKE
(SINGS JOINTLY)
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

BY

MUONEKE CHIDIEBERE

08168473187

Chiboymuoneke@yahoo.com


Over, then there are simple words in white lettering:

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

We, hear, Fela, “I NO BE GENTLEMAN”

INT. DAY: JAMES SITTING ROOM
James is sitting in his dining table in the sitting room waiting for his lunch.
Suddenly, we are watching in CLOSE VIEW, James Okafor is a tall, fat man of thirty-five with prominent rotund tummy.
James looks at wall clock hung a mantelpiece on the wall at intervals and shakes his head irritably.
It is two O’clock in the afternoon of a sunny day.


JAMES
(Calls loudly)
MARY! MARY!


No responses.


JAMES
(CONT’D)
Where in god name is this woman and my LUNCH?!.......Mary! Mary!


Mary Okafor enters to the sitting room quickly from the kitchen, carrying a saucer containing plates of dishes.
She’s James’s wife and their marriage was arranged by both their parents
MARY is a slender, dark-skinned woman of twenty-five.
She wears an apron.


MARY
Sorry, my husband.


JAMES
(Petulantly)
It’s a shame….a big shame that it takes my wife a decade to make her husband lunch.


MARY
Sorry, dear.


Mary places the saucer on dining table
She grins at her husband.


JAMES
What are you smiling for?


MARY
(Softly)
Because……I prepared your special dish—


JAMES
And what’s my special dish?


MARY
(Smiling complacently)
Rice and turkey…fried turkey.


JAMES
FRIED TURKEY?

MARY
(Gloatingly)
Well spiced and dressed.


JAMES
(Expressionlessly)
And when on earth did I tell you that my favorite delicacy is rice and turkey?


Mary’s grin melts off her face.


MARY
During our honeymoon, dear?


JAMES
You bloody liar!


MARY
Okay, then…try the rice and turkey…it’s nice.


JAMES
Have you tasted the food?


MARY
Yes. Why?


JAMES
Because I am so bored of you that most times I dream in my sleep that you poisoned me.


MARY
(Shocked; morose)
That I poisoned you?


Mary begins to sob.


JAMES
(Begins to eat)
Oh, yes…Jezebel.


MARY
(Weeping)
I don’t like how you treat and talk to me most times…but yet I still love and adore you.


JAMES
But who cares.
(Tiny pause; bites and chews the turkey)
There is too much pepper in the turkey—


MARY
It’s fried and spiced.


JAMES
Too much Pepper…you are dumb like a BELL and a pathetic fool. Big, bloody fool!


MARY
I am sorry—


JAMES
I am tired of this marriage…thank God I have so many concubines.


MARY
(Shocked)
You have many what?


JAMES
Oh, yes…beautiful, preen concubines! That makes me happy and satisfied.


MARY
But it’s a sin. Have you forgotten our vow? Till death do us part?


JAMES
And SO?!


MARY
You are cheating on me….and that makes you unfaithful—


JAMES
What?


He dashes to her violently and stands in front threateningly.


JAMES
(CONT’D)
What did you just say?
(Mary trembles and says nothing)
Exactly, what I thought you said nothing…I guessed it was the wind or squeal of a wounded bird. I am thirst….dying of thirst.


MARY
(Tears wells in her eyes, speaks weakly)
Are you thirsty? Should I get you some water?


JAMES
No, JEZEBEL! NO! I despise you! I am going to bar to get a drink and drown myself to stupor. I hate you and your food.


James spits in front of Mary, picks his coat from the couch and exits the sitting room.
He opens and slams the entrance door. ‘BAAM’
Mary walks weakly to couch and sits dejectedly.


MARY
Oh, my God. Please help me…Help me. My husband needs your help.


EXT. JAMES SITTING ROOM
Mary sits on a couch dejectedly. In CLOSE VIEW, Mary holds her head in her hands.
She is obviously crying.
There are knocks on the sitting door. She stares at sitting room door with her red, tearful eyes and quickly wipes her tears with her apron.
Mary lifts her gaze and darts her sight at the door.


MARY
(Weakly)
Come in. Please come in.


Isabella enters.
Isabella is a fair skinned, short, stocky-built woman of late twenties.


ISABELLA
(Smiling)
Hey…..good day.


MARY
(Forces a weak smile on her lips)
Hello.


Isabella ambles to the couch and sits.


ISABELLA
(Stiff her nose)
What aroma and delightful smell, too. Was there any celebration in your home I was not aware of?


Mary wipes a tear from her reddened left eye.


MARY
No, Isabella.


ISABELLA
(Sees array of dishes on the dining table)
Hmmm…… Nice display of delicacy.


Isabella smiles


MARY
Oh, thank you.


ISABELLA
(Looks at Mary warily)
What’s wrong? Your eyes are red…seems like you have been crying for so long.


MARY
Oh, it just an allergy?


ISABELLA
Allergy that comes with tears, uh?


MARY
Don’t worry…it’s just allergies and nothing.


ISABELLA
Allergies that make a grown woman weep, uh? Come on stop lying to me. You voice is weak; your mouth shudders when you speak…where is your husband?


MARY
Eh?


ISABELLA
Did that bastard beat you up? Where’s that brute?!


MARY
Please keep your voice down.


ISABELLA
I won’t. Where’s that drunk pig?


MARY
Drunk pig? Please he doesn’t drink that much.


ISABELLA
Where’s that lunatic that smells like an old, he-goat!


MARY
He doesn’t smell at all…He just smells a little.


ISABELLA
Like a he-goat!


MARY
No…not like that.


ISABELLA:
(Irritably)
Where’s he? Where—


MARY
He is not at home now. He went out—


ISABELLA
To get drunk I guess.


MARY
No, to visit some friends—


ISABELLA
What’s wrong with you?


MARY
How? I don’t understand?


ISABELLA
James treats you badly and you keep defending him……How many times does he hit you in a day?


MARY
What?


ISABELLA
How many times does he hit you in a day?


MARY
(Weakly)
I don’t know.


ISABELLA
I guess hundreds…..thousands. You have turned swiftly into his punching bag


Mary blows her nose with her apron.


MARY
You are exaggerating.


ISABELLA
Exaggerating? But come to think of it. How many times does he kiss you in a day?


MARY
(Puzzled)
What?


ISABELLA
You heard me, how many times does he kiss you in a day?


MARY
Er…


ISABELLA
I guess none!


MARY
May be because he has tooth ache—


ISABELLA
Come on stop defending him….How many times does he have sex with you in a week?


MARY
Er…


ISABELLA
I guess none, too!


MARY
May be because he has rheumatism—


There is a deep pause.


ISABELLA
That man…..you call your husband has turned your life upside down….he has ruined you. You remember those days we were growing up—


MARY
Few years back?


ISABELLA
Yes, when we were eighteen…..or nineteen. Everybody applauded your grace and your beauty—


MARY
(With a smile on her lips)
……seriously?


ISABELLA
Absolutely, you were just perfect….long legs, dark skin, large eyes, and lovely breasts. You had them all—


MARY
Don’t I still look good?


ISABELLA
Oh, now……You have lost great deal of weight….your hips are gone
(Tiny pause)
I wondered how you cope with him.


MARY
With James?


ISABELLA
(Speaks with venom)
Yes! He is pockmarked and awfully ugly…most times he reminds me of Obasanjo or something like that….with his large, drooping face and rotund stomach—


MARY
But I love him…that why I married him.


ISABELLA
To hell with marriage then…
(Looks at Mary’s face)
Mary, you have to do something about your marriage.


MARY
(Speaks slowly)
But I have been praying, you know.


ISABELLA
Praying, uh?


MARY
Yes…..I even attended T. B Joshua’s convention this week—


ISABELLA
That’s not going to work, prayers need to been backed up with something. I am suggesting something new.


MARY
Divorce….. Is divorce right?


Isabella didn’t have divorce in mind.


ISABELLA
Divorce?


MARY
Divorce…signing papers, going to court, end of marriage and goodbyes…I and James are divorced……..simple and smoothly.


ISABELLA
I don’t think that would work with James.


MARY
Why?


ISABELLA
He is a thug and a drunk……he would search for you, threaten and might even kill you. James is a Blood narcotic!


MARY
(Trembling; scared)
Oh my god…what should I do then?


ISABELLA
(Sharply)
Poison him.


MARY
(Shocked)
I beg your pardon?


ISABELLA
You heard me…poison him. You are helping yourself….your freedom…remember.


MARY
But that’s a sin—


ISABELLA
SIN? Look at me, Mary…look at me!
(Mary looks at Isabella)
You want to live in agony and be tortured all through your life, uh?


MARY
But that’s a crime….killing James is profoundly evil.


Isabella slowly rises from the couch and sits beside Mary.


ISABELLA
No-no, This scenario is different.


MARY
But I can’t poison James. I can’t do that.


ISABELLA
You can. It’s not difficult.


MARY
No, I can’t—


ISABELLA
Yes—you can. Just some droplets of poison…..rat poison in his food and he is gone…dead like a doornail.


MARY
But—


ISABELLA
Listen to me Mary…it would be nice for you to poison him to clear the air.
(Tiny pause)
It is a lot easier than you think…some droplets of rat poison in his food and you carry on your life warm and sweet.


MARY
But, it’s not right—


ISABELLA
Mary……….your freedom, I believe poisoning him is what a proper, dignified woman in your shoes would do.


MARY
Are you sure, Isabella?


ISABELLA
Absolutely!


There is a deep pause.


MARY
Some droplets of poison?


ISABELLA
Yes, rat’s poison will kill him quickly, you know. Rat’s poison kills like hell.


MARY
I need—


ISABELLA
(Interrupts)
…….Courage?


MARY
Umm
(Rubs her thighs violently to brush away fears)
I need courage…


ISABELLA
I back you…and I promise to keep what we discussed now secret.


MARY
Yes, please keep it secret.


ISABELLA
My lips are sealed….sealed like they are glued.


MARY
Jesus…
(Looks at Isabella)
I am scared.


ISABELLA
Mary, please stop trembling like reed. Pick courage—


MARY
(Big breathe)
How does the poison work?


ISABELLA
Oh, quick and steady. His face becomes red…..red like a lobster, his lips white as chalk and he would slobber and……in minutes he’s breathless


MARY
So you are backing me.


ISABELLA
I am with you; solidly behind you…do you have rat’s poison in your house?


MARY
Yes. I have…..I bought it for the rats……the rodents.


ISABELLA
Yes, rodents. But you have to eliminate the bigger rodent first…James!


MARY
James.


ISABELLA
Okay, I will leave you now…but don’t forget just some droplets and your freedom is won.


MARY
My freedom could be gotten with just some droplets of poison?


ISABELLA
Oh, yes! Some droplets! I will leave you now. I will like to visit my boyfriend.


MARY
(Flicks a smile)
You have a boyfriend? Oh, yes, I heard rumors that you are going out with James’s brother. The fat, short, light-skinned one….what’s his name again?


ISABELLA
Anthony?


MARY
Yes—Tony. Are you and he courting?


ISABELLA
No, I don’t want to have anything to do with James or his brother.
Because I believe strongly that he’s just like James.


MARY
You despise James a lot, don’t you?


ISABELLA
A lot. If I slept on the same bed with him and he treats me like a dump like he does to you…in night
I would wait patiently when he is asleep, I will cut his scrotum bag open.

MARY
That would be painful……..I guess putting some droplets of poison in his food isn’t that gross after all.


ISABELLA:
Oh, yes.
(Slight pause)
I will go now…just call me after the deed is done.

Isabella stands up from the couch with much difficulty.


MARY
Thanks for the advice.


ISABELLA
What are friends for…a friend in need is a friend indeed…you know— you might meet any divinely beautiful men like Jim Iyke or something close.


MARY
[Slight pauses; nods agreeably]
That’s true.


ISABELLA
Okay, then. I have to hit the road. Just call me after he is stone dead.


MARY
I will call you.


ISABELLA strolls to the door.


ISABELLA
Just call me after he’s dead.


Isabella smiles, opens and closes the door.



INT. OUTSIDE JAMES APARTMENT___SUNSET
ANGLE on James; he turns the handle of door.
He opens the door of the sitting room and enters the sitting room.
James is slightly drunk like a duck.
He yawns, sits on the couch recklessly and begins to sing.


JAMES
(Sings)
“Give me a glass of whiskey and gin
Let me put an end to my pain
With a bottle of whiskey and gin
I am robust like a train”


Mary enters the sitting room.
She is well dressed and preened.


MARY
Welcome my husband.


JAMES
Not you again…..make me cup of coffee!


MARY
Coffee? Coffee has been exhausted. Should I make you tea?


JAMES
But why didn’t you buy tins of coffee from the groceries store off the street?


MARY
I wanted, but—


JAMES
But what, bloody amnesia patient?!


MARY
I don’t know what I have done to you—you are always mean to me. What do want from me—


JAMES
Your head on a plate!


MARY
What does that suppose to mean, my head on a plate? You talk like a serial killer.


JAMES
Shut up! You nag and gabble a lot like an old typewriter…..you’re just a crazy bug!


MARY
Crazy bug?


JAMES
Yes, that’s what you are! You think like a fool and talk like fool, my useless tool! How many years have we been married now?


MARY
Six months.


JAMES
Six months! And you aren’t pregnant?



MARY
We haven’t had sex since then.


JAMES
I thought you were a catholic—


MARY
And so what?


JAMES
Remember how baby Jesus was conceived? Without Mary sleeping or having sex with a man…and even think of it your name is even Mary—


MARY
Please stop, that is blasphemy—


JAMES
Blasphemy my ass!
(Slight pause)
Make me a cup of coffee.


MARY
But I told you the coffee is exhausted—


JAMES
Shut up and make coffee!


MARY
Stop yelling at me!


JAMES
What? Did I hear you speak to me in that tone?


MARY
What? Eh?


JAMES
Did you just speak to me insolently?


MARY
(Sudden spark of courage)
Yes I did.


James walks to Mary swiftly, slaps her across the face.
She falls to the floor.
James tugs her hair.


JAMES
(Tugging her hair and dragging on the floor)
You will learn to respect me.
Mary whimpers on the floor.


MARY
(Whining)
AWWWW! Please—you are hurting me.


James abandons her on the floor
He walks and sits on the couch


JAMES
Now, I know the reason my dad always hit my mom….women talk and gabble a lot…I don’t understand why God made women so dumb!


MARY
(Sobbing)
I am leaving you…


JAMES
Leaving who?


MARY
You, of course—


JAMES
I will kill you before you do that….make me tea now. I am tired.


MARY
I am not.


JAMES
You won’t?


MARY
I will—


JAMES
And why are looking at me like that?


MARY
Like what?


JAMES
Like you are looking through me?


MARY
Your pride irritates me…and you don’t know how to treat a woman.


JAMES
Who cares!

Mary ambles sluggishly to get a cup and to make the tea.
James stares at her ass.


JAMES
(Staring at Mary’s ass)
What happened to your ass?


MARY
(Tries to look at her ass)
My ass? Are there dusts there?


JAMES
No— it is flat and bony like you are losing weight there!


MARY
Losing weight on my ass?
(She strains her neck as she tries to look at her ass)
Oh, my neck—


JAMES
Oh, your neck…..I will perhaps prefer a woman with a neck that would spin 360 degrees round.


There is deep pause.


MARY
Would you like sugar in your tea?


JAMES
Yes….put in calories there and don’t ask me again.


Mary walks to the cupboard in the dinner room in the sitting room.
She sees a bottle containing rat poison on the floor
She speaks between her teeth.


MARY
(Mutters under her breathe)
Rat poison—


JAMES
What? Did you say something?


MARY
What? .....no!


JAMES
I guess its evening wind rattling the window pane.


Mary collects a pack of sugar and the bottle of rat poison lying on the floor.
She walks to the dining table to make James a cup of tea.


JAMES
You know what, these days
(Looks at Mary as she walks to dining table)
You have grown old swiftly. Just in six months and you are old—


MARY
How?


JAMES
There’re wrinkles across your face….you look like my mom’s twin, Crazy bug.


MARY
(Touches her face tenderly)
Umm.


JAMES
(Sees the bottle Mary is holding)
What’s that? Syrup or something?!

MARY
(Gabbles)
Um, Syrup and something. It’s—


JAMES
CODEINE? Is it, Codeine?


MARY
(Lying)
Oh, yes….Codeine.


JAMES
Ho-ho!
(Laughs)
Sweet Rosemary! Never knew we had the same taste!


MARY
(Dripping some droplets of the poison into the tea)
Yes
(Drawing on a rueful smile on her face)
Yes, dear.


JAMES
(Grinning)
Put all, sweetheart! Sweet Rosemary! Drip all!
James blows Mary a kiss.


SUSPENSE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


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