alpamo6:
Very ungrateful soul, who took care and trained you till university, "is it not your parents ". Every family has their ups and downs, please go and rest. You are ranting because of girl friend who you met at most 2 years ago. Please find something doing and have you own apartment then let see how better person you are, believe me you are unconsciously a toxic person though might not be voilent. Have you actually know what you dad is passing through. �

All these are never because of a girl. And every family having it's ups and downs doesn't mean this is how I want my life to be.
Stay safe

Kutunban:
It's sad that you found your self in such situation.

Does your mum like the aforementioned girl you are dating?

This is not even about she liking the girl because she'll always take side with my dad. She'll say she doesn't want problem etc.

Does the girl love you too? If yes, you can talk to some of your uncles regarding your intentions to marry her.

I'll only be able to know if I'll continue to marry the girl while dating now. I'm just still trying to understand this girl and sort out our differences!!

Furthermore, are you angry that your parents haven't been showing you parental love or because your dad doesn't like the girl because of her family?

I'm angry at everything. I'm angry at him for messing with my mental health, for the pains he's putting us all through, for the lack of family care and support, for the emotional and verbal abuse everyday. And yet again, he's planning on going out to the girls family to show the same thing he always does at home to them. How will the girl see me afterwards? How will she ever agree to be my girlfriend? What influence will the girls mom think I'll have on her daughter?
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Karleb:


E be like say this one no Sabi read! Chai! You need to have his kind of parents for a week to know what he's going through.

It's like some of you just repeat the "you will never appreciate what you have until you lose it" mantra whenever parents are involved.

I wouldn't want anyone to witness half of what I experienced while at home. Just leave him. He'd never appreciate having the kind of parent he has that's even if he has one

peedeeasobie:





Why are you living with your parents and you are talking about getting married?

Please take your time to read through the replies. I'm only around (and probably will be for the next 2 to 3 months) because I'm awaiting Mobilization (NYSC) and I'm not saying I'm marrying the girl. She's only my girlfriend that I'm spending time with because she's around due to holiday.

Natureangel:
I feel your pain but please don't let the hate you have for your parents overwhelm you, remember we become what we hate the most.

If you are capable enough to, please leave that house and focus on what makes you happy be it your girlfriend or productive hobbies you may have and gradually you'll see that you'll be more in the position of forgiving and making a change than you are now.

Most importantly take it to God in prayer, pray, pray, pray I can't emphasize on this enough. Righteousness2 is right, God can mend broken homes and I say that because I've been there, mine might have not been the same as yours but I'll say a bit here for learning purposes. When I and my siblings were kids the situation in our household wasn't ideal, to be honest it was terrible as my dad used to hit my mom and beat us up unnecessarily with no other reason than that he was provoked. He'd insult us, call us names and threaten to kill us sometimes, I'm tearing up writing this because no child deserves to go through this and it still hurts a bit to remember it. As the eldest I took most of the beating for my younger ones and sometimes I'd go to school with heavy scars always telling the teachers and my fellow classmates that I did something bad and was corrected with a smile. My mom always taught us that if we didn't like anything we should take it to God, she never talked about my dad and whenever my dad hit her in front of us after he had left she'd tell us through teary eyes and a smile that she did something bad and got corrected for it. We didn't argue but to be honest it hurt us and we cry about it both in her presence and when she wasn't there. We prayed and prayed every time with tears in our eyes for God to change him because we knew what he was doing wasn't right and my mom said only God could change him. I remember one day telling him after he had beaten me to stupor that I loved him and God will make him happy so he wouldn't beat us again and that was the first time I saw my dad break down in tears. He still continued with the abuse but towards my teenage years he changed and I mean completely he became calm, good natured and I can honestly say he has been one of the best dads in the world so far in my eyes. My mom and dad now live together happily and all through my teenage years I have never seen my dad hit my mom.

So God does answer prayers and to parents and singles alike on this platform set a good example for all children. All this "female are useless, men are scum, Nigeria is worthless" and so on should stop. If instead of saying these toxic things we try to be more empathetic and careful with the words we say in front of children and when we are alone not only will our children grow up with a positive mentality and not criminal mindsets but also we as adults will become better human beings for thinking better, corruption will reduce, crime will reduce, productivity will increase, Jobs will be plentiful and Visas easily accessible (although most of us won't need it if Nigeria becomes better). Most importantly Nigeria will be able to progress and reclaim her position as the giant of Africa bringing pride to us all.

Thank you so much. My mom prays. She prays so much too but whenever HE changes, he'd still revert back to his old ways. I've done a lot of talking to him, invited many elders too. But he'd always still do the same. And the worst is him making example of how his own father is a no-nonsense man.

idiagbo86:
Broh, pls I will advise u to try make money first and get ur own apartment before talking about marriage. From the look of things u are still living under ur parents roof. Wen u are strong enough financially, u will be able to control some stuffs. Pls don't think or talk about getting a girl u will marry wen u are still living with ur parents . Could just be that ur parents are reprimanding u for choosing a wrong priority and u are here complaining . Have a great yuletide my brother !

I'm not even talking about marriage yet. The girl is only my girlfriend who I'm just spending time with because she's around due to holiday. She's in school and I'm a graduate awaiting service. I also have a work I'm doing that I'm able to make some savings out of it. But i can't rent a place because I won't be staying long before service, less than 3 months from now.

tricksters:
When the time is right no one will tell before you leave your father's house. I left mine a year into university and we only got to see at my wedding n that was after several persuasion that I shouldn't hold the wedding without inviting n my dad isn't even 1/10th dramatic as you explained yours.

I just couldn't help it. Just looking for where to cry out because I'm a human being too and it's killing me inside.

OMEGA009:
Young Man, if you’re old enough to pursue woman, you should be old enough to get your own place. Until you get mobilized for NYSC, I suggest you put everything on hold and endure your family palava. Your father won’t change anytime soon and your mother will continue to take sides with her husband. Just pipe low with the girl and your hormones until you can leave the house and then, you can start building a life outside the toxic environment.

Thank you so much. I'm only staying at his place just because I've not been mobilized yet and my business is also around his place just some couple of street away. I've been sleeping there before not until he started complaining that I must not sleep at my place of work again and that I must come home every night. For those asking, I'm in my mid 20s.

Lalasticlala

michlins:
Your parents are probably poor and you their child is also poor but want to add the burden of wife to yourself.

Your parents are fighting tooth and nail to ensure you don't tow same line with them knowing how it will make you continue their violent marriage route but all you could make out from it is they're frustrating you.

First thing you need to do is to work hard and ensure that you're not poor. Own your own place and then we can advise you

Ok.

InternetAgbero:
Ogbeni, please try and be calming now. Yes, I know it's a very insensitive thing to say but wait first.

Na classic dysfunctional family system you just summarize there. I no even read pass the fourth line but na wetin the gods say e be.

Take a look at this and analyze your family dynamic. Then liberate yourself through education.

Free therapy for beginners.

Sadly I'm the one that has read so much books in correcting so many things in my life like I'm the most problematic person in the world. It's like I'm not born with everything other people were born with. I'm the one without self confidence, with low self-esteem, i find myself seeking validation and acceptance from people everywhere I go. I'm still the one who usually turn the black sheep in many situations I find myself. I don't have friends and I only manage to keep tab of some people online. I spend a lot of time online just trying to avoid all these situations.

To be sincere, I'm fed up. I feel really unlucky especially when it looks like things everyone seems to be born with, i always have to strive hard to achieve them.

EmzyT:



I've read your post twice trying to Understand what your mom did to you to deserve the hate too but all I could see is; ”My dad did this, did that! Told outsiders this, embarrassed us at” From your post, I can conclude that your Dad is the reason why your family is Upside down, don't extend the hate you have for him to your Beloved Mom and Siblings. Sadly, Your Dad is an effect of Alcoholic Abuse like someone said up there. But with time, all these will fade away, old age will surely Humble him!

For your Sanity Sake, Leave the house and go rent somewhere far away from them so atleast you'd be free from his troubles!

Please be wary of your mom before your dad does something dangerous to her some day! People who abuse Drugs or Alcohol and act under the influence of it can do anything dangerous at any given moment.

May God see your family through. Shalom!

Amen and thank you too

BlackfireX:
1. That man is not your father



2. You will end up like/ worst than him




Thank you

I hope not

everythinggirly:
Please move out from that house. If you have money, rent a small space and furnish it small small later.

Most fathers are toxic and irresponsible but it shouldn't change the good in you because it wouldn't be a port for selling blames.

Thank you. Will do that soon

Iyaebe:
Eiya sorry about this, if you can go far away from them for your own sanity it'll be good.

I'm only waiting around to be mobilized for service. So I still have about 3 months at least with them.

It's a long read because I had to pour out my mind wholeheartedly. Please endeavor to read through.



I so much hate my dad right now. And even my mom for supporting him. I can always remember how unfortunate it is for me to find myself in this family in the first place. Infact, not having a family is better than this living hell I found myself because these people are bent on ruining my future with their own life.

My father is the person who will be fighting with my mom in a brutally physical manner where they'd be running after themselves in the street after almost stripping themselves naked. He's the one who doesn't know how to reprimand his children except by using curses. He's the one who would go out and come back drunk and turn everywhere upside down. All these I've endured for almost every part of my life and my mom has refused to leave him saying because she has kids for him.
I know some of you people will start saying all manner of things about how you would have cherished your parents if you had one blah blah blah but this is hell. It's choking me I feel like dying.

I just met a girl who happened to be my girlfriend and we've been together for some time now and my father is help bent on separating us because he doesn't want me to marry close to him so that there wouldn't be clashes between him and the mother of the girl because he feels the woman is a violent person.
As they've turned the house into a place of sorrow, i couldn't think of spending even a minute inside the house. I usually spend the evening with this girl at her place and return when everyone at home must have slept. The next thing was for him to start cursing at the girl and even threatening to go to her house and throw tantrums.
I just want to get out of all these because it's choking me. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm losing my mind because of everything. The emotional torture I feel whenever they start fighting. How angry I feel when he starts cursing everyone and shouting at us in front of the house and disgracing everyone of us throughout the whole neighborhood. The way he go about gossiping and talking bad about his own children and wife to outsiders and the whole neighborhood. I'm sick of everything.

I just wish I was born without a family because I'm even afraid of imbibing his behaviors and acting like him when I later settle down. I will never forgive him for making me become who I don't want to be.