₦airaland Forum

Hi nairalanders,hope you guys are okay. I have a lil problem and I think I am going insane. I have refused to succumb to the devil and his useless plan for my life. My father died about 14years ago,and I did not miss him,he never acted like a father,he always sent me on errands, flogged me over lil issues,and spared the rest of my siblings. I was literally a houseboy,house chores,the day I fail,i will be flogged . I grew up with the mindset that the people I thought are my siblings are strangers to me cos I was never really loved. I looked at our fam pics I could only see myself in a family pic and not a single pix. I was labelled a problem child, well I survived 4 ghastly accidents with lil to no injuries. Till tomorrow my siblings don't care and refused to involve me in their life. Like I'm so stupid. All my siblings and even my own mother are abroad,but I am here suffering,watching over the family house and being sent 20k monthly,like a whole me,20k every month, like what am I to do with 20k,when fuel is how much. I went to uni,graduated,dated a few, but u have come to realise,no one really values me. I am not tall,I am more like a dwarf at 5.8 feet . My elder brother bullied me,my late father flogged and bullied me,my mother too same thing. I had been bullied ,talked down at,laughed at all my life. I will be clocking 33 next year and still no one values me. If I help someone I felt we shared the same thing,after sometime the person will blackmail me,keep malice with me. Due to this I have not been able to communicate effectively with humans because they feel I'm weird and an outcast. I have been neglected, blackmailed,abused verbally and physically,humiliated,but I still strive to do my best. I'm not saying I am poor or need financial help. But no one appreciates me,they all want to see me beg,sad,. Isnit because I am not 6feet tall, is it because I decided to mind my business and stay away from bugging or doing busy body with other people's lives. Everyone takes my kindness for my weakness. I have been talked about like Jesus. I feel so depressed, I have been processing my passport just to run away from Nigeria, but when it got to my turn, error came up,they said I have done passport before,alfis rejected. I have been noticing all these errors in my life from child birth. When it comes to my turn,something must always come up. I feel so embarrassed, rejected and not accepted by anyone. The one I trust,will blackmail me,run away with my money,mock me ridicule me. Still I did not run mad,or get hospitalised. I choose to stay focus,but now I think I am fed up,i think I am cursed,I think I am carrying on with the sins of my forefathers or my parents. When it gets to my turn, in anything I do,there is always error from receiving end. I have talked to my pastor,prayed ,but it's still the same old same issue.i get used,dumped,gossiped,laughed at and ridiculed. Even at age 32. I have been thinking lately about commiting suicide. Like I should just get sniper and drink. This world did not accept me, maybe because I have a big head for a small body. Maybe because I was born I Nigeria. I am fed up and I don't feel like 2022 should be on my list

Have you considered the option of moving out of the family home and forging on your own....like u said 20k sent to u is a slap,maybe if u forge it own path you might get the appreciation n recognition ur looking for.

P.S- have it at the back of ur mind that people are only motivated by self interests, self pity ain't gonna cut it...do whatever makes you happy,that's the only way ur gonna have true happiness.

I think I will move put by Jan, I am just depressed. Like nothing I do ,no one values me. I will have to move put for good.20k is a big slap on my face. A big one. God gave me a good heart,bt everyone uses it against me.

This is serious.
But all in all, if there is life there is hope.

This is no preaching, but words of encouragement.

Jesus died and rose again to give victory and make victors of those who will believe in him. No only for good life and money and other earthly gains, but also for issues like yours. Please I beg of you, do not end your life it's your only bargain chip to victory.

Thread your own path, give your best to forgive those you think might have wronged you ( ur family especially), make peace with yourself, power your strengths and work on your weaknesses, give more time to prayers and bible reading for divine inspiration.

In addition, do change your mindset. Abolish every negativity, if something doesn't come through, try again and again and again with positive thinking and mindset. No human is gonna give you what you want or need... Cos they don't know. So you have to ask, seek b4 you can find, these could take days, months or years.

We fight "demons" everyday, not giving up is the only

This is serious.
But all in all, if there is life there is hope.

This is no preaching, but words of encouragement.

Jesus died and rose again to give victory and make victors of those who will believe in him. No only for good life and money and other earthly gains, but also for issues like yours. Please I beg of you, do not end your life it's your only bargain chip to victory.

Thread your own path, give your best to forgive those you think might have wronged you ( ur family especially), make peace with yourself, power your strengths and work on your weaknesses, give more time to prayers and bible reading for divine inspiration.

In addition, do change your mindset. Abolish every negativity, if something doesn't come through, try again and again and again with positive thinking and mindset. No human is gonna give you what you want or need... Cos they don't know. So you have to ask, seek b4 you can find, these could take days, months or years.

We all fight "demons" everyday, and life doesn't ask "how far?" not giving up is the only chance you have.

I pray you strength, courage and wisdom in Jesus name.

I have this feeling OP only came here to write story

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I appreciate,but deliverance from what. I always get cheated in the long run. I have left everything to GOD,but i have sworn to ignore my siblings and my mother the moment I move out of the house. U can imagine my siblings are all abroad and its like am the one that refused to move forward. I feel so ashamed and tired. I have the money to forge ahead but for all my time here o earth,I could not find my place.

saintneo:
First you need to get the mindset that you are born to succeed.

Second kick out your called friends you helped that ridiculed you so you can be more focused.

Third go for deliverance and get closer to God.

Fourth discover who you are ( ask God, Who am I?).

Fifth venture out for your success.

Remember there are other people you are better than, so plan to help others without excepting anything in return.

I'm speechless. I don't know how to put it, but I'm still struggling in the same phase.. Your own better, 20k they come in steadily..
Most times I just feel the world should just end, cause this life no balance
Irony of life

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Religion . Religion. Just take a good look at what you first said,deliverance. Africa is backwards and I regret in nigeria.

saintneo:
From whatever that is holding you back.

It could be yourself. Most times people create their own cages mentally or by indulging in sin.

Wastedhat:
Religion . Religion. Just take a good look at what you first said,deliverance. Africa is backwards and I regret in nigeria.

Sorry I can't help you. Bye.