₦airaland Forum

Alexaonfleek:

Na their way be that.
When they have nothing to say,they will bring in the family members that are not on NL.
Since you have decided to bring in family members,lets go on.

Most dads then,were stable at least to marry.
Most importantly,most dads then had a sense of responsibility and knew from birth that they had to provide for the mums and kids.
Even parents would never allow their daughters settle for a man who cannot provide.

So honey,as long as we have good characters,we will surely see financially stable men to marry our broke asses

Acidosis:
Your write-up is useless if you can't define "rich". And since you people always claim that everything is relative, who are you to classify a 90k salary earner as poor? What if the 90k meets his needs in his environment? He's still poor and shouldn't marry because you said so or because every married man must live in Lagos or Abuja?

pmoye:
This is advice is really for Nigerian ladies. Please and please do not marry a man that is not rich. Your very life will depend on it. You heard me... How long you live as a woman may well depend on how rich your husband is. This may seem like an over-generalization, but a very needful one. Quite a troubling percentage of Nigerian men can not handle a woman who is more financially buoyant.

Ideally it shouldn't matter how much each person earns, because I believe that the husband and the wife should be one financially. That the home should be planned like a company with budgets, financial planning, sound auditing and all... But from the much we have seen around the average Nigerian family is far from this ideal. We often have what increasingly looks like a union that appears more to serve a cultural/societal expectation, a union that is sustained just so that the society can think you are happily married, while between the man and the wife it is more like between US and China, between Northern and Southern Nigeria, a perpetual cold war and bitter jostling for resource allocation and control.

I have seen women who have died because the husbands couldn't afford antenatal care and used ego-motivated argument to keep the women from accessing timely medical care... And of course, few years or even months after that those wicked men would later bring in other wives into the house.

The poorer the man, the more wicked, the more angry, and the more deadly he generally is in Nigeria. Do not let any man or any woman convince you to marry for love. There is no such thing as that, just a queer surge of hormones that makes you think you are in love. If you marry a poor man for love, hunger and suffering will soon reset your thinking, and by then most women feel too culturally compelled to remain with the toxin of a husband they have. Take a cue from evolutionary development in animal kingdom generally where females select the most suitable male for mating.

Do not simply believe in a man's future plans and dreams. If he doesn't have money now, he is not ready to be a husband. No matter how much you think you love him, treat him like the case of AS genotype (yours) marrying an SS genotype (his). And this is something I respect some Igbo men for. They will never think of marrying a woman unless they are economically ready.

If he is earning N30,000, or N40,000 or N90,000 per month he is not ready to marry. These are just examples from posts I have seen around here. Do not be fooled, the amount on the payslip is not always available for taking care of the home. But that's the talk for another day.

Some of us are probably never going to get married, I personally find it very scary to read about how men because of poverty increasingly turn against their wives in marriage... I may be too traditional though, because I do not fvcking care the money the wife is bringing into the house. Her role as a mother and a wife is already supremely more than you need to compensate for as a man. If you are a man, do not get close to a man when you are still poor. It is wickedness. It is dishonesty. It is crime against humanity. Do not sell her a future hope of becoming a pastor and other popular silliness.

Marrying a lady when you cannot completely and single-handedly take care of her is gender violence. Stop it.

orgylover:
why are they pushing useless post to front page. thuder fire the mode

pmoye:
Same here.
But unfortunately many Nigerians believe it is their calling to marry, no matter how unfit they are. Some genes are simply not worth perpetuating; and yes poverty is to a good extent genetic.

Must is always be money, money etc everyime . This post made me laugh, you say they shud marry money right. Ok
But I will advise females out there, marry a guy/man with Vision. (Believe me, anything you can control has become possessed and obsessed).. ppl's obsession towards money is really getting out of hands
If you marry money, HV you forgotten money varnishes.
But vision never dies, if the Vision is sharp enough, it will even bring more money.
You don't even care if the guy has no sense of respect, no intelligence, nothing nothing.. all you care about is money .
HV you written off yourself that u can't make it??.
Pls, change that mind set, there is more to life than money you are shouting

Nwachi22:
Wow! There’s still reasonable men on nairaland.

emmaodet:
Also, no woman is doing a broke man favour by marrying him.
Whether women decides to marry poor or struggling men or not, most ladies too will be broke if they stay on their own.
Have seen it a lot. A lot of aunties or sisters on the street stay in one room with many ladies, all struggling together.
If they had married 5-10 years ago, they would have put the blames on men for using marriage and poverty to cage them and not realise their dreams blah blah blah but here they are, 10 years down the lane alone with no excuse of a baby or a man slowing them down yet wallowing in poverty.
If only a lot of poor and struggling men also know the kind of favor and grace God is giving them by allowing women to avoid them, they all will be dancing.
Now, let us imagine a struggling man earning 50k per month without any unnecessary baggage of women...

Alexaonfleek:

Na their way be that.
When they have nothing to say,they will bring in the family members that are not on NL.
Since you have decided to bring in family members,lets go on.

Most dads then,were stable at least to marry.
Most importantly,most dads then had a sense of responsibility and knew from birth that they had to provide for the mums and kids.
Even parents would never allow their daughters settle for a man who cannot provide.

So honey,as long as we have good characters,we will surely see financially stable men to marry our broke asses

Juliusmomoh:
Ashawo .
#case close

pmoye:
Thanks for your choice of words, financially sufficient to provide ... for his family. It probably would have been a better choice in my original post, but then I needed to paint a graphic picture so I used the word rich. Little did I know that some individuals hate that word... I consider being financially sufficient to provide for one's family as being rich. And such provision will not stop at just food, must be good food, health care, education and a decent status in the society. These things are really basic needs even though many now consider them luxury.

pmoye:
This is advice is really for Nigerian ladies. Please and please do not marry a man that is not rich. Your very life will depend on it. You heard me... How long you live as a woman may well depend on how rich your husband is. This may seem like an over-generalization, but a very needful one. Quite a troubling percentage of Nigerian men can not handle a woman who is more financially buoyant.

Ideally it shouldn't matter how much each person earns, because I believe that the husband and the wife should be one financially. That the home should be planned like a company with budgets, financial planning, sound auditing and all... But from the much we have seen around the average Nigerian family is far from this ideal. We often have what increasingly looks like a union that appears more to serve a cultural/societal expectation, a union that is sustained just so that the society can think you are happily married, while between the man and the wife it is more like between US and China, between Northern and Southern Nigeria, a perpetual cold war and bitter jostling for resource allocation and control.

I have seen women who have died because the husbands couldn't afford antenatal care and used ego-motivated argument to keep the women from accessing timely medical care... And of course, few years or even months after that those wicked men would later bring in other wives into the house.

The poorer the man, the more wicked, the more angry, and the more deadly he generally is in Nigeria. Do not let any man or any woman convince you to marry for love. There is no such thing as that, just a queer surge of hormones that makes you think you are in love. If you marry a poor man for love, hunger and suffering will soon reset your thinking, and by then most women feel too culturally compelled to remain with the toxin of a husband they have. Take a cue from evolutionary development in animal kingdom generally where females select the most suitable male for mating.

Do not simply believe in a man's future plans and dreams. If he doesn't have money now, he is not ready to be a husband. No matter how much you think you love him, treat him like the case of AS genotype (yours) marrying an SS genotype (his). And this is something I respect some Igbo men for. They will never think of marrying a woman unless they are economically ready.

If he is earning N30,000, or N40,000 or N90,000 per month he is not ready to marry. These are just examples from posts I have seen around here. Do not be fooled, the amount on the payslip is not always available for taking care of the home. But that's the talk for another day.

Some of us are probably never going to get married, I personally find it very scary to read about how men because of poverty increasingly turn against their wives in marriage... I may be too traditional though, because I do not fvcking care the money the wife is bringing into the house. Her role as a mother and a wife is already supremely more than you need to compensate for as a man. If you are a man, do not get close to a man when you are still poor. It is wickedness. It is dishonesty. It is crime against humanity. Do not sell her a future hope of becoming a pastor and other popular silliness.

Marrying a lady when you cannot completely and single-handedly take care of her is gender violence. Stop it.

efosky1246:
My brother, you almost brought tears to my eyes with this your write-up. It's a pleasure to know good men still exist.

I keep saying it that most dysfunctional marriages, not all(before they come for my head) is usually the fault of the man. From a surface point of view, it might seem like it's the woman. But most times. The woman is reacting to the deficiencies in the man.

When you treat a normal, healthy woman right and act like a leader, set the tone in the relationship. Not just shouting "I am the man" up and down. There is no how she would not submit and respect you. Men need to be held more accountable.

We should grab a drink together if you're keen. Would love to connect in person.

Alexaonfleek:

Na their way be that.
When they have nothing to say,they will bring in the family members that are not on NL.
Since you have decided to bring in family members,lets go on.

Most dads then,were stable at least to marry.
Most importantly,most dads then had a sense of responsibility and knew from birth that they had to provide for the mums and kids.
Even parents would never allow their daughters settle for a man who cannot provide.

So honey,as long as we have good characters,we will surely see financially stable men to marry our broke asses

cococandy:
So nobody should marry again?
What percentage of Nigerians are rich and how much of this percentage are young men ready to get married?

Maybe you mean to say “don’t get married to someone who is not able to care for himself and sustain a family”. seeing as he will probably be looking for a woman to do all the ‘wifely’ things for him.
But being rich is not a requirement for that.

Belafonte:
Funny enough, even if I were a billionaire I’m not sure I’d leave that much of an inheritance to my children. From a young age, I’ll each them how to traverse the world and live good lives.

Unearned money is a corrupter of the soul. The best thing you can do for your children is to make them able to stand on their own, maybeif im leaving something, it has to be that they can build on what I’ve accomplished.

Nobody mentions this, but most wealth dries up by the 3rd/4th generation. Look around you and see people living lavish because that’s all they’re accustomed to without maintaining the source. Grandchildren selling of their inherited homes just to get by. I know two families like that intimately, one by blood and one by romantic affiliation.

My cousins live in abject poverty, begging me for stipends when their father inherited billions in assets, investments and properties by today’s standards. Just the third generation and they are poorer than I am today. My ex’s family live on house rent paid by tenants.

Wealth building is a critical skill any human should have. And that, alongside true spirituality are the core legacies I’ll leave my children with.

Funny I missed the role mothers play in the life of their children. In my naive days, i used to be of the school of thought your wife gets priority over mum for “cleaving reasons”. Now, I’m more of a value- based decision maker. Everybody is treated the way they deserve.

If I call my mum and cry to her that I’m having problems and she can soothe my pain, do you think it’s fair to bench her for a woman who feels ‘comforting me because I don’t have money’ is not part of her job description? Who loose her chain?

I am seriously, seriously considering not getting married, and just having children out of wedlock. It is becoming increasingly rare to find a woman who truly wants a traditional arrangement. The Jezebels and Delilahs out there right now are nothing but destiny killers who have no problem milking you dry and moving on to the next moneyed man. Even married women are collecting the D outside just to maintain lifestyles they became used to in their single days. So, what’s the koko sef?

After sex, and taking care of the children what do today’s women want to be useful to their husbands for? Spending money he spent years of toil, blood of sweat to acquire. Personally, I don’t fee that’s quite balanced.

I don’t feel entitled to a woman’s love, I don’t think she should be entitled to my wealth. Every man for himself.

Romangalactic:
This is not a problem,well to me personally it's not a problem. Which is why I have always gone for women with the best looks and biggest nyansh. She can pretend all she wants but as long as she is my perfect type physically and sexually, we gonna roll.

And God forbid money gets scarce,I won't be surprised if she leaves cos I was already expecting it. In fact, any woman staying wit me & still respecting me when I can't provide for her is wat will surprise me.

Belafonte:
1. A woman who will shut up when I ask her to, or one who knows how to talk and keep quiet when she should. You might consider that misogynistic, but it is what it is.

2. A faithful woman. If I catch her cheating it will end very badly physically and mentally for her.

3. A good homemaker.

4. An intellectually sound woman.

5. A spiritual woman who can battle for me in the spirit and boosts my own spirit rather than dampen it.

6. A woman who will be devoted to me.

7. In lieu of points 1-6, a woman who truly loves me and understands me and daily desires to please me. Having this quality will make the above points a breeze. And in fact, I’ll be more amenable to allowing her shortcomings, especially if she is a teachable spirit.

emmaodet:
Which brings us to the question - why are we empowering women when they won't/are not meant to co-finance the family?
Why blocking the jobs and slots to be taking by men who are eager and ready to raise a home and family when we constantly scream and shout about women empowerment.
A lot of ladies are working with shell, mobil, total, nnpc, cbn, immigration, custom to name a few who are blocking able bodies men from accessing these jobs and settle down.
You may be opportuned to be doing fine and think others are but that is very very wrong, a big human error for that.
The world is being run by a system and whether you like it or not, let all men hustle from now till 2050, only around 3% will be wealth, 20-30% in the middle class and remaining in the struggling class.
Having an egg as a womb is no more enough in this century or age, all hands must be on deck else you can stay alone, dem no dey arrest person for that.
Let me tell you how money works if you don't - money is just like school or exam.
If all nigerian student decides to be serious and reading vigorously and all pass jamb let say 290/300(though not possible), then automatically scores won't be used again as a yard stick rather other criterials.
If all men are given 100m each today, that money automatically becomes useless because 100m from 100m people will be chasing the same bread, land, car etc and automatically that bread will become 200m per one, that car will become 10b per one and the system will reset itself back.

cuffee:
prostitute

Magnoliaa:
Not really. That would mean all your hustling, investments, businesses is a gamble. Why work hard when you don't know if it'll be lost. Money doesn't have a mind/wings. You control it.



So like this is just 1/1,000,000,000,000,000 posts addressed to women concerning marrying a rich man. We've always talked about other ideals for a marriage at other times - don't diminish/deflect the course of the topic.

If I read well, too, the op DID NOT condemn other things that make a marriage work or not. It's just highlighting one of the things that make/mar a marriage.

Divorce, loosing money... has nothing to do with the advice?

pmoye:
This is advice is really for Nigerian ladies. Please and please do not marry a man that is not rich. Your very life will depend on it. You heard me... How long you live as a woman may well depend on how rich your husband is. This may seem like an over-generalization, but a very needful one. Quite a troubling percentage of Nigerian men can not handle a woman who is more financially buoyant.

Ideally it shouldn't matter how much each person earns, because I believe that the husband and the wife should be one financially. That the home should be planned like a company with budgets, financial planning, sound auditing and all... But from the much we have seen around the average Nigerian family is far from this ideal. We often have what increasingly looks like a union that appears more to serve a cultural/societal expectation, a union that is sustained just so that the society can think you are happily married, while between the man and the wife it is more like between US and China, between Northern and Southern Nigeria, a perpetual cold war and bitter jostling for resource allocation and control.

I have seen women who have died because the husbands couldn't afford antenatal care and used ego-motivated argument to keep the women from accessing timely medical care... And of course, few years or even months after that those wicked men would later bring in other wives into the house.

The poorer the man, the more wicked, the more angry, and the more deadly he generally is in Nigeria. Do not let any man or any woman convince you to marry for love. There is no such thing as that, just a queer surge of hormones that makes you think you are in love. If you marry a poor man for love, hunger and suffering will soon reset your thinking, and by then most women feel too culturally compelled to remain with the toxin of a husband they have. Take a cue from evolutionary development in animal kingdom generally where females select the most suitable male for mating.

Do not simply believe in a man's future plans and dreams. If he doesn't have money now, he is not ready to be a husband. No matter how much you think you love him, treat him like the case of AS genotype (yours) marrying an SS genotype (his). And this is something I respect some Igbo men for. They will never think of marrying a woman unless they are economically ready.

If he is earning N30,000, or N40,000 or N90,000 per month he is not ready to marry. These are just examples from posts I have seen around here. Do not be fooled, the amount on the payslip is not always available for taking care of the home. But that's the talk for another day.

Some of us are probably never going to get married, I personally find it very scary to read about how men because of poverty increasingly turn against their wives in marriage... I may be too traditional though, because I do not fvcking care the money the wife is bringing into the house. Her role as a mother and a wife is already supremely more than you need to compensate for as a man. If you are a man, do not get close to a man when you are still poor. It is wickedness. It is dishonesty. It is crime against humanity. Do not sell her a future hope of becoming a pastor and other popular silliness.

Marrying a lady when you cannot completely and single-handedly take care of her is gender violence. Stop it.