I dont understand you statement "That is all you need but again what
do you need 'games' for?I think it's berra one fixes one's self somewhere
and let the love flow instead of let the game play". Anyway the kind of
games i am talking about are like stated above with strapon, hand cuffs,
vibrator, and other stuff of BSDM ok.

I like you too you are all about standing up for your
boyfriend and pleasing him and i admire that but i
like submissive guy that i can play games with their
minds

iice and luvlymoi that was a really stupid thing two of you said
you still thing life is a fairy tale. Lust comes first always after all
we ladies cant help it when a guy looking like Brad Pitt comes
around us.

.QUESTION Dear Elise, I've found your website so informative and your book revelatory. I do appreciate the hard work you've been doing to educate us ladies to the potential of our natural superiority.

I have a delightful boyfriend, he is usually well-mannered, gentle, polite, generous and appreciative of all my attributes. He is a great, unselfish lover. He loves my lingerie & finds me beautiful in heels! However he is from a country where Female Domination is more-or-less unheard of as a concept (though his respect for Ladies runs deep and is inbred within him). He doesn't know about my identity as a mostly-online-Dominant-Lady! I have a website and numerous 'boys' under my virtual thumb.

We watched a TV program recently which explored BDSM practices and Mistresses. He asked me why anyone would do this and I explained to the best of my ability how lots of men require to give up their 'power' to women etc, He replied that he couldn't imagine doing that,

I have very subtly tried to sound him out about Female Domination in the past and I believe that he is not sexually submissive, or rather he has no 'kinks' in that department! I would love it if he did but alas,

He acknowledges in his humorous way that *I* am the Boss of our relationship and he is certainly helpful and deferential to Women especially. I have him wash my hair in the bath, massage me and do some chores for me (he does not live with me).

I do love him dearly, and I know that if he found out about my 'alter-ego' he would be upset and feel betrayed. I have met a selected few of my online pets for play-times (no penetrative sex involved) and now I am starting to feel dishonest and somewhat guilty for looking outside of my relationship. If he was a submissive male in all aspects of our life I would not hesitate to kill off all other D&S avenues. He is a cute, gentle, morally-strong, self-assured and kind man. All that a woman could dream of, except in my case for one thing, his submission.

What advice can you offer me? Should I turn my back on fetish-oriented D&s and settle for what is a relationship all my female friends envy? With all best wishes & kind regards.

ANSWER. Only you can answer this question but I think you know the answer and that is why you wrote me. You cannot walk away from who you are as a dominant woman. Yes, you can suppress your nature and you can sacrifice for this man and you can have a wonderful relationship with him, perhaps for a season, perhaps longer. But you know that your dominant desires will surface again. Maybe you can suppress them for months, maybe years but they will come back. I doubt if you will be able to experience your lover bathing you and washing your hair without those dominant energies stirring and wanting to bust through.

Again, only you can choose your path. If you want to put your dominant desires on hold for a season so you can pursue a relationship with this man, that is your call. But I would not marry him unless you can be totally honest with him. He needs to know you, how you really are, so prior to marriage you owe it to him, and more importantly to yourself, to be truthful to him about what you desire.

Who knows, you may be surprised. After all, why should you have to sacrifice who you are to be with him? If he loves you as much as you love him, why shouldn’t he sacrifice by agreeing to explore female domination with you? The odds are greater that he will willingly embrace the submissive role than they are that you can give up the dominant role. And there is the chance that he will decide that you two are not compatible. But wouldn’t you want to know this sooner than later? You need to find this out prior to marriage.

These are never easy situations because people can be complex. If you love this man, then you owe it to each other to be honest with each other. He might be more open to being submissive than you know. Perhaps that is why he enjoys bathing you and why he is so respectful to women. His challenge will be to overcome his upbringing and his culture. He may have to decide if he can reconcile your needs with his upbringing. Many relationships have been ended due to incompatible cultures and belief systems. In order for such a relationship to work, it takes one person to compromise their beliefs. Are you willing? Is he willing to do that for you? If not, is he worthy of you?

This is a tough question, I know. This is why it is always easier to marry someone who shares your belief system. The best you can do is to be open and honest with each other. I am a believer that the worse thing you can do is to deny yourself in order to conform to what someone else wants you to be. That might make you happy in the short-term, but what about the long-term? I pray that God will give you wisdom. You are a lovely woman and I wish you nothing but the best.

well i am not a dominatrix yet but to go to
that level isnt what i have in mind. Well i will reach
that level one day but now it is all about sexy games
that gives me control over a man's mind

Yes i am a nasty girl that like controlling men
and this is another good way of doing that.

Wow interesting this is something that i may be interested in
the idea of dominating a man's mind is so interesting