I have a lady whom I want to settle down with. The lady is respectful and behavior well. But I'm being bordered by suitations surrendered her. I'm really rethinking the possiblity of proceeding with the marriage plan. And the reason is:

1. I'm being bordered because the lady doesn't really have a work or a skill. And she's not making an effort to empower herself. I told her to go learn work but she refused and keep giving excuses.

I don't really want to marry a liability who cannot assist the family.

2. Her family is very poor and broke. And I don't really have plans to take care of my wife and her entire family.

Please I need a mature advise on this.

Thank you.

questionanswer:
1. I'm being bordered because the lady doesn't really have a work or a skill. And she's not making an effort to empower herself. I told her to go learn work but she refused and keep giving excuses.

I don't really want to marry a liability who cannot assist the family.

2. Her family is very poor and broke. And I don't really have plans to take care of my wife and her entire family.

Please I need a mature advise on this.
Thank you.

Wait a second... you were OK dating her as a liability, and her poor family background didn't matter to you then. But all those are redflags now that you consider marriage?

You realize you wasted your own time, in addition to hers, in this?,

questionanswer:
1. I'm being bordered because the lady doesn't really have a work or a skill. And she's not making an effort to empower herself. I told her to go learn work but she refused and keep giving excuses. I don't really want to marry a liability who cannot assist the family.

so what does she do all day long?! whats her future plans? why dont you ask her what she wants to do and how she intend to achieve it?!
BTW that liability toto was good to mount isnt it?!

2. Her family is very poor and broke. And I don't really have plans to take care of my wife and her entire family.

you knew the above when you started dating the babe, and it wasnt a problem, why should it be a problem now?!

here is a simple question to you: whats so great about this woman that you would even consider to marry her?!?!

When you were marching her up and down.. You didn't know that Puzzy is poor and broke and from a poor background... My guy God will punish you if you don't marry that girl.. Go And double your hustle your mates are bread winners of their family your hear crying like A fowl that fell inside my pot of banga soup.. How much have u spent on this lady sef..

Do u know how much girls chop from our hand? Biiissshh

Kobojunkie:
Wait a second... you were OK dating her as a liability, and her poor family background didn't matter to you then. But all those are redflags now that you consider marriage?

You realize you wasted your own time, in addition to hers, in this?,

We are new in the relationship and We haven't date like 3 months. We are Just getting to know ourselves. Mind you, we haven't fck if that is the case.

questionanswer:
We are new in the relationship and We haven't date like 3 months. We are Just getting to know ourselves. Mind you, we haven't fck if that is the case.

Then leave her and go find yourself a gal who fits your specs instead. Don't waste anymore of her time and yours.

questionanswer:
I have a lady whom I want to settle down with. The lady is respectful and behavior well. But I'm being bordered by suitations surrendered her. I'm really rethinking the possiblity of proceeding with the marriage plan. And the reason is:

1. I'm being bordered because the lady doesn't really have a work or a skill. And she's not making an effort to empower herself. I told her to go learn work but she refused and keep giving excuses.

I don't really want to marry a liability who cannot assist the family.

2. Her family is very poor and broke. And I don't really have plans to take care of my wife and her entire family.

Please I need a mature advise on this.

Thank you.

Listen - I would not advise you marry her. Marriage will not change someone's attitude if not during courtship. It seems she is set as a housewife. I would even add that it is not your responsibility to try and force an adult to learn a skill. That should be for her parents to do. So for the "earth's sake" and all that is good. Try and meet the parents and say. I like your daughter but I cannot marry her without her learning a skill or trade. If you will talk to her, I will sponsor her. ( Now, don't come back after a year and say the woman that I sponsored no longer loves me !) If she agrees and you see progress - then carry on but if not, then she is not the one and then move on.

rickleye:


Listen - I would not advise you marry her. Marriage will not change someone's attitude if not during courtship. It seems she is set as a housewife. I would even add that it is not your responsibility to try and force an adult to learn a skill. That should be for her parents to do. So for the "earth's sake" and all that is good. Try and meet the parents and say. I like your daughter but I cannot marry her without her learning a skill or trade. If you will talk to her, I will sponsor her. ( Now, don't come back after a year and say the woman that I sponsored no longer loves me !) If she agrees and you see progress - then carry on but if not, then she is not the one and then move on.

You have a point

questionanswer:
I have a lady whom I want to settle down with. The lady is respectful and behavior well. But I'm being bordered by suitations surrendered her. I'm really rethinking the possiblity of proceeding with the marriage plan. And the reason is:

1. I'm being bordered because the lady doesn't really have a work or a skill. And she's not making an effort to empower herself. I told her to go learn work but she refused and keep giving excuses.

I don't really want to marry a liability who cannot assist the family.

2. Her family is very poor and broke. And I don't really have plans to take care of my wife and her entire family.

Please I need a mature advise on this.

Thank you.

PSA: Never you date or marry a broke girl from a broke family. On the long run you will regret it. All her family problems will be on you. Just collect 3 points and move. (RUN!!)

NO! DO NOT MARRY POVERTY!

I have afforded, without pay, the priceless view of both worlds through serendipity of being birthed by middle-class parents.

I attended the most expensive primary school in my State, a mid-range private secondary school in terms of fees and a public University in this country. I have sat with a girl who was born with a silver-spoon on the same table with another conceived into terrible penury at the opposite extreme of the spectrum.

My experience is that poverty is not a virtue. Poverty is structural, it is cultural and it is systemic. Poverty is a vicious cycle. What's most hair-raising about poverty isn't its dishonour but its adamance not to unshackle its captives.

I'm a fan of love stories but what's Rapunzel without a Prince?

If you love yourself, the time to walk away from the poor lady is now! Life isn't fair.

If you must marry her then put extra studs on your neck because the load will be heavy.

Kobojunkie:
Wait a second... you were OK dating her as a liability, and her poor family background didn't matter to you then. But all those are redflags now that you consider marriage?

You realize you wasted your own time, in addition to hers, in this?,

Yes, he is okay fuccking her, but he is not okay marrying a liability. So. What about that? He is ready to give her free dicck, but he is not ready to now carry her family problems on his head.

You will be be the one to live with her not NLers
So, go somewhere quiet and think long am hard before you take your cuffs

If you love her marry her but insist she must learn a trade or work, this current economic situation is dire. Advise to young men, if she doesn't have a job or skill DON'T MARRY! Because it will be a life is strife and sorrow.


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questionanswer:
I have a lady whom I want to settle down with. The lady is respectful and behavior well. But I'm being bordered by suitations surrendered her. I'm really rethinking the possiblity of proceeding with the marriage plan. And the reason is:

1. I'm being bordered because the lady doesn't really have a work or a skill. And she's not making an effort to empower herself. I told her to go learn work but she refused and keep giving excuses.

I don't really want to marry a liability who cannot assist the family.

2. Her family is very poor and broke. And I don't really have plans to take care of my wife and her entire family.

Please I need a mature advise on this.

Thank you.

OP, You've answered your own question with this post.
But if you need additional comments, here are my 2 cents. She is just pretending to be of good character, put her in your matrimonial home and watch her true nature manifest.
She is not self motivated which means her poverty mentality is endemic and will always look for a handout - this in itself is your biggest woe as She (and her family in extension) will always pressure you for things/support/handout. And where you can't provide, they move to the highest bidder.
There's a big difference between being broke and poverty...know this and know peace.

Don't marry her for your own good. It will end in premium tears if you do. Liability ladies always have the mentality of men doing everything for them , even in marriage. May you not die untimely.

Y'all are hypocrites. Bla! Bla! Bla!

You all say he shouldn't marry her, but do you support your siblings to marry even those young men and women that have a job that pays peanuts?

NBS recently released a data stating that 92% of Nigerians earn below 60k. Can you marry someone who earns below 60k then?

See OP, you will carry cross in this life, whether rich or poor. I can't tell you to marry her or not, you know your capacity, don't do more than your strength. If you feel you can sacrifice and "train" her then go ahead.

I have a lot to say but let me stop here. Poverty has so ruined our minds that we have become so materialistic even in choosing a spouse.

This is something to consider before dating sef

Run

simpleseyi:
Yes, he is okay fuccking her, but he is not okay marrying a liability. So. What about that? He is ready to give her free dicck, but he is not ready to now carry her family problems on his head.

You obviously mistake the wormings in your head for the OP'S intentionz, given that OP is here relaying to us how he desires go marry the woman in question meaning she was not a free-lay to him.

CsRockefeller:
Y'all are hypocrites. Bla! Bla! Bla!

You all say he shouldn't marry her, but do you support your siblings to marry even those young men and women that have a job that pays peanuts?

NBS recently released a data stating that 92% of Nigerians earn below 60k. Can you marry someone who earns below 60k then?

See OP, you will carry cross in this life, whether rich or poor. I can't tell you to marry her or not, you know your capacity, don't do more than your strength. If you feel you can sacrifice and "train" her then go ahead.

I have a lot to say but let me stop here. Poverty has so ruined our minds that we have become so materialistic even in choosing a spouse.

There's no excuse for one not having at least a skill, and not even motivated to have one.

Nobody is without potential, and it is one's responsibility to discover what they are and develop them.
One must, in any way, add value to the people in their lives and to society in general.
If one does not have anything to offer in a marriage, they should not think of marrying.

People can easily do without one who does not bring any value.

She’s not your type. You can sponsor her for skill acquisition as a friend. So if she japa after learning the skill, you will know you did charity work. If you are willing to help her acquire a skill and she’s lazy about it, please run for your life. You should marry the hardworking hustler in a broke family. Not the lazy one or you will be full of anger, poverty and regrets.

ETHICALLYrlght:
NO! DO NOT MARRY POVERTY!

I have afforded, without pay, the priceless view of both worlds through serendipity of being birthed by middle-class parents.

I attended the most expensive primary school in my State, a mid-range private secondary school in terms of fees and a public University in this country. I have sat with a girl who was born with a silver-spoon on the same table with another conceived into terrible penury at the opposite extreme of the spectrum.

My experience is that poverty is not a virtue. Poverty is structural, it is cultural and it is systemic. Poverty is a vicious cycle. What's most hair-raising about poverty isn't its dishonour but its adamance not to unshackle its captives.

I'm a fan of love stories but what's Rapunzel without a Prince?

If you love yourself, the time to walk away from the poor lady is now! Life isn't fair.

you shouldn't have used Rapunzel.maybe Cinderella or snow white or sleeping beauty

Op please forget those people trying to guilt trip you. Never marry a lazy person,someone who doesn't want to grow, a leech because they will suck you dry and ruin your life.
Try to help her acquire a skill and see if she is willing to help you not just rest on you.

Na stylishly i go take tell you to find work o.. I go tell you say wow...you would look good as a ceo. If you no reason am, i go jakpa o

MrBrownJay1:


so what does she do all day long?! whats her future plans? why dont you ask her what she wants to do and how she intend to achieve it?!
BTW that liability toto was good to mount isnt it?!



you knew the above when you started dating the babe, and it wasnt a problem, why should it be a problem now?!

here is a simple question to you: whats so great about this woman that you would even consider to marry her?!?!

Hian, liability toto ke, una go kill person with laugh for nairaland.com, so we have liability and asset toto

Listen to your heart. Marriage isn't just an intimacy affair which many dating relationships are, it involves finances, family background and values etc. Since you value a woman who earns a salary, her inability or unwillingness to find a job will eventually weigh into your relationship, and this could be just one of so many problems. You don't want to go on that downward spiral.

If you can support her and her family financially as well as your own family plus the new family you will be starting, then you can marry her.

You have said her family is poor. So who do you think they will look up to? Their married daughter/sister. Since she's aspiring to be a housewife, that means they will all be looking up to you for feeding, hospital bills and school fees for her siblings, etc.

The good behaviour she's showing you now might fade away when you tie the knot.

questionanswer:
I have a lady whom I want to settle down with. The lady is respectful and behavior well. But I'm being bordered by suitations surrendered her. I'm really rethinking the possiblity of proceeding with the marriage plan. And the reason is:

1. I'm being bordered because the lady doesn't really have a work or a skill. And she's not making an effort to empower herself. I told her to go learn work but she refused and keep giving excuses.

I don't really want to marry a liability who cannot assist the family.

2. Her family is very poor and broke. And I don't really have plans to take care of my wife and her entire family.

Please I need a mature advise on this.

Thank you.

bro please set standard for your self. These ladies are quick to set theirs. I no fit Marry woman who go behind liability. The truth is even if u threaten to leave her because of this and she changes, it would be temporary. She go turn back in marriage. How can a full grown adult choose not to hustle? How you wan eat? Abi dem send men as slaves?