₦airaland Forum

Switchman:
Though you sounded harsh to me but the fact is that you are actually right cos that was the most stupid decision I took and I can't reverse that which is why am here to seek advise so I won't make a more worse one.

Like I said I had a back up plan which is my car I left in Lagos and intentionally don't want to bring it to Abuja to do side hustle cos I want to know her attitudes in worse case scenario and I never expected within 3 months she will turn boss lady on me.

aroundtheearth:
Abeg, shift. Depressed ko. He got himself into the mess he's in. It's nobody's fault he moved in with her with no job and no money saved either.

The same way you should've read my comment and passed. It's not your place to police anyone's comment here, so keep it moving.

McSquishi:
You described doing house chores as “being reduced to house help”... reduced is not usually the word choice when you have no issues with the position.

I agree that belittling and degrading words are never ok. It even rises to the level of verbal abuse if it is consistently occurring... you can have a talk with her and let her know that you understand she’s disappointed in the fact that you haven’t lived up to her expectations yet but she should be patient with you and communicate with you in a way that doesn’t rise to the level of disrespect.

Switchman:
This will be a lengthy one but I promise to summarize it as much as I can.

I met a lady in her late 30s 18months ago through an online friend. I was working in Lagos while she was based and working in Abuja.

We chatted for a while before she volunteered to come to Lagos for a visit over the weekend which doesn't seem a bad idea to me cos I believed seeing in person is better than 1 million pictures.

Due to her age and desperation, we met and she liked what she saw in me and intensive talks began on how I can relocate to Abuja and get better job. I actually haven't been to Abuja so I was excited to take that move with the hope of becoming a better person and getting a better job.

I resigned from my job due to some issues as at that time which could had been managed but so I can have more time to visit and see how things are in Abuja before making my final preparation to relocate. She supports financially during those time while I use my car for ehailing business pending when I will finally relocate.

Covid 19 lock down came and all plans were halted due to restrictions on vehicular movements. Fast forward to November last year I made final plans and I agreed to finally relocate but on the conditions that we will need to get a new apartment cos I don't want to move in with her to her former apartment which was a one room self contain, we got a 1 bedroom apartment and I moved in with her. She owns 90% stake on the expenses incurred but in the spirit of hope for a better job, I will upgrade the apartment to have an equal stake in the home.

It's been 3 months now I have fully relocated and we have been cohabiting but it's been hell for me and I just need help on how to get out of this mess I put myself. No job was forth coming and due to the fact that I am home always, I have been reduced to a house help cos I am the one doing the chores, cleaning the dishes and even my laundry though she pays for her own, so many other insults and atimes it's with exchanges of words before I can take a walk just to acclimatize myself with the terrains of the area.

It's really a bad experience for a man not to have a steady source of income cos in a twinkle of an eye the love will vanish.

I love the lifestyle of Abuja cos it is less stressful than Lagos and I will really like to get a good source of income so I can get my own apartment and be free from the shackles I put myself in the name of love.

I really need help now cos I know my days are numbered and it's a matter of time before she sends me packing cos I really don't have the right to the apartment. Please house, I need your candid advise on what to do and as always constructive criticism is allowed.

Thanks
Switchman

AwesomeStormy00:
@Switchman keep strong depression is real, you arent happy because of you are unemploy at the minute, your girlfriend is not helping matter because of argument etc.

Question now is do you love her? If you do, then you can work things out i mean your fortune is going to change.... covid 19 causing havoc to businesses worldwide you need to be positive and apply law of attraction into your thinking.

Money issues do bring fight & argument into most relationship the only way out of it is not to give up. Please try pray if your believe in God. Midnight prayer do work wonders. Good luck sir

Yusufisraelj:
You're entitled to your opinion no doubt, but a counsel was sort and you were not constructive in your depositions. Think about it.

@Switchman

Sincerely sorry for your situation, firstly you made mention on owning a vehicle, do Uber or Bolt you are guaranteed of 20K profit per week, I think I have someone to link you with, however just download the app and follow instructions, if you will need cash to Kickstart borrow from the lady with a payback time, but don't be too quick to give a deadline enter first and see how revenue comes.

Secondly I should suspect you have a skill, go somewhere where it's needed and probably work for small fee, the gist is this, you would want to build connections around that industry. You see money is largely a function of relationships, who you know and who likes you matters.

Thirdly go out and do conductor or something to get acquainted with abj and raise something for yourself. Don't stay at home 247.

But of Apex importance be a man with a regimented time of daily prayers minimum 30minutes if u re a Christian, blasting in tongues, you can't just come to a place and start succeeding, you must be helped and even more so you need divine ideas to succeed. Every money problem is an idea problem, you need to be inspired and work on connectivity. Cheers

BarristerAlarig:
You are a very nasty person who feels entitled to other people's money. So you have a car, which could have been used for ehailing services to generate income pending when you get a job but you choose to leave it idle in Lagos while expecting a woman to shoulder your responsibilities in this harsh economy because you want to "test" her??


You deserve everything you are getting. I pray she throws you out.

McSquishi:
You described doing house chores as “being reduced to house help”... reduced is not usually the word choice when you have no issues with the position.

I agree that belittling and degrading words are never ok. It even rises to the level of verbal abuse if it is consistently occurring... you can have a talk with her and let her know that you understand she’s disappointed in the fact that you haven’t lived up to her expectations yet but she should be patient with you and communicate with you in a way that doesn’t rise to the level of disrespect.

Switchman:
I will implore you to carefully read people's write up properly before commenting and understand the context well. Kindly quote me where I ever complained about asking her for money or being entitled to her money and as a matter of fact I still support with some expenses like fuelling, cooking gas, water and electricity bills.

I have some tokens I make online which is not coming regularly but still support when it drops.

Stop being sentimental or portraying your feminism out of anger or annoyance. All I asked for is not you judging me but how to right all wrongs and you are here playing the perfect one.

Please be calming down and learn to take a chill pill on people's issues and not complicate things for them abeg.

BarristerAlarig:
I'm sorry if you can't take constructive criticism. I wasn't harsh, I said it the way it is and I understood your message. The facts remains that ;
1. You feel you shouldn't be doing house chores. You want her to go to work, get stressed and still do the chores while you lazy about.

2. You don't want to hustle. If after trying to secure a job and nothing was forthcoming, you could easily have had your car sent down to abj to hustle but selfish you wanted to "test" her.

3. You didn't consider how financially and emotionally draining it is for her to take care of two adults who aren't even related while you do practically nothing.

4. You don't "test" people with their finances. It is wrong


5. This economy is telling on everyone. No one wants a liability.

dairykidd:
You said it all.. nothing to advise that man. Any man wey dey depend on woman money na there him failures start. Abuja wey hard pass rock.. I just only dey pity am because him no wise at all shi shi

Cc: Zzor

dairykidd:
You said it all.. nothing to advise that man. Any man wey dey depend on woman money na there him failures start. Abuja wey hard pass rock.. I just only dey pity am because him no wise at all shi shi

Cc: Zzor

Richy4:
What you are battling with is nothing but superiority Complex.... In your mind/ heart you have lined up how a man should be... A man should not wash his own cloth, a man should not do chores etc... That is just nonsense...Someone that altered her simple life style of living in an apartment and foots majority of the bills just to meet your demand half way, you were not even grateful... For your information, A lot of married men do chores.... If anyone on social media tells you otherwise, he is lying to u...

Besides, You know very well that covid-19 disrupted a lot of things around the world including Nigeria.. and you should know the average time frame that one would look for job around the world has doubled because of the pandemic... Take it easy with yourself... Be a little humble and focus on your goal... Though I simply wish that Lady saw a better man who will love her in return instead of u... because your Ego is higher than Kilimanjaro...

Switchman:
Thanks for your words of advise. God bless.

McSquishi:
You described doing house chores as “being reduced to house help”... reduced is not usually the word choice when you have no issues with the position.

I agree that belittling and degrading words are never ok. It even rises to the level of verbal abuse if it is consistently occurring... you can have a talk with her and let her know that you understand she’s disappointed in the fact that you haven’t lived up to her expectations yet but she should be patient with you and communicate with you in a way that doesn’t rise to the level of disrespect.

Switchman:
This will be a lengthy one but I promise to summarize it as much as I can.

I met a lady in her late 30s 18months ago through an online friend. I was working in Lagos while she was based and working in Abuja.

We chatted for a while before she volunteered to come to Lagos for a visit over the weekend which doesn't seem a bad idea to me cos I believed seeing in person is better than 1 million pictures.

Due to her age and desperation, we met and she liked what she saw in me and intensive talks began on how I can relocate to Abuja and get better job. I actually haven't been to Abuja so I was excited to take that move with the hope of becoming a better person and getting a better job.

I resigned from my job due to some issues as at that time which could had been managed but so I can have more time to visit and see how things are in Abuja before making my final preparation to relocate. She supports financially during those time while I use my car for ehailing business pending when I will finally relocate.

Covid 19 lock down came and all plans were halted due to restrictions on vehicular movements. Fast forward to November last year I made final plans and I agreed to finally relocate but on the conditions that we will need to get a new apartment cos I don't want to move in with her to her former apartment which was a one room self contain, we got a 1 bedroom apartment and I moved in with her. She owns 90% stake on the expenses incurred but in the spirit of hope for a better job, I will upgrade the apartment to have an equal stake in the home.

It's been 3 months now I have fully relocated and we have been cohabiting but it's been hell for me and I just need help on how to get out of this mess I put myself. No job was forth coming and due to the fact that I am home always, I have been reduced to a house help cos I am the one doing the chores, cleaning the dishes and even my laundry though she pays for her own, so many other insults and atimes it's with exchanges of words before I can take a walk just to acclimatize myself with the terrains of the area.

It's really a bad experience for a man not to have a steady source of income cos in a twinkle of an eye the love will vanish.

I love the lifestyle of Abuja cos it is less stressful than Lagos and I will really like to get a good source of income so I can get my own apartment and be free from the shackles I put myself in the name of love.

I really need help now cos I know my days are numbered and it's a matter of time before she sends me packing cos I really don't have the right to the apartment. Please house, I need your candid advise on what to do and as always constructive criticism is allowed.

Thanks
Switchman

GboyegaD:
This is why I sometimes feel relationships in our culture is transactional. It is always about what can I get. There's nothing to be disappointed about provided he is putting efforts at trying to get a job.

McSquishi:
What’s transactional here?

Being disappointed is natural human emotion. He encouraged her to incur more expenses with the expectation he would get work to cover his portion. when someone makes a plan with you but fails to live up to their end of the deal, being disappointed is a valid response. You can’t dictate how other people should feel.

aroundtheearth:
You resigned from your job to move in with a woman you're not married to because you assumed she's desperate and probably a mumu you can take advantage of or mooch off on not knowing your actions could backfire. Well, you're not married, so you can leave if you can't handle the situation because it turned out she's no mumu afterall, but I'm guessing you ain't got no money to move out. Pele

aroundtheearth:
Abeg, shift. Depressed ko. He got himself into the mess he's in. It's nobody's fault he moved in with her with no job and no money saved either.

The same way you should've read my comment and passed. It's not your place to police anyone's comment here, so keep it moving.

aroundtheearth:
You resigned from your job to move in with a woman you're not married to because you assumed she's desperate and probably a mumu you can take advantage of or mooch off on not knowing your actions could backfire. Well, you're not married, so you can leave if you can't handle the situation because it turned out she's no mumu afterall, but I'm guessing you ain't got no money to move out. Pele

aroundtheearth:
Abeg, shift. Depressed ko. He got himself into the mess he's in. It's nobody's fault he moved in with her with no job and no money saved either.

The same way you should've read my comment and passed. It's not your place to police anyone's comment here, so keep it moving.

pocohantas:
The useless alfa male wanted to chop her money, her pussy, have her submit to him, wash his clothes, feed him, while he does nothing. Hunter became the hunted.