₦airaland Forum

I noticed that a friend of mine rarely mention his dad in anything but he talks about his mum often. His dad is alive and well. Then I asked, he informed me that he does not care about his dad because he has no feelings toward his dad. I asked why, he told me that his dad used to beat his mom to a stupor and he was not there for him. His words were he is indifferent to his dad. For all men who are out there having children, please be responsible to your children. You do not need to have money to be a responsible dad, your children will appreciate your efforts. Please don't wait till you have money.
You do not even have to like your babymama, you and her might not even get along. Just don't beat her or abuse her because your children are watching. Be a father to your children, or else your children might grow up hating you or having no feelings toward you when they are adults. My friend dad is trying to form a relationship now but it is too late now.

Such is Life. I can relate. Growing up without a father figure as role model, it is always a big baggage for young men, and 99% tends to be like their father, no matter how hard they try.

Correct. Although I don't have a close relationship with my dad as I do with my mum, I love and respect him especially now that I too have had relationship experiences with men and I know that a marriage is hard work so this makes me understand him more and the resentment I had towards my dad growing up is no longer there but we never had that close bond.

I just hope that men learn from their parents' relationships and do better. I actually married my children's dad knowing that his parents were separated and because of how he said he would never want his children to experience what he did so was hooked by this. Although it never worked out and we're now divorced but he has such an admirable relationship with our children. Just yesterday, my son called him and said he was calling to check on him, I was surprised but I was grateful because I know of men who don't even see their kids, so I am thankful that my children have both of us.

opeyy:
Correct. Although I don't have a close relationship with my dad as I do with my mum, I love and respect him especially now that I too have had relationship experiences with men and I know that a marriage is hard work so this makes me understand him more and the resentment I had towards my dad growing up is no longer there but we never had that close bond.

I just hope that men learn from their parents' relationships and do better. I actually married my children's dad knowing that his parents were separated and because of how he said he would never want his children to experience what he did so was hooked by this. Although it never worked out and we're now divorced but he has such an admirable relationship with our children. Just yesterday, my son called him and said he was calling to check on him, I was surprised but I was grateful because I know of men who don't even see their kids, so I am thankful that my children have both of us.

Thought provoking.

Any idea why it never worked out despite his confession and determination to do things differently? It seems it is harder to learn from people's experiences.

Acidosis:
Thought provoking.

Any idea why it never worked out despite his confession and determination to do things differently? It seems it is harder to learn from people's experiences.

You are very correct in saying this, although knowing of others' experiences forces you to reconcile when you experience it yourself. Experience always and forever remains the best teacher. At the time when he decided to leave the marriage, I pleaded with him and reminded him of his initial commitment to his children but whatever the driving force behind him wanting to leave at the time was so strong that he refused to listen to any voice of reason, or give it any thought. Although, 6 months after the break up, he came back, wanting us to reconcile, still does but I can't ever go back when I have closed a chapter. He is now overcompensating his regrets with spoiling the kids rotten, that he lets them get away with anything, wanting to have such a close relationship he does not have with his own father. He is lucky that I am his children's mother because I am never, and vehemently against women keeping children away from their fathers so he has free and all access to them.

opeyy:
You are very correct in saying this, although knowing of others' experiences forces you to reconcile when you experience it yourself. Experience always and forever remains the best teacher. At the time when he decided to leave the marriage, I pleaded with him and reminded him of his initial commitment to his children but whatever the driving force behind him wanting to leave at the time was so strong that he refused to listen to any voice of reason, or give it any thought.

This is serious.

It could be a generational thing.

Although, 6 months after the break up, he came back, wanting us to reconcile, still does but I can't ever go back when I have closed a chapter. He is now overcompensating his regrets with spoiling the kids rotten, that he lets them get away with anything, wanting to have such a close relationship he does not have with his own father. He is lucky that I am his children's mother because I am never, and vehemently against women keeping children away from their fathers so he has free and all access to them.

You have said it all. Closing the chapter may not be in the best interest of the kids but the mental health of the major stakeholders (i.e., the couple) in that institution called marriage must also be prioritised. I don't have all the details to advise anything but I certainly wish you the best and the strength to carry on.