People should not judge me but help me understand what I’ve gotten myself into and how to come out of these complications. Pls I can’t disclose my name for obvious reasons. Let me just go straight to the point. I’m a good wife to my husband and he loves me too. We are both sex freaks, sometimes we even make love in the kitchen while am cooking since we live alone. That’s how sweet our marriage was. But not any more. Over four years into our union no “evidence” and pressures from my family and his were getting unbearable so I took to a colleague’s advice. I started dating a young guy but this guy always insist on using condom on me, claiming he can only have direct sex with a woman that is ready to get pregnant for him. I told him I was ready and we started doing skin-to-skin for about three (3) months before my husband finally called me one weekend. Meanwhile, I didn’t know my colleague has told this my boyfriend some things about my personal life, especially my husband’s “inability” to impregnate me.

Back to my husband: he called me and said he was ready for us to go see a doctor so we could know what is wrong as I had earlier suggested. I was happy because it would help us get medical help if something was actually wrong with either of us. But I got much more than I bargained for when the doctor came back with the results of the tests that were carried out on us. He said my husband and I are perfectly ok and even congratulated my husband. Congratulation for what? I asked the doctor. He said my husband has done it, I was already six weeks pregnant! I was filled with joy and my husband too. We celebrated the good news with several rounds of passionate sex when we got home that day. I’m now five months heavy. I’ve stopped seeing my boyfriend and also resigned from work. Somehow my colleague told this guy I was pregnant and he came looking for me in our house. He said I ran away with his pregnancy, bla bla bla, saying I should do the honourable thing and give him his baby after the baby is delivered. Since that day, I’ve not been myself.

He now calls me almost every afternoon to ask how my baby is doing and other rubbish. My husband is beginning to suspect that something is bothering me but I’ve been taking care of his side. However, my BIG problem is this guy. I don’t think he’s the owner of my pregnancy. After all, the doctor said nothing is wrong with my husband and I believe my husband actually got me pregnant but I can’t tell him about this guy, it will destroy our marriage. I need people’s advise on how to handle this guy once and for all. Please help me!!!!

True Confession: Man who lost wife, son to Governor Mimoko’s election rituals, the T.B Joshua connection


History is characterized by tragic irony. Mr. Ademuyiwa Adeyeye, a former aide of Ondo State Governor, Olusegun Mimiko, must have thought the steps he allegedly took to ensure the victory of the governor in 2007 governorship election in the state would change his life for better. But tragically, the steps led him and members of his family to sorrow, tears, blood and death. In his shocking revelation in an interview programme on the only private radio station [ADABA FM] in the state last Friday, claimed they took several lives in different parts of Ondo state to ensure Mimiko’s victory in 2007 election. Ademuyiwa revealed that Governor Mimiko sent him, the late Commissioner for Local Government and Chieftaincy Affairs, Hon. Oye Alademehin, the late Senator Iwakun and one other person to India to consult marabouts.


According to him, they also went to a town in Ijebu land where they were told to go and be killing goats in different towns and villages in the state. The lot fell on Ademuyiwa to kill the goats. But without knowing, he was killing human beings. After the killing, Ademuyiwa, who said he was well known among members of the drivers’ union [NURTW], said he met his wife on his way back and hugged her, but immediately his wife developed swelling breasts. He said he spent all his fortunes on his wife’s health. Doctor eventually told him the wife had cancer of the breast and had to remove the pair of breasts. At the end of the day, he lost the wife. He also told listeners that he lost one of his children. Revealing this, Ademuyiwa said “We went to India to make rituals. When we got to Ondo State, the governor and late Alademehin [a.k.a Dead Body] said we had to kill goats in different parts of the state for peace to reign. Of course, I was the one that killed the goats without knowing that I was killing human beings. On my way back, my wife met and hugged me. Her breasts began to swell. I took her to different traditional healing homes.


“When I did not get good result, I took her to the hospital. It was at this point that the doctor said it was cancer of the breast. They removed the two breasts, yet I lost her. I also lost my son. It was at this point that I was advised to go to a church in Lagos. It was there I met T.B Joshua who is from Akoko, he said I should go and confess my sins to the people of Ondo State”. While narrating how they started the spiritual’s trip, Ademuyiwa explained that “When we were coming from Ijebu where will were giving a python snake which would bbe an instrument for the governor, some people laid spiritual ambush for us. Alademehin told me to drive on, because I was the one that drove the car, I told him no. “He now called the Ijebu herbalist who told us that he already saw it. He then removed the embargo; we brought the snake and dropped it very close to the governor’s pond in Ondo. It is still there as I speak with you. If you doubt my story, go there. You will see the snake. You can also tune your TV to the Emmanuel TV and you will see my deliverance there.“Everybody in the drivers’ union knows me very well. The governor came to me with N3million after losing my wife and a child. I told him I don’t want blood money again. I want peace in my family, not blood money”.


“When I visited the T.B Joshua’s church, [Synagogue Church of All Nations in Lagos ]the man of God told him to go and confess his sin, saying that he was the only precondition for him not to lose other children. “I want you to forgive me. I don’t want to lose any of my children again. I have lost one of them as well as my wife. The man of God that comes from Akoko land with a big and popular Church in Lagos told me that until I confess and ask for your forgiveness, I will lose more people in my family. Every members of the drivers’ union knows me very well. The man of God gave me anointed water. I want you to tune to his TV channel if you are in doubt. You will see the day I was delivered” He said. According to him, a python was given to them by one of the herbalists in Ijebu land. The dangerous snake, he said, is currently around Mimiko’s fish pond in Ondo town. Speaking on the ordeal of his wife, Ademuyiwa said, the late Hon. Alademehin came to his aid by giving him money. He said among the people that went for that ritual, he was the only one that is alive and not afflicted by any disease, but not without losing his wife and one of his children,


His words, “I am the only one who is still alive and not afflicted by any serious ailment among the four of us who perform the rituals for Mimiko. After seeing the snake, I asked late Senator Iwakun if there would not be any repercussion. Iwakun said he did not mind whatever repercussion that might arise from killings and the python charm. Four days later, Iwakun gave up the ghost. “Before the death of Iwakun, Hon. Oye Alademehin had an intractable ailment that led to his premature death. Governor Mimiko visited him on his sick bed in one of the Lagos hospital and promised him that he would take care of his family since he laid down his life for him to become the governor of the state. The last person that was privy to the devilish act is at Alagbaka in Akure, currently battling with paralysis. “When the man suffered the killer ailment, Governor Mimiko gave him N6million. But that money could not cure his infirmity”.

Dear readers,

A victim of circumstances who was raised by a benefactor after losing her mother at the age of 12.
Our today’s writer needs your help to get out of this situation.
Please read and advise her.

Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,

I am in a dilemma and I find it difficult to open up to people on this issue, because the few people I have discussed with are of the opinion that I am a bad person and nobody seems to understand me. A friend of mine who reads your column advised me to write you and I will appreciate your advice and those of your readers because she (my friend) also got her problem sorted out through the advice she got from your readers. Apart from the fact that some people who know about this issue feel that I am bad, some even think it is not a possible scenario. But I am right in the middle of it. Apart from knowing that it is very tight, I also know that, I haven’t done anything to be labeled black. I am just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never asked to be born at the time I was born. Things like these are beyond our choice, neither did I enjoy living at the mercy of others. In a plain language, I am a child of circumstances. I equally believe that, after all that I have passed through; I am entitled to happiness and joy. If God who created me, in His Infinite mercies now decided to bring joy my way, then, why would some people decide that they can dictate my fate and stand in the way of my joy and happiness?

I really cannot talk much about my childhood, because I don’t know much about it. But I will tell you the bit and little my mother told me at her death bed, while I was 12. She told me that she came to Nigeria from Togo through her paternal uncle, who promised her mother (my grandmother) a good future. According to my mother, she was quite young when she was brought into a household in Nigeria as an housemaid. Her benefactors, according to her, were rich and very comfortable and she stayed with them for about three years when the father of the house started making passes and advances at her. She would have told her madam, but because of her harsh nature, she couldn’t. But every time “daddy” sneaked into her room, she would beg him not to do anything with her. She was, however, not lucky, when one night madam and her two children travelled overseas for holidays, “daddy” Molested her and that was the beginning of her intimate slavery to him. When her madam came back from her trip, she was unable to tell her because “daddy” told her not to do so and if she told anybody what had been happening, he would deny it and of course, she knew what that meant for her. She was, however, able to confide in a fellow housemaid in the neighbourhood who was older, though a citizen of Nigeria. It was this fellow housemaid who advised her to keep the situation from her madam and seize the opportunity to demand money from “daddy” whenever he Were Intimate with her.

Unfortunately, her confidant did not tell her about the fears and complications of unwanted pregnancy and when this happened, she spent almost all the money she got from “daddy” trying to get the pregnancy aborted. Along the line, her madam discovered that she was pregnant and sent her packing without bothering to find out who was responsible or waiting for her uncle who usually came at the end of the year to pick her money. She didn’t know how to trace her uncle or where else to go to. Her “confidant” was the only one available to help her. She also was handicapped and couldn’t do much in the area of keeping her for more than a few days in her master’s place. Eventually, she (the other housemaid) took her to a woman who she knew through another lady, who promised to help her. The woman, a Lagos socialite with only one physically-challenged son, took my mother in, gave her shelter and food, till she gave birth to me. She became her maid, although she received no salary; what she got in return was shelter, food and education for me, and later a promise that I would marry her son. A son she then promised my mother would be okay to marry me. My mother died of cancer when I was 12, her illness and helplessness to her disease made me resolute to become a medical doctor. I had no inclination as to how I was going to go about it, but my mind was made up. Also at her death bed, “big mummy” that was what I called my mother’s benefactor, promised my mother that, she would make sure that I lacked nothing and that she would take care of me like her own daughter.

She was faithful to her words because she did. She sent me to a good school which made it possible for me to realise my dream of becoming a medical doctor. All the while, her only son who my mother promised her that I would marry had been sent overseas to study and for treatment. We relate with each other, but like siblings. But unfortunately, big mummy does not mince words to tell anyone who cared to listen that I am her daughter-in-law. Along the line, I met and fell in love with my boyfriend. (I would like to keep his name away from the press for privacy sake. He also is from a popular family. When I started my relationship with him, big mummy had no objection, but when she saw that my relationship was becoming serious, she began to raise objections. I told her that I was in love with my boyfriend and that he also loved me, big mummy told me that I was joking; she said my husband would soon arrive the country and we would get married. There is nothing she has not done to distabilise my relationship, but boyfriend stood by me. I also enjoyed the support and encouragement of his mother and siblings. Recently, big mummy called my boyfriend’s mother and told her all about my life. The fact that I was rejected by my father and how she had to take my mother in as a maid. I don’t really know what she hoped to gain by doing this, because if her intention was to make my boyfriend and his family to hate me, it failed, because when I saw that my relationship was becoming serious, I told him all about myself long before now. The only thing I kept back was the fact that big mummy wanted me to marry her son, I didn’t know then that he told his mother all that I told him. So when big mummy wanted to use this as a weapon against me, my boyfriend’s mother told her in plain language that she was aware of all.

Four weeks ago, big mummy’s son arrived from the USA, we had always related to each other as brother and sister, and our relationship remained cordial. Two days after he came into the country, his mother called the two of us and stated her intentions. She asked us to pick a date for our wedding. Fortunately, I was not the first person to speak, her son told her to forget it, as he had other plans. He also told her that as terrible as his mother thought his situation is he had found his own wife. I was happy when this came from her son and I thought it would put a stop to the problem, but instead, big mummy accused me of influencing her son and told me that I would regret this. She asked me to leave her house. I wish I had, because her son threatened to leave too if I left because of this. She left me alone, but it has been one problem after the other. The physical abuse and attack from her and some of her friends I could take, but I am afraid she is beginning to go spiritual. I don’t know how to explain this, but few days ago a very close friend of hers asked me to see her on my way from work. She specifically told me not to inform big mummy that I was coming to see her. When I met her, she asked if it was a must for me to stay on at big mummy’s house. I told her that I would have left but because of her son’s threat that I decided to stay on. She advised that I should sleep with an eye opened and that she would advise that if possible I should avoid meals at home. She said a word was enough for the wise, and she wouldn’t say more. To my surprise, on this fateful day, my boyfriend’s mother also called and told me that she had a terrible dream concerning me and urged me to be careful.

Please, what do I do? I have a good job, I could move out and get my own accommodation, but for her son who had always been like a brother to me, despite all that is happening, I also love big mummy like my own mother, I don’t want to destroy our relationship. I owe her my life and whatever I am today. But I can’t do what she is asking of me, not because of the fact that her son is physically - challenged, but I don’t love him. She has also refused to welcome or accept his fiancée, by insisting that her son marries me or no other woman. Please, help me.

Anonymous.

Believe me you are wasteful to your family….. can’t you listen to your self

Dear readers,

A victim of circumstances who was raised by a benefactor after losing her mother at the age of 12.
Our today’s writer needs your help to get out of this situation.
Please read and advise her.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo.
Dear Taiwo,

I am in a dilemma and I find it difficult to open up to people on this issue, because the few people I have discussed with are of the opinion that I am a bad person and nobody seems to understand me. A friend of mine who reads your column advised me to write you and I will appreciate your advice and those of your readers because she (my friend) also got her problem sorted out through the advice she got from your readers. Apart from the fact that some people who know about this issue feel that I am bad, some even think it is not a possible scenario. But I am right in the middle of it. Apart from knowing that it is very tight, I also know that, I haven’t done anything to be labeled black. I am just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never asked to be born at the time I was born. Things like these are beyond our choice, neither did I enjoy living at the mercy of others. In a plain language, I am a child of circumstances. I equally believe that, after all that I have passed through; I am entitled to happiness and joy. If God who created me, in His Infinite mercies now decided to bring joy my way, then, why would some people decide that they can dictate my fate and stand in the way of my joy and happiness?

I really cannot talk much about my childhood, because I don’t know much about it. But I will tell you the bit and little my mother told me at her death bed, while I was 12. She told me that she came to Nigeria from Togo through her paternal uncle, who promised her mother (my grandmother) a good future. According to my mother, she was quite young when she was brought into a household in Nigeria as an housemaid. Her benefactors, according to her, were rich and very comfortable and she stayed with them for about three years when the father of the house started making passes and advances at her. She would have told her madam, but because of her harsh nature, she couldn’t. But every time “daddy” sneaked into her room, she would beg him not to do anything with her. She was, however, not lucky, when one night madam and her two children travelled overseas for holidays, “daddy” raped her and that was the beginning of her sexual slavery to him. When her madam came back from her trip, she was unable to tell her because “daddy” told her not to do so and if she told anybody what had been happening, he would deny it and of course, she knew what that meant for her. She was, however, able to confide in a fellow housemaid in the neighbourhood who was older, though a citizen of Nigeria. It was this fellow housemaid who advised her to keep the situation from her madam and seize the opportunity to demand money from “daddy” whenever he had sex with her.

Unfortunately, her confidant did not tell her about the fears and complications of unwanted pregnancy and when this happened, she spent almost all the money she got from “daddy” trying to get the pregnancy aborted. Along the line, her madam discovered that she was pregnant and sent her packing without bothering to find out who was responsible or waiting for her uncle who usually came at the end of the year to pick her money. She didn’t know how to trace her uncle or where else to go to. Her “confidant” was the only one available to help her. She also was handicapped and couldn’t do much in the area of keeping her for more than a few days in her master’s place. Eventually, she (the other housemaid) took her to a woman who she knew through another lady, who promised to help her. The woman, a Lagos socialite with only one physically-challenged son, took my mother in, gave her shelter and food, till she gave birth to me. She became her maid, although she received no salary; what she got in return was shelter, food and education for me, and later a promise that I would marry her son. A son she then promised my mother would be okay to marry me. My mother died of cancer when I was 12, her illness and helplessness to her disease made me resolute to become a medical doctor. I had no inclination as to how I was going to go about it, but my mind was made up. Also at her death bed, “big mummy” that was what I called my mother’s benefactor, promised my mother that, she would make sure that I lacked nothing and that she would take care of me like her own daughter.

She was faithful to her words because she did. She sent me to a good school which made it possible for me to realise my dream of becoming a medical doctor. All the while, her only son who my mother promised her that I would marry had been sent overseas to study and for treatment. We relate with each other, but like siblings. But unfortunately, big mummy does not mince words to tell anyone who cared to listen that I am her daughter-in-law. Along the line, I met and fell in love with my boyfriend. (I would like to keep his name away from the press for privacy sake. He also is from a popular family. When I started my relationship with him, big mummy had no objection, but when she saw that my relationship was becoming serious, she began to raise objections. I told her that I was in love with my boyfriend and that he also loved me, big mummy told me that I was joking; she said my husband would soon arrive the country and we would get married. There is nothing she has not done to distabilise my relationship, but boyfriend stood by me. I also enjoyed the support and encouragement of his mother and siblings. Recently, big mummy called my boyfriend’s mother and told her all about my life. The fact that I was rejected by my father and how she had to take my mother in as a maid. I don’t really know what she hoped to gain by doing this, because if her intention was to make my boyfriend and his family to hate me, it failed, because when I saw that my relationship was becoming serious, I told him all about myself long before now. The only thing I kept back was the fact that big mummy wanted me to marry her son, I didn’t know then that he told his mother all that I told him. So when big mummy wanted to use this as a weapon against me, my boyfriend’s mother told her in plain language that she was aware of all.

Four weeks ago, big mummy’s son arrived from the USA, we had always related to each other as brother and sister, and our relationship remained cordial. Two days after he came into the country, his mother called the two of us and stated her intentions. She asked us to pick a date for our wedding. Fortunately, I was not the first person to speak, her son told her to forget it, as he had other plans. He also told her that as terrible as his mother thought his situation is he had found his own wife. I was happy when this came from her son and I thought it would put a stop to the problem, but instead, big mummy accused me of influencing her son and told me that I would regret this. She asked me to leave her house. I wish I had, because her son threatened to leave too if I left because of this. She left me alone, but it has been one problem after the other. The physical abuse and attack from her and some of her friends I could take, but I am afraid she is beginning to go spiritual. I don’t know how to explain this, but few days ago a very close friend of hers asked me to see her on my way from work. She specifically told me not to inform big mummy that I was coming to see her. When I met her, she asked if it was a must for me to stay on at big mummy’s house. I told her that I would have left but because of her son’s threat that I decided to stay on. She advised that I should sleep with an eye opened and that she would advise that if possible I should avoid meals at home. She said a word was enough for the wise, and she wouldn’t say more. To my surprise, on this fateful day, my boyfriend’s mother also called and told me that she had a terrible dream concerning me and urged me to be careful.

Please, what do I do? I have a good job, I could move out and get my own accommodation, but for her son who had always been like a brother to me, despite all that is happening, I also love big mummy like my own mother, I don’t want to destroy our relationship. I owe her my life and whatever I am today. But I can’t do what she is asking of me, not because of the fact that her son is physically - challenged, but I don’t love him. She has also refused to welcome or accept his fiancée, by insisting that her son marries me or no other woman. Please, help me.

Anonymous.

How can I be responsible for his predicament?
Dear readers,

When some things happen to us we prefer to leave them in the past where they belong.

Such is our writer’s story, but someone came out of the blues threatening and opening the old wound.

She needs your advice. Please. read and help her.

Thanks, Monica Taiwo

Dear Taiwo,
I need someone to tell me if I did anything wrong. Many people would cause problems for themselves and turn around to blame others for their misfortune, such is Sanmi in his present predicament. The Lord knows that I have no hand in whatever is happening to him now. I decided to write Heartcopy so that you can advise me on what to do. Secondly, I wish to let the public know my predicament.In case anything happens to me, my family and the public will know where it has come from and who to hold responsible for it. I have had enough of Sanmi. Initially he was begging me, now he has resorted to threatening me, since I have no hand in his predicament. I met sanmi, some 15 years ago. I was just getting over a failed relationship. A relationship I was in for over five years which I and everybody who knew Kenny and I felt would lead us to the altar, but unfortunately, another woman who was smarter than I took him. I never knew Kenny was up to anything when he , all of a sudden, after over four years into our relationship, demanded that I must be pregnant before we get married. I was making efforts to get pregnant when his mother asked to see me and gave me the shock of my life. She informed me that Kenny impregnated another lady he had been dating before he met me.

Whether true or false, all my efforts to see him after his mother spoke with me were futile, he refused to see me. I later heard that they got married. I met Sanmi when he had just lost his job and a huge amount of money to fraudsters. He was in a mess and we started by consoling each other. I met him at the office of the estate agent who manages my father’s estate. He happened to be the one in charge of Sanmi’s accommodation. Apparently, he had outstanding bills to settle and he had been asked to vacate the building. In the process, we started dating and few months into our relationship, I asked him to move in with me. I resided in one of my father’s houses in Surulere, with the belief that together we could make things work and since he said he loved me and there was no other woman in his life, we could get married later. I thought I could use my father’s contact to secure a job for him, but it took longer than I thought. All the while that he didn’t have a job, there was nothing I could not do for him; I took good care of him and bought good clothes for him. At a particular period of time, my father and younger brother expressed their fears about him, but I assured them that I Itrusted him.

My assurance, however made my father to step in and helped him to secure some contracts which started Sanmi off. I think I should let you know that my younger brother and I were raised by our father. Our mother died when we were still very young. Daddy did not marry another wife, he raised us alone, this is why we are all very close and remained one. At about the time Sanmi started executing small scale contracts that was bringing little money his way; I encouraged him to save as I was making good money from running my father’s business. My father fell ill, my brother who lived with him in his Ikoyi home was out of the country and since I couldn’t go to stay with him, I encouraged him to come and stay with Sanmi and I for some time, I was happy because, I felt both of them would get to know each other better and he could keep my father company, because we have been able to identify that one of daddy’s problem was loneliness. On a fateful day, when I returned from work and Sanmi stepped out to pick some toiletries from the store, my father told me that he did not really like him and that he suspected that Sanmi had something to do with a young girl who lived close to my house. This young girl had just completed her secondary education and she used to come over and play with me, and sometimes help me with chores around the house. I appreciated my father’s concern and worry, but I calmed him down and told him there was nothing to fear as I trusted Sanmi and that he was relating with the girl because he knew her through me. I never knew I was living in a fool’s paradise. Not long after when my father went back to his house, Sanmi told me that he needed some money to execute a contract a friend brought to him. Because of the trust I had in him and wanted him to succeed, I did not even ask him for the details, I gave him the money. He asked for two million naira and I gave it to him, then, it was a huge amount of money but I really didn’t mind. Little did I know that Sanmi had impregnated this young lady, Mopelola and he had planned to marry her. He collected money from me to rent an apartment and settle down with Mopelola. I heard about this two months after Sanmi collected the money from me on the pretence that Mopelolas elder sister was getting married. All the while, Sanmi would leave the house with the pretext that he was out of town on business.

I never knew that he had rented an apartment two streets away from mine and he was always there with Mopelola and her family. But I however noted that Sanmi would always return home very late in the night from his supposed trip and would leave early in the morning. I even learnt that Sanmi’s parents came from Kogi State to be a part of the wedding ceremony; they stayed in the apartment he rented. Two days to the wedding, I came home from work early because I had malaria. After resting a while, I asked my stylist who incidentally was Mopelola’s neighbour to come to the house to fix my hair. She was the one who told me everything Sanmi felt he could do and get away with. She jokingly asked if I wanted to fix my hair for the wedding. I told her I wasn’t invited, that though I learnt that Mopelola’s sister was getting married but I wasn’t invited. She didn’t think twice before telling me that I shouldn’t pull her legs that Mopelola my baby as they all fondly called her was pregnant for Sanmi my supposed cousin and they are getting married because the girl had been warned in her Cherubim and Seraphim Church never to commit an abortion and that she must marry the first man who slept with her.

I was shocked and dumbfounded. She went on to inform me that Sanmi had rented an apartment two streets away and wedding plans were really underway. In her excitement, she did not stop reeling out the details despite my silence not knowing that all she was telling me was almost killing me. I really didn’t know how I survived and kept my sanity until she left. When she did, I called a friend who knew all about Sanmi and I, she suggested that we should get him arrested. It then occurred to me to check Sanmis clothes in the wardrobe. Then, I discovered that most of his clothes were gone. I informed my father and he came in company of my aunty. He advised that I should not do anything. In fact, I had to leave the enviroment on the wedding day and moved back to my father’s house in Ikoyi. It was painful; I almost would not have been able to cope if not with the help of my relatives. To the glory of God, two years after that, I found my own husband a man who though a lot older than me, loved and cared for my two kids I untill he died last year. I tried to forget Sanmi and what he did to me. I never even asked for the money he borrowed from me. Inspite of his betrayal I moved on and I am doing well. I was however, surprised when he paid me a visit in my office in Febuary this year, I don’t know how he tracedwas able to locate me. His mission was to plead with me to forgive him. I told him that he has been forgiven a long time ago. He narrated all his tale of woes, I told him to leave and even prayed that all would be well with him.

He came two times after the first visit asking that I borrow him money. I told him I didn’t have money. He stopped coming after this until I heard recently all the talks he had been spreading that I used his glory and those of his dead children diabolically to make money. I learnt few weeks ago that he had lost three out of his four children, wealth and even his dignity as a man. He now resorted to threatening me. I don’t know what I have in common with him. I have made up my mind to report him to the police, but my father said I should ignore him. There is a limit to human endurance; please, should I do it my way, get the police involved or just ignore him?

My mother ruined my life; I hate her!


Dear Taiwo,

I am depressed at and I need your help to get out of the present situation I am in. I have learnt a great deal from your column and I know you can help me. If my mother gets an opportunity to read this story, I am sure she will feel very bad because she went through a lot because of me and to her, all she is doing right now is helping me out of my present situation and she would feel I do not appreciate her efforts. But this is not the issue at hand because I have to go on with my life. After all, she caused the whole problem from the beginning; so, I cannot see any justification for her to be so annoyed, but I am sure she will: I am using this medium to also ask for her forgiveness. I am the only female child of my parents and perhaps, one could say that was why we are so close. I was not a lazy brat despite our closeness. I did not depend sorely on my mother for finances. I was quite dexterous and, thank God, I got on so well in my business. You might want to know my background. Let me reiterate the fact that I am the only female child of my parents and the first; with five younger ones. We were not born with a silver spoon, but, at least, we never lacked anything and we were comfortable. As the eldest, I didn't have the opportunity of going to school; I opted for business, but I made sure my younger brothers got some education, the least being secondary school education. Things started taking a downturn in my life when I met my husband, a relationship my mother never liked from the onset.

I was very close to my mother, but I knew her flaws and I decided to take only the advice that I deemed useful; but despite this, I couldn't take charge of things; my mother almost sent Dele packing from my life at the initial stage of our relationship. At first, I was overwhelmed by my mother's reaction, how she had her hackles up the first time I brought Dele home. When he left on this fateful day, the first thing my mother complained about was his stature. I think I should describe Dele, so that you can get a better picture of him. Dele was a stout man and not really appealing. But since I was not after his beauty, I gave a little thought to my mother's lurid expression. After all, I am the one marrying him not my mother. Taiwo, at this stage, I think I should be sincere with you. What attracted Dele to me was his wealth. He was a banker and one of the topmost managers at that and it was by sheer luck that I met a guy like him. It is not as if I am bad looking, but our class difference was glaring. Notwithstanding, he came to me and I decided to go for him and mind you, Dele was not stingy. He was ready to lavish his money on me to any extent, but the problem was that, the day he came to my house, I decided not to reveal his identity to my mother; she had always wanted a very rich man for me.

Eventually, my mother got to know everything about Dele and his wealth and since this awareness, she insisted I must marry him. Taiwo, you can't believe how people can change in such a short period! My mother became exceptionally kind to Dele and anytime he came around, she would even cook the best dish for him. To these gestures, Dele was apt to reciprocate. He showered my mother with gifts of different sorts and the whole story drastically changed to a good one. Soon, Dele proposed and before we knew it, wedding bells were ringing. We fixed the wedding date and it was wonderful. I must confess that I didn't marry Dele because I loved him, I did because of his wealth, pressure from friends that I shouldn't let this big fish escape and finally from my mother. I was so sure that everything was going to be alright; Dele being one of the top managers would not in any way run short of money and this was what I was after. One important thing I dare not leave out was the fact that Dele left his former girlfriend for me. He told me this only later and I wasn't disturbed as long as there was money and I didn't know her. Our wedding ceremony was elaborate and was the talk of the town. Every nooks and crannies of the town was agog with the news of our wedding. It was the most memorable day of my life. In fact, it was worth the memory because my wedding gown was specially sewn and brought in from overseas. Every of my friends were envious of me.

My joy that day knew no bounds and I guessed that was also the last time I ever laughed from the deepest part of me. After the wedding ceremony, we settled down and I had to learn how to cope with my marital life which I didn't find easy at all. Because of my closeness to my mother, I was always going home to report everything Dele did to her and she would in turn advise me. Sometimes, I found myself reacting to Dele based on my mother's advice and before I knew it, my marriage was crumbling before my eyes. It also came to a point that my mother was misbehaving and even insulting him whenever she came to visit us. I tried to stop this, but all my mother did was to make me realise that I should not take things cool with any man. She was right behind me even when I knew that I was wrong. My mother became a regular visitor in my home. And at this time, I was ready to comply with whatever my mother said. She became more or less, the mistress of my home, always dictating to my husband and I. The birth of our baby boy, Seye, was the straw that broke the camel's back. My mother had all the excuses to be in our house. She was up and doing and anytime my husband tried to complain, she would rain abuses on him. I heard her saying," Do you think you are right for my daughter? Of all the men, you should count yourself lucky that you are my daughter's choice."

Taiwo, I wasn't so pleased with this statement knowing how Dele had stood for us when things were not going on well; also, knowing he left his former fiancee for me, but I couldn't just reason the other way round. I joined my mother and rained abuses on him. Dele was so disturbed by these happenings that he kept away from the house for almost a month. When he came back, he refused to interact with anyone not even the little baby. During his absence, my mother took me to a herbalist and introduced me as her daughter who had been having marital problems and that was when I knew that my mother had been patronising a herbalist so as to gain control of situations in our home. According to her, she would not fold her arms and watch her only daughter suffer in the hand of a cruel man. I was so confused about what to do and so, I had no choice but to carry on with my mother's wish; after all, I never loved Dele, but still, I had his child. When Dele absconded from home, my mother and I went to report him to his family and there, we raved and ranted to the extent that Dele's mother burst into tears. She pleaded with us to take things easy, but my mother only told her that things would not get better until Dele changed for the better. But what was Dele's offence actually? Taiwo, whenever I sit down to consider some of the things he did, I always found it absurd that I actually overreacted.

Anyway, Dele came back home and took a drastic step. As I said, he maintained a total silence and kept away from us. He would stay back late in the office and whenever I raised an eyebrow, he would not say a word. Things got so bad that I couldn't cope with it any longer. Then one day, the big shock came. Dele brought home divorce papers and asked me to sign them. I was shocked to the marrow and I became more confused. I could remember that, our marriage was exactly a year when things really began to fall apart. I pleaded with him for a second chance, but he wouldn't budge. We have pushed him to the wall and it was then that I could see the reality of what I had been doing. When I told my mother, she ran to her herbalist but nothing came out of it all (I guess when a game is over, it is over). Dele sent me packing from his house and now I am back to square one, my mother's den. I am so ashamed and confused and I regret ever joining my mother in her evil plot. Please, Taiwo, what should I do? The more I see my mother everyday, the more I hate her, but she seems in control of every part of my life. Please, help me. I need your advice.
Gbemisola, Lagos.

so sad to hear.........may his soul rest in peace

Dear Taiwo,
I pray the Lord will continue to bless you and strengthen you to carry on the good work. I am in a state of total confusion. I will appreciate if you keep my identity private. I committed an abomination. I don’t want your readers to know my identity, but I will cherish their advice and counsel because I know that I need help.

Let me start by saying that I don’t need anyone to tell me what I did was bad, I am aware of that. But anyone who had at one time or the other been desperate about anything will understand me.

I wouldn’t say I regret the situation, but I wish it were otherwise. I will only introduce myself as a minister of the word. That is the only form of identification I will give. Although, I am not fully into the ministry, I have another job.

I met my wife when I was in my final year at the university. We were mates, but we studied different courses. Both of us were members of the Christian Union on the campus. In fact, I would say that, my faith was stronger than hers then because several times she would have backslidden, but I was always there to encourage her.

Right from day one that I asked her out, I told her of my intention – which was to marry her. Because we were Christians, it was expected that we maintained a strictly no-sex relationship before marriage.

We both consented to that. It wasn’t that both of us were novices, we had had relationships and seen a little of the world, so to say before we gave our lives to Christ, so maintaining a no-sex relationship was very easy for us.

We got married seven years after we met each other. For some, it was too long a courtship but it was by choice. We agreed that we must attain a level of comfort before tying the nuptial knot.

While we were waiting, I received a call to go into the vineyard, I agreed and took up the mantle, but I still had the opportunity to continue with my career.

Our joy knew no bounds the day my wife and I finally became husband and wife. As expected, our first night together was fulfilling and so were the subsequent days. I can say and beat my chest that we had and enjoyed a blissful and happy married life.

Our happiness, however, became short-lived when two years after our marriage we were yet to be blessed with the fruit of the womb.For my wife and I, we had no problems because we believed and knew that at His time, the Lord would bless us.

This however wasn’t the impression of our family members from both sides. The pressure became more serious when we were unable to have a child after seven years of marriage.

Let me however state that we did not rely on religion alone, we also sought medical help. We took several tests and went through a lot of treatment, the result stated that both of us were okay, nothing was wrong with us and we could have children.

Our patience and comforting words from the doctors and those who understood us however became inadequate when after nine years of marriage, the story remained the same. As if we did not have enough on our hands; my wife’s attitude also changed and our once peaceful home became a lion’s den and I began to dread going home.

We stopped praying together; in fact we stopped doing so many other things together. She began to blame me for our childlessness. Her attitude changed because I refused to follow her to all the places her mother took her to.

In a bid to help us, my mother-in-law invited us to go to some spiritual churches and even visit Muslim scholars (Alfas). I refused, and because of my refusal, my wife began to accuse me of several things.

In fact, sometimes for months, she would refuse to have sex with me and several times I pointed out to her that, a baby won’t jump into her womb. God, who ordained marriage as one of the tools of procreation, meant business.

At times, like this her excuses were that she was on a concoction or the other and she had been advised to abstain from sex, sometimes she would go away from home for days. Her father was dead and there wasn’t anybody I could report her to in her family.

When I couldn’t stand what was going on any longer, I confided in my parents. My mother advised that if following her to all these places would give us the joy of a child, I should consider it, but my father advised that I should maintain my belief in God and at God’s time, our child would come.

My wife was very smart despite the challenges we were going through at home, outside home and in the church we were a happy couple.

I used to marvel at her change of attitude. The way she could switch from good to bad and vice versa, I give it to her that she was a good actress. Our marriage clocked 11 years in June last year but our situation remained the same, and I must confess to you that I became worried and sad about the situation too. I am only being human.

There was this lady in my office who also had a similar problem. She had been married for 15 years and of course, she was older than me, and childless. Sometime last year, precisely in April, her husband married a lady who got pregnant for him and brought her into their matrimonial home. When the situation became unbearable for her, she had to move out. She was always sad and probably because she knew my story too, she made me her confidant.

As expected, I led her to Christ and I always encouraged her and prayed with her that her husband would see the light and make amends.

As our relationship and friendship became serious, don’t get me wrong we had a platonic relationship; I began to visit her in her rented apartment.

One day, she didn’t come to the office; she called to inform us she was ill. After close of work, I stopped over to visit her. I was lonely at home and there was no evening service in the church. My wife once again had gone on one of her trips.

I didn't really know what came over me, but what I remembered was that I made love to this woman, not only that, I equally passed the night there. The following morning, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me.I raised my fears, but my colleague said there was nothing to it. Both of us were lonely and we helped each other, but we must ensure it did not happen again.

Don’t be shocked that it happened again several times.

Taiwo, I am in a deep mess. This lady told me two months ago that she was pregnant. I asked what would become of it, she told me not to worry myself that she was old enough to take care of her affairs.

How is that possible?

As if that was not enough, few days before she told me, the doctor confirmed that my wife was six weeks pregnant!

Please, somebody help me. I know I have betrayed not only human beings but God. How do I get out of this mess? Somebody, please, help me.

Anonymous.