[quote author=pinkydaisy post=100401740]

pinkydaisy:


It is well.

chinedu

Have you considered moving to a closer location to the Island?

Are you averse to traveling on water ways? If not, take the lekki job, use the ferry to save yourself from the stress of traffic and the need to leave home too early/get back too late.

pinkydaisy:
Everyone, thank you so much for your honest replies. God bless you all.

Believe it or not, after reading through all these posts, a strange kind of peace came over me.

I called my hubby and we discussed at length and even started planing ahead.

I will surely come back here to encourage someone else too sometime soon.

Most times, I believe God speaks through people.

May the will of God be done.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate.

Once again, God bless.

Congrats

I hope your husband will not relax in his responsibilities as a man because you earn much and i hope he will also appriciate and support you in his own way, i believe God provided this job for you to support him humbly. Encourage him too.

Good luck

Pinkydaisy, the most important factor here is your husband.

Is your husband the type that will help you with the kids and at the home front when you are out making money.

Is he the type that will ask for pounded yam pounded with mortar not machine when you come back at 8pm.

Its a major shift and everybody will have to adjust, if he won't adjust its a big problem and stress will be a major issue.



Its possible with his support.


That aside.



Take the job


And use the boat services from ikorodu to the island.

Congrats girl.

pinkydaisy:
I am at crossroads as to what to do now. Let me give a small background to what lead to this. Please be as honest as you can.

Am a mother to 3 kids below 8 years, I reside at Ikorodu presently.
Sometime in 2019, I lost my job which was our family's major source of income so suddenly and life became very tough, in came the Covid 19 lockdown and all that transpired in 2020, I learnt to adjust and manage the family as best as I could, I started petty trading and husband too had to tighten his belt to make ends meet. Sometime this year, I got a part-time job of 70k per month for only 12 days in the month. This work is very good because it affords me the opportunity to take care of my children very well, be more involved in their upbringing and education and generally plan for other things I want to do.
Just days ago, I got offer for a job at Lekki for 350k plus - No staff bus, working from 8 - 5pm ( Remenber I live at Ikorodu), including Saturdays.

Now my dilemma -
The past 1 year plus I have cared for my kids myself have shown remarkable improvement in their upbringing, health, prayer life and education even their father has commented on it many times. I have developed this very strong bond with them which did not exist before. I can do my small small business and the 70k job together no stress at all.

If I take the 350k job, I will lose all these and will have to hand my family back to a housekeeper to run because from Ikorodu to Lekki is a far distance, I have to leave as early as 5am and will not be back for anything earlier than 8-9pm. ( I know because i used to work on the island). Most times, I don't see them awake until Sunday, it was not nice but the money was good.

For me, deep down in me I don't want the 350k job but after discussing with my husband he got angry and said I didn't want to support him and that am not concerned about the stress he is going through presently and some other things.
Really, the money will solve a lot of family problems but am also going to lose my family again.

Please guys give me your honest unbiased opinion. I have until after the Easter to give my response to the 350k job offer, am just confused and very scared.

I understand that you need money to take care of your children, but it shouldn't come at the expense of you investing more time in their upbringing. As a teacher, I discovered that parental care in early childhood should not be compromised because it goes a long way in shaping the future of your children. Even you confirm that your stay with them in the last 1 year has improved so many things like health, education, etc.

My Proposal:

IF you can hire a nanny/caregiver that you can TRUST to do the upbringing for you, go for the 350k job.

IF your side hustle/ investment could return enough money to complement your 70k job, please ditch the 350k job as someone above me has advised.

Note: I have seen enough to tell you that children, in this era of immoralities and social vices, need the maximum attention of their parents. Don't leave it to teachers/ proprietors (private school) alone.

@pinkdaisy

Take the 350k job. If it pays so much, you will meet people and make contact. As for distance, take the ferry and your travel time will be cut short.

Save up and maybe you and your family can move to lekki.
As for the kids, get a caregiver or nanny to take care of them with homeworks and all.

Connect me to the 70k job and I will be grateful forever or i take up the nanny job if you decide to take the 350k job. I'm good with kids.

I have decided not to take the 350k job.

Though very few people said I should not and the majority said I should take it and adjust the caregiving for the kids, thanks to everybody.

My kids are still very young and I have been given a second chance to care for them myself. I have left them before to different types of care givers, the good, the bad and the ugly, even relatives have been invited to come live with us just to help out with the care of the kids but I regret many parts of that, many times I wish something's that happened didn't but I felt I couldn't help it because I had to work to provide a better life for them. I know the money will make a lot of difference, yes but what about this very important foundational stage of the children's lives? Note the word "Foundational".

Story time.......

For me to stick to my final decision, I had to cast my mind back to my own growing up.
I had a relatively good life, though my parents were not rich but there was food to eat, good schools, fancy clothes, color tv and video player,,,all the small things that make children feel happy but my parents were hardly at home. I saw my mum sometimes only at night and by then she is exhausted and just wants to get her rest, we had a maid for a while and I know my mum loved us very much but she was absent for the better part of my childhood and teenage years. The help could only do as much and many times, I went to school without cleaning my teeth or having a proper bath sef,,,who will ask? I always envied other children that their parents came to school to see the teacher for 1 thing or the other or simply to pick them from school.
I used to look into some people's see through curtains at night and envy the family being together,, maybe having a meal or just being at home together, I never had a family meal my entire childhood.
I never learnt how to relate properly with people or how to express your feelings correctly and adequately.
My intention here is not to bash my mum, God forbid! That woman was the financial pillar that we all relied on while growing up. She worked herself to the bones. We had no bond whatsoever and we are presently just trying to create one now in old age.
I remember the stress made her easily angry and she would lash out easily while we were just being silly kids.

Before I lost my last job, all this was also present in my life when I started my own family too, though I always said I would be more available than my mum did but how? In Lagos? With traffic, stress and whatnot. My patience was so short and most weekends am so tired to even actively engaged with the kids in any form but I was providing all they needed.
Honestly, many nights, I cried when I recall how my kids growing up was mirroring my own growing up and I prayed to God to help me be better. I then lost the job.
This past year, I have had the privilege to experience life in a very different way, money is tight, yes, but God gave my something to do while I can still be there for the kids full time, am guessing he gave me a second chance to be better.

I truly was confused when I got the offer and was disturbed in my spirit hence I reached out for public opinion.

I wish I could hand over that job to someone else, but I can't, sorry guys.

It might look like a stupid and foolish decision but I had to do a hard rethink and refresh my memory to remind myself that at some certain times in life, some things are more important than money.
I will make money plenty in this life maybe not right away due to my present decision but for now, I will manage and I feel liberated.

I understand if you don't get it.

Thank you very much everybody, I appreciate.

@pinkydaisy,

I am glad I waited till the end before commenting.

Your last post is extremely refreshing and I admire your ability to make decisions of what is important to you whether politically correct or not.

If you are the corporate organization type, you can explore moving to a more central location so that is another opportunity comes in future, you can pick it up.

Whatever your husband does, he needs to double his hustle so he is not thinking of sacrificing a warm home for money.

May all your efforts on your kids and family not be in vain, amen.

bukatyne:
@pinkydaisy,

I am glad I waited till the end before commenting.

Your last post is extremely refreshing and I admire your ability to make decisions of what is important to you whether politically correct or not.

If you are the corporate organization type, you can explore moving to a more central location so that is another opportunity comes in future, you can pick it up.

Whatever your husband does, he needs to double his hustle so he is not thinking of sacrificing a warm home for money.

May all your efforts on your kids and family not be in vain, amen.

Amen. God bless you.

Please, with all due respect and absolute humility, choose any of the jobs and kindly give me contact to one.


Joblessness is pumelling me unmercifully

God bless you tremendously as I humbly await your most sincere feedback.
Thank you.

Good decision. A woman bringing 70k a month has even tried, the husband now has to double up.
Old school men like us still believe it's the duty of the man to do the heavy lifting. A woman should just support, that's what will bring respect and sanity in the home.

.