₦airaland Forum

Gift of life

leisuretym:
OP, find out if the twins are hers .
Do some investigation

No they aren't hers they are 4 months old babies

Foodqueen:
You believe you aren't financially buoyant but your wife's family think you are ok.

Stand your ground.

I hate when inlaws have entitlement mentality.

Oboh662


I had to go read your other post about her lactating during your courtship

Are you sure, those twins aren't hers There is nothing we haven't read on here before.

Maybe you should go close to the suppose father of the twins, if you are in good terms. He might help you.

Thank you. The lactating issue was a medical condition she had received treatment and it had stopped. the twins aren't hers, our first child together is 6 months while the twins are 4 months. No I can't go close to him because I don't think it is my duty to do so , talking to him will not bring anything they should take him to welfare to force him to sign undertaking to ensure that he will be responsible for his 6 children.

Zihno:
Chief, your wife is the problem. Tell her to her face that she’s the cause of all your wahala.


While we are all different, if I was in your position, I will also inform and involve my family so they know that my wife and her people are trying to kill me. Furthermore, I will explicitly tell my wife that any action to force or trick me into accepting responsibilities that do not belong to me is enough ground for divorce. If she’s so caring, she can move out, get her own place and care for the kids.

Thank you. I didn't want to involve my family for this matter but the way things has now escalate , I have to involve them I will talk to my parents today.

meum:
I like your position on the matter. As long as the father of those children is alive, he should take full responsibility for his kids. Don’t carry any burden that will weigh you down.

If you decide to support their upkeep from a distance that is you having a good heart. Those kids are not your responsibility at all. Stand your grounds, man!

The only thing you can do is to let them know that your decision on the matter is as stated and that you will not change it.

Thank you. They know my decision but they are trying to guilt trip me. I just want them to shut up and leave me alone so they can focus on the children father but they won't just shup up they are stressing me so bad.

Adnin do not push this to the front page

I've posted some weeks ago about my wife family wanted us to take over her late sister twins children she left behind, I have refused because I am not financially buoyant and it has caused a lot of problems between my wife and I even her family thinks that I am heartless for refusing to help these orphans.
Few weeks ago my wife junior called to say that my mother in law was sick and she want my wife to visit her and I have agreed for her to visit. She left for a week and when she returned back she said that her mother is seriously sick and she want her and the twins to moved in until she recovered. I've told her she can go back to her village and comes back while her mother recover and she refused saying it will be better for her to moved in with us because the environment is better than in the village.
I immediately knew that her mother is actually not sick and they had both plan for her mother to move in so she can leave the twins with us. I refused and I've told her I have no problem for her to go and stay in the village with her mother until she recover.she said no and she reported to her mother saying I don't want her to come in my house and she called me crying saying that I refused her daughter to take care of her and if she dies the blame will be on me . I just don't understand why my wife and her people want me to carry the responsibility that doesn't belong me. The children father is alive they don't want to bother him he is roaming free while they are on my neck to take these babies knowing full well that I am not financially buoyant and she alone won't be able to handle 3 babies at the same which mean she will also needs a helper maybe one of her younger one might have to come and stay with us to help her with the babies she will also become my responsibility.
I want them to leave me alone and focus on the children father and I just don't know what to do so they can leave me alone. I am sick and tired of this situations it has started to stress me..what do I do to stop them ?

Michelle55:
Where the heck is the father of these kids anyway?

Why would they want to saddle you with another man's responsibilities when he's very much alive and capable?

It doesn't make any sense at all, if your wife insists on taking care of the kids, let her get a job and fend for them( after all, they are her sister's kids)

If you not letting them come to stay with you is the reason why they tag you wicked, by all means, stay wicked! The economy is hard enough, let's not lead others into depression by saddling them with the responsibility that isn't their own.

If you have any amount to help them with, please do but never carry a load that is too heavy lest you fall face down with no one to help you.

Thanks

saintneo:
I read this earlier yesterday but I resisted the urge to comment; however, after a long time thinking I have some advice for you.

Those are little kids, they are blessings in disguise. If there is a way to support please do. I know it is not easy but please sow in the life of these children.

Unfortunately I have nothing to give to them

Saintmary:
Sometimes you just have to be the bad guy.


Support your in laws with the little money you can afford, and if they insist, tell them that you will accommodate the children when your wife gets a job.


Tell your wife that she is free to bring the children when she gets a job paying the same salary you have.


She will keep quiet.

Thanks

Skyview01:
You are doing the right thing. Do not ever allow yourself to be blackmailed.

Thanks

intruder15:
It's never like a mother figure. It's okay for you to say no. But marriage is about 2 people not one.

Yes marriage is about 2 people and when one dies the remaining one should continue taking care of the children , he can't run away from his own responsibilities for me who is still struggling to carry it on his behalf no way

Tobijays:
If you take those kids in you won’t have growth! If you do, it is going to take massive time and be slower! A family of 3 that earns 200k is better off than a family of 5 that earns 200k! You want to travel overseas with your family! That is mad expenses in your way! So don’t add to it!

I will not take them I have to better my life first before anything else

intruder15:
Hmmm. This one is strong.
You need to understand that your wife is currently mourning. Meaning she will act in awkward ways you will struggle to understand. You didn't state if she was the only sister left. She lost her sister who is still breast feeding. That's definitely emotional for her. You two need to come to a common ground. If she is breastfeeding exclusively for them as well, then it won't be a lot on you for at least 3 months.

I don't know the advise to give you. But if you stick to your current decision, she may never forgive you.

Their father is safe and sound he should provide milk and pampers , whether she forgive me or not her own loss not mine

owagbeba:
Brother, when there is a will, there is a way. Never underestimate the power of the human mind to carve out a way at the most difficult of times.

Not helping at this point will be an issue that will cause rancor with your wife and the in-laws. It may rob the happiness of your family.

Please figure out a way to help. At the end of years and you look back at how much you gave up to save those lives, it will bring an eternal joy to you. This is the much you can do for humanity. Our Good lord won’t forget you.

PS: if not for the scams on NL, I would have told you that I will take care of a year’s supply of pampers to the kids.

How can I figure out a way for them when I haven't even figure how to better my own life ? The family should figure out how to take their father to welfare thats is the only way to make him provide for his kids, nobody else will do it on his behalf.

Ulunne777:
Go to the first post you made,click on modify and add this thing you wrote here.

Is your wife the only sibling?

Thanks . No they are 7 her late sister was the first and my wife is the second , her other siblings are still young

Truvelisback:
Stand ur ground! She is emotionally manipulating u and making u feel heartless and have guilty conscience. Don't fall for her emotional trick. Tell her u can't. If she want to fend for the 2 babies, let her do it.

Thanks I won't fall for her emotional blackmail because it will not put foods on our table or pays our rent

Ulunne777:
If as a single spouse you can't take care of your kids and your husband no get,1 or 2 is enough.
See how Orphan is flying left and right but these kids have a living father.If the reverse were to b the case,nobody will call them that.

Men need to step up,Its not by cumming,ijikwa ego iji eleta ha?
I have a relative whose kids are at an Orphanage .same story.
Woman will receive sperm,nurture it,born and still provide but only one Job provide,it is hard.

@Op,I'm short of words really .Whatever your strength can carry.You know.
My heart goes out to those kids.Dear lord,help them.The journey of life has soured for them already.

Thanks

Admin don't push this to the front page

Truvelisback:
Tell ur wife to fend for the 2 Babies. Isn't she working?

She isn't working

sisisioge:
They have 6 children! It is well.

You cannot afford the extra is as simple as you stated. To drive home your point sef, let things be a bit scarce in the house so your madam can believe it. Meanwhile, I hope you learnt a lesson there about family planning.....6 children! It is well.

My wife is on family planning no more babies until we relocate abroad

ibechris:
U are just a good Nigerian.

Speaking your mind is good.

And that sets you apart honestly.

If anyone calls u a bad name,let them take up the responsibility if they think it is easy.

Thanks

Kobojunkie:
1. Well, tell your wife that since they refuse to report the father of the kids to the authorities for abandoning his own children, they should go ahead and carry the load on his behalf while they wait for God to answer them then.

2. If you and your wife can afford to contribute something to their upkeep at your in-law's place every month, please do abeg!

Thanks

Solofresh2:
Please who owns the house
Is it you or your wife.If it is your house then tell them to leave before you loose your sanity
I hate stress for this life

They are not in my house we are not staying in the same city

Solofresh2:
Please who owns the house
Is it you or your wife.If it is your house then tell them to leave before you loose your sanity
I hate stress for this life

I am the breadwinner my wife isn't working

Moh247:
Not your responsibility tho..

But can you please get them to an orphanage home with your wife since the father is deadbeat...

We are not in the same city my wife and I cannot make that decision, I think my inlaws should decide whether to put them in the orphange or not

PellsKodak:
Leave the house for her to control

Never

Moh247:




God bless all men, to be a man isn't a easy task...

The marital vow is for better for worse and you should take them in but your wife must work also..

They are young orphans please help them, accommodate them...

Funny thing is life isn't gurranteed, many would view this thread today and never return to their family alive


..

I can't

faithfull18:
Hmmn, the idiotic father will come back when they are grown and people will tell those children, he is still their father and quote 'to forgive is divine'

Sad truth

rickpat:
you ain't a bad person,you can't afford it..period!...stay focused on your wife and baby...ignore all her attitudes and possible tantrums...it's hard o..but ignore.. don't let that irresponsible man that abandoned the kids cus problem in your family... THINGS ARE HARD,ONE BABY NO EASY,E COME BE THREE,THAT YOU NEVER PLANNED FOR...good luck,

remember,KEY WORDS "IGNORE ALL HER ATTITUDE AND POSSIBLE TANTRUMS"

Thanks

Mrkumareze:
you owe them nothing, stand on your ground. Your inlaw can nurse the kids if they wish to be good . They also have option of returning the kids to the husband's family .

Thanks

My wife lost her immeiate elder sister , she left behind 6 children including twins who are 3 months old and a husband , the man is nothing to write home about he had abandoned all 6 children with my inlaws , he doesn't call nor send them money for their upkeep.
My wife is a nursing mother our baby is 5 months her family want us to take over the twins so my wife can nurse them but I refused because I am managing myself to provide for my wife and baby I can't afford to provide for 2 extra babies and my inlaws are not financial buoyant all the responsibility will be on me ,buying pampers and baby formula every week.
My wife is angry and she said I am heartless for refusing to accomodate these orphans.I told my inlaws to report there father to welfare so he can provide for his 6 children they don't want to report him, they said they reported him to God and they are forcing me to take his responsibility when he is alive this is something I can never do.
I don't know what part of I can't afford 3 babies they don't understand , at the moment we haven't renew our rent and I am working hard to get the money to pay the rent and she is giving me attitudes. Do I have a point or I am a bad person for not accepting them?

Edit : admin do not push this to the front page

don4real:
She knows about her condition hence the reason you were told not to off her bra. With this, I think she did abortion some months ago, confirm from her.

I asked her if she had an abortion before we met or recently , she assured me that she never had an abortion. I don’t know what to believe anymore