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FamilyRe: The Price Of A M.R.S Degree by MusingsOfALady(op): 6:17am On Oct 14, 2015
I wish I could say I understand your point.

How does this attack marriages? Plus I think you have a wrong notion of real feminism.
Or maybe you don't.

yougosee:
See them!
Women who desire Career over Marriage are not desperate,
it is only women who desire Marriage over Career that are desperate right?

After raising Feminists everywhere,
Attacking marriage is now your next assignment bah?

Wellidone o.
I greet you.

This world will end one day,
Hope you are ready to give account?
FamilyThe Price Of A M.R.S Degree by MusingsOfALady(op): 9:49pm On Oct 13, 2015
The Price of a M.R.S Degree

A M.R.S. degree is a highly sought after and coveted degree. No matter how many other degrees previously held, whether it be M.Sc, MBA, MA or even PhD, Nigerian society does not give them a great value if the lady does not possess a M.R.S. As a result, over the years, ladies have paid highly to acquire this degree but what price is too much to pay?

A while ago while handling a project, I met a nice and upcoming young man. One day during the Ebola outbreak, I remarked that a lot of businesses, especially eateries, were hit hard by the outbreak. He replied that his money would not be missed as he never eats out.
“Never?” I asked, “Well, that will change soon" I said with a smile since I knew he was engaged.
“No, it won’t ma", he replied emphatically. “My fiancee knows I don’t like eateries; I prefer to stay indoors and we cook”.,
"So, you don’t like Restaurants and Hotels too?" I asked “How can you court a woman and never take her out? Haba, you need to wine and dine her o”
“I have taken her out but never to eat and she is very Ok with it”, he insisted.
"Ok o", I said (wetin concern me?),

On another occasion I remarked to him on the need for organizations to introduce Flexi time especially to enable women manage work and home better.
He told me stoically “My wife will never work, she will do business”.,
I said "Really?! Is that what she wants?”
“That is what I want!" He answered,o,
“But what of what she wants?” I persisted
“Well, we have discussed it and she is ok with it” he replied.
I informed him of several jobs that can afford a woman time with the family etc, but he just kept shaking his head.

A few weeks later, I ran into him and he informed me of his upcoming wedding. I congratulated him and while inquiring about the date and other arrangements he said he is only doing a Traditional Wedding.
I inquired if it was for financial reasons or the lady was pregnant but he said No to both reasons, and it’s just because he doesn’t really see the need for a white wedding and he will go to church on Sunday for thanksgiving.
I couldn’t reign in my curiosity (as usual!) I told him that it’s the dream of almost every young lady to walk down the aisle in her white dress and asked “Are you telling me she doesn’t mind?”
“Madam, to me Church wedding is just an imported ceremony, the real wedding is the traditional and that’s what am doing” he answered.
“Yes, but you still did not answer my question” I persisted
“Well, we discussed it and I’ve convinced her and she is ok with it”, he answered.

Finally I saw him a few weeks after the wedding and guess what? He wasn’t wearing a wedding band!
I didn’t know you don’t use bands in your church “I said”
“We actually do but in my family we don’t use rings”
(Ok, I have heard a lot of things but definitely not this!!)
“Really? I said, so your new bride isn’t sporting a ring”
No, ma! He said in a voice that begged I drop the subject.
“So, she agreed to this as well?” I probed
“Well, it took me time but I convinced her” he answered.
I decided to let the matter be.

It is very possible that the young lady in question actually shares this man’s views and these things are not a compromise to her. I however believe that a M.R.S should not cost you your dreams, the things you love or enjoy. You will certainly adjust some things to accommodate your spouse just as he also needs to adjust to accommodate you.

Coincidentally later that day I was chatting with an old dear friend and we were discussing the price we paid for our own M.R.S. We not only changed our names, we stopped our good jobs, moved to a different town, left our friends, became lonely and jobless for a while etc.
The desperation for the prestigious M.R.S degree has made a lot of women pay a price they regret right after getting the degree. Living with such compromises can lead to bitterness.


Yes, we all pay something to get the M.R.S. degree but what price shouldn’t one pay? What was the biggest price you paid for your M.R.S? What price won’t you pay or allow your sister/daughter to pay to become a MRS?

All Rights Reserved © 2015 Oluseye Igbafe
Visit my blog:
http://oluseyeigbafe..com.ng/2015/08/the-price-of-mrs-degree.html

FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 1:48pm On Oct 10, 2015
Again Sexualization is not all about clothes!

The boys are ok and well dressed but they are models so they fly their collars and strike different poses. The accessories like chains, sunshades etc are uncalled for except your child is modeling too.

However if your child walks around striking poses, pouting, stuffing his hands in his pockets etc then your child is showing a tendency to be vain and shallow.

Self acceptance and confidence is important but a good solid character is more important, lets deemphasize looks at this age.
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 4:20pm On Oct 09, 2015
I don't think the right word is "provocative"(intended to arouse). However children can appear indecent and unnecessarily exposed when bum shorts is worn at an inappropriate place.

The emphasis of the post is not just on bum shorts. It's the overall outlook of a child. A child should never be described as "hot", sexy or a chick. Beyond bum shorts there are many other ways we sexualize our children- for example- through Music and dancing. A lot of children can give Beyounce a run for her money, they twerk and sing lurid lyrics. Even sometimes through nicknames- imagine another calling her daughter- sexy mama?

Another common one is allowing them to watch age inappropriate movies with you, exposing them to sexual content on TV programmes etc . Lets not get fixed on bum shorts, its not the single factor causing it, there are other factors as well.
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 12:20pm On Oct 09, 2015
I have girls too. Just plan well to reduce their pain, there are so many natural hair moisturizing products that soften hair, apply that early and also buy a very good detangler spray if you want them to be natural.

SAMBARRY:
but they are girls and girls have to look good. When she grows a bit older I will start weaving her hair by force and putting hair bands on her hair whether she likes it or not so that she will start getting used to pain whenever they make hair
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 8:25am On Oct 09, 2015
Yeah right! Lol cheesy

Like anyone still keeps those kinda dreads anymore.

(
SAMBARRY:
what of if they were born with dreads or they inherited dreads from either parents? cheesy
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 8:23am On Oct 09, 2015
Pele.

I go online and find simple children's hairstyles or simple cornrow styles.

It's amazing how many easy yet unique styles you can get online rather than subjecting them to long hours in the salon and painful hairdos.

SAMBARRY:
cheesy cheesy

I'm guilty. grin

I usually use little coloured ribbons and hair bands on wuras hair but she won't allow me concentrate on the hair as I force her to look good grin

She always complain that the hairband is to tight on her head at the end of the day she will remove it and even break it grin

at the end of the day I just kuku went to the saloon that they should cut her hair jare grin cheesy.
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 2:42pm On Oct 08, 2015
Yes, Children are a reflection of their parents but children are not toys or decorations for show. The emphasis should be on our kids reflecting our values more than our sense of fashion. We should also take in consideration their comfort as well as the values our fashion will reinforce in them

Some parents go as far as relaxing their 1 year old child's hair without considering the impact of the chemicals to the tender scalp, some make their child's hair for hours while the poor child screams and cries in pain.

Truth is if you subject your child to pain or discomfort or expose them unnecessarily just to show your your sense of fashion - it is Child abuse.

SAMBARRY:
grin cheesy cheesy grin

the idea is to show that the mother has taste and a sense of fashion ni jare

there's an addage that says kids are a reflection of their parents. More like show me your child and I will tell you what the mother is .so the point is to package the kids and make them look stylish yet kiddish too smiley
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 2:36pm On Oct 08, 2015
The boys are very cute but not the dreads.
That's just unnecessary.

SAMBARRY:
@
Bukatyne bukky. Too much emphasis on girls jare. What of this cute little boys cheesy
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 6:44pm On Oct 07, 2015
You can't totally absolve the Fathers, someone just commented on how her father brought her up. While the father dosent usually buy the clothes or applies the makeup, his responsibilty is not limited to providing. He should set the tone for what is acceptable and on his his children should be brought up.

The reason some women don't do it is because of their husbands.
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 5:44am On Oct 07, 2015
Roland17:
The level of moral decadence all in the name of trendy fashion is absolutely deplorable, we have virtually succeeded in convicting our conscience of wrongdoing for thinking otherwise thus reel out excuses why these insane habits are termed normal and trendy.

There is absolutely no way toddlers, pre teenagers should parade the streets on bum shorts or any sort of revealing cloth, the short itself is reserved for the house or a beach wear and mostly for adults who are mature enough to understand the responsibility that comes along with exposure of body parts not an outing wear that exposes the kids to the consciousness of their sexuality and how the modern society filled with wolfs view it and sadly they have absolutely no idea what they are wearing, the pleasure is enjoyed by the guardian or parent(s) who derives satisfaction from looking at her toddler dressed "to kill".

Being an adult is about accepting and understanding responsibilities and not shunting them, all I see in today's supposed adults are people filled with excuses to be irresponsible and irrational in their actions especially in the presence of minors.

A female colleague at works often listened to songs with provocative and leud languages and severally rants along, cursing along with the rappers, she swears she never uses such in the presence of her kids who are between 2-6, o well recently there was a summer get together organized for employees, family and friends of employees were invited..well the second son who is 4 got mad at the 6 year old sister over some candy and yelled "Bit...ch give me my candy" not once but thrice just to convince everyone we did not hear correctly, everyone's attention swung at them and the embarrassment was immense, suffice to say the shame was unbearable for her, she grabbed all three and they left through the back.

We can not continue to deny our actions and inactions directly influence young minds who innocently are receptive to their immediate environment...we have a responsibility to every kid and minor amongst us to consciously protect their innocence until they are mature enough to understand responsibility.

Being an adult is all about responsibility and sacrifice..
Great post, can't agree more.
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 5:43am On Oct 07, 2015
SAMBARRY:
I don't see any thing wrong in wearing bum shorts and a tshirt for my daughter. The only issues I agree with is braiding or fixing their hair like adults. That's a no no for me

make up is also a no no.

If my daughter is going out she either wears all this cinderella ball gowns to kiddies party or church and or wear jeans and top.

Halter neck spaghetti and so on depends on the location
Bum shorts and halter neck in the house or to the beach is ok. I don't agree with anywhere else. Also if a child wears it when young, how do you know say its unacceptable later?
WebmastersRe: $500 Instantly For All Just By Reading Global News Headlines by MusingsOfALady: 10:17pm On Oct 06, 2015
Omolade.oyekunbi@yahoo.com
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 9:47pm On Oct 06, 2015
Hannysmilez:
This issue don tire me. Gone are the days that parents dress daughters in tiaras and dresses. Kids no longer watch disney and the likes and it's the adults that encourage them. I recently discovered that my daughter was engrossed in a Bollywood soap because her teacher said she should watch it and 'gist' her.
Wow! Can you imagine a teacher saying that? That's just crazy. Children should watch things that are age appropriate.
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 9:45pm On Oct 06, 2015
bukatyne:
@OP:

100% on point.

Makeup/weaves/bum shorts/nail polish/dangling earrings etc etc are not for kids. I can't even wrap my head round the cr.az.y dance steps kids do in birthday parties and other gatherings undecided

Kids have this innocent beauty that should be preserved at ALL COSTS.

Kids here is the range 0 - 16 kiss
The dance steps are just too bad. I agree that those things should be for kids.
FamilyRe: Sexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 9:44pm On Oct 06, 2015
jaymejate:
That bum short is what i hate most o. Why will a mother choose that kind of dressing for an innocent child? These causes R ape . These crazy jeans is now something else. I pray this modern parent will be able to control the dressing of their children. Charity begins at home.
Bum short is basically more of a beach wear or house wear.
WebmastersRe: New And Old Bloggers, Enter Here Let's Network by MusingsOfALady: 4:19pm On Oct 06, 2015
367. Hi,

Just started a little while ago.

http://oluseyeigbafe..com.ng/
FamilySexualization Of Children: Parents Have Lost It In Parenting by MusingsOfALady(op): 3:36pm On Oct 06, 2015
As I waited in the departure lounge of a local airport, I noticed there were many children about but it was understandable since it was summer holiday. One other thing I noticed was the way most of the children were dressed. Most of them, especially the girls, were dressed in bum shorts, halter necks, cut off jeans, etc. The clothes in themselves weren't the issue per se; it was the overall look of the children that had me bothered. That was definitely not the first time I noticed it.


A few months before, I had taken my kids to a birthday party and found myself in what could easily have been a night club for kids. Scanty clothing such as tight or very short clothes, bum shorts, long weaves, etc, seemed to be the dress code. I noticed my daughter glancing around her, probably wondering, "What in God's world are these other children wearing?" Or something like that.



Not long after, the kids were called out to dance to the hit songs of the season - these songs in my opinion should be rated PG 13. 4-6 year olds trooped to the dance floor, miming the sexually explicit songs and gyrating their bodies in the most sensual manner. They could have given Beyounce a run for her money.


They ran their hands over their bodies, shook their booties hard while their parents cheered them on. The boys had their upper shirts unbuttoned and rapped along perfectly to gangsta raps while doing flawless break dance.


Those who danced like actual children where shooed off the dance floor while the lewd ones were cheered on. As I watched, my child stared out of this circle looking longingly at the others dancing. I knew it was time to leave. As we left, we went to a eatery where I bought them ice cream and gently explained to them the concept of decency and dancing with decorum.

Another time, at a game arcade for kids, I ran into a lady who had made-up her kids' faces like they were mannequins for Tara or Mac beauty products. Their skirts were so tight, that running up and down the slide was uncomfortable for them.




So the question is, why are we sexualizing our kids? Why does your 4, 6 or 9 year old girl have to look like a chick? Why does she have to be hot or sexy? Should your 8 year old son go around with a comb in his hair and his pants sagged almost to his ankles?


If your child wears bum shorts out of the house at age 3, why should she be expected to wear longer ones at 15? If she wears 2 rings and 12 bangles at 6, why won't she pierce a second ear hole at 17 and her bellybutton at 19?

Why won't your son pierce his own ear at 15? Are you setting your children up to be immodest and indecent? What trend are you starting them on? That all these are fashionable or trendy doesn't mean it's ok.


Some parents even dress their children like this to church. Church!

What are you teaching the child? What happened to children wearing dresses to church? Children can look very nice and decent, they can be well covered and still look good. In this age, when children are being abused, is it wise to make your child an object of anyone's sexual attention?

When I hear some children belt out sexually explicit lyrics, I ask myself how they became exposed to this songs! As a parent, you can't play the CD of such songs and not expect your children to pick them up; the same goes for watching Mtv Base, Channel O, etc with your children.

Studies have shown that children exposed to a high level of sexually explicit information tend to become sexually active early. Is that your goal as a parent?

Being a Parent involves sacrifice. You will need to avoid listening to such music where your children are.

Most of those lyrics demean women and teach your daughter that she's just a intimacy gadget and her body is for squeezing. It teaches the boys that money is everything and women are things to be used to satisfy their primal urges. These music introduces them to a degrading pop culture.

Our children have their lives ahead of them, let's set them on the right path by teaching them to dress decently and sing nice or age-appropriate songs. Let your children be children. Train up a child in the way that s/he should go and when s/he is old, s/he would not depart from it.




Do you agree that children are unnecessarily exposed to sexually explicit elements? Is it possible that some parents are victims themselves or is it that they don't know any better?
http://oluseyeigbafe..com.ng/2015/09/sexualization-of-children.html

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