Hello people, please help and advise me. I wasn't sure whether to post this in family or romance. Also, I created this account just to ask this question..

I've been dating this girl for over 2 years now. We were friends before we started dating, and I was aware of her hiv status. By the time I discovered that feelings were coming in, I made extensive research (online), and I figured that hiv+ people can still lead a lot of full healthy life, but so I went ahead and made it official.

I thought I was going to be able to convince my parents that it's not going to be that much of an issue, but apparently now, Im wrong. Now, my parents are on my neck to end things with her.

I told my parents about her status mid to late last year. They were a bit freaked out, but tried to explain that I wasn't at risk, and future children are not at risk too. I thought they understood even tho they expressed their reservations. This is majorly because they know someone that died from it.

Now, some days ago she got back from nysc camp after redeployment to the state my parents stay (the plan was for her to stay there for for the rest of her service year) (also I'm also rounding up my service year in another state)

After she got back from camp, she fell sick. I feel like it's malaria combined with the stress of camp and traveling very long distance. She had to be taken to the hospital for drugs and injections.

The strange thing is, now, my parents too also fell slightly ill within this time frame, so I'm guessing it's a combination of weather and stress for everyone. However, my parents are singling out my girlfriend's sickness as a result of weak immune system because of the hiv. This is someone that rarely gets sick before.
She uses her arvs daily, and viral load is undetectable.

Now, my parents want me to and things with her. I got a call from my mum (when she went to the hospital for her own treatment) asking me to end things with her and look for someone else. She's playing the 'you know we are your parents, do you want our blood pressure to rise, and we die early?' card on me now.

I don't know how to convince them now. My relationship is currently going smoothly, the only hitch is this hiv thing. Me and my girlfriend have made lots of plans for our future, and we are very much in love. I've been fight2 and defending her for over a year to my parents, but now, it seems I'm losing it, and they are putting their feet down.

Dear Nairalanders, what can I do? Can I convince them? My parents and my girlfriend are now on opposite sides, and it seems like I will be forced to pick a side eventually.

Help me

P. S. I am an only child

Apologies for the long post and grammar errors

Hmmm!

First of all, why did you reveal her status to your parents?

Shey na eye dey pain me, abi na wetin be this?

Newself22:
Apologies for the long post and grammar errors

I sincerely don't believe this story is real.

" I don't know how to convince them now. My relationship is currently going smoothly, the only hitch is this hiv thing. Me and my girlfriend have made lots of plans for our future, and we are very much in love. I've been fight2 and defending her for over a year to my parents, but now, it seems I'm losing it, and they are putting their feet down. "

Did you call HIV "this thing"?
You are the only child & this is how you choose to reward your parents after all their struggles over your life.

Your parents love you, but you hate yourself. Is it scarcity of girls that made you choose someone who's positive, when you could have gotten along with someone who's not?

You shouldn't have taken things too far with the said girl. What kind of Romeo and Juliet love are you trying to recreate?
It's likely she'd give you good loving, but it's all born out of situation.

Look. I know she can have almost a life, if she sticks to her drugs. But a compromised health is a compromised health. You don't need that life long baggage.

Ask yourself why you really want to marry this girl? Is it to prove your love (which is a thankless job), or because she has a lot to offer you in compensation or you can't build yourself alone and find another girl?

Use your nysc period to cut a path for your self growth or find another negative woman to make great plans with, if that's what you want to do at this phase of your life.

I don't like anything LOMANCE,

immortalcrown:
Hmmm!

First of all, why did you reveal her status to your parents?

I felt like they were going to know eventually, So why not get it out of the way. I also thought I could make them see that it can be managed

Since you've told your parents, you might as well tell everyone. No need to hide it again.

Look on the bright side, nobody will try to steal your babe.

Cheers.

Newself22:


I felt like they were going to know eventually, So why not get it out of the way. I also thought I could make them see that it can be managed

Why would you want something to manage without benefit.

Tickles001:


Why would you want something to manage without benefit.

I'm not sure I understand you fully, but by 'manage' I meant that the hiv can be controlled with drugs and it would not affect our lives

Damn!!! Too bad. I don't wanna say much cos i realize that most people are victims of HIV....Not through sex only.
Whatever decisions you make, your family gats be first always. Mutual agreement and understanding is the key here.
Goodluck sha.




As our Ancestors would say "No matter what,always choose family first ".

Newself22:

I'm not sure I understand you fully, but by 'manage' I meant that the hiv can be controlled with drugs and it would not affect our lives

I perfectly understood what you meant by 'manage'.
What made you think you want someone who's health needs managing at this stage of your life?

Newself22:
I felt like they were going to know eventually, So why not get it out of the way. I also thought I could make them see that it can be managed

Na you mess up. You have two options now. Disobey them or obey them. Each of these options has benefits and pains. One thing you cannot achieve is to convince them. And as an only child, disobeying your parents in this regard is a murder attempt on their lives.

I understand you. I am also of the opinion that HIV patients should be pitied. Most of them were unfortunate to get infected. It does not mean they were or are the greatest sinners. So, I am not blaming you for loving her and for wanting to marry her. I only blame you for jeopardizing the planned marriage. Revealing her status to your parents is the jeopardy.

Tickles001:

I perfectly understood what you meant by 'manage'.
What made you think you want someone who's health needs managing at this stage of your life?

Well, that's hiv aside, she's my dream woman 100%. The only tradeoff I saw was her having to take a pill daily... Didn't seem to me like I was putting up with too much, I'm not even the one taking the pills..

immortalcrown:
Na you mess up. You have two options now. Disobey them or obey them. Each of these options has benefits and pains. One thing you cannot achieve is to convince them.

My fears exactly

Ardar:
You shouldn't have told your parents. Sadly we as a society are not ready to end this senseless stigmatization.

You f up, you shouldn't have told them. Kai

Sadly. That was my mistake. What can I do

Newself22:
My fears exactly

Read the comment again. I edited it.

Newself22:


Well, that's hiv aside, she's my dream woman 100%. The only tradeoff I saw was her having to take a pill daily... Didn't seem to me like I was putting up with too much, I'm not even the one taking the pills..

How can you conclude she's your dream girl. How many women have you known in the real world? I think you're just intoxicated by love.
How many options do you have and compared her to that made you conclude she's that special to enter such predicament? I don't think this is love. I believe you are operating from a point of no options.
This is a perfect case of situationship, but it seems only your parents can see it.

You're putting up with too much if you ask me. When you marry her you will realize she's the one taking the drugs, but you'll have a share in the burden of her living on drugs.

Snap out of it man! You have been jazzed.

If it were to be you, do you think she would stay?

Use your head before it's too late.

Newself22:
Apologies for the long post and grammar errors

Why did you reveal her status??!

Newself22:


I felt like they were going to know eventually, So why not get it out of the way. I also thought I could make them see that it can be managed

Okay then. You are on your own.

Ishilove:

Why did you reveal her status??!

I felt like we're going to get married and it was bound to come up eventually, so I felt I should let them just know upfront

Ishilove:

Okay then. You are on your own.

Newself22:
I felt like we're going to get married and it was bound to come up eventually, so I felt I should let them just know upfront

Wisdom is profitable. You should have known that HIV+ people are still being stigmatized in a conservative country like Nigeria, and even though it is your intention to marry her, you should have waited till you are actually married before revealing her status. That is even if it is necessary. I don't see the point in revealing it since carriers can live a normal life.

However it is too late and I don't see you winning this battle.

You should not have made it known to them, even you as a parent will most likely act same way... Na to do strong head take the decision ooo, after all, it's you that will live with her and not them.

Ishilove:

Wisdom is profitable. You should have known that HIV+ people are still being stigmatized in a conservative country like Nigeria, and even though it is intention to marry her, you should have waited till you are actually married before revealing her status. That is even if it is necessary. I don't see the point in revealing it since carriers can live a normal life.

However it is too late and I don't see you winning this battle.

You're right. I Overrated my ability to convince them.

cayorday89:
You should not have made it known to them, even you as a parent will most likely act same way... Na to do strong head take the decision ooo, after all, it's you that will live with her and not them.

Would have toed this line, but this is going to be very difficult for me if I don't get 100% backing from them, as I'm an only child.

Newself22:


Would have toed this line, but this is going to be very difficult for me if I don't get 100% backing from them, as I'm an only child.

Aunty Ishi already spoke my mind, it's not a battle you can win...

cayorday89:

Aunty Ishi already spoke my mind, it's not a battle you can win...

Unfortunately for me... Thanks for your time...

Channah1:
Snap out of it man! You have been jazzed.

If it were to be you, do you think she would stay?

Use your head before it's too late.

JAZZED? on top HIV? Only OP knows what made him fell in love with her despite her health status and being unable to backoff, but to conclude he was jazzed is outrighlty ridiculous.