₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
This here reveals a lot as to why you decided to attack the woman and not your father from the start. It also tells us why your father does not think twice to humiliate you and your siblings while serving the children of this other woman. Like many have already suggested, you should probably be looking for ways to free yourselves from his presence and dependence on him.

2. Nah! That is merely you confusing two different things. An egotistical man is not necessarily a man who is a good father to his kids or a man who does not desire and worship women. You forget that he is a man and has a type and when that type comes in his life, he is willing to give up on any others for her sake too.

Lol very wise, you sure say you fit beat a baby in an IQ contest so? Cuz you dey burst my brain.

AngelSlay:
This moment in your life — as ugly, unfair, and heartbreaking as it is — won’t define the rest of your story. Families break, people fail us, and love can feel hijacked, but your identity is not wrapped up in your father's failures or this woman's presence.

Your role now is to:

Protect your own heart.

Stay emotionally available to your siblings.

Choose peace over revenge — not because she deserves peace, but because YOU do.


You are showing more maturity, emotional intelligence, and strength than most adults would in this situation. And that says something powerful about who you're becoming — not in spite of this, but because of it.

If you ever want help planning how to talk to your dad (if that’s a road you want to take), or help navigating boundaries after you move out, I’ve got you.

You're not alone in this.

Thanks, I needed that.

SpencerForbes:
Lemme advise you from experience. Bro leave this house. Even if it means squatting with your uncles for now. I wish I could reveal more cos I know the feeling
Leave your siblings and find your way out first then come back for them. A blind man doesn’t lead a blind man out of the pit.

If you challenge or talk to him, you’ll just be worsening things. Especially if he’s an egoistical man
Anything you say will be used against you and both of them will make the house unbearable for you
😩
🚶‍♂️

It's like you know my dad, yes truly everything you do he holds onto it and uses it against you, even words you utter he remembers and reference it always and he doesn't forgive, so yes he's an egoistical man, I had an altercation with him because of the way he treated my mum one certain time and he held it against me to the point of bringing it up at a family meeting, so yes you said the fact, na that same iron clad person one woman dey use like doll so, it beats my imagination it's like I'm in a nightmare I will not wake up from.

opanco:
Dont be selfish. You are not leaving your siblings and moving nowhere. You have to stay, team up with your siblings and show her hell till she leaves the house. Thats what your mother's spirit will be happy for

I'm just a guy finding my feet, I barely even got started, what resources do I have to adopt all my siblings, no be suffering I wan bring upon myself.

GenFunction:
she comes and do her thing and leaves"

Pls explain,
Or you mean she .....
I no go like conclude.

She comes, get plunked and leaves, no one cares, now she's a live in love peddler.

gabbytabby:
She is probably the one financing your dad.

lol, wtf, no bro, she's not financing my dad, my dad is super stingy now since she came into the pic, and she has managed to upgrade her status obviously and she ain't hiding it, what are you even saying.

Lekby25:
There is a very serious problem here, if your father and you never step into a church. You better go and give your life to Jesus first, then accept Him as your Lord and Saviour, build yourself up spiritually before concerning yourself with family matters, or else you are risking your life.

Jesus isn't my concern now, na physical battle I dey fight rn due to this woman and her encroachment tactic, she might unalive my dad and move everything soon.

Godmind2022:
The best way to quench fire is not with fire but with water. Talk to your dad in a mature way about the neglect of your siblings. Then speak in a reasonable way with the other woman. Let her know what you like and what you don't like. But you should be ready to accept her as your father's present wife because I don't think there's anything you can do about that. Your father cannot remain single since your mother is not alive again. But let the woman know your likes and dislikes about her. Seek for ways to live amicably with her. Your right and the right of the woman can be protected in a way that nobody will be cheated. Don't hold grudges with the woman. Don't create enmity with the woman. I wish you the best.

Then he should marry her, no be one ashawo go come dey dictate things with her child she carried from somewhere.

MrPresidon:
@op I have a similar life story to yours, although a lot of differences but there are similarities, so I can tell you that I can relate to your story very well

My verdict: Leave the house.
I can tell you that there's no amount of talk or admonishments from anyone that will change how your father behaves now, why? because YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD; the person occupying that space now is this woman. Even after talks, your dad might pretend to listen but will still go ahead in his behavior as long as that woman is still in the picture. As for your siblings, I don't know how young they still are but if you can find a family member preferably from your late mother's side that can take them in while you go hustle to support them until they're able to fend for themselves.

Baba na the only suggestion wey I fit give be this. Normally nothing concern me and another man family matter but like I said, I can relate to your story cos it's similar to mine. I don't know how old you are but I left my home after my mom died at the age of 15. Today I'm 30 and doing well for myself, now na my father dey beg to see me or hear my voice.

Also, like some monikers mentioned above, the real issue here is not the woman but your father. She didn't force her way into your home, your father brought her in and I don't think he's insensible enough to not know that she's drawing his attention away from hi children except maybe she don go lock am for somewhere... you know what I mean

On the contrary bro she forced her way in, she didn't start as a concubine, she started as an acquaintance who's trying to care for people who lost their mum, then she started sleeping over and sneaking around, then she stopped sneaking, then she started chipping in suggestions on family matters, then she started trying to enforce her views, then she became brazen and started staying for days, then she stopped hiding her immorality, I don see shege guy you no go understand.

delpee:
Have you tried talking to your dad about things that are of great concern like the school fees? Leave the woman out of it. You may not achieve much by dwelling on her matter. Focus on his
responsibility to you and your siblings.

Do you have older Uncles and Aunties that could be fair in assessment and that you can speak to?

Also please pray. God does move in mysterious ways to perform wonders in our lives.

I dropped out of school for a while because he refused to pay for something, I worked myself to God knows what before I was able to resume, he doesn't do anything in my life, I don't begrudge him, and I am not accountable to him either and he couldn't do anything about it because he lost the right to have any say in my life due to past transgressions and for that reason we're not close, so talking to him is out of it, I am not complaining because of me, like I said he doesn't do anything for me, I just want him to be fair to the little ones who can't stand up to him.

samwash:
In that case report the whole matter to his family members, the elderly ones that can call him to order, let me talk from the Christian perspective, if he goes to church, report him to the head pastor and the church elders will call him to order.
But if he's from a Muslim background and he's also a Muslim, forget it, he hasn't done anything wrong according to islam, the only thing they will tell him is to take care of his children.
I don't know how old are you and the age gap between you and your siblings, if he's been talked to and nothing changes, na to go hustle for Una self go win ham last last.

My dad has never set foot in a church, nor have I, and he's not Muslim, but he believes in God, just that he's not churchy or religious, but I'm in my 20s and the oldest and my siblings are teenagers and adolescents.

RealityKings1:
Sorry for your experience. You can't blame the woman, it's your dad's fault.
The only thing you can do is move out and start your own journey.
If I were you, I wouldn't leave peacefully tho, I'll give both the woman and the man some drama so that when next I'm around, they would not want my trouble.

Note! Before you cause any drama just ensure you have secured a house and at least 3 months feeding.
If you cause alot of trouble, by 3 months all parties involved would have settled down

You read my mind, I'm already house hunting because what I see daily is enough to ruin my sanity, like immoral stuff, but trust me I won't leave without a fight, I must wreck damage.

Kobojunkie:
WOW... you clearly don't know much about the world outside of your little life. Or is this denial?

Anyways, the only way to actually verify these things is to do a DNA test— if you have yet to realize it yet, adults(including your parents, tend to lie a lot). The reason your father is invested in this woman and her children can only be revealed if you are willling to do reasoning research of your own and confronting your father directly, not by attacking the woman.

I just tire for this guy, I heard you rest.

Rokiat:
Is this woman carrying all this act out by herself or is the second party your father?

Please go talk to your father man to man and stop causing noise here.

Calling the woman names wouldn’t solve shiiit.

Ya it's noise to you, wonder why you deliberately decided to read noise, don't you have better things to do?

Kobojunkie:
Do DNA test on that child to determine if he is biologically linked to you.

she's not, there's no way my dad has a teenage child, if she was younger it'll be plausible, I'm the first and I'm still young, if she is his child it means she had her for my dad before my dad even met my mum, for someone who came into the pic months ago, secondly her mum doesn't hide the fact that she had her for someone else, nor does she look like anyone in our family, my dad taking care of another mans illegitimate child because of kitty is not strange to you then I'm done with this talk.

samwash:
I wanted to ask the Op, if the said lady is a widow, single mother or if she has been married before.
Am also thinking in your direction also.
He nor fit be ordinary hand for the man to forsake his children, even if their mum offend him

She's not a widow, she's a woman who has a child out of wedlock, a child who's a teenager, a child my dad is now sponsoring while refusing to pay my siblings school fee and other things, as for me I never get a penny from him I'm an orphan at this point cuz he's not even there, I'm just pained for my siblings who are not able to take care of themselves yet.

Kobojunkie:
I am sorry, but why are you vindictively attacking the woman when the person who is destroying your father is not the woman but your father?

Your father choose this woman, allowed her to move herself and her children into your lives. The freedom the woman has in your lives is authorized by your father. So, what are you attacking and demeaning her for when all she does is as allowed by your very own father, whom you seem to think needs to be saved by you when in reality he is the very core of the problem you claim to have with this woman?

The problem is why can't she just LovePeddler herself and leave, why is she now trying to control a family she just invaded few months ago, now she's diverting every support my siblings are supposed to get from their father for her and her child, her grown up teenage child, did you read what I wrote at all? She's now my father's voice like she speaks for him now, isn't it logical to nip this in the bud before it becomes rooted.

My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

smartlad:
boss i did not drop account anywhere nd i swear to almighty God im not lying since 11am i cannot use my left hand

you don use am self-service tire all the power has gone from it, stop masturbating.

Long story short, we were dating on and off for years due to distance, she's in another state so whenever she comes around we just act like she's been around and I didn't mind, we had mad sex last year December and last week I was at home and my younger brother just casually gisted me about seeing my girlfriend yesterday, she was out of town since December so I told him point blank he's a liar, only for me to check fb and see pictures of her and her husband, she came to town to do introduction so my brother wasn't lying, since I saw the pic alot has been going through my mind, why didn't she tell me, I'd have understand because I knew she had a side piece and our relationship has dwindled from bf/gf to fvck buddies, we had chemistry when we last met, and she said a lot of stuff about getting serious with each other again, thirdly, marriage? Out of nowhere? This is someone who said she's not setting down yet, so was the sex she literally begged for her last taste before she settle down?she didn't block me nor did I block her infact she viewed my Whatsapp status this morning, lastly this girl was bombing me with intimate pictures until last month infact my gallery choke with her pics, next thing I know she snuck into town and got married and I wouldn't have found out if it wasn't for my kid bro, we're seeing each other on Whatsapp and till now she hasn't said anything, this has fueled anger in me and I have felt resentment, I fit use my savings buy Benz next month so I can useless girls cuz I was a good guy, even when I knew she had side pieces she was the only one not because I was a simp but I tolerated her excesses and even ignored other girls who wanted me, before you say I'm a failure and broke, I'm managing, I have a thriving hustle and I have priorities, I was thinking of buying a land and living quietly, but now I see staying in hotels, driving a useless car and being flashy is all that matters now cuz wtf kind of betrayal is this.

.

RealityKings:
I had to read patiently to under what you mean. Yes it's true some people are shy when they get to the market. They don't have the confidence to price down or negotiate certain things.

This is probably because you didn't get the chance to frequent the market with mother. Because some mothers can beat down the price of a 500naira pepper to 200naira.

If you are the shy type, have it at the back of your mind that there is no fixed price for anything. If you can afford to shop in a supermarket, the prices are moderatly sized without cheating but you fit still price am

Yea but seeing a guy arguing and bargaining at ridiculous prices especially with foodstuff is something else, it's as if ground should swallow me.

Is it just me or it's same with other guys, the embarrassment I feel is as if I'm the one doing something embarrassing, and I can't help the feeling, because of that I shy away from buying foodstuff or other stuff that will make me bargain.

Most times I ask my sisters or girlfriend to accompany me so she can do the bargaining or get the stuff for me.

My older brother bargains alot like he can't do without bargaining and for that I avoid going anywhere with him.

Incase you're wondering how I survive without bargaining, I just use people close to me when its something I must bargain for, but if it's something like clothes, I know the standard price for stuff like that so I just make an offer, and for basic things like packaged groceries I buy from supermarkets in more than one quantity.

Wittyglam:
Different women have a different mindset, some interacting with those women. Some women want someone they can build with.

Lol you can't know how ridiculous you sound until you're a guy searching for the women you described, you'd have better luck finding a needle in a haystack cuz the reality is you'd waddle through different girls in your life and you wouldn't come close to finding something close to what you described, I'm a witness, I've been looking for one and every one I've met is pretty much the same and I wouldn't generalize but almost every guy are complaining of the same so I'm not the only one.

Lol, the thing is you don't even believe what you posted up there, how can you get the chance to do all this when a girl will conclude you're a waste of time the moment they realize you ain't rich, it's extremely difficult for girls to look past your finances, infact it's the only thing that would determine if they would continue talking to you or not, let's not fool ourselves abeg, they'll date an unruly, ill mannered and uncultured leprechaun if that leprechaun is rich, and they would choose him over the most gracious gentleman who's broke anytime.

OKOATA:
I'm very sure you are a teenager or either in your 20s cos a matured man won't be venting, cursing all of his post. Na you bring your matter con nairaland and as people see am dem go judge am so next time instead of laying curses on your whole generation and acting like a little sissy all over the place you should just learn to move on and stfu.

Look for who would entertain your simpleton tirade, I'm done giving you the attention you crave like coke, now go back under the rock you crawled out of.

OKOATA:
Alaye, do you know what you are saying, someone came for a burial and you believe she doesn't have money for a hotel room or atleast know someone else around her? Just accept say you don F.up and lesson learnt.

The burial she came for was for someone I lost, it's not her relative or mum, so why would she come loaded with hotel money, are you slow or something? She came out of respect for me and the fact that the person who died is also dear to her, so I should turn her away when she came to pay her respect? See who is calling who alaye, with this peanut you call brain that can't comprehend the simplest thing, shift abeg.

DonroxyII:
Abegi, Women Are Enemies of Women ...

She wants Sex Doesn't Mean she is Worthless ... We are all Human Being ... She is Woman With Needs .. she was led On & She expressed Her Humanhood Doesn't Limits Her Reasonableness In Whatever Guises .... She sha didn't raped Him But Only Made her Mindsets Known ..

. She was Stood Up Which is very Bad for Her Psychology & Good Night Rest Which she would have been envisaging ... She would never forgive nor forget the nasty experiences

At Some Point We Have needs Only to Be Fulfilled By Someone That's Closer to You.... It Happens to Men, Boys, Girls, Women ... It's Just Nature's Call ... It can Happen to Anyone ......

Una go Carry Mouth dey Judge People Up & Down Until e Happen to You ....

The Op shouldn't have lead her On when he knew he wouldn't finished what he started...

If it were to be some crazy bipolar girls, She would just planked him on the head With a 2 by 2 & All the nonsense in his heads would split on the floor ...

Weyrey People

I'm so confused right now, how did I lead her on? Please explain.

OKOATA:
Bro he knew he wasn't going to sleep with the girl but he allowed her to come spend the night at his house? He's talking about a GF so if the so called GF comes over and see her do you know what would happen even if they didn't have sex? It's like his own GF going to sleep at another guys house and you check her phone to find out then she says she didn't have sex with the guy would he believe her? So what point is he proofing exactly for her coming to sleep at his place and doing nothing? Forming what exactly? He should have just told the girl he's not around or my GF is with me as an excuse so why invite her. And abeg what's RP.

Did you even read? She came for a burial, we had history, where else was she supposed to stay? Should I have asked her to sleep outside when she told me she'd be staying through the night? Why am I even explaining to you.

Trust nobody no matter how much they do to attract sympathy and trustworthiness

Scammer, run o

Scammer