The editor of the BBC Hausa service, Mansur Liman, explains how he broke the story of the historic phone call from Nigeria's President Goodluck Jonathan to admit election defeat - and how it almost didn't happen.
I was at the election results centre in the capital, Abuja, and at around 17:00 (16:00GMT) the votes from all but three states had been declared.
Muhammadu Buhari, the candidate for the opposition All Progressives Congress (APC), had a big lead over incumbent President Goodluck Jonathan.
During a break in the results, it became obvious to me that the lead was unassailable and I began wondering about what was going on in the APC camp. Were they celebrating or still anxiously waiting?
Going by previous Nigerian elections, when rigging and results fiddling has allegedly taken place, nothing could be taken for granted.
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Mansur Liman:
Mansur Liman
It turns out that so many calls were coming through that there was no time to answer them all - and Gen Buhari did not even know where his phone was.
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I thought that there would still be some more bumps on the road, given the passion in the campaign and the fact that a governing People's Democratic Party official had already tried to halt the count.
I have a lot of contacts within Gen Buhari's circle and I know him personally so I decided to try and call someone who I knew would be with him to find out the mood.
After he missed my call, and I missed his response, I eventually got through.
'Unimaginable'
I asked him what was going on, given that there was no way President Jonathan could win and I was surprised by the response.
Godsday Orubebe, People"s Democratic Party agent, disrupts the announcing of election results accusing the Commission chairman Attahiru Jega, of being bias in Abuja
When PDP agent Godsday Orubebe interrupted the results there were fears the process would be questioned
He told me that Gen Buhari had just received a phone call from his rival, in which the president conceded and congratulated him.
I did not doubt that this was true as I trusted my source, but given what has happened before in Nigeria, this kind of concession was up to that point unimaginable.
I was pretty sure that I was the first journalist to get the story so as soon as I got off the phone I alerted the BBC's election desk and tweeted the details.
Mansur Liman's twitter message about the call
There were, of course, people who were very concerned about what could happen if the result was contested.
And I have since discovered that members of the National Peace Committee, which is headed by former President Abdulsalami Abubakar, visited President Jonathan as the results were being announced.
I understand they were the ones who persuaded the president to do something to avoid any trouble, and shortly after the visit he made the call.
'Pick up the phone'
But even making the call was not straight forward. I heard later that the president could not actually get through to Gen Buhari.
He rang all the numbers he had for people in his camp, but no-one answered.
It turns out that so many calls were coming through that there was no time to answer them all - and Gen Buhari did not even know where his phone was.
President Jonathan resorted to sending a messenger round to his rival's house to tell him that the president wanted to speak to him. And that he should pick up the phone the next time he tried to call.
Supporters of the presidential candidate Muhammadu Buhari and his All Progressive Congress with a motorbike during celebrations in Kano
APC celebrations greeted the result but things could have been very different
By making that call the president saved Nigeria a great deal of pain. If the PDP had insisted that they had won the election, and the APC had said the same, the country would have been in chaos.
Lives would have been lost and property would have been destroyed. That call showed that in Nigeria, people can put the country first.
I have heard from PDP supporters that the president took the decision to make the call without consulting anyone. They told me that if he had talked to some of his advisers, they would have objected.

Source :http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-32160416

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Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments. At the heart of humankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love. That is why the ancient biblical writings spoke of the husband and wife becoming “one flesh.” That did not mean that individuals would lose their identity; it meant that they would enter into each other’s lives in a deep and intimate way.

But if love is important, it is also elusive. I have listened to many married couples share their secret pain. Some came to me because the inner ache had become unbearable. Others came because they realized that their behavior patterns or the misbehavior of their spouse was destroying the marriage. Some came simply to inform me that they no longer wanted to be married. Their dreams of “living happily ever after” had been dashed against the hard walls of reality. Again and again I have heard the words “Our love is gone, our relationship is dead. We used to feel close, but not now. We no longer enjoy being with each other. We don’t meet each other’s needs.” Their stories bear testimony that adults as well as children have “love tanks.”

Day 2
Love makes requests, not demands. When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child. It is the parent who tells the three-year-old what he ought to do and, in fact, what he must do. That is necessary because the three-year-old does not yet know how to navigate in the treacherous waters of life. In marriage, however, we are equal, adult partners. We are not perfect to be sure, but we are adults and we are partners. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.

The way we express those desires, however, is all-important. If they come across as demands, we have erased the possibility of intimacy and will drive our spouse away. If, however, we make our needs and desires known in the form of a request, we are giving guidance, not ultimatums. The husband who says, “Could you make that good pasta one of these nights?” is giving his wife guidance on how to love him and thus build intimacy. On the other hand, the husband who says, “Can’t we ever have a decent meal around here?” is being adolescent, is making a demand, and his wife is likely to fire back, “Okay, you cook!” The wife who says, “Do you think it will be possible for you to clean the gutters this weekend?” is expressing love by making a request. But the wife who says, “If you don’t get those gutters cleaned out soon, they are going to fall off the house. They already have trees growing out of them!” has ceased to love and has become a domineering spouse.

When you make a request of your husband you are affirming his worth and abilities. You are in essence indicating that he has something or can do something that is meaningful and worthwhile to you. When, however, you make demands, you have become not a lover but a tyrant. Your husband will feel not affirmed but belittled. A request introduces the element of choice. Your husband may choose to respond to your request or to deny it, because love is always a choice. That’s what makes it meaningful. To know that my spouse loves me enough to respond to one of my requests communicates emotionally that she cares about me, respects me, admires me, and wants to do something to please me. We cannot get emotional love by way of demand. My spouse may in fact comply with my demands, but it is not an expression of love. It is an act of fear or guilt or some other emotion, but not love. Thus, a request creates the possibility for an expression of love, whereas a demand suffocates that possibilityCould it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible “emotional love tank” with its gauge on empty? Could the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn?

With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work?
I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile. Running your marriage on an empty “love tank” may cost you even more than trying to drive your car without oil. What you are about to read has the potential of saving thousands of marriages and can even enhance the emotional climate of a good marriage. Whatever the quality of your marriage now, it can always be better.

Day 3 : To be Continued

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