₦airaland Forum

While we were growing up, my brother and I used to be incredibly close. In fact, we did basically everything together. Got in trouble together, got out of trouble together, played truants together, etc. Last year June, my brother got married and things have sort of changed.

He doesn't even reply my texts these days most of the times. He used to be someone I could count on, but now I'm not so sure. I strongly feel like we are losing the connection we used to have. I have not brought this up with him, because I don't know if he feels like I do. Perhaps it's the marriage. Is this how marriage makes people cut themselves off from their siblings? I'm not married, but he is.

I don't think we share that bond anymore. I feel like moving on, honestly. But I fear I may just make the situation worse If I go ahead to do that. Any idea what I can do?

canttedra:
While we were growing up, my brother and I used to be incredibly close. In fact, we did basically everything together. Got in trouble together, got out of trouble together, played truants together, etc. Last year June, my brother got married and things have sort of changed.

He doesn't even reply my texts these days most of the times. He used to be someone I could count on, but now I'm not so sure. I strongly feel like we are losing the connection we used to have. I have not brought this up with him, because I don't know if he feels like I do. Perhaps it's the marriage. Is this how marriage makes people cut themselves off from their siblings? I'm not married, but he is.

I don't think we share that bond anymore. I feel like moving on, honestly. But I fear I may just make the situation worse If I go ahead to do that. Any idea what I can do?

Unfortunately for you, not much you can do. Just don’t completely shut him out of your life though. Keep the communication open. Always reach out. Besides that, I honestly don’t see much that you can do.

Move on dude, get ur girl, get married then you would understand

I don’t even share any connection with my brother at all.
He is the pastor type and I’m not
He always feel he is right and knows best which is very annoying, we can’t joke together as siblings without him seeing something wrong in your jokes, we can’t even hangout has siblings always the serious type
But that doesn’t change the fact that he is my brother.
I’ve come to realize siblings doesn’t Necessarily means friends


Just give him space but keep an open relationship with him

He's married...
but even at that, family is all!
lalasticlacla can relate..

@canttedra
Its a phase in life that people go through, give him time, still keep d communication open and if you hjve the opportunity to tell him, politely do so he understand your feelings.
If you have the grace, take out time, go visit him, be involved in what draws his attention(gardening, car wash, run few errands for him) and see him yearn for your presence/opinion.


When people get married, loyalty shifts. It takes great effort on every persons involved to keep the family bond strong despite being married.

Just to add, it's not just peculiar to marriage, people's behavior are affected by the environment they find themselves, the mentality of the people they hang around with, new found doctrine, laws, pressure....

Most important, is to have a teachable spirit, so one is able to discern right from wrong, true from false,.... Etc

Bro don stop d communication but don't make it look as if u are bearing grudges, marriage no easy 4 average person in Dix country, call Him atleast once in a week to exchange pleasantries notin much is still ur blood

Op, don’t feel like you’ve lost him.
He’ll always be your brother, whether married or not.
It might take time, but you will get used to the new change.
Always try to reach out to him, even if it’s not as much as before.
Try as much as possible not to assume what you’re not sure of. And don’t act based on your assumptions.

Marriage have a way of changing people in this Nigeria.

I don't want to know how close you are to me, once you're married, I'll give you your space.

Move on Baba.

No be who call you pass for phone like you Pass.Your brother has a Family now,you don't expect him to have that same time and attention for you the way he used to.
Oga face your front,the guy man don marry Abi him be tell you say ona dey quarrel?
No be every teeth dey touch each other but when food come you go know say they are always in Harmony.
Which one be "you are losing the connection with your brother "inside.

Vision4God:
@canttedra
Its a phase in life that people go through, give him time, still keep d communication open and if you hjve the opportunity to tell him, politely do so he understand your feelings.
If you have the grace, take out time, go visit him, be involved in what draws his attention(gardening, car wash, run few errands for him) and see him yearn for your presence/opinion.


When people get married, loyalty shifts. It takes great effort on every persons involved to keep the family bond strong despite being married.

Just to add, it's not just peculiar to marriage, people's behavior are affected by the environment they find themselves, the mentality of the people they hang around with, new found doctrine, laws, pressure....

Most important, is to have a teachable spirit, so one is able to discern right from wrong, true from false,.... Etc

Thanks for your great advice. It's just very painful given how close we were.

mariahAngel:
Op, don’t feel like you’ve lost him.
He’ll always be your brother, whether married or not.
It might take time, but you will get used to the new change.
Always try to reach out to him, even if it’s not as much as before.
Try as much as possible not to assume what you don’t know. And don’t act based on your assumptions.

Thanks for the advice

canttedra:
Thanks for your great advice. It's just very painful given how close we were.

You need to get married. When you do you won't feel pained by your brother's attitude.

Give him sometimes and always call him, visit him twice in a month

canttedra:
Thanks for your great advice. It's just very painful given how close we were.

What you feel is similar to what some mothers feel when the son they’re close to gets married.
Don’t worry too much about it.
With time, you’ll get used to it and adjust.
Your brother’s priorities might have changed, but he still loves you.

Go and marry and you will understand.

HUSTLER001:
Go and marry and you will understand.

Why do most men think this?

Should your being married affect your relationship with your brothers (siblings), especially if you’re close?
It’ll be quite understandable if it affects friendship...

OP’s brother might be caught up and carried away in his marital bliss and feels he needs no one else, but he shouldn’t forget that his relationship with his brother is as much important. It matters as well.

When that bliss fades and reality sets in, it might be too late because op might have moved on, and by then, it’ll be his brother reaching out, trying to rekindle what they once had.

canttedra:
While we were growing up, my brother and I used to be incredibly close. In fact, we did basically everything together. Got in trouble together, got out of trouble together, played truants together, etc. Last year June, my brother got married and things have sort of changed.

He doesn't even reply my texts these days most of the times. He used to be someone I could count on, but now I'm not so sure. I strongly feel like we are losing the connection we used to have. I have not brought this up with him, because I don't know if he feels like I do. Perhaps it's the marriage. Is this how marriage makes people cut themselves off from their siblings? I'm not married, but he is.

I don't think we share that bond anymore. I feel like moving on, honestly. But I fear I may just make the situation worse If I go ahead to do that. Any idea what I can do?

At times it's like that when a man is married

He may be acting that way because he wants to face his new family
The wife may be the brain behind his withdrawal as women can be manipulative by nature
He could be facing a challenge that is making him go silent
There could be something wrong as a result of what both of you did and instead or him quarrelling with you, he will prefer withdrawing from you

Well you can confront him that his attitude changed towards you after marriage, that you want to know if you offended him

Finally, start treating him the way he wants it to be do t be too far don't be too close,
Keep somethings about your to yourself because you no longer relating as before
So you don't know if he is for you or against you

As he is, you can never know much about him again unless he is in a hot seat and wishes to tell you

Since it bothers you, communicate your feelings to him (it’s not only in romantic relationships that communication is important).

You can also get busy, find other things or people you love and channel all the energy into that.

Let him be please, you can be calling him once in 3month, so that he will also realise that you are not jobless... Get something to keep yourself busy with... He will realise he needs you someday...