₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
@bold:

Excuse!, excuses!! excuses!!!

You guys should learn how to be intentional about parenting like mothers.

A mother would go to work and still find time to bond with her children. I know someone who got home very late at a former job and bought a diary for her daughter. The daughter would summarize her day with concerns and the mother would respond either when she comes back or on her way out the next morning.

Naturally, they would discuss whatever was required over the weekend. She also took the daughter to the saloon, market, friend's place etc. to bond.

If you do not sleep at the place of work 24 hours 7 days in a week, you can do much more than a financial sperm donor to your kids. Take them to barbing saloon with you, ask them what they learnt at school, after church/mosque ask them to summary the lessons they learnt on your way home, take an interest in their homework, the subject you know teach them yourself, once in a while take them all to the kitchen and cook/concort something, be available when they want to discuss life issues. Have enough presence/influence in their lives that they will always say 'my daddy said; my daddy thinks' etc. Lead them by example: don't lie, treat their mother with genuine love and affection, let them know you as a person of integrity, lead them in prayers, be interested in their welfare, provide emotional, spiritual, mental and social support. Let them feel safe and protected when they remember you as their father. Stop saying 'go to your mother, let me rest/I am tired' when they come excited to engage you. Even if you are an atheist, pass on whatever morals you want them to have. Know their likes, dislikes and preferences. Be approachable, teach them the life skills you know (how to repairs things/paint/polish shoes/fishing/farming/electrical works/trade/gist them about your job etc.)

I DELIBRATELY LISTED THINGS THAT DO NOT INVOLVE MONEY.

Don't be a third party relying on your wife to translate your love/annoyance to them. How would she be able to 'poison them against you' when you have a relationship with them?

I remember a scene I was blessed to witness and I have said it here several times: A keke driver drove his kids around the street on a fine Saturday morning to bond with them. Do you know the snacks they had? The akara their mother fried at home. And they were freaking happy. Back then, the man would not spend more than N1k to fuel the keke for that trip and prepare the akara.

bukatyne:
@bold:

Discussion for another day.

Why would a woman endure all sorts of nonsense because she wants to pay back at old age?

This life is one and I will start enjoying it from my small age. When I look back in old age, I want to reminisce about all the good times I had with my husband/kids/work/family/church/life generally and how I want to enjoy my old age.

I don't have the time to remember all the bad things someone did and how I want to start paying back.

My lifetime is to precious for that.

CharisEleos:
Exactly my point.
Instead of waiting in anguish all through your prime just to revenge in old age, better to forgive and let go. Then focus on making yourself happy for a healthier and graceful aging.
Bitterness is like poison. It kills.

mariahAngel:
Noteworthy!✍�
❤️ it!

ImaIma1:
If you invest love and time in your children, nobody can turn their hearts against you. Children are that simple.

A man cannot live his life carelessly and think that providing school fees and feeding money is enough to build a bond. A woman will work just like the man and contribute money also, and still find time to bond with the children. It's not rocket science. It's simple cause and effect.

A man that comes to say the mum poisoned the children against him has a big fault there. He has an equal chance with his wife to bond with his children.

bukatyne:
Their faces would now be etched with permanent frowns because they are bitter then they start hounding their daughter-in-laws!

Mbanu.

Baby girl life for life biko.

Redpillar:
After spending all your youth doing boyoyo and claiming men are polygamous in nature, you return to your virtuous wife in retirement. Woman that didn’t enjoy you when you were healthy and energetic, you na want her to spend her own retirement nursing your failing health? Smh!

otipoju:
I used to be like you...thinking life in terms of black and white...believing all you see not knowing there are many grey areas. My naivety was phenomenal. Nowadays if i dont hear the accused version of events, i will never pass judgement.

My only prayer to you is to pray that you dont see what will pass you.

ImaIma1:
I see many grey areas and I'm not a judgemental person either.

I have seen many instances to know that there are exceptions. However, in most cases, the fathers shifted most of the care and responsibilities to the mothers; afterall it's a woman's job to take care of kids.

So many fathers like to live their lives the way they want with no inconveniences from the kids, only to come and cry foul later in life.

oracle009:
Well... Someone posted my mind up there. I've been thinking about this lately. I'm hustling my butt out in a strange land, my wife and kid are at home and the boy will probably be imagining that I am not a responsible father. . Whereas, all I'm doing is to give him a good pedestal in life, while trying to see how they will join me. He won't talk to me on phone and will probably be seeing the mom as the provider


My own submission, take care of your family as a responsible husband and father. But, don't sleep on it o... Prepare for ur old age. I never wish or pray to be dependent on any kid or wife in my old age. God take me instead of such.

My opinion o... If you don't like it, congratulations to you

Redpillar:
Yea right. They never have time to bond with their kids, but they have the time to sit at bars drinking small stout and pepper snail. They also have time to keep numerous side chicks. Tell them to help with the kids, they will become very busy and tired.

Tiri gbosa for Nijiriyan men.

oracle009:
Well... Someone posted my mind up there. I've been thinking about this lately. I'm hustling my butt out in a strange land, my wife and kid are at home and the boy will probably be imagining that I am not a responsible father. . Whereas, all I'm doing is to give him a good pedestal in life, while trying to see how they will join me. He won't talk to me on phone and will probably be seeing the mom as the provider


My own submission, take care of your family as a responsible husband and father. But, don't sleep on it o... Prepare for ur old age. I never wish or pray to be dependent on any kid or wife in my old age. God take me instead of such.

My opinion o... If you don't like it, congratulations to you

bukatyne:
@bold:

Excuse!, excuses!! excuses!!!

You guys should learn how to be intentional about parenting like mothers.

A mother would go to work and still find time to bond with her children. I know someone who got home very late at a former job and bought a diary for her daughter. The daughter would summarize her day with concerns and the mother would respond either when she comes back or on her way out the next morning.

Naturally, they would discuss whatever was required over the weekend. She also took the daughter to the saloon, market, friend's place etc. to bond.

If you do not sleep at the place of work 24 hours 7 days in a week, you can do much more than a financial sperm donor to your kids. Take them to barbing saloon with you, ask them what they learnt at school, after church/mosque ask them to summary the lessons they learnt on your way home, take an interest in their homework, the subject you know teach them yourself, once in a while take them all to the kitchen and cook/concort something, be available when they want to discuss life issues. Have enough presence/influence in their lives that they will always say 'my daddy said; my daddy thinks' etc. Lead them by example: don't lie, treat their mother with genuine love and affection, let them know you as a person of integrity, lead them in prayers, be interested in their welfare, provide emotional, spiritual, mental and social support. Train them, set appropriate boundaries then discipline them in love when they err with the aim of correction. Let them feel safe and protected when they remember you as their father. Stop saying 'go to your mother, let me rest/I am tired' when they come excited to engage you. Even if you are an atheist, pass on whatever morals you want them to have. Know their likes, dislikes and preferences. Be approachable, teach them the life skills you know (how to repairs things/paint/polish shoes/fishing/farming/electrical works/trade/gist them about your job etc.)

I DELIBRATELY LISTED THINGS THAT DO NOT INVOLVE MONEY.

Don't be a third party relying on your wife to translate your love/annoyance to them. How would she be able to 'poison them against you' when you have a relationship with them?

I remember a scene I was blessed to witness and I have said it here several times: A keke driver drove his kids around the street on a fine Saturday morning to bond with them. Do you know the snacks they had? The akara their mother fried at home. And they were freaking happy. Back then, the man would not spend more than N1k to fuel the keke for that trip and prepare the akara.

bukatyne:
The same people singing their mothers are saints and fathers demons?

Luckily, fathers are now becoming much more intentional about parenting and would reap the rewards in their old age.

oracle009:
Well... Someone posted my mind up there. I've been thinking about this lately. I'm hustling my butt out in a strange land, my wife and kid are at home and the boy will probably be imagining that I am not a responsible father. . Whereas, all I'm doing is to give him a good pedestal in life, while trying to see how they will join me. He won't talk to me on phone and will probably be seeing the mom as the provider


My own submission, take care of your family as a responsible husband and father. But, don't sleep on it o... Prepare for ur old age. I never wish or pray to be dependent on any kid or wife in my old age. God take me instead of such.

My opinion o... If you don't like it, congratulations to you

bukatyne:
@bold:

Excuse!, excuses!! excuses!!!

You guys should learn how to be intentional about parenting like mothers.

A mother would go to work and still find time to bond with her children. I know someone who got home very late at a former job and bought a diary for her daughter. The daughter would summarize her day with concerns and the mother would respond either when she comes back or on her way out the next morning.

Naturally, they would discuss whatever was required over the weekend. She also took the daughter to the saloon, market, friend's place etc. to bond.

If you do not sleep at the place of work 24 hours 7 days in a week, you can do much more than a financial sperm donor to your kids. Take them to barbing saloon with you, ask them what they learnt at school, after church/mosque ask them to summary the lessons they learnt on your way home, take an interest in their homework, the subject you know teach them yourself, once in a while take them all to the kitchen and cook/concort something, be available when they want to discuss life issues. Have enough presence/influence in their lives that they will always say 'my daddy said; my daddy thinks' etc. Lead them by example: don't lie, treat their mother with genuine love and affection, let them know you as a person of integrity, lead them in prayers, be interested in their welfare, provide emotional, spiritual, mental and social support. Train them, set appropriate boundaries then discipline them in love when they err with the aim of correction. Let them feel safe and protected when they remember you as their father. Stop saying 'go to your mother, let me rest/I am tired' when they come excited to engage you. Even if you are an atheist, pass on whatever morals you want them to have. Know their likes, dislikes and preferences. Be approachable, teach them the life skills you know (how to repairs things/paint/polish shoes/fishing/farming/electrical works/trade/gist them about your job etc.)

I DELIBRATELY LISTED THINGS THAT DO NOT INVOLVE MONEY.

Don't be a third party relying on your wife to translate your love/annoyance to them. How would she be able to 'poison them against you' when you have a relationship with them?

I remember a scene I was blessed to witness and I have said it here several times: A keke driver drove his kids around the street on a fine Saturday morning to bond with them. Do you know the snacks they had? The akara their mother fried at home. And they were freaking happy. Back then, the man would not spend more than N1k to fuel the keke for that trip and prepare the akara.

Munzy14:
Interesting and detailed!...

Memories live long....growing up...My dad created time to register all of us in secondary school the moment anyone of us graduated from Primary school...It a memory to me, because our peers as usual will have their mom running around with their files during registration..But my dad was there for us...plus tips he gives to our teachers.


That usually makes us popular in our respective schools back then.


I also reminisce he do take us to swimming at teens.

Parenting is a case of all hands must be on deck...Men should adjust from the usual providing money only and voom!..


It does them dirty as age comes.

SunShowAfrica:
That's another reason why men should have as many wives and kids as much as possible.

When one kid is not responding another will

I always hear some women threatening their hubby with old age to deal with them when that time comes.

One day, I asked. Why do you have to endure all the suffering in your youth instead of moving out and doing something useful with your life, just to get back at him in old age? And she was like, "shey now, he's doing bobo bobo" but when that time comes he'll need her to take care of him but she'll make him suffer neglect by abandoning him. I was like .. hmm..

Men, be wise as this is a very common thing we see happening and many young women are still making that threat.

Stop with the "guy-yoyo" you're forming for your wife so that she doesn't abandon you when you need her the most.

Nuf said.

Redpillar:
Yea right. They never have time to bond with their kids, but they have the time to sit at bars drinking small stout and pepper snail. They also have time to keep numerous side chicks. Tell them to help with the kids, they will become very busy and tired.

Tiri gbosa for Nijiriyan men.

Ndidi2:
ua very intelligent.
I like you.
God bless you..