₦airaland Forum

felong:
Marriage in this our generation does not favour men like a poster rightfully pointed out. That is why so many men are suffering and smiling. Just make your own money and enjoy, if pikin de hungry you give one local girl belley then settle her and carry your child. That's the best.

Wrong! Not a good way to see marriage. Marriage for me is actually a blessing. You just have to get it right from the beginning.
Getting married to the right partner will solve this problem by half.

dopedan:
I was just thinking about this cuz things have become hard, i always wonder how my neighbor survives with 4 kids n one house help and wife, staying in a 3 bedroom flat, he used to be fair wen i first knew him now he is dark, u can see suffering in his eyes, d other day he said I should borrow him 1k i just dashed him 1500

You are a good man and God will reward you for your empathy.

Fairview1:
Fear not, two are better than one, for they have good rewards for their labour. That's not my handwriting, it's the Bible speaking.

Na rubbish you dey talk...even though we have some marriages like this....does it outnumber the terrible type of marriages we have right now?...are you in this 21st century at all or you just want to live in denial?

Nazgul:
I'm afraid that your observations are on point cos I have the same observations as well.

The most recent was my cousin brother who got married in 2020 before the lockdown, as I'm writing this we barely talk these days, even to reply WhatsApp messages na war. And when he does it's one complain or the other, ranging from how things are hard and since I'm single and an only child, I should assist him financially, to how his wife has changed, to how their one year old child consumes food like an adult... etc.

To understand him much better, I decided to put myself in his shoes. I'm a single guy, I renewed my rent last month (April) and I sat down to calculate all my monthly expenses. Data, fuel, gotv/Netflix, electricity, security, LAWMA, feeding, gas, miscellaneous...etc.

My point is if a woman comes on board that budget would tripple cos kids would be expected, she might want you to open a business for her, courtesy of your pocket, she might come with her younger sister to help out whose training and welfare would be on you, she would sometimes want you to assist her family eg, parents, siblings writing exams, school fees, rent...etc.

Now while your expenses has tripled, your income most times remains the same or even lower, you would resort to borrowing just to sustain your home, of which she won't even appreciate cos according to her, it's not enough, other men out there like you are performing much better for their families. You would live all your life working to finance the home, even your own kids would be strangers to you and love her more when she buys them Christmas clothes from the money you gave to her. They would grow up loving her as a sweet mom and vow never to see her suffer. forgetting all the sacrifices and dreams you gave up just to give them a better life. After pondering through all these, I understood my cousin's situation much better.

If I'm to be honest there's nothing special about marriage, it's more or less like bondage for men. And benefits only the women. Marriages if you have noticed have have reduced greatly, there are so many guys in their 30s and even 40s who aren't even talking about settling down. Would you blame them....of course not.

Women these days aren't helping matters. They dump the larger chunk of the financial responsibility on the man in the name of men are the head so it's his responsibility to cater for the home. But what they don't understand is God created women as a helpmeet, meaning they're there to lessen the budern of the man and not to add to it.

Open any topic here on Nairaland and talk about responsibilities in the home. More than 99% of the female replies would be that it's the job of the man and the man alone.

Women need to change such mindset, cos it has killed and drained the honey of millions of marriages.

Nice contribution.

sollolucci77:
Na rubbish you dey talk...even though we have some marriages like this....does it outnumber the terrible type of marriages we have right now?...are you in this 21st century at all or you just want to live in denial?

This has nothing to do with living in denial. Marriage is a whole lot of work and it takes courage to make it work. Denying responsibilities as a man is not a good way to live a fulfilling life.

Fairview1:
This has nothing to do with living in denial. Marriage is a whole lot of work and it takes courage to make it work. Denying responsibilities as a man is not a good way to live a fulfilling life.

So if I choose not to get married at all does that mean I'm irresponsible??

Fairview1:
Wrong! Not a good way to see marriage. Marriage for me is actually a blessing. You just have to get it right from the beginning.
Getting married to the right partner will solve this problem by half.

Or increase it only by half.

I'm not against marriage and I think it's a great institution but people need to know about its reality.

Before you go to school, they tell you it's not easy. By the time you enter labor market, they make it clear it's not easy as well.

So before entering a union, we should make it clear it's not easy too. Make me no dey mislead young boys.

Fairview1:
This has nothing to do with living in denial. Marriage is a whole lot of work and it takes courage to make it work. Denying responsibilities as a man is not a good way to live a fulfilling life.

You've just said rubbish again...do you know that a married man can be very responsible and the wife can be cheating on him(before you mention Christian marriage there is a lot of infidelity in christian marriages)so in that case 2hat does the man do now?...

sollolucci77:
So if I choose not to get married at all does that mean I'm irresponsible??

Much in every way brother! First of all, you were born and raised because a certain man like yourself who believed in himself, decided to face his responsibilities and approached your mother and they both got married.

Why then would you want to break the ordinances of life? It's not in your making.

Whether you get married or not, it won't stop people from getting married and living a happy live. I believe in marriage and I maintain that more can be achieved together than going this journey alone.

I guess it's your mindset that's playing prank on you. Work on it. Change the conversation and the believe you have around this concept.

Marriage is a Bliss!

Fairview1:
Much in every way brother! First of all, you were born and raised because a certain man like yourself who believed in himself, decided to face his responsibilities and approached your mother and they both got married.

Why then would you want to break the ordinances of life? It's not in your making.

Whether you get married or not, it won't stop people from getting married and living a happy live. I believe in marriage and I maintain that more can be achieved together than going this journey alone.

I guess it's your mindset that's playing prank on you. Work on it. Change the conversation and the believe you have around this concept.

Marriage is a Bliss!

Again mumu talk...so those that are not married and are full time popes or pastors are they irresponsible?...read to understand and not just to reply...and secondly that my parents decided to bring me into the world is their choice not mine...its not a sin for me not to get married and have children....also you're talking like you know my life...do you know if I were adopted?...or just born out of wedlock...just open mouth waaaaa

Godoverevery:
No wonder most of them envy me......lol

Envy u as what Envy u like u won't get married someday shey u want to grow old single or die single. U are boasting, I sorru for u.

Karleb:
Or increase it only by half.

I'm not against marriage and I think it's a great institution but people need to know about its reality.

Before you go to school, they tell you it's not easy. By the time you enter labor market, they make it clear it's not easy as well.

So before entering a union, we should make it clear it's not easy too. Make me no dey mislead young boys.

Hahaha!

My King, I love your outlook on this and I agree with you to some extent.

There's a way which I personally approach life that has made me see it in a different way. I believe that everything we do in life operate on principles; be it in business, relationship, career, family etcetera..

For us to succeed in them, we must locate the principles upon which those concepts thrives on. Being a Christain is even what makes it very easy for me. All I need is to locate the scriptural principles regarding that particular matter and build on it.

Backing it up with successful stories of those who are far ahead of me in that same journey. Successful marriage is guaranteed provided we are not trying to be smart to the point of even trying to reinvent the wheels.

sollolucci77:
Again mumu talk...so those that are not married and are full time popes or pastors are they irresponsible?...read to understand and not just to reply...and secondly that my parents decided to bring me into the world is their choice not mine...its not a sin for me not to get married and have children....also you're talking like you know my life...do you know if I were adopted?...or just born out of wedlock...just open mouth waaaaa

You can actually make your point without being abusive. This is just a simple honest conversation, not fight...Lol.

Although, I understand that what shapes our views about life and philosophies are mostly the experiences we picked along the way while growing up.

Prettygirl200:
Envy u as what Envy u like u won't get married someday shey u want to grow old single or die single. U are boasting, I sorru for u.

And if i decide to grow old single or die single how is that any of your life business

Be sorry for yourself because that chances of me getting married is more higher than you complaining slowpoke.

Godoverevery:
No wonder most of them envy me......lol

At some point, you'd get tired of living all by yourself too and maybe then you'd find you a woman and end it there

Godoverevery:
And if i decide to grow old single or die single how is that any of your life business

By sorry for yourself because that chances of me getting married is more higher than you complaining slowpoke.

Comrade lower the vawulence

Godoverevery:
And if i decide to grow old single or die single how is that any of your life business

By sorry for yourself because that chances of me getting married is more higher than you complaining slowpoke.

I sorry for you.

Marriage no hard, na you go marry slay queen and Nairaland evening newspaper

crazyclown:
One bottle of big stout for you. You are one of the few guys here who understands life and I enjoy reading you posts.

When I read his comment, I had to check the name again just to be sure it's not Pansophist. I just had to like the comment.

Olumighty123:
At some point, you'd get tired of living all by yourself too and maybe then you'd find you a woman and end it there

Well maybe or maybe not......I have decided not find a woman because to me it a waste of time.

I will wait until a woman find me....lol

Godoverevery:
And if i decide to grow old single or die single how is that any of your life business

Be sorry for yourself because that chances of me getting married is more higher than you complaining slowpoke.

It's a she now, what do you expect?!. You shouldn't expect her to have a neutral or skeptical view on the write-up since obviously, marriage mostly favours their gender.

Godoverevery:
I want married men to help me understand this.
I noticed most of my friends who got married from 2017 till date become shadows of there real self after marriage.

I mean they become boring,less friendly, not social and not fun to be with few month after marriage.
Is there something that change a man life after marriage or is just a normal thing.
Like is marriage meant to kill the fun part of a man??

Am asking this because a very close friend of mine who got married last year August is also becoming a shadow of himself......he always moody this days, social life zero and I think something his heating him up from inside.....this was a fun guy and he was very happy about getting married to is wife but the man I see this days is not making me happy.

He was once told me had he known earlier he won't have got married but I felt it was just words of the lip because we were just having guys talks that day.

So married guys please help me clarify if my observation is right or just a normal thing.

The reason you feel that way is cos you are not married.
I call it priority switch.
He will no longer hang out like a bat, there is more structure now, he is now commited to something,

Funny enough women done run from this thread

Nazgul:
I'm afraid that your observations are on point cos I have the same observations as well.

The most recent was my cousin brother who got married in 2020 before the lockdown, as I'm writing this we barely talk these days, even to reply WhatsApp messages na war. And when he does it's one complain or the other, ranging from how things are hard and since I'm single and an only child, I should assist him financially, to how his wife has changed, to how their one year old child consumes food like an adult... etc.

To understand him much better, I decided to put myself in his shoes. I'm a single guy, I renewed my rent last month (April) and I sat down to calculate all my monthly expenses. Data, fuel, gotv/Netflix, electricity, security, LAWMA, feeding, gas, miscellaneous...etc.

My point is if a woman comes on board that budget would tripple cos kids would be expected, she might want you to open a business for her, courtesy of your pocket, she might come with her younger sister to help out whose training and welfare would be on you, she would sometimes want you to assist her family eg, parents, siblings writing exams, school fees, rent...etc.

Now while your expenses has tripled, your income most times remains the same or even lower, you would resort to borrowing just to sustain your home, of which she won't even appreciate cos according to her, it's not enough, other men out there like you are performing much better for their families. You would live all your life working to finance the home, even your own kids would be strangers to you and love her more when she buys them Christmas clothes from the money you gave to her. They would grow up loving her as a sweet mom and vow never to see her suffer. forgetting all the sacrifices and dreams you gave up just to give them a better life. After pondering through all these, I understood my cousin's situation much better.

If I'm to be honest there's nothing special about marriage, it's more or less like bondage for men. And benefits only the women. Marriages if you have noticed have have reduced greatly, there are so many guys in their 30s and even 40s who aren't even talking about settling down. Would you blame them....of course not.

Women these days aren't helping matters. They dump the larger chunk of the financial responsibility on the man in the name of men are the head so it's his responsibility to cater for the home. But what they don't understand is God created women as a helpmeet, meaning they're there to lessen the budern of the man and not to add to it.

Open any topic here on Nairaland and talk about responsibilities in the home. More than 99% of the female replies would be that it's the job of the man and the man alone.

Women need to change such mindset, cos it has killed and drained the honey of millions of marriages.

You're wise.

This generation guys Na them they think marriage pass woman sef,everything marriage, marriage

No finance can make you go sober..

Godoverevery:
Well maybe or maybe not......I have decided not find a woman because to me it a waste of time.

I will wait until a woman find me....lol

Lol,.silly

Married and unmarried guys can't be close pals. It can't work because both of them no longer think alike.

Fairview1:
Fear not, two are better than one, for they have good rewards for their labour. That's not my handwriting, it's the Bible speaking.

We are talking about real life here. Is marriage in Nigeria a walk in the park?

plat0:
We are talking about real life here. Is marriage in Nigeria a walk in the park?

You dey mind am?

donbachi:
It's either they are introverts or the married a complete package, fun and knows how to make guy men stay home.

After all na bad wives dey make many husbands stay out late.

This is a stupid comment

Irondome1:
Married and unmarried guys can't be close pals. It can't work because both of them no longer think alike.

That is not true.