₦airaland Forum

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

dopeonlove:
It's for Matured Minds only .
Not everything must be done by vawulence . Besides , don't judge by just the Op's story pls. You need to hear her side of the story and see reasons for her behaviour and actions.

Scientists:
Have you tried Anal? Try giving her anal so as to prove that you are strong enough to withstand .

You don't know the power of good sex until u get one. I once spoke in tongues ontop of a woman. Good sex can go a long way in settling disputes. Pull out that stuff and do the needful

Romanoff:
Sadly, you saw all these signs before marrying her and still jumped into the marriage. She didn't deceive you by pretending to be a good woman, she had always been that way, traveling to Germany has nothing to do with it.

Na the kind person wey she be.

I'd suggest you separate from her for a while, say three months. If she doesn't change, extend it to six months.

Send upkeep money for her and the kids but let her be by herself. If after 6 months, there's no change, file for divorce.

Maybe not to go through with it but to put her in her toes.

Note to the single folks out there

If the person you're in a relationship with doesn't have one or two persons that they respect very well. One or two persons that if they are misbehaving and you report them to, they will rearrange themselves. One or two persons that when they call them and talk sense to them they will harken to the voice of wisdom.

If the person you're dating doesn't have one or two of such people, abort.

OP's wife doesn't have any of such people and that's one of the reasons he's where he is now.

SimeonOTC:
There are levels of maturity..maybe, just maybe you haven't gotten to the level where you think and act like a man..

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

dopeonlove:
It's for Matured Minds only .
Not everything must be done by vawulence . Besides , don't judge by just the Op's story pls. You need to hear her side of the story and see reasons for her behaviour and actions.

Klass99:
Lol , I enjoyed reading your story. Nothing speaks louder than actions, no need for too much talk or verbal communication.

Just show people what you can do and watch them adjust their behaviour asap, only reasonable people sha, will adjust.

Your wife is a sensible woman who saw the changes in you, sensed your withdrawal and distance, then took necessary action to fix things between you guys.

OP's wife sounds like a person beyond redemption (except by divine intervention where Angel Gabriel personally touches her arm or forehead) Her fight is not just with the OP but with her own relatives as well and I imagine anyone who dares to caution her.

How was OP's prick able to even rise to the occasion, in the face of such insulting and disrespectful behaviour? If I were him, I will be looking to end things and not fix them. When you lack peace of mind, it practically affects other aspects of your life.

You should have warned us that what you will be dropping is Rated 18+.... Readers discretion is advised

Klass99:
Lol, abeg swerve one side joor. It is a very valid question na! I have been wondering about it since I read his post yesterday. Abi you men don't like respect again?

Reading about the wife's behaviour was enough to mentally stress and put me off. I cannot imagine now living with such a person and making love. My own prick no go rise o, if I was a man .....but Brownjay said the tiger cannot be tamed so I may be completely off the mark here.

Honestly OP is a special kind of man...a rear breed if I must say...

I can't take those things he mentioned there if actually his story is real...By now,both of us would have forgotten that we were once a couple... what every man needs in his home is love, respect and peace of mind...

Maybe, what was going for OP might be the make up sex ..It reenergizes their union to carry on for the next day...

Say anytime he got embarrassed in public, she apologized a little, he punished her with reconciliation sex.. ....He looked forward to another embarrassing moments and nice time in the bedroom...

If that was not the case, every sane person in his shoes would have asked the one and only question... What am I doing with this lady that treats me like trash?

Klass99:
Lol , I enjoyed reading your story. Nothing speaks louder than actions, no need for too much talk or verbal communication.

Just show people what you can do and watch them adjust their behaviour asap, only reasonable people sha, will adjust.

Your wife is a sensible woman who saw the changes in you, sensed your withdrawal and distance, then took necessary action to fix things between you guys.

OP's wife sounds like a person beyond redemption (except by divine intervention where Angel Gabriel personally touches her arm or forehead) Her fight is not just with the OP but with her own relatives as well and I imagine anyone who dares to caution her.

How was OP's prick able to even rise to the occasion, in the face of such insulting and disrespectful behaviour? If I were him, I will be looking to end things and not fix them. When you lack peace of mind, it practically affects other aspects of your life.

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

dopeonlove:
I read your story , I shake head. I hope she no get bipolar ? I was very happy when I got to the part you wrote, all the red flags were there during your courtship but you foolishly went ahead to marry her . So you brought sorrow , tears and sadness to your self, thinking that things would change. I don't know how old your wife is , but I know that things ( lifestyle) that did not change over 30 years of her existence would not change now .

Anyways, I don't have much to say but to thank God for my life. My relationship of over a year now has been a very turbulent one from the very first day till date and I once believed things would change, but my brother , things are just getting worst and I am planning to go ahead with the marriage. However, Something very strange happened by she, taking her madness to my family and every one was stunned !

Imagine your wife telling you and your family she can't bear your surname and you should bear hers ?? Baba , it was a narrow escape and really thank God almighty for coming to my rescue. Now reading this your story even makes me feel I am on the right track not to regret my actions very soon .

My advice for you right now is to try as much as possible to stay away from reporting her to her family of any kind , pastors and councillors ( as it has not been working but only makes her more angry ) . Always try to make your wife happy . Be the first to apologize. Put in more effort to be a gentle , sweet , romantic, caring and loving husband . Go with her love languages, just maybe, she may see a reason to love you again. The reason for this is because the old ways ain't working so you need a change of approach to save your marriage. Lastly, put her in prayers! Good luck in your future endeavours.

gaby:
I pity you and the products of this union (the kids).

This was a union that wasn't supposed to be. You forced it and the repercussions of doing or having things your way is what you are reaping right now.

The signs are always there and that still voice always speaks to us but we are quick to ignore or shut it out while believing in our understanding.

I've been in a marriage more toxic than this.

I jejely pick the few clothes and shoes wey my bag fit contain, abandon everything else and thank God no kids were involved.

I took off for my life without looking back. She look for me tire na. She still dey trail me for nairaland here I know but na she go tire.

The best decision I ever made in my life was abandoning the curse of a marriage and saving my head.

Oga, no be by force to marry or remain married.

Save your head and mind.

Mikeeytools:
why did you not go ahead and marry that lady and answer her surname? See advice you are giving someone.

Mikeeytools:
boss Abeg gist me. How did you pick up again?

gaby:
My brother, it wasn't easy but I braced it because I had my mind made up.

Do not shut the door to others because they might just be the ones to help you navigate through this difficult time.

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

kapelvej:
and children where not involved

Socratiz:
A psychological assessment of your wife would indicate that she has High Conflict Personality.

People with this Personality:-

Don't reflect on their own behaviour.

Don't have insights about their part in problems.

Don't understand why they behave the way they do.

Don't change their behaviour. You leave with us ?. You are very correct

Never seek counseling or any form of real advice.

Will become extremely defensive if someone tells them to change.

Will claim their behaviour is normal and necessary, given the circumstances.

What I would recommend is professional counseling though it's going to be difficult to convince her but that's the only solution.