₦airaland Forum

Ewuro4:
Who told you :

1. she has to be suffering and smiling living with him?

2. She has to start living her life all over again?

And (3) Must be a burden to the society/kids coz she's alone @ 55? What else is she looking for, shrivelled blockoses around town?


@Bold , Phew!

Ok so how does the abandonment plan go? Live with him in misery till 55 and then go screwing young boys around town.

Isn't that a waste of life?

This widow obviously has no scruples and does not respect the institution of marriage. That she can sleep with you knowing you are newly married and being once newly married he self shows you the kind of woman she is. She most probably cheated on her late husband. This is the worst way to start a marriage. Break free for her snare for she is coming after your marriage soon.

damiso:
Ewuro4 that abandonment plan na long ting o life is so uncertain ojare.who says it won't be the woman who will be ill or die first ?

If we are to measure coolness and the person who used to over stress themselves ,my dad would have 20 years over my mum meanwhile she is alive and kicking while he is the one who died young

Am just imagining a lady planning to leave her husband dying just a year before her planned date. The husband them marries the mistress. That woman no go enjoy heaven o, she go just sey vex for the Angels.

Burntpalace:
Nice thread OP. The sanity of it brought me out of 'retirement'. My apologies for derailing.

Welcome back! Glad to know I facilitated your return.

EfemenaXY:
***Chokes on ma drink! ***

Easy there....

Mindfulness:
I am not using you, I am entertaining you but if I were using you, you would enjoy it too.

So smug and naughty.

babygirlfl:
True and like I always say choice and worth is what I believe in.

Madam, this abandonment thing sha

This abandonment thing in my opinion is not a great idea, except you are like 2decades younger.

I mean you spend your youth suffering and smiling then when he is 60 and you are 55 you leave him and start life all over,?
Start living alone or being a burden to your kids.

If a woman wants to leave, leave now whole you have your youth.

My opinion though

Mindfulness:
I just want to get this thread going. I have an hour left before I leave the house and I don't want to get sleepy.

Gotcha! Lol.

Ok. Another angle is the role our society has played in this matter. Men are excused while a woman who is being cheated on is asked to try harder, wear lingerie, cook better food, offer 24/7 sex. The men are given a playful slap on the wrist (if any) and told to be more careful next time.

Mindfulness:
I don't agree.

Why do you I feel you just want to yank my chain?

Befitting:
Yes, I'm angry.

Don't be angry now. Maybe it was a mistake.

He slipped and fell on her.

Wow! You guys really had a nice long discussion. I initially thought Mindfulness was a gal. So you just wanted to pull the ladies strings.

We agree to disagree, bottom line for me is women need to stop lying to themselves(I actually have a post on that) and placating themselves that their husbands were snared.

That's crap. Hold your husband accountable but some can't because they were the side chick before marriage.

Mindfulness:
I am happy you said "own justice" because clearly what you consider just is not universal.
Just make sure that the other lady does not smash your head, just in case.

Good advice. I remember how a Unilag girl beat up a big Madam then at Whispering palms, scratched her face and tore her clothes. Rather than deter her, the confrontation demystified the Madam and the girl made her life hell.

We all have our different opinions but my advice is never debase yourself to talk to "the other woman". Is that letting her go Scott free? Not really, Posterity and Karma will handle her.

byvan03:
We are not trying to convince you, we also have not seen any argument good enough to justify these girls going scot free. We are perceive differently, that's ok I guess.

Scot free? So what should the wife do? Sue her? Arrest her?

edwife:
I tire o.You just can't come to my territory and think you can get scot free when you fully know what you are doing.Mistresses have killed wives so many times.Their rubbish should stay away from me but if you as much visit my child in school,i am gonna deal with you.

No, that's not the logic. Let me share a few pointers from the post. Hope you didn't read it defensively.

1. The logic is if you are cursing and praying for her to die, then such prayers will also fall on your hubby.

2. The wife has no business calling or fighting the girl esp if they have no relationship. Is she is your friend she owes you an explanation, if a stranger - don't debase yourself.

3. Women should stop accepting pathetic excuses that their husbands are victims of these girls.

4. Women should hold men to their vows of fidelity and make them take responsibility for breaking such vows.

Truth is if a man doesn't respect his wife enough to be faithful or at least hide his infidelity then the issues transcend the girl in the picture.

byvan03:
You haven't heard of it before? There is a difference between " I can't do it" and "I haven't heard of it".

No I haven't o.

I have heard of calls to threaten or warn but not to beg.

byvan03:
You already sealed the deal"An perpetuator and an accessory never get the same sentence".


Why a woman will beg a mistress? Stupidity, low self esteem, poverty, unhealthy idea of love or a combination of all of the above.

Still shuddering over the begging part!

byvan03:
In the court of law no, I didn't see any question, my stance is clear enough. Women get stoned to death in the bible for adultery, why not men? There really is no ideal when it comes to such matters.

Both got stoned in the Old Testament o.

Lev 20:10, but Jesus told her to go and sin no more so the wife should forgive her as in NT or kill both as in OT.

So if you fire prayers on her, the ashes must land on the husband.

Lol

byvan03:
Yes, some women actually beg these mistresses and whatever reason they beg for is left for them. The mistress that they beg is as bad as the husband, hence deserves whatever the man got as penalty.

I doub if I can ever understand why a woman would beg the girl.

The mistress can't be as bad as the husband, she owes the wife nothing. She made no vow to her, a husband owes her more. Are they both guilty? Sure both I don't think I can see how a stranger can be as guilty as the husband.

All he did, he did willingly, lied willingly, broke his vow willingly, exposed his wife to HIV willingly.......

Even on TV crime shows, the spouse that "kills" always gets a higher sentence. An perpetuator and an accessory never get the same sentence.

The aim here is for women to hold their husband's responsible and accountable to their vows. The faults for breaking those vows should rest squarely on the spouse.

byvan03:
The criminal and the accomplice must be punished, no one should be excused.

Punished by who? God, yes, The wife? Naaaa.

That would be sinking to her level in my opinion.

Mindfulness:
What is "civic" responsibility now?

Lol. Wet in you want make I say? A law to society if you will.

byvan03:
I get you kulyie, assuming the girl is ignorant of his marital status but majority are aware. You see some wives begging these girls not to destroy their homes yet the bangers will scorn the poor woman and continue without empathy. If this woman goes wacko and decide to chop off her husbands head with a Samurai sword, I expect two heads, the Cheat and the Cheatee .

These girls are inexcusable, they are part and parcel of the infidelity and therefore shouldn't be excused with the usual cliché " she made no vow to be faithful to you ". They have to partake in any consequences the scorned wife decides to met out if she so desires.

Begging a girl, seriously? A woman will call a girl and beg her? That is so wrong, so if he moves to another, she will call and beg that one too? And the one after? A woman has no business begging for her husband, if you have to beg a girl for it, it's time to face the he reality that you have no marriage. Make plans for your life.

Marriage is a mutually beneficial relationship, no one is doing the other party a favor. Your man should want to be with you as much as you want to be with him. Some men go to such lengths to hide their affairs and beg their wives when caught, showering Her with gifts and vowing never to do it again. Begging? Smh.

byvan03:
Once the girl in question isn't under aged, she should take equal responsibility as the man. She is as guilty as the man, on what basis do you classify right or wrong? Everyone cannot measure with your yardstick.

These girls cannot be excused, if the man will serve any penalty, they should serve same. If you are going to condemn evil, do that on both sides. You can't tell people how to react to spousal infidelity, they will react as they deem fit.

Equal responsibility before whom? We are talking of responsibility to the wife. Yes she has a "civic" responsibility if you so will not to have a relationship with a married man but the direct responsibility to the wife is from the husband.

No one is trying to justify her actions but you must hold your husband more responsible than the girl.

Swissheart:
Hmmn.....I see no reason why a good woman would go waylay a younger girl because she is going out with her husband.Most of the married men who cheat do not portray their wives as good women,they cook up crazy stories to gain sympathy and even to avoid rejection from the younger girl.God help us sha

Very true. Most paint a story of a broken home and a horrible wife.

byvan03:
Makes sense but majority of these girls initiate these relationships nowadays, there really is no right or wrong reaction to spousal infidelity as far as am concerned. Whatever you can live with, do.

I will disagree with you. Even if the girl asked him out, couldn't he say No just like you do when men ask you out? That she asked him doesn't make him less responsible for his actions.

Also that you can live with something doesn't make it right.

SAMBARRY:
ahem.better. then full here well well.the ones kanwuliajara refers to awon anti I carry blokos for my head like cross of Calvary

Na love now.

SAMBARRY:
please redirect your advice to women who intend to do that or already doing that

It wasn't actually directed at you personally . Just commenting on the example you gave.

SAMBARRY:
Take 5.

Your head is correct

This are the kinds of thread one ought to be seeing on nl.not eye sores like how fela prefers sleeping with me than the rest of his wives

Or how I'll waylay and bath my husband mistress with acid
like one useless agbaya woman waylaying her husband's mistress only to find out that the agbaya 43 year old man is following a 16 year older ss2 girl.wetin them one beat inside that one body?

E no even be court matter because firstly he'll be accused of pedophilia.as if that's not bad enough his first daughter is 17 ,the second is 15 and the last son is 10.na for nl we dey see am o.

Is it a woman that has a child older than her rival go dey follow her rival fight or exchange insults?

Waylaying a girl you believe is your husband's girlfriend can get you beaten and disgraced. Any girl who has no moral scruples about sleeping with a married man probably would have none about beating his wife.

So confronting the girl can actually lead to you getting beaten.

Also you may end up in jail if you hit her with an object and she collapses and dies. Will your husband not marry someone else?

Confronting the other woman is always a bad idea. The exception is probably when you have a relationship with her (like she's your friend or something)

cococandy:
Word.


Even the juju is bullshyte excuse sha.

It is more often than not an excuse but some die hard women in denial would rather believe it than hold their husbands responsible.

Some guys too use it as an excuse to claim victim.

smh

I read a sob story online a few days ago. Well it’s actually a story that has been going round the internet for years but in different variations (with changing names and forms of course). It’s the story of how a married man was dating a single girl and lavishing money on her... bla bla bla and the wife prayed against the girl for 21 days or so and the girl was in an accident and lost all or went mad or died – or whatever variation of ending you will like to slot in here. And boy, do a lot of women love these stories! They click “Like” and "Share" on their Facebook wall immediately. Holy Ghost Fire!

Let me state categorically that adultery is wrong; it’s a sin, a betrayal of trust and no man or woman should be involved in it. So I am not about to defend husband snatching, no! Yet, I am writing to the many women stripping themselves naked at the stroke of midnight, raining curses on the other girl whom they say “snatched their husband” (Snatched? Is he a toy? 'cos toys get snatched but full grown men? Hmm…)


Before you send down thunder and fire, ask yourself: Would God punish the girl without punishing your husband? Would God be just to do that? If God is a just God, then the first person that prayer will likely land on, is your cheating husband. Okay, I know most of you won’t like this but it’s the truth. The other lady is not breaking any vow, she is committing a sin alright but she made no vow to you. The one who made a vow to you and is breaking it is your spouse.

Let’s be truthful, he is probably the one who initiated the affair (I said probably oh!) but surely, he agreed to it. He is the one bankrolling it, he is the one lying to you, deleting her texts, hiding behind your back to see her, probably telling her lies about you, buying her gifts instead of you, making her promises, sleeping with her, made a CHOICE to be with her… He! He!! He!!! The other woman owes you nothing "IF" she is a stranger to you. So cool down with the thunder and fire because you may just roast your hubby.


What if it’s Juju? Yeah, if it’s Juju, she will definitely get the fire and thunder but it’s not Juju 90% of the time, No, its indiscipline! The reason most women blame and curse "the other woman" is because they don’t want to face this reality or this truth. So what should you? Fold your arms? No!

1. Get your facts right and confront him calmly.
2. Get a commitment from him to break it off, he should get good pastoral/spiritual counsel.
3. He needs to get himself into an accountability relationship.
4. Check yourself. While you are not to blame for his straying eyes, you might have contributed. So check yourself, have you been unavailable, ignoring him, taking him for granted or something. Remember you pulled his strings, that’s why he married you, so, pull them again.
5. Pray for him for wisdom, strength and discipline to be faithful. Pray that every link between him and the other person be broken.
6. Pray for yourself as well.


If your husband can’t commit to being faithful then cursing other girls won’t work because even if the current girl or girls die, he will get another. Let’s stop trying to use God’s name for selfish reasons. God is a just God, if the girl who had an affair with your husband deserves death then so does your husband.

What are your thoughts?

All Rights Reserved © 2015 Oluseye Igbafe

Visit my blog: www.themusinglady.com.

"You are a just a big frustration in my life," Victor shouted as he stormed out of the house.
Joann stared after her husband in shock.
She quelled her anger quickly and started thinking. Victor and her had been quarreling a bit more than usual over the last few months.
The quarrels hadn't bothered her so much as Victor's utterances.
This wasn't the first time he had said something of this nature.
Maybe it is time she initiated the State of the Union discussion with him.

In truth, marriages don't break overnight. It starts with little cracks here and there that are often left unfixed. Over time, the cracks link and like glass, it eventually shatters into many tiny little pieces that can't be fixed. Often enough, when issues are addressed early, they don't lead to cracks.


Most of the time, couples express issues when in an argument, we tend to process things in our mind and brew over them only to fling it in our spouses face during fights or arguments. Unfortunately,it is the worst time to communicate. We put our spouses on the defensive so, even when there is truly an issue, the defensive partner would refuse to acknowledge it in the face of a hot argument.

Furthermore, when we express issues in anger, we tend to be at our most insensitive and say the worst of things and in the worst way. Even for the few who take time to communicate their issues with their spouse, it's usually a one sided conversation of a partner who is already fed up and venting and the other partner is surprised or in shock.

The State of the Union is a discussion session when a couple address the state of their marriage, affairs and life, commend each other on what is right, discuss issues arising and agree on areas to work on. Of course, this does not replace our day to day communication with our spouse. The SOU session is like a medical check up; we brush, bathe and keep healthy daily, we do periodic check up to make sure all is well with our bodies.

The basic features of a SOU session include:

1. It should be done when the couples are on best terms to improve objectivity.
2. It should be done in a comfortable environment; this could be over dinner in a fancy restaurant or in the bedroom.
3. The couple should be free from distractions and disturbances
4. It should start and end on a positive note.
5. It must be done regularly (at least every quarter).



The typical agenda would be to................

Read the rest here[url][/url]http://www.themusinglady.com/2015/10/state-of-union.html

The Price of a M.R.S Degree

A M.R.S. degree is a highly sought after and coveted degree. No matter how many other degrees previously held, whether it be M.Sc, MBA, MA or even PhD, Nigerian society does not give them a great value if the lady does not possess a M.R.S. As a result, over the years, ladies have paid highly to acquire this degree but what price is too much to pay?

A while ago while handling a project, I met a nice and upcoming young man. One day during the Ebola outbreak, I remarked that a lot of businesses, especially eateries, were hit hard by the outbreak. He replied that his money would not be missed as he never eats out.
“Never?” I asked, “Well, that will change soon" I said with a smile since I knew he was engaged.
“No, it won’t ma", he replied emphatically. “My fiancee knows I don’t like eateries; I prefer to stay indoors and we cook”.,
"So, you don’t like Restaurants and Hotels too?" I asked “How can you court a woman and never take her out? Haba, you need to wine and dine her o”
“I have taken her out but never to eat and she is very Ok with it”, he insisted.
"Ok o", I said (wetin concern me?),

On another occasion I remarked to him on the need for organizations to introduce Flexi time especially to enable women manage work and home better.
He told me stoically “My wife will never work, she will do business”.,
I said "Really?! Is that what she wants?”
“That is what I want!" He answered,o,
“But what of what she wants?” I persisted
“Well, we have discussed it and she is ok with it” he replied.
I informed him of several jobs that can afford a woman time with the family etc, but he just kept shaking his head.

A few weeks later, I ran into him and he informed me of his upcoming wedding. I congratulated him and while inquiring about the date and other arrangements he said he is only doing a Traditional Wedding.
I inquired if it was for financial reasons or the lady was pregnant but he said No to both reasons, and it’s just because he doesn’t really see the need for a white wedding and he will go to church on Sunday for thanksgiving.
I couldn’t reign in my curiosity (as usual!) I told him that it’s the dream of almost every young lady to walk down the aisle in her white dress and asked “Are you telling me she doesn’t mind?”
“Madam, to me Church wedding is just an imported ceremony, the real wedding is the traditional and that’s what am doing” he answered.
“Yes, but you still did not answer my question” I persisted
“Well, we discussed it and I’ve convinced her and she is ok with it”, he answered.

Finally I saw him a few weeks after the wedding and guess what? He wasn’t wearing a wedding band!
I didn’t know you don’t use bands in your church “I said”
“We actually do but in my family we don’t use rings”
(Ok, I have heard a lot of things but definitely not this!!)
“Really? I said, so your new bride isn’t sporting a ring”
No, ma! He said in a voice that begged I drop the subject.
“So, she agreed to this as well?” I probed
“Well, it took me time but I convinced her” he answered.
I decided to let the matter be.

It is very possible that the young lady in question actually shares this man’s views and these things are not a compromise to her. I however believe that a M.R.S should not cost you your dreams, the things you love or enjoy. You will certainly adjust some things to accommodate your spouse just as he also needs to adjust to accommodate you.

Coincidentally later that day I was chatting with an old dear friend and we were discussing the price we paid for our own M.R.S. We not only changed our names, we stopped our good jobs, moved to a different town, left our friends, became lonely and jobless for a while etc.
The desperation for the prestigious M.R.S degree has made a lot of women pay a price they regret right after getting the degree. Living with such compromises can lead to bitterness.


Yes, we all pay something to get the M.R.S. degree but what price shouldn’t one pay? What was the biggest price you paid for your M.R.S? What price won’t you pay or allow your sister/daughter to pay to become a MRS?

All Rights Reserved © 2015 Oluseye Igbafe

http://oluseyeigbafe..com.ng/2015/08/the-price-of-mrs-degree.html

That might just be another way of saying "that is my decision and she must comply"

A lot of women are in such marriages.

cococandy:
The author's friend is very funny.

"We've discussed it and she's okay with it"