₦airaland Forum

Tickles001:
Your parents love you, but you hate yourself. Is it scarcity of girls that made you choose someone who's positive, when you could have gotten along with someone who's not?

You shouldn't have taken things too far with the said girl. What kind of Romeo and Juliet love are you trying to recreate?
It's likely she'd give you good loving, but it's all born out of situation.

Look. I know she can have almost a life, if she sticks to her drugs. But a compromised health is a compromised health. You don't need that life long baggage.

Ask yourself why you really want to marry this girl? Is it to prove your love (which is a thankless job), or because she has a lot to offer you in compensation or you can't build yourself alone and find another girl?

Use your nysc period to cut a path for your self growth or find another negative woman to make great plans with, if that's what you want to do at this phase of your life.

There is no point condemning the op, I would have acted same way you typed up there, but this is someone who has chosen to tow that path and he is been hurt in the process and going to lose the woman of his dream. @OP, this is a lesson to you, there is a reason there is non disclosure rule concerning health matters, she was right to tell you as an intending lover, but not you ever telling your parents.

Channah1:
Snap out of it man! You have been jazzed.

If it were to be you, do you think she would stay?

Use your head before it's too late.

i like you

U started this problem...now is the time to try defend her even if it means to impregnate her to seal the deal fast,do it now!

cayorday89:
JAZZED? on top HIV? Only OP knows what made him fell in love with her despite her health status and being unable to backoff, but to conclude he was jazzed is outrighlty ridiculous.

Thank you. I wanted to reply him, but I decided against it. This is one of the most decent ladies you can ever meet, but I won't explain how her condition came about for anonymity

cayorday89:
There is no point condemning the op, I would have acted same way you typed up there, but this is someone who has chosen to tow that path and he is been hurt in the process and going to lose the woman of his dream. @OP, this is a lesson to you, there is a reason there is non disclosure rule concerning health matters, she was right to tell you as an intending lover, but not you ever telling your parents.

Thank you. Lesson learnt.

ibechris:
U started this problem...now is the time to try defend her even if it means to impregnate her to seal the deal fast,do it now!

Thank you ibechris. I appreciate your advice, but I'll prefer a less malicious solution...

immortalcrown:
Hmmm!
First of all, why did you reveal her status to your parents?

Good question!

Newself22:
Hello people, please help and advise me. I wasn't sure whether to post this in family or romance. Also, I created this account just to ask this question..

I've been dating this girl for over 2 years now. We were friends before we started dating, and I was aware of her hiv status. By the time I discovered that feelings were coming in, I made extensive research (online), and I figured that hiv+ people can still lead a lot of full healthy life, but so I went ahead and made it official.

I thought I was going to be able to convince my parents that it's not going to be that much of an issue, but apparently now, Im wrong. Now, my parents are on my neck to end things with her.

I told my parents about her status mid to late last year. They were a bit freaked out, but tried to explain that I wasn't at risk, and future children are not at risk too. I thought they understood even tho they expressed their reservations. This is majorly because they know someone that died from it.

Now, some days ago she got back from nysc camp after redeployment to the state my parents stay (the plan was for her to stay there for for the rest of her service year) (also I'm also rounding up my service year in another state)

After she got back from camp, she fell sick. I feel like it's malaria combined with the stress of camp and traveling very long distance. She had to be taken to the hospital for drugs and injections.

The strange thing is, now, my parents too also fell slightly ill within this time frame, so I'm guessing it's a combination of weather and stress for everyone. However, my parents are singling out my girlfriend's sickness as a result of weak immune system because of the hiv. This is someone that rarely gets sick before.
She uses her arvs daily, and viral load is undetectable.

Now, my parents want me to and things with her. I got a call from my mum (when she went to the hospital for her own treatment) asking me to end things with her and look for someone else. She's playing the 'you know we are your parents, do you want our blood pressure to rise, and we die early?' card on me now.

I don't know how to convince them now. My relationship is currently going smoothly, the only hitch is this hiv thing. Me and my girlfriend have made lots of plans for our future, and we are very much in love. I've been fight2 and defending her for over a year to my parents, but now, it seems I'm losing it, and they are putting their feet down.

Dear Nairalanders, what can I do? Can I convince them? My parents and my girlfriend are now on opposite sides, and it seems like I will be forced to pick a side eventually.

Help me

P. S. I am an only child

Honestly you are in a big dilemma and you have to chooses between your parents amd your girlfriend

I will advise you to go with your parents for peace to reign in your family a more especially as you are the only son

Your parents may just develop another thing ams the whole family will put all faults in you and even if it lead to their death, you will stillarry her but your family will never relate with you neither would they attend the marriage

Considering the above, who will you regard as family members when all have left you and your wife

God will provide your girl friend someone who's family will accept and appreciate her

cayorday89:
There is no point condemning the op, I would have acted same way you typed up there, but this is someone who has chosen to tow that path and he is been hurt in the process and going to lose the woman of his dream.

I'm not trying to condemn, but to clear his eyes from the emotions that won't let him see.
The op is likely controlled by the love (which is not dependable). Take love out of the equation and he likely won't want to do this.
It's the same love that makes him think she's his dream woman, or probably because he's not experienced that type of loving before.

If he takes a couple of years after nysc to develop himself in the slightest way and meet more women, he'd realize there's nothing special about the said lady.
The op just doesn't need this level of tradeoff.

Newself22:
Thank you ibechris. I appreciate your advice, but I'll prefer a less malicious solution...

Thank God you didn't even consider the option. Go with your parents suggestion and save yourself the regrets.

Don't argue with them however, when you go home, go talk to them about it and that it is your choice to make.

Tickles001:
I'm not trying to condemn, but to clear his eyes from the emotions that won't let him see.
The op is likely controlled by the love (which is not dependable). Take love out of the equation and he likely won't want to do this.
It's the same love that makes him think she's his dream woman, or probably because he's not experienced that type of loving before.

If he takes a couple of years after nysc to develop himself in the slightest way and meet more women, he'd realize there's nothing special about the said lady.
The op just doesn't need this level of tradeoff.

I'm sorry for the wrong assumption, but it's actually love that will make one do things like this and when I say love I mean it in its true form devoid of sex or any other expectation.

For your last paragraph, you still assume there is nothing special about the lady, and please do away with that notion that you will meet better women many years after NYSC, though not totally wrong but it's same way many people have missed their dream women thinking they will get someone better in future, and I am a living witness.

Newself22:
Thank you. I wanted to reply him, but I decided against it. This is one of the most decent ladies you can ever meet, but I won't explain how her condition came about for anonymity

OP, you can also use the fact that you are their only child and they should consider your own happiness and support your union as it's the only thing they owe you now, get links online about very healthy people living with HIV and how they have offsprings without HIV, also make them talk to a well respected doctor to enlighten them.

cayorday89:
JAZZED? on top HIV? Only OP knows what made him fell in love with her despite her health status and being unable to backoff, but to conclude he was jazzed is outrighlty ridiculous.

People online always preaching what they can't practise.
How many women have you heard that willingly got married to an HIV positive man? Tell me.

The way you people think online is just crazy, unheard of. An advise you cannot give to your own brother, you come online to drop it.

If he wasn't Jazzed, then he is foolish. In fact, I would have been happier if he was Jazzed because that seems like a lesser problem to being foolish enough to do this.

truthsayer009:
People online always preaching what they can't practise.
How many women have you heard that willingly got married to an HIV positive man? Tell me.

The way you people think online is just crazy, unheard of. An advise you cannot give to your own brother, you come online to drop it.

If he wasn't Jazzed, then he is foolish. In fact, I would have been happier if he was Jazzed because that seems like a lesser problem to being foolish enough to do this.

How about respecting his choice, for me I most likely will not, as my power no carry am but this is someone who is willing and it does not mean it's a sacrilege.

Tickles001:
Your parents love you, but you hate yourself. Is it scarcity of girls that made you choose someone who's positive, when you could have gotten along with someone who's not?

You shouldn't have taken things too far with the said girl. What kind of Romeo and Juliet love are you trying to recreate?
It's likely she'd give you good loving, but it's all born out of situation.

Look. I know she can have almost a life, if she sticks to her drugs. But a compromised health is a compromised health. You don't need that life long baggage.

Ask yourself why you really want to marry this girl? Is it to prove your love (which is a thankless job), or because she has a lot to offer you in compensation or you can't build yourself alone and find another girl?

Use your nysc period to cut a path for your self growth or find another negative woman to make great plans with, if that's what you want to do at this phase of your life.

You are wicked n heartless

ghettochild:
You are wicked n heartless

I don't understand. What made you conclude such?

truthsayer009:
People online always preaching what they can't practise.
How many women have you heard that willingly got married to an HIV positive man? Tell me.

The way you people think online is just crazy, unheard of. An advise you cannot give to your own brother, you come online to drop it.

If he wasn't Jazzed, then he is foolish. In fact, I would have been happier if he was Jazzed because that seems like a lesser problem to being foolish enough to do this.

Thank you. I'm happy to see another realistic person here.

Draslo:
Since you've told your parents, you might as well tell everyone. No need to hide it again.

Look on the bright side, nobody will try to steal your babe.

Cheers.