₦airaland Forum

O now now people! U make it sound as if i just up and left! Did u not read that twice i was sent back 2 live @ my parents cuz he could not provide 4 us?? I never wud have left of my own idea. He has mentioned reconciling but i hav no proof hes different. I have strong feelings against divorce and wud like 2 somehow renew my love 4 him. I have 4given him but how does a heart heal enough 2 go back 2 someone who threatens abortion and who basically made my heart numb by now with no feelings. Can i feel love again and not always have bad memories playin like a movie over n over? And no i am not first nations and i do work 4 a living as well as get child tax etc. Im def not sittin n twiddling thumbs

yes thankyou efema for your suggestions. i will see if maybe i can have a good long chat with him when he comes next to visit. the last 2 times he came to visit my family was insistent i should not meet with him alone.. they do not trust him and never wanted us to marry from the start. so i have not been with him alone for quite some time. however, the other day my eldest son was done talking to him on the phone and handed me the phone and said i needed to talk with his dad. i did a bit. the first time in about 8 months. and we have started texting a bit in the last week, so yes efema i am going very slowly with some of your suggestions. i guess i need to just wait and see how it turns out from here.

we live 10 hours apart so its not like i can see his lifestyle now, but i really doubt its changed. i have by no means been a perfect wife either. i cant observe his daily behaviour when he only visits for a day each year. my boys are at a very impressionable age and i have to move carefully. boys tend to copy their dad so am i better being single, or waiting for him to change, or going back and just hoping for the best or ending the relationship for good?

well in the last year he has started a moving truck business. we have seen none of that money and his income tax reports he earned at least 15, 000 dollars. should i even consider reconciling if he will not show he is able to support his family? i hate the thought of him being with someone else. and i have no reason to believe he has a wife or other kids back home. that has never been a worry. while being separated i have got acquainted with someone else with whom i share a lot of similarities. i have not been physically intimate with this person but have had a lot of conversations. he has become quite serious about being involved with me but i've kept a distance because i need answers about my present situation and marriage.
i honestly believe i love my husband and i think he loves me. the cultural differences have been enormous. i come from a strict mennonite religion (i do not belong to it anymore but still practice a lot of their beliefs) and he grew up catholic. he claims to be a born again christian but how can he be with such behaviour? a few times he has earnestly told me he has changed and he has "God in his life now" but it never lasts. when will i ever know i can trust him? for how many years do i need to wait for him to change?

efemena-- thanks.... i'll go into a little more detail. i was very sick with my pregnancy and could barely hold down a part time babysitting job. not nearly enough to support my family. because of this i could not have a steady job and returning to a job i had previously in my parents area was the only work i could do. it was an easy and flexible caregiving job. but shouldnt a husband make sure to provide when his wife is very sick and pregant with his child??
the question that plagues me is did he marry me for love? i paid for the quick marriage ceremony with a commissioner, i never got a ring from him, and he never took me on a honeymoon. he never has beaten me, only with his words, til i am so insecure with myself. after we were married and before his citizenship interview he came out with some violence in his past which he thought i should know about in case they questioned me. the reason it might be bad for the boys if i return is that how do i know if he'll not continue being out all night drinking with friends, using my money and being an irresponsible father?? he would never beat me or the boys, and i only want whats best for us. should i just start a fresh page of life, and move on with someone else? he lives 10 hrs away, and any kind of relationship with him will be extremely hard to rebuild after 5.5 yrs altogether of us being apart. (we've been married 7.5 yrs) will i always feel guilty if if i do divorce him? will i always think of him if i marry someone else? how do i know when to move on or when to try to rebuild what was already a difficult relationship?

i am a canadian who married a nigerian 7.5 yrs ago. he didnt have papers. he wanted to get married immediatly. we soon had a son, and lots of financial problems. he sent me home to live with my parents for a year. then i went back, and soon my saved money was gone and he had trouble finding work. i got pregnant, he threatened abortion or else i should return to my parents to work. i returned, worked enough for mat. leave money and then he wanted to name the baby when i had it. he was not around for either of the boys birth. i used his name for a second name. i have been at my parents now 4 yrs. and he has sent only 400 dollars for the boys in that time. i am now filing for custody and child support but not divorce. should i believe that our marriage can be saved or should i proceed with this and divorce? i am a praying woman and i need answers. my boys are my life and i dont want to go back to something that could harm them. i believe we loved each other but its been a tough go. abeg please help!