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i gat a few strings i could pull u kno.

Me Number :08035826783

[b]

I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,
"I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and
shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big
kiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and
there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. So
I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well,
she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they
will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoying
my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,
yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going to
miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.


When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile
and a cheerful "Happy birthday, boss." She then asked if she could get me some
coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better.


Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since
it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?" Thinking it would make
me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office, and
since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have
lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?" So we drove out of
town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a
nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, "Why don't
we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini." It sounded like a good
idea, since we didn't have much to do in the office. So we went to her
apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, "If you
will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she
left the room.


In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big
birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with
nothing on but my socks.
[/b]

[b][size=15pt]Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days, For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.


[/size][/b]

[b][size=15pt]A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened, but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."




I was once in a nice family-style restaurant when I observed
some kids supergluing the dishes to the table. They also attached
the silverware, napkins, salt, pepper, etc. If it wasn't already nailed down,
it was now. They stayed long enough to let the glue set, and then paid and
left. They watched as the poor busboy tried to get the stuff off of the table.


Also funny is supergluing a quarter to the sidewalk. I know its old,
but in the city, with the diverse types of people around, it gets really
amusing. I watched this old lady whack at it with her cane for about 10 min.
cursing,


0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going
to Albania - by covered wagon. Most common phrase: "Is it
Christmas yet?"

10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks
actually move backwards just before the bell rings.

20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and shorter, yet
paychecks seem further and further apart.

30-39 Time achieves warp speed, except when put on hold on the telephone
and forced to endure anything longer than 5 seconds of Muzak. Most
common phrase: "Is it Christmas already?"

40-49 Still fast. Seems like just yesterday when Jerry Brown said he
might run for President. Wait a minute! It WAS yesterday when he
said that. Also, Dick Clark still looks the same. Could time be
slowing down?

60-69 Hey! What happened to 50-59?

70 + Unbelievably fast. Wars used to last years. Now it seems like
they're over in a couple weeks.

[/size][/b]

[b][size=15pt]Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"

The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said to the first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.

The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."

The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"[/size] [/b]

[b][font=ComicThree nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"

The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.

The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."

The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!" Sans Unicode][/font][/b]

Thanks so much Abium My name is on the second list. I thought u are 419 but now i can see that we have few truthful Nigerians Thanks so much. I will still see u again

[size=20pt]imagine both chelsea and manchester fans unda da same banner ?





we'll be unstoppable




we'll be great






we'll be earth shakers





we'll be in da books of history.





just take a minute




think about it





den reply.




( please no insults ) [/size]

[size=15pt]unfortunately we won our match against vallencia

2-1

1st goal was an own goal created by micheal essien

2nd goal was scored by dider drogba[/size]

[size=23pt]make una no mind Abium jare we work at de same plce as web engineers.

@ sanrima

dey born dem well make dem try am again

make dem even try am sef dem no go fi cry reach

na dem papa go help dem cry.

and about her u could easily guess wat happened[/size]

[size=18pt]@ pterygott

wetin you dey kill dem with

ur ass , boobs or na ur monkey faze[/size]

[size=25pt] OR [/size]

[size=23pt]you don go kiss ADISA? [/size]




[size=20pt]@poster

because ur last man broke ur heart doesnt mean dat we r all devils

and bside ifink u gal r far worse dan we guys

i mean u could dump ur guy for another guy u havent even gat feelins for just for doe/kudi/owo/ego/moni e.t.c.[/size]


y not try moi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

asn in u guys dat fink im gay ar soo DUMB!!!!!!

i meant 2 ask if dere's any chickta out dere in need of a guy 4a light relationship

[size=15pt]this is who we are and will be 4 life


nofin can change it nor will anything change it[/size]

[size=20pt] all hail da blues as we march unto eternal glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/size]

[size=14pt][color=#000098]uni-Ife is holding dier pst UME on da 29th of september, 2007.

for the form you could go to the schools premises.

for mor info. u could call:08088803808.[/color][/size]

[size=15pt]in need of a cute guy?

call 08088803808[/size]



[size=25pt]( sorry dat was a veryyyyyyyyyyyyy big mistake )[/size]

yup it is

for waec scratch cards call 08088803808