₦airaland Forum

ibechris:
U are just a guy man.

How can u say that a lady of that kind is not ambitious. She is working,and even earning additional income from her side hustle.

To say one is not ambitious because she doesn't want additional certificate makes me wonder what kind of a man u are.
U that is ambitious what have u achieved after ur B.Sc u are just trying to look for a reason to dump her. That is all see here.

Good luck to u but don't forget to greet President Biden for me.

lordally:
As in her statement made me go blank for few seconds!! As in how would an able body woman choose to be a stay at home wife!!

Nna ehn! The way some girls think dey make me wonder if na the same God create all of us!!!

VTJN:
yeah nothing absolutely is wrong in house wife.. some men prefer it

I pray God bless me, my wife will be a house wife

She will definitely enjoy every luxury of life that career women can't

Raalsalghul:
Listen to your brother: end the relationship.

Women wouldn't care about how you feel if they were in your shoes.

A golden opportunity has presented itself to improve your life and you're concerned about a lady when you would have a plethora of options by the time you're through with your studies.

All this "she's loyal, caring, humble" are just formats.

You better be wise Op.

yesboss123:
Hello All, trust we're all enjoying the weekend amidst the democracy protests and demonstrations, Naija go better.
Please I need the input and advise of matured people and also Nigerians in the diaspora. Kindly bear with the length of the post and the fact that I opened a new account to post it.

I recently gained admission into an MBA program in the US with all expenses after partial funding to be borne by my brother who is resident there. Program starts in two months. Being a lil above average intellectually, my brother has advised that I make myself mentally ready for the program as it will be rigorous but with high ROI afterwards. The dilemma is that my partner who I have been in a relationship wt for almost two years is insisting I pay her bride price before leaving while she joins me two years later i.e. after the successful completion of the program. My brother and some older friends I have over there are not in support of such arrangement as they advise I don't commit to any relationship by means of introduction or marriage before coming over. They advised that I do that after I get a job and work permit following the completion of my program.

The thing is I love this girl; well-mannered, loyal, beautiful and would make a perfect soulmate, but she is not ambitious, although a graduate. She has told me times without number that she doesn't have plans for additional certifications, or higher degree etc. Invariably, she is contented with her secretarial/front-desk kind of jobs with meagre salary plus some mini businesses by the side. She even told me she would go into selling stuffs if she gets to the US. Before the migration plans came up, I supported her business moves in all ways. However, plans have changed and it's necessary that she supports the family considerably as obtainable over there, else man go just dey work with nothing to show cos of the high cost of living in the US. Cos as I heard, to make an honest living and earn something reasonable as an immigrant, having a career is one of the surest means.

All my brother keeps ringing in my head is that I allow nothing distract me during the program, not even marriage, cos his $50k (partial tuition, accommodation and feeding during the program) must not go to waste neither must I 'manage' after graduation, cos the plan is for me to work, earn well and sponsor my younger brother in 5 years thereabout.

To be very honest, I intend getting married to her if only she becomes more ambitious by registering to sit and build a career (I'm thinking HR). If she doesn't show any interest in doing this, I would have to end the relationship.

Lots of things are going on in my head right now. I don't want to lose a good soul-mate while searching for greener pastures, neither do I want to settle for someone who isn't ready to adapt to new circumstances but wants to enjoy the perks that come along with it.

Is there a way to work around this ? Am I being selfish if i end the relationship ? What kind of business can a Nigerian lady do in the US that will thrive ? Is it easy to bear up to 80% of the family responsibility in the US as a man and still remain sane ?

I'd appreciate your honest contributions/advise

Karleb:
Some of you women can be funny.

When you initiate the break up, no time wasted. But when he does same, he's labeled a time waster.

Brazenbabe:
It's wonderful how not wanting to further one's education has become the SI unit for unambitious.
Yet we would be the first to chant that Mark Zuckerberg and Co were dropouts.
Correct me if I am wrong but your gf didn't say she was going to be a kept woman. She only said she wants a small job with other businesses by the side.
People talk so much about how women change when they travel abroad, but conviniently sidestep the many examples of the men that have travelled and dumped girls who stood beside them or married wives there and had kids in the diaspora while maintaining relationships here.
You speak so much of how you want her to benefit your life, how would you benefit hers if you can't commit to her before travelling.
I do not see how she stops you from achieving your goals, married people and engaged people leave their partners here every day to further their education or look for greener pastures. I am yet to see people that failed to succeed because they were in committed relationships. Is not like you won't start a relationship when you get there sef, so what are you on about?
Having a less demanding job and some businesses would give her time to look after the kids you both would have, and you too. Besides, having all the degrees won't ensure she becomes rich, business doesn't mean she would be broke either. Someone has to take care of the family na. No? All these igbo business tycoons, how many degrees them get? Are you more ambitious than them?
People moan about career wives being to busy but still can't do without them, what do y'all want sef.
My sincere advice is that you break up with her, a clean break. Don't promise that you will keep in touch or anything because you would always feel like you are doing her a favour nd she is below the standards you have set for yourself.
Tell her she doesn't have what you want in a wife, block her every where and stay out of her life, for her own good. It would break her heart totally but she would recover and move on faster.
Meanwhile, you were in a relationship with her for two years and you had no issues with her lack of ambition, now obodo oyibo is calling and suddenly she is no longer ambitious. Women should learn o.

Ishilove:
May God save us from time wasters.

Poor girl, if only she knows what an asshole her so called boyfriend is. In her mind she is dating a human being, not knowing he is planning to dump her.

Ladies, always pray well so that one selfish man will not waste your precious time.

Raalsalghul:
You just like talking nonsense and I don't know why. Be logical for once.

I'm very sure you won't say this if the Op was your brother.

Yxwqq:
You don't need to end it. Some females prefer working a small job or being stay-at-home wives while the husband provides. We're not all the same.

Raalsalghul:
If I may ask, what do you gain from the said lady that is tangible enough?

Here in Nigeria, you support her financially.

She's already pressurizing you for marriage, na still you go use money pay bride price and other stuffs.

As a student over there, you'll still send her money from time to time for upkeep even as you're managing yourself.

Time to come over, na you go sponsor am.

And let's even assume she's serious about starting the business over there, where will the funds come from? I'm sure it's not from the front desk job she's managing. It's still you!

I ask again, what are you gaining from the said lady?

I apologize if I'm a little bit gung-ho about this your matter.

pocohantas:
We mustn’t all be into the corporate world or be ambitious, but he wants an ambitious wife. I know you are a romantic, but the reality is, love alone is not always enough. If he wants an ambitious wife, he should go for it. The only issue here is, it took him relocating abroad to remember this. So the babe may not be interested in whatever “logic” there is to his decision. She would conclude he is breaking up because pepper done rest.

lordally:
As in her statement made me go blank for few seconds!! As in how would an able body woman choose to be a stay at home wife!!

Nna ehn! The way some girls think dey make me wonder if na the same God create all of us!!!

bicmitchum:
Omo, local man here sef cannot can. Na multiple shocks

yesboss123:
I'd appreciate your honest contributions/advise

yesboss123:
You need to calm down sir. That you waited 19 years after service before you got married doesn't mean everyone else should. Check again, I didn't ask for the opinions of older people, instead, more matured people. Thanks for your CV, but mine isn't bad either. Worked for 5 years already; 2 in one of the multinational banks, and currently in one of the big 4 consulting firms. Being on NL for 8 years now, I have learnt from the stories of others; applied contributions from comments made on such matters to personal situations and I have been better for it. I created this thread, not just for myself but for others who might be in similar situation now or in the future.

yesboss123:
A big thanks to everyone who has taken time to contribute to this thread, I appreciate. One thing is certain, I'd come back in few weeks to provide update on how things unfolded. Nice day y'all

HoneyBadgerr:
I typically don't comment on threads like this, but I felt like I owed you some truth from another brother who has traveled a similar path.

Like you, I consider myself to have an above average level of intelligence and had life bursting on all sides as I moved from one position to another at different multinationals. I eventually crushed my GMAT and headed out of Naija to a top B-school. I had my eyes at the very top and nothing was going to stop me. And, by the way, unlike in your case, mine was self-funded with some loans on the side. Got my MBA and decided it was time to settle down, but all those good girls that hung around me were all taken. Trust me, this would be more pronounced if you decide, as I assume, to settle in North America.

After B-school, you should be making loads of cash. As someone from a consulting background, nailing a good job or getting into MBB may not be too difficult, but the higher you fly, the lonelier it gets at the top. That's when you will come full circle to realise that LIFE IS MORE THAN MONEY OR ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENTS.

I'm really hoping you never have to come to the point where you understand why God through the Bible says that a good woman is hard to find, and her worth far more than diamonds. Only God gives true wisdom. Be wise and ask him for help, so you never have to regret this decision or indecision. Cheers!

yesboss123:
A big thanks to everyone who has taken time to contribute to this thread, I appreciate.

VTJN, HoneyBadgerr, Dailyparrot, bicmitchum, Tosinhtml, sisisioge, notok, faithfull18, NotoPile, lordally, Yxwqq, mutter, Hathor5, JeffreyJunior, Brazenbabe, crackhaus, RightToReject, mariahAngel, takimsipho, karleb, ibechris

One thing is certain, I'd come back in few weeks to provide update on how things unfolded. Nice day All

yesboss123:
A big thanks to everyone who has taken time to contribute to this thread, I appreciate.

VTJN, HoneyBadgerr, Dailyparrot, bicmitchum, Tosinhtml, sisisioge, notok, faithfull18, NotoPile, lordally, Yxwqq, mutter, Hathor5, JeffreyJunior, Brazenbabe, crackhaus, RightToReject, mariahAngel, takimsipho, karleb, ibechris

One thing is certain, I'd come back in few weeks to provide update on how things unfolded. Nice day All

lordally:
Hei God!! How woman wey dey in her right senses go won be stay at home wife!!! Habah! Is t such woman lazy?

tosinhtml:
Even though I'm not the OP, I really learnt from your story but please don't be offended i have some questions to ask because context is needed.

1. At what age did you actually complete your MBA and choose to settle down?

2. Was age a factor that affected you?

3. You said all those good girls that hung around me were all taken

Does it mean that you could no longer find a good woman or good women who were interested in you?

I mean did good women dissapear on the face of the earth, I'm confused.

MummyD2020:
[s]All of you shouting end it end it, abi because its a woman. Let the table turn now and watch them change mouth. Op she could even aim higher when moves there. You cant tell. Maybe the wahala down here is making her not get the true picture. By the time she goes there now, she might be encouraged to do more. Nigerian factor can slow ones spirit then do the business as well. Marriage to an extent is luck. What ever you find in the bag is what you get. [/s]

MummyD2020:
Even people that are there decide that not to talk of immigrants. When the money used to pay daycare is more than the salary, what do you think is the best option? They do and go back to work when the kid starts school. You people are quick to term a stay at home mum lazy like she sleeps from morning till night. Caring for a child is 24 hours work. Meaning, no break and still keeps the home. E go still service oga. Abeg How is that laziness?

yesboss123:
A big thanks to everyone who has taken time to contribute to this thread, I appreciate.

VTJN, HoneyBadgerr, Dailyparrot, bicmitchum, Tosinhtml, sisisioge, notok, faithfull18, NotoPile, lordally, Yxwqq, mutter, Hathor5, JeffreyJunior, Brazenbabe, crackhaus, RightToReject, mariahAngel, takimsipho, karleb, ibechris

One thing is certain, I'd come back in few weeks to provide update on how things unfolded. Nice day All