A friend calls you to be his best man. What are the expectations from the best man and the groom?
Pls have in mind that the wedding is in the east and they both reside in Lagos.
The best man had told the groom that he had expensive projects that he was set to embark on. And the groom isn't comfortable himself.
What is the way forward? No agreement was reached as to who bears the cost.
Both clearly had expectations:
groom: best man is to cloth and transport himself.
While the best man had in mind to cloth himself (suit, shoe, tie, and shirt) and ask the groom for half of transportation. Though not communicated. because he felt they were.
To the last 1k the best man paid to cloth himself. Meanwhile the groom got his shoes sent to him from US - brother in-law.
Trouble broken out, when like 3wks to the date, the best man called the groom to ask for some assistance due to the said project that he had carried out and was broke. The groom reacted by saying that best man should have known if he wasn’t capable. That all cost should be shouldered by the best man. And that people look for financially capable people as best men.
On sunday6/12/2009, he called the best man to cancel the appointment.

Question:
1. Was the groom right?
2. Was the best man right?
3. Shouldn’t both have made known their expectations?
4. Is it the duty of the best man to bear all expenses or to help out?

A friend calls you to be his best man. What are the expectations from the best man and the groom?

The Best Man's responsibilities include
1) Make absolutely sure that the groom has the marriage license with him.
2) Receive the minister's fee from the groom and give it to the minister privately following the ceremony.
3) Help the groom pack for his honeymoon.
4) Help the groom dress for the ceremony.
5) If a ring bearer is to be in the wedding, the Best Man is responsible to oversee the child and be sure he understands his duties. (See note below)
6) Assist with luggage arrangements for both the bride and the groom so that everything will be ready for their departure.
7) Make sure car or travel arrangements are set and that the groom is carrying any necessary reservations, tickets, money and travelers checks.
The Best Man will want to ride to the church with the groom.
9) It is the Best Man's responsibility to make sure the ushers are together and ready before the ceremony begins. Many weddings have been delayed by dilly dallying ushers who are either cutting up to relieve the tension they feel or are out having the last quick puff on a cigarette.
10) Alert ushers as to the ladies who will be wearing flowers and make sure they are not seated before receiving them.
11) Check all the men's boutonnieres. These should always be worn on the left lapel, stem down.
12) Perform any task or errand the groom or the bride's mother may request at the church.
13) If applicable, remind the groom to remove his gloves as the bride comes down the aisle.
14) Be first at the reception in order to welcome the bride and groom.
15) The Best Man is responsible to make the first toast to the bride and groom at the wedding. The Best Man is also responsible to make the first toast at the rehearsal dinner.
16) The Best Man should act as a host, making introductions when necessary and helping to make the guests feel welcome.
The Best Man should dance at the reception with the bride, both mothers and as many of the bridal attendants and guest as possible.
17) Help the groom change into his travel clothes after the reception. Find out when the bride is ready to leave and with the maid/matron of honors, help the bride and groom depart.
18) Return the groom's tuxedo to the tux shop or if it belongs to the groom, be responsible for taking it to the cleaners.
19) Order flowers for the bride and groom's room at the first stop of the honeymoon trip.
20) Another responsibility of the Best Man may include the signing of the marriage certificate. This is not only a legal document but also a beautiful keepsake for the couple. Many times, the Best Man is not aware that his signature may be required and he may be off with the guests.

Note about ring bearer: The Best Man has the responsibility of carrying the bride's wedding ring. However, many times the couple will also want to have a ring bearer. We recommend that the "real" ring be kept safe in the pocket of the Best Man. Why? Just remember the boy with stage fright who never made it down the aisle…or even better, the ring bearer who argued with the Best Man when he tried to remove the ring and then cried his eyes out when the Best Man took it away.

The best man had told the groom that he had expensive projects that he was set to embark on. And the groom isn't comfortable himself.
What is the way forward?

By right, if the Best man thinks he is not sure whether to be commited to the wedding 100% or not, the best man should have just told the groom to find another best man. Weddings usually comes once in a lifetime and petty things like this should not be tolerated at all as it will / might spoil the entire wedding and might spoil the mood for the Wedding souple which wont be nice cause it is a memory to last a person a lifetime. . .

No agreement was reached as to who bears the cost.
Both clearly had expectations:
groom: best man is to cloth and transport himself.
While the best man had in mind to cloth himself (suit, shoe, tie, and shirt) and ask the groom for half of transportation. Though not communicated. because he felt they were.
To the last 1k the best man paid to cloth himself. Meanwhile the groom got his shoes sent to him from US - brother in-law.
Trouble broken out, when like 3wks to the date, the best man called the groom to ask for some assistance due to the said project that he had carried out and was broke. The groom reacted by saying that best man should have known if he wasn’t capable. That all cost should be shouldered by the best man. And that people look for financially capable people as best men.
On sunday6/12/2009, he called the best man to cancel the appointment.

This is the first time I heard that its the Best men to come out with money for the wedding. Abeg! Its the grooms wedding so he and his wife to be should bear all the expenses. . . Why put it all on other people whom is not getting married? Its good enough that your best man is there to help out in any ways.

1. Was the groom right?
2. Was the best man right?

Both are at fault. The groom should not let other people pay for his wedding even if its to do with the best man's clothes or shoes or whatever. The groom should pay for it. And it is the jb os the best man to always communicate with the groom on everything concerning towards the wedding. The cost should be discussed earlier onwards and also an agreement should be made. At the same time, the best man should not commit being a best man if he knows he is not sure to be commited to the wedding.

3. Shouldn’t both have made known their expectations?

yes, sure. For every wedding, theres no such thing as Beating around the bush. Not everyone has 6 sense so its best to come out cleana nd state clearly what you want.

4. Is it the duty of the best man to bear all expenses or to help out?

'Like I mention earlier, who's wedding is this? All expenses should be from the married couple and no one else. The next person in like to help in terms of monetary for the wedding is the family or the bride and groom. . .

The best man can help in non monetary issues. Thats fine however he if the best man voluntarily offered to help in terms of monetary aspects, he is free to do so.

Thanks Gabry, I appreciate. God bless u real good.
This has brought discomfort between both families.

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don buchi:

Thanks Gabry, I appreciate. God bless u real good.
This has brought discomfort between both families.

I think the next time someone makes a wedding, its best to have one person as the event planner for everything and this person better be an experience one LOL!