I've been a guest of the platform, I created this account to get the opinions of my people since I happen to be a Nigerian.


I am a lady in my late 20s and I have discovered over the years that although I love love and the idea of marriage, I believe the conventional typical marriage will not work for me.
I am a core introvert, I enjoy my space a lot and I loose so much of my energy spending a lot of time around people. When I was in uni years ago, I made sure I didn't enter a relationship with a guy in my school because I didn't want a boyfriend that will most likely always want to be in same space as me, or try to spend very much time together.
I enjoy long distance relationship, because it means I will not be seeing my patner at all times, I only enjoy little moments of companionship before I get tired of sharing the same space with my patner no matter how in love I am.

I have observed over the few years that the few guys I've been with are people that didn't live in same town as me, and when I tried dating men within close proximity, it always ends in complaints from them about how I don't miss them enough to come spend time.

I don't enjoy sleep-overs, although I've been compelled to do that on very few occasions(probably less than 4 times) I always can't wait to get back to my house, I have never spent more than one night at a stretch with any of my ex. I really do enjoy long video calls.

To be honest, I am also not a fan of sex, I could go months without it. I can't imagine being married and having to do that all the time with a sexually active man that I'll continually share my space with. The only time I feel the urge to do that is when I am on my ovulation period which is quite normal for most women. I am doing my japa masters degree and I tried to develop a relationship with someone I really love and attracted to, he is currently complaining about same thing my ex would complain about.

I could be married tomorrow if I want to as I have two men ready to do that with me, but I cannot lie to myself or the man that intends to marry me and have him live his life in misery. I love children and want to have my own kids.
My idea of marriage will be a marriage of convenience, where my husband and I do not necessarily have to live under the same roof for extended periods of time and we can co parent our kids on our own terms. This is the only way I can have a long lasting marriage if I am not deceiving myself. A long distance marriage, family vacations, have the privilege of being married and still be able to occupy my own personal space as much as I want. This can be reviewed as time goes on by the way.
I am not certain if I can meet a man that shares the same idealogy with me, I'll get married to him tomorrow

The only thing I'll regret not having by the time I'm 30 will be a child of my own, I carried a baby in church today and I wished it was mine. I have babysitted my nieces before and I enjoyed my time with them, kids brings me a lot of positive energy. I really don't mind having just 2 kids for a responsible adult man that isn't really interested in marriage as well.

It's not my fault, my marriage will fail if I try to practise it the typical way and it won't even be the fault of the man(if he is a good man).

Help me out guys, I am at a cross roads. Are there men that are open to long distance marriages? I'll be in the comment to reply as much as I can.

Mods pls help move to front page.

I had this feeling before lol

And I'm still kinda having it. I enjoy my time & personal space. I'd zeroed out my mind on any relationship untill I met with someone that we shared a lot of things including my weirdness, so I think you gonna met someone like yourself soon too.

Since that's what you want, Give it more time, you will definitely get your match.

Anonymous sperm donor.

Oluneutral:
Since that's what you want, Give it more time, you will definitely get your match.

I hope I do. The society is judgemental

Time changes people. Kids do too. I might be wrong in your case though.

DontBullshitMe:
Anonymous sperm donor.

I don't want this, I want my kids to know their father and have a relationship with him. The plan is to have my 2 kids for one man.

UnconventionalT:


I don't want this, I want my kids to know their father and have a relationship with him. The plan is to have my 2 kids for one man.

Become a baby mama then!

Marriage is not for everyone and contrary to our nigerian traditional believe, you dont have to be married. People will quote all forms and kinds of scripture for you but at the end of the day, the one we all want to follow in the person of Jesus Christ wasnt married. The author of half the new testament wasnt married. There is nothing wrong with having kids without being married if you so chose..
You know yourself and your ability, if know that you cant handle it, no point getting into it to become miserable just for others to be happy.

UnconventionalT:

I hope I do. The society is judgemental

What's your business with societal judgements.
Your own is knowing what you want and going for it. Is it not better than marrying today and divorcing after 2 weeks over irreconcilable differences.

Many are trapped in loveless and terribly problematic marriages today because of societal judgements. I'd rather have you judge me because of your joblessness than living in perpetual regrets and misery.

Be rest assured, you shall get your match, just give it time.

Oluneutral:



What's your business with societal judgements.
Your own is knowing what you want and going for it. Is it not better than marrying today and divorcing after 2 weeks over irreconcilable differences.

Many are trapped in loveless and terribly problematic marriages today because of societal judgements. I'd rather have you judge me because of your joblessness than living in perpetual regrets and misery.

Be rest assured, you shall get your match, just give it time.

Thank you

UnconventionalT:


I don't want this, I want my kids to know their father and have a relationship with him. The plan is to have my 2 kids for one man.

Do you mind going polygamous, if need be?

UnconventionalT:

Thank you

My pleasure.

Oluneutral:



Do you mind going polygamous, if need be?

Lol
I don't mind going polygamous if the decision will be solely based outside the influence of my family's opinion. I come from a polygamous family and my mum wouldn't have me date a single dad, not to talk of being a second wife. I can be a second wife of a rich, responsible man that way, he doesn't have to spend his entire time with me when he has obligations with his other wife.

Sweetheart, could we take this up somewhere?...

That's if you ready to have Two daughters with a spacing of Five years in-between...

What you say?..

I will jump and pass this your desire cos only a virgin can have my children. Good luck.

Nice story.

browndre:
I will jump and pass this your desire cos only a virgin can have my children. Good luck.

did I ask to have your children? Goodluck with your heart desire.

Fisiryorh:
Sweetheart, could we take this up somewhere?...

That's if you ready to have Two daughters with a spacing of Five years in-between...

What you say?..

Two daughters? What if it turns out to be two sons? As much as I want to have kids, I am not gender specific. I don't want to set myself up for heatbreak.

UnconventionalT:
I've been a guest of the platform, I created this account to get the opinions of my people since I happen to be a Nigerian.


I am a lady in my late 20s and I have discovered over the years that although I love love and the idea of marriage, I believe the conventional typical marriage will not work for me.
I am a core introvert, I enjoy my space a lot and I loose so much of my energy spending a lot of time around people. When I was in uni years ago, I made sure I didn't enter a relationship with a guy in my school because I didn't want a boyfriend that will most likely always want to be in same space as me, or try to spend very much time together.
I enjoy long distance relationship, because it means I will not be seeing my patner at all times, I only enjoy little moments of companionship before I get tired of sharing the same space with my patner no matter how in love I am.

I have observed over the few years that the few guys I've been with are people that didn't live in same town as me, and when I tried dating men within close proximity, it always ends in complaints from them about how I don't miss them enough to come spend time.

I don't enjoy sleep-overs, although I've been compelled to do that on very few occasions(probably less than 4 times) I always can't wait to get back to my house, I have never spent more than one night at a stretch with any of my ex. I really do enjoy long video calls.

To be honest, I am also not a fan of sex, I could go months without it. I can't imagine being married and having to do that all the time with a sexually active man that I'll continually share my space with. The only time I feel the urge to do that is when I am on my ovulation period which is quite normal for most women. I am doing my japa masters degree and I tried to develop a relationship with someone I really love and attracted to, he is currently complaining about same thing my ex would complain about.

I could be married tomorrow if I want to as I have two men ready to do that with me, but I cannot lie to myself or the man that intends to marry me and have him live his life in misery. I love children and want to have my own kids.
My idea of marriage will be a marriage of convenience, where my husband and I do not necessarily have to live under the same roof for extended periods of time and we can co parent our kids on our own terms. This is the only way I can have a long lasting marriage if I am not deceiving myself. A long distance marriage, family vacations, have the privilege of being married and still be able to occupy my own personal space as much as I want. This can be reviewed as time goes on by the way.
I am not certain if I can meet a man that shares the same idealogy with me, I'll get married to him tomorrow

The only thing I'll regret not having by the time I'm 30 will be a child of my own, I carried a baby in church today and I wished it was mine. I have babysitted my nieces before and I enjoyed my time with them, kids brings me a lot of positive energy. I really don't mind having just 2 kids for a responsible adult man that isn't really interested in marriage as well.

It's not my fault, my marriage will fail if I try to practise it the typical way and it won't even be the fault of the man(if he is a good man).

Help me out guys, I am at a cross roads. Are there men that are open to long distance marriages? I'll be in the comment to reply as much as I can.

Mods pls help move to front page.

Cum make we run am..

Look for long distance marriage.

you can do what you want in Nigeria as long as you can feed yourself. All these societal talks is BS

And you think, you having a kid too won't translate to you wanting your own space.....

You want your space at the same time you want children.

I share a similar ideology with you.
I don't see myself trailing the path of marriage ever.

I can't have a thing with you shaa, you're already old. You are nearing menopause if I'm not mistaken.


I'm currently looking for a young girl (18-22) that will go baby mama route with me.

Wow.. so I ain't alone in this..
Each time people reminds me of marriage, I just ponder if I can cope staying long with a woman in a house.
Love being lonely at home.

@Op, I would love to consent but I love children too but u seem to be interested in keeping them with you..

ednut1:
you can do what you want in Nigeria as long as you can feed yourself. All these societal talks is BS

I don't live in Nigeria.

Kogbakogba:
You want your space at the same time you want children.

Yes, they don't have to always be with me, my husband and I can co parent successfully over long distance.

Op, you are not alone. My own case is that both marriage and children, i fancy none. I don't trip over children or babies and i am not interested in carrying them. I only take a second look at beautiful babies in real life or Tv and that's it. I don't feel the urge to start propagating.

Hmmmm

Well the truth is, this may not work as planned.

Because trust me, the man would not even be the one to disturb you or take up your space. It would be the kids.

Have you had to live with children before. Not on holiday or any such thing o. Like live with them, look after them and all.

That solitude you want and staying on your own may be difficult with kids sha. At least your man can understand and stay away. But kids, never.


See I have a help, still I hardly have time for myself. I am happy to be at work most times cos it means I can be alone and be freeee. Once am back home....I know I can't have my space anymore.

That's not to say I don't miss them when they are away o.

So I think you should pray for someone that just understands you as a person and can give you space when you need it.

There was one guy that made a post like this some months back, looking for something like this. How he loved his space.

UnconventionalT let me see if I can dig it up the guy sounds like your kind of person.



Modified: Found it his moniker is DeutschJunge

if you don't want marriage because of your space, quiet time etc, then trust me, you may not want to have kids too, they take practically all your time and space unless you don't intend raising your kid by yourself.
Again you should also know that a child that group up under the roof of one parent is not same as one that have the 2 parents living together.
Polygamy should be better for you if you still wants to continue.
Good luck.

UnconventionalT:


Lol
I don't mind going polygamous if the decision will be solely based outside the influence of my family's opinion. I come from a polygamous family and my mum wouldn't have me date a single dad, not to talk of being a second wife. I can be a second wife of a rich, responsible man that way, he doesn't have to spend his entire time with me when he has obligations with his other wife.

Now I'm convinced that you actually know what you want. If it were some confused folks, they would have said they can't go polygamous.

Go with your mind dear, you'll surely get what you want, with time.