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Business › Re: Cbn Lifts Forex Deposit Restrictions & Also Cancels Forex Sales To BDCs by Nuahall2k14(m): 3:33am On Jan 12, 2016

if i open a foreign account and dey wire money to me wil it b more expensive for dem wen wiring d money?

coolsix:
When you deposit your FX, transfering the FX has nothing to do with rate. Its the same amount and in the same Dollar or Euro currency.

You only talk rate when you are buying the FX Cash. There are so many ways to get cash

Business › Re: CBN Stops Sales Of Forex To Bureax-De-Change by Nuahall2k14(m): 2:51am On Jan 12, 2016

God bless u..wil dey now charging at 199 per dollar..cbn rate?

otoidea:
My own problem is simple. Why banks (Gtbank) also charging N270 for international payments made with a naira card.

Does this move mean banks will now be able to revert to the official rate?

1 Like

Business › Re: CBN Stops Sales Of Forex To Bureax-De-Change by Nuahall2k14(m): 2:45am On Jan 12, 2016

scary stuff....i hope u r nt right..

Wallie:
Too many people are over analyzing the situation.
Here's a simple explanation:

1. Nigerians need dollars to buy stuff abroad.
2. Nigeria only prints Naira.
3. Nigeria has to sell something that pays in dollars so that they earn dollars.
4. Oil pays in dollars but we don't make as much money anymore.
5. Regardless of the price of oil, people still need to buy stuff abroad and pay in dollars.

6. You now go to DBCs and banks to buy dollars with your Naira that wouldn't be accepted abroad.
7. BDCs and banks tell you that they don't have dollars to sell for whatever reason.
8. You go to the black market to buy dollars but law of supply vs demand takes over, and you end up paying a crazy exchange rate.

All cbn is trying to do now is to get the dollars closer to consumers instead of DBCs with the hope that it will alleviate some of the noise.

Here's my take: it won't work unless the CBN (1) reduces demand, and/or (2) earns more dollars by selling more stuff abroad. The cbn governor tried to reduce demand buy stopping people for using debit cards for legitimate reasons and that's a mistake. With this new policy, the Cbn probably hopes that selling dollars directly to customers through banks will curb large scale hoarding by rich people wanting to hold their nairas in dollars but the solution will only work temporarily.

The simple non-punitive solution is to earn more dollars by exporting more. The fast punitive solution is to devalue Naira so that people will become poorer and would in turn buy less dollars.

1 Like

Business › Re: CBN Stops Sales Of Forex To Bureax-De-Change by Nuahall2k14(m): 1:53am On Jan 12, 2016

plds wil this make d exchange rate go down...wen i use my gtbank mastercard here dey charge me at 280 to a dollar..tot dat was only at parallel market..why dnt banks charge customers at cbn rate

2 Likes

Politics › Re: Buhari's Interview With CNN Christiane Amanpour (Full Video) by Nuahall2k14(m): 2:29am On Feb 12, 2015

Chai...so ashamed of jonathan..*spits*

Travel › Re: Yellow Fever Card by Nuahall2k14(m): 11:46am On Dec 27, 2014

Pls how much is d yellow card now and do dey open on saturdays

Politics › A Lesson For All Nigerians Mubi by Nuahall2k14(op): 9:22am On Nov 08, 2014

A LESSON FOR ALL NIGERIANS Mubi, the biggest commercial town in
Adamawa state, was thrown into chaos the day Boko Haram descended on
them and the people found themselves running for their lives. The
terrorists shot sporadically, killing a lot of people while those who could
escape jumped into any available car to run to safety. Christians,
Muslims, Igbos, Yorubas, Tivs, Hausas and any tribe or religion, jumped
onto any vehicle that was headed outside the town. Soldiers scampered
onto trucks with civilians, begging to be saved, hundreds of people who
could not get a vehicle ran into the hills. In their frantic effort to stay
alive, no one paid attention to anybody's religion or ethnicity before
asking them for help or helping them to stay alive. It was a community
of people, united by their desire to escape the common enemy that
hunted them all without discrimination. Ethnicity and religion vanished,
all they were left with was their humanity. Those climbing the hills
stayed together, helping one another stay on their feet as they all tried
to survive. The most interesting part of the narrative is that the Chief
of Defence Staff, Air Marshal Badeh is from the same town of Mubi. It
has been reported that few hours before the attack, helicopters flew in
and evacuated his family members from the town. The chief of Defence
staff by the way, is the most senior military officer in Nigeria and he
controls the army, navy and air force. Before that sad day, someone
from Mubi would have boasted that the Chief of Defence Staff is from
their home town. But on the day that it mattered the most, he evacuated
only his family members and abandoned everyone else to their fate. It
means he had information of the impending attack and as the most
senior military commander, he did not fly into the town to lead his men
to battle to defend his community. He quietly saved only his family and
left even the soldiers without an inspiring commander to motivate them
to engage the terrorists and defend his community. One lesson all
Nigerians must learn from this story is that as a people, all we have is
our neighbours. When you need some help at home, you knock on the door
of your neighbour. The president, governor, senator or minister is not
there to help you. Why then should you continue to fight your neighbour
because of a man or woman who cares only about his own family? Our
elites may deceive us about sharing the same religion or ethnicity with
us, but time and again, they have proven that they do not care. We have
been fools, killing one another on the basis of religion and ethnicity while
they stay united across all the divides and plunder our wealth. The time
has come for us to rise, educate one another and unite to fight our
biggest common enemy. The politicians are our enemies and not the poor
struggling men and women in our neighbourhoods. What now will the
people of Mubi boast about as the gain of having their son as the chief
of Defence Staff? If you go to Otueke where Jonathan comes from,
there are many people who live in excruciating poverty! There is still a
lot of poverty and suffering in the home towns of all our governors,
ministers, parliamentarians and former presidents, while they and their
families live in scandalous affluence. The minister of petroleum spent
over 10 billion Naira on a private jet. That money can end the poverty of
several communities in her state. Stella Oduah bought two cars with 120
million Naira while there are people in her home town who can't afford
500 Naira to feed their family in a day. The time to throw away the
sentiments is now! Support only a man or woman who has a just heart and
will serve everyone and every community regardless of if they come
from there or not. The moment anyone begins to talk to you about
religion or ethnicity, reject him summarily! We need leaders who will
unite us because our shared humanity is greater than any differences
between us. And if someone does something wrong or fails in governance,
do not support them simply because they're your own.

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 5:13pm On Nov 03, 2014

freshdude2:
Maybe this would work with women. Guys, even gay guys, can sense the gayness of another dude from as far as pluto. They give away vibes and the bisexualls who are more sneaky put out tests, like pings, to attract their like, the thing is straight guys also sense these pings, they might not immediately decode but they'd sense the pings. Guys like Raheem Sterling and that Aarons guy in Newcastle give off such vibes, it's only a matter of time till they come out, maybe after their careers are over.

All these measures can achieve is put strangers at bay, the ones close to you will know, like America. Except they're in denial.

Nairaland General › Re: How To Behave As A Successful Man In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 10:14pm On Nov 01, 2014

Very true.lol.

hungryboy:
6) Always flaunt your car key and don't forget to own atleast 3 phones even if its only 1 that u are going to use

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 4:55pm On Nov 01, 2014

SAMBARRY:

all join. Is part of THE FAMILY HERITAGE. AFTER ALL WE ARE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. GAYS, LESBIANS, HETEROSEXUAL, BISEXUAL, MALE AND FEMALE PROSTITUES.ALL NA COMBINATION OF ONE BIG FAMILY

Nairaland General › Re: How To Behave As A Successful Man In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 1:54pm On Nov 01, 2014

True

chinex276:
Some pple owe their success 2 advice they don't take. So in other 2 continue flourishing in success u dnt take every advice.
.
EDITED: Festee de commetous

Nairaland General › How To Behave As A Successful Man In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 12:22pm On Nov 01, 2014

Finally the Nigerian God has blessed your hustle and you are now one of the few successful people in
naija,congratulations.This is a new terrain for you,you
have to act the part well.People must notice the change of status.You are no longer the guy they used to know.That is Why i am here. Here is How to behave as a Successful man in Naija
1. Discard Old Friends
Even the bible acknowledged this,remember “Old
Things are passed away”,yes thats Exactly what you
have to do.Dump everybody from your past especially those friends you slept on d mat with and boiled indomie late at night with.it is not your fault you now operate in a different league and they cant cope.Best way to dump them is to change your phone number and move out of your neighbourhood to a new neighbourhood far from them.This is effective should incase they decide to come visit after they calculate the transport fare they will definitely have a Re-think. 2. Always Pretend to be Busy.
You are now a big man.it is important to act busy even when you are not.This is naija everybody believes it is hard to make money so rich people are always busy all the time.So always walk fast even if u are just going to the office to take a Nap.Always remember to be seen making a call ,even if u dont have anybody to call just call customer care it is free.Never honor appointments the first time remember to postpone it,you dont want people to feel you always have time.that is one of the characteristics of unsuccessful people and we dont want people to doubt your new status.
3. New Identity
You need a new identity.Best way is to get a title.This is easier than it sounds now that you have money.Just go to your village and give those your old drunk uncles a bottle of Gin and a cow and they will immediately come up with a title for you.Next is to print a complimentary card.successful people dont have time to introduce themselves,your card will do the talking for you.On the card remember to add up to four phone numbers and the numbers must start with +234 even though most of your contacts are in naija.Remember to add your new title on the complimentary card. 4.Change Ekaette a.k.a Marry a New Wife. It is not your fault she just cant step up.You cant take her to events where dignitaries will be present and you expect her to flow well with their wives,thats a disaster waiting to happen.She will embarrass you.You need someone befitting of your new status.a corporate lady.The type you go home to and see Wearing those fancy bum shorts working on her laptop not the one u get home to and find in the kitchen always on the wrapper you saw her in before you left for the office.Never mind that she toiled hard with you when you were a nobody and always encouraged you to never give up.She has done her part just like John the Baptist in the bible,she has successfully prepared the way for your ‘Jesus’ to come in.May the Nigerian God bless her.
5. Run for Public Office
Dont say you cant,if 9ice and julius agwu can do this
nothing stops you from following suit.Thats the reigning thing now.Éven if u know you will eventually lose,the important thing is contesting.When you eventually lose people will never forget u once contested.when they see you they will refer to you as a Former Gubernatorial hopeful or candidate.Thats the Swag.
Do all this and i assure you that nobody will ever doubt your New status.

1 Like

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 12:00pm On Nov 01, 2014

masonkz:
if only you know the lengths we have to go through to "cover up". It's just not easy. Especially when you want at least one straight friend of yours to know everything about you but you're scared of what he/she might think.

well, life's gotta go on.

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 11:58am On Nov 01, 2014

Being yourself in this case has consequences.i pity d gays in Nigeria cos 14yrs in prison is an aweful long time.

Scaredsilent:
I can take this in 2 ways as a joke its funny but seriously...
Thats the problem... We shouldn't be doing things in secret anything done in the dark will definitely become accustomed to the dark and then we wouldn't be able to go out in the light. Its not about secrecy its about being yourself.

Jokes Etc › Re: How To Deceive The Nigerian God And Make Heaven By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 5:54pm On Oct 12, 2014

Yes o.

Inkman:
Lol... I guess the Nigerian God is different.. And can even be deceived

Jokes Etc › How To Deceive The Nigerian God And Make Heaven By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 5:25pm On Oct 12, 2014

You have not finished enjoying life and all it has to offer.You now know the endtime is near with all the talk going round town about Signs of endtime and wars breaking out everywhere.You really want to make heaven but you are not yet ready to drop your wordly behaviours.Dont worry i am here for you.This is how to Decieve the Nigerian God and make heaven.
1. You Must be Born Again.
This is a key part of your plan.it is one of the Nigerian god’s requirement for people to make heaven.Dont worry i know you are not ready but this is simpler than it looks.All you need to do is to go to any of those churches near your house.When you get there wait probably before the final prayer is said,the pastor will make an announcement calling on people like you who havent given their life to christ to come to the front of the church.As you make your way to the front make sure you put on a Sober and sad look like you are really Sorry for all the One night stands you have had in the past even though you are planning on having another one that night.Make sure u act this part well because the Nigerian God is watching you closely,you dont want him to edit your name out of the book of life,do you?.The pastor at this time will tell you to say some prayers after him,make sure you say it out loudly even though you dont mean it.After the prayer then you can smile like someone who has just been released from guantanamo,the Nigerian God will also smile with u and secure your place in the book of heaven.
2. Go to Church
Now that you are born again the Nigerian God will be looking to see you in church on sundays.Dont disappoint him,make sure you make it.it doesnt matter what time you arrive what matters is your behaviour when you arrive.Service starts by 8am and ends by 12pm and you arrive by 11am just before the end of the sermon.The Nigerian God is visibly angry by now.so you have to act in a way that will please him.When you get to the enterance of the church walk in quickly like someone who is going to check his pot of soup he forgot on the fire.This shows
the Nigerian God you know you are late and trying to make up for the lost time.When you get to your seat dont just open your bible and join the sermon like you know what its all about,you have to first bow down your head like you are ashamed of yourself for coming late.maintain that position for a minute then mutter some words after which you can bring up your head.By this time the Nigerian God would have forgiven you for coming late.He is a Loving God.
3. Pay Your Tithe.
You are barely making a living and now the Nigerian God is requesting for 10% of your earnings.Dont worry,the Nigerian God knows that the hustle in Nigeria is real.just put any amount more than #2000 in an envelope and drop.The Nigerian God knows what the minimum wage in Nigeria is and judges everyone based on that amount.so even if you work with Mobil or Chevron just remember that the Nigerian God doesnt know how much you earn the only data with him is the minimum wage.so 10% of that is what you should give.
4. Always ask for Forgiveness.
This is very important before and after comitting a Crime (sin).So if you are at your workplace and about to inflate those contract figures remember the key word “God Forgive Me” followed by Amen before you proceed in inflating the figure.Also when you are about to go visit that your mistress at the hotel in Festac remember to Say the key word when you get to the room door before entering.This helps to calm down the Nigerian God and hold him by his word which says “He will forgive all those who seek forgiveness”.This ensures your name is not edited out of the book of Life.
5. Create a Fellowship centre in your house.
Sometimes you need to go to extreme measure to please the Nigerian God so as to ensure your name keeps being in the book of heaven.The best way to do that is to set up a fellowship centre in your house on wednesdays.it will only last an hour and it has benefits too aside from pleasing the Nigerian God.you can use it as an avenue to display your house to those pretty ladies in your church.Once they know you have a nice house and seem commited to the work of God,the rest is history.before you know it you will be having seperate fellowships with them on other days,you know what i mean.*winks*
Do all these and i assure you that your place in heaven will be secured while your worldly hustle continues hitch free. THIS ARTICLE was first published on Gistreel.com by Chinua Onwukike(nuahall.)

Nairaland General › How To Be A Blogger In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 1:09pm On Sep 20, 2014

Naija is hard,we all know that.After spending 8yrs in the university for a 4year course no thanks to the numerous ASUU strikes you finally graduate.Fastforward 3yrs and you are still in need of a Job.you are getting older by the day and desperately in need of money to impress that Mgbeke girl in your village that you have been asking her hand in marriage.
This is where i come in,Let me introduce you to a hustle that is sure to get you enough money to build that house in your village,buy another one in lagos and stockpile your garage with the latest cars.The hustle is called Blogging.
Here is how to be a Blogger in Naija
1. You Need to be Computer Literate
Dont be scared,i dont mean it like how it is written.You dont need to go to any computer school.By computer literate i mean you should just know the shortcut for COPY and PASTE on your keyboard which is Ctrl C and Ctrl V respectively.You see,very easy.You are now well equiped to begin your blogging hustle.Dont mind destiny blockers that keeping ranting about plagiarism,laws against it are non-existent in naija.you can never get sued.
2. Blogging Category
This is very important.Forget you read English
Linguistics in the university and you know how to write short stories,this is naija nobody cares about your stories.Nigerians only click and read ‘Gossip’,especially celebrity gossip.Nobody cares about the stock market meltdown or the bilis being passed by over-paid lawmakers in the Senate,just Gossip.
3. Right Caption
The caption is everything.you have to take advantage of the amebo nature of Nigerians.Be conversant with words like Leaked!,Revealed,’Warris this’,Shock! and my personal favourite OMG!.Nigerians can never overlook these words especially when there is an exclamation mark after the words they are just like kim Kardashian’s butt to them.These words are gossip indicators.Once they see them a spirit takes over their minds and before
they know what is happening they would have clicked and you know the more clicks on your links the more the traffic on your blog increases and before you know it you will have adverts all over your blog and that means more Money.
4. Start loving Bad News
Nigerians are somewhat deranged.Nobody likes good
News.life in Nigeria is hard and everybody’s taste buds have gotten accustomed to bad horrible News.That is what they love to click on.They want to see people suffering more than them in order to feel good with themselves.Nobody want to see pictures of people celebrating life ,what they want are gruesome pictures of four young promising future leaders being stoned to death in public view.News like these can never be overlooked by readers especially when u spice it up with a caption like ‘OMG!’.
5. Sex Sells
If you dont have the stomach to copy and paste gory
pictures then nude pictures will do.Statistics show that majority of Blog readers are youths and you know what youths love the most,yes you are right, SEX!.With their testosterone level above normal,the average Nigerian youth cannot overlook captions like “OMG!,wardrobe malfunction” or “Leaked! Tonto dike’s Sex tape” even if it is not really tonto dike in the video,just put it up they won’t notice.they are more intrested in the act.
6. Social Media is Key
You must have a facebook and a twitter account.On
twitter you need to follow a lot of people and get people to follow you back.the more followers you have the more likely your false and horrific News will trend online because nigerians love retweeting those kind of News.
*Just follow these instructions and before you know it you will be richer than those no good CEOs that rejected your CV when you were looking for a Job.May God bless your blogging hustle.

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 11:43am On Sep 16, 2014

How r u coping? I mean d disguise and all.or do people know?

brethart: Hmm...... Yeah

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 8:31am On Sep 16, 2014

Nobody cares about ladies own.guys tend to b more attracted to lesbians sef.its no big deal with ladies.thats y guys love party so much.especially watching d ladies makeout infront of him.Great turn-on

bluelover: What about ladies?

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 5:07am On Sep 16, 2014

Lmao.serves her right.

aisha2: Well some innocently go in while some may find out and still marry him hoping praying and fasting he changes. The favorite mantra is " no man is perfect". So rather th a n enter the dingle Market again especially when the man is a seemingly good catch they will marry him turn a blind eye enjoy vacations and manage. Some turn prayer warriors. A friend who found out about her husband's orientation went to report to his mother who was actually aware and because of that has nagged and pushed him to marry and at least have children so people won't talk too much. Now mother in law and daughter in law can be found regularly in mountain of fire praying for him to change people who say that is who he is he can't change accept that and move on have been cut off
they choose to believe it is a spiritual attack, while wife is aging from all the prayer and fasting and fighting enemies, with unsatisfied conji, husband is enjoying his " business trips" and " working weekends" with his " business partner"

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 9:27pm On Sep 15, 2014

Denial ke? U really believe in your stats. Suit yourself o

lofty900: ur probably living in denial...

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 9:22pm On Sep 15, 2014

Are u gay?

brethart: This is really hilarious and also true...... I do my best to appear straight
I have lot of shirts with "straight - theme" print on them...... My favourite says "silly boys are for girls"
I also keep condoms in my pocket and wallet... Where people can easily see them

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 8:49pm On Sep 15, 2014

I honestly havent noticed that about myself o. Plus i like Woman die!

lofty900: according to research, everyone has a certain percent of attraction to people of the same gender, some even fantasies about it

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 8:49pm On Sep 15, 2014

I honestly havent noticed that about myself o. Plus i like Woman die!

lofty900: according to research, everyone has a certain percent of attraction to people of the same gender, some even fantasies about it

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 8:37pm On Sep 15, 2014

Then i am superhuman..because i am not gay.

lofty900: bottom line is that all humans are gay

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 7:19pm On Sep 15, 2014

Guy! I dey fear u o.

Kanwulia: O.K!

Do yourself a favor and examine the azzzzhole of any NIGERIAN man you meet. Chances are it may resemble a hybrid of edible vegetables . . . . Namely BROCCOLI and CAULIFLOWER!

Next, take a peep into their phones when unlocked!
Read the messages from their fellow men! Or what the GAY-SEX files downloaded for personal viewing and private "indulgence"!

MOST NIGERIAN POLITICIANS ARE IN BISEXUAL CULTS! Fact!
They PHOCK each other for RITUAL!

Start with yours!

The #1 selling commodity in NIGERIA currently is the ANA-L PLUG to combat uncontrollable FARTING AND DEFECATION!

Please, educate yourself!

Any man that PREACHES against the gay lifestyle to a point of evangelism the most hypocritical CLOSET-PHAG!

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 6:53pm On Sep 15, 2014

Chai! Amebo! An excerpt from d article reads "nigerians are hard to convince o" so Upon all d nudes u still dug deeper.i hail thee o.

aisha2: Gbam, Gbam Gbam. The poster is so right especially about the nu- de pictures. The one who wanted to use me to cover his gayness was the master of nu- de pictures. I always wondered why he left them there so I could see knowing I would question him. lol till the day I dug deeper and found that what he was hiding pass that one lmao.

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 6:38pm On Sep 15, 2014

You have done your best.if he insists on not taking your advice leave him to d govt.D stubborn fly follows the corpse to d grave.

djeezy: I had once given that advice to someone I know is gay. He just wouldnt ahere to them. Even his family is suspecting he is gay. Some would rather not live in denial. They still don't need cover ups. You know the law is for those caught in the act. They just can't prosecute you merely for being gay. And the police do not employ the method of entrapment.

1 Like

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 5:13pm On Sep 15, 2014

aisha2: Gbam, Gbam Gbam. The poster is so right especially about the nu- de pictures. The one who wanted to use me to cover his gayness was the master of nu- de pictures. I always wondered why he left them there so I could see knowing I would question him. lol till the day I dug deeper and found that what he was hiding pass that one lmao.

Family › Re: How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 4:02pm On Sep 15, 2014

Kanwulia: Get married like MOST NIGERIAN MEN!
Once you can swing back and forth toto and anus, you are covered.

Take frequent separate trips from the family and hook up with "your YOUTH LEADERS" outside the country as business seminars/meeting cover-ups!

Impregnate as many desparate women as possible.

Many poor wives of NL are still fasting and praying while casting and binding with their almighty marriage certificates ke!

75% of NIGERIAN males are BISEXUAL!

Fact!!!!!

Family › How To Keep Your Gay Life Secret In Naija By Chinua Onwukike by Nuahall2k14(op): 3:38pm On Sep 15, 2014

Let’s face d fact,you are gay and there is nothing u can do about it.The FG now says that its 14yrs in jail and that further complicates the matter.Dont worry I am here to educate you on how to keep your gay life
secret.
First, you have to go and get a girlfriend even if you are not attracted to her. It’s just for a short period. You can always pay off a prostitute to act as one if u can’t get one. The next thing is to shoot a sex tape.why do u need a sex tape? Ok you need that incase if you are eventually suspected of being gay and taken to court under that suspicion, then you can use that as evidence and the judge will definitely strike out the charge. Make sure you shoot the sex tape in the most compromising of positions making it look real. Nigerians are hard to convince o!
The next thing you have to do is to go to yaba okirika
market and get some of those colourful T-shirt with
inscriptions such as ‘Infatuated Womanizer’, ‘I luv big boobs’, ’Team LUV Sexy girls’ in front of them. This goes a long way in hiding your true identity. Wear it all around town so that people will see you and hail you as a ‘BADT GUY’
Thirdly you need a scandal. This applies to you if you
are a celebrity. Just pay off some blogger to put up a
picture of one ‘mgbeke’ girl in your village with the
caption ‘Emeka’s Baby Mama’. They can even go as far as putting a baby in the girls hand thereby making it give the impression that the baby is yours. That will definitely seal off your true identity so that people will now look at you as the next 2BABA instead of next Elton John
If you are a student make sure you always have porn on your mobile phone. When I say porn I don’t mean gay porn,that’s suicide. I mean Bleep porn,girls of the playboy mansion kind of porn.at least when people pick your phone and go through it they will think you have an insatiable lust for the opposite sex and that further hides your identity
If you are on twitter make sure you follow porn tweeps,I mean tweeps theat tweet nude pictures of girls all the time or girls that tweet their nude picture. You must follow them even if they don’t follow back and also tweet at them. Tweets like that shifts attention away from you and goes a long way in saving your gay life by keeping it secret
Perhaps this is the most important of all my tips to you, You must never be caught in a compromising position with another gay man, don’t get carried away. Nigerians are always watching, a lot of ‘amebos’ are lurking around since the govt have refused to provide employment. If you are caught the only thing that will save you is if you run to America and seek asylum
Do all this and I assure you that your secret will be safe and your gay romantic hustle will stand d test of time. (nuahall.)

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Jokes Etc › Crazy Text Message I Recieved Today. by Nuahall2k14(op): 12:11pm On Sep 14, 2014

It took me 30mins to understand the igbo gospel song
this yoruba boy txtd to me to sing during
praise&worship. " Ayinekele gymnastic email her, email
her jehovah mail her. (nuahall.)

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