Good morning Okay, I'll go straight to the point. Mom and dad got separated when I was 5 years old, that was in 2004. I was little but not too small to not remember seeing dad beat up my mom on few occasions over unnecessary things. She was like a maid in his house, he treated her like trash, cheating on her right in her face. His girlfriends would come around and they would make mockery of my mom.

Mom told us, she once broke a cup at his shop and she was forced to pay for it. She started a business with her own money but she was made to account for it and give him the money at the end of each day. Nobody could talk to him. This persisted until she had to run for her life. I remember how we all ran into the car that came to pick us up nak_d. We got dressed in there, we didn't even get the chance to take all our clothes.

The japa was real 😆 I grew up knowing he must be alive somewhere but he never showed up, my mom was all we knew. We all watched my mom struggle to fend for us. In 2014, my sister convinced us to go look for him and make peace. We knew he wasn't worth it but we wanted to give him the chance to be the good father he never was. Mom didn't want it but she gave in, for us. We visited him that once, we talked and reconciled, but the energy was never returned.

He only called once and that was all. 3 years ago, he finally showed up but that's because we called him to tell him that my mom was dead. He only attended her funeral, after the burial we went over to his village to see him before going back to our various houses. You won't believe this man tried to force us all to dump whatever we have going on in our lives including university to come help him out in his little restaurant business. Tried to force me to go live with someone I don't even know as a maid. Told my sister who was married to relocate to his home. I mean, who does that? I left secondary since 2017 and haven't started university yet because of financial issues. He didn't think I needed to go to school.

All he said was I have to go serve as a maid with strangers, no payment, I might get lucky and find a husband. He didn't care about what we wanted. He made his own rules. My siblings and I refused. He hasn't been in our lives all these while only to come now to make ridiculous decisions for us We all traveled back not caring what he thinks. And that was it, no calls, he sends nothing. We all have been fending for ourselves individually. For me, I've already had it registered in my head that I'm an orphan. Now here's the question even my mom didn't have an answer to before she died.

Does this kind of father deserve to even be acknowledged when there are suitors? Does he deserve to receive bride price from the husband of the kids he knows absolutely nothing about how they survived all through the years? I'm 23 and my eldest sister is 30. None of us has received anything from him but everyone keeps Insisting that he's our father and the bride price would be payed to him regardless. I feel its unfair. Fathers would abandon their kids because they know in years to come these kids would come back by themselves.

Note, he didn't pay my moms bride price, its embarrassing but that's what it is. He and my granddad used to smo_e together, they were friends. Just because he used to dash him money and buy him drinks back then,my granddad gave his daughter away to him, forcefully, none of them cared what she wanted. They didn't follow the right procedures. I'm planning on having a court wedding when the time comes, no bride price, I'm not for sale and he can't reap where he did not sow. But I want to know, am I being unreasonable? Is it okay to go ahead and have court wedding without his consent? He didn't pay moms bride price so what's the difference? Is it also okay to pay the bride price to my brother when he is still alive? I need your sincere advice please.

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O deep

Bride price is just a token, allow him to receive it peacefully and after that you move on with your life.

He stole someone's daughter he doesn't deserve a bride price for his daughter(s) besides being a deadbeat dad.

You see it's a trickle down stuff. People should make sure they get married traditionally, its so important.

You are being reasonable. For the sake of your mental health, do not ever allow a narcissist into your life.

I say this with lots of real life experience counseling couples and adults.

Your pain has been voiced but just know he's your father no matter what. Keep your distance, fulfil every traditional rite now in other for you not to reunite with him in the future should something go south! The 2 things you owe him as your father are

Give him his bride price to save your face cod definitely, some people will use it against you

Lastly, lay him in the ground whenever he passes away and you're done with him..

I'm more concerned about you OP ...

Cause I don't think you have healed from the hurt caused by your dad's behavior ...

And if you haven't, chances are that history will repeat itself ...

From my experience, females who come from homes where the dad's are irresponsible, abusive or not present, most of the times don't have good marriages themselves ...

So I advice you focus on healing from the hurt and then, you'll be able to make a decision that's based on clarity and free from hurt ...

Respect from your husband comes with paying bride price. He did not deserve it but it is not always smooth sail in marriage, and not paying may sometimes be used as insult when little crisis in marriage comes up

She said, her sister is married.

How did she do hers

In some tribes in Africa, if a man did not pay bride price for the mother of his children, he is not entitled to receive for the daughter he had with the woman.

IyaebeTheGreat:
Bride price is just a token, allow him to receive it peacefully and after that you move on with your life.

Ask her father if he paid her mum's bride price

Forbrok:
Good morning Okay, I'll go straight to the point. Mom and dad got separated when I was 5 years old, that was in 2004. I was little but not too small to not remember seeing dad beat up my mom on few occasions over unnecessary things. She was like a maid in his house, he treated her like trash, cheating on her right in her face. His girlfriends would come around and they would make mockery of my mom.

Mom told us, she once broke a cup at his shop and she was forced to pay for it. She started a business with her own money but she was made to account for it and give him the money at the end of each day. Nobody could talk to him. This persisted until she had to run for her life. I remember how we all ran into the car that came to pick us up nak_d. We got dressed in there, we didn't even get the chance to take all our clothes.

The japa was real 😆 I grew up knowing he must be alive somewhere but he never showed up, my mom was all we knew. We all watched my mom struggle to fend for us. In 2014, my sister convinced us to go look for him and make peace. We knew he wasn't worth it but we wanted to give him the chance to be the good father he never was. Mom didn't want it but she gave in, for us. We visited him that once, we talked and reconciled, but the energy was never returned.

He only called once and that was all. 3 years ago, he finally showed up but that's because we called him to tell him that my mom was dead. He only attended her funeral, after the burial we went over to his village to see him before going back to our various houses. You won't believe this man tried to force us all to dump whatever we have going on in our lives including university to come help him out in his little restaurant business. Tried to force me to go live with someone I don't even know as a maid. Told my sister who was married to relocate to his home. I mean, who does that? I left secondary since 2017 and haven't started university yet because of financial issues. He didn't think I needed to go to school.

All he said was I have to go serve as a maid with strangers, no payment, I might get lucky and find a husband. He didn't care about what we wanted. He made his own rules. My siblings and I refused. He hasn't been in our lives all these while only to come now to make ridiculous decisions for us We all traveled back not caring what he thinks. And that was it, no calls, he sends nothing. We all have been fending for ourselves individually. For me, I've already had it registered in my head that I'm an orphan. Now here's the question even my mom didn't have an answer to before she died.

Does this kind of father deserve to even be acknowledged when there are suitors? Does he deserve to receive bride price from the husband of the kids he knows absolutely nothing about how they survived all through the years? I'm 23 and my eldest sister is 30. None of us has received anything from him but everyone keeps Insisting that he's our father and the bride price would be payed to him regardless. I feel its unfair. Fathers would abandon their kids because they know in years to come these kids would come back by themselves.

Note, he didn't pay my moms bride price, its embarrassing but that's what it is. He and my granddad used to smo_e together, they were friends. Just because he used to dash him money and buy him drinks back then,my granddad gave his daughter away to him, forcefully, none of them cared what she wanted. They didn't follow the right procedures. I'm planning on having a court wedding when the time comes, no bride price, I'm not for sale and he can't reap where he did not sow. But I want to know, am I being unreasonable? Is it okay to go ahead and have court wedding without his consent? He didn't pay moms bride price so what's the difference? Is it also okay to pay the bride price to my brother when he is still alive? I need your sincere advice please.

Post gotten from: [url = www.myfamilypot.com]www.myfamilypot.com[/url]

This one weak me

Pls bear the followings in mind

His blood runs in you and he is your father, the bride price is his right even if he is the most irresponsible man on earth
Meaning, so far he is alive, let him receive your bride price so that he won't lay a curse on your senior brother for taking his position while he is alive

You have to make sure he looks good on his traditional outfit on that day and that's the scarife you will have to make

But in my tradition, if your mum bride price is not paid

Yours won't be paid

Your daughters own won't be paid until it's is done properly from the first default which is from your mum side

So I think you guys will package your dad to find out how your late mum bride price will be done according to her tradition, am sure she has her siblings still living in her father's family, they will know how to handle such

For your registry, I think you can do that after your family have giving you the consent to marry, you can't just ignore that part

Be patient and have a forgiven heart to allow your dad play his role on your marriage

After that, the way and manner you want to see him, is now left with you

He doesn't deserve it.

ahnie:
He doesn't deserve it.

Not even one kobo.

My place it is a non-issue, even if the child is a boy and as long as no bride price was paid....the boy bears the maternal grandfather's name and is entitled to inherit ancestral land from the grandfather. Should the mother get married, the boy still bears the grandfather's name never the biological father's.

If you want baby mama, jukwaese!

Mindlog:


Not even one kobo.

My place it is a non-issue, even if the child is a boy and as long as no bride price was paid....the boy bears the maternal grandfather's name and is entitled to inherit ancestral land from the grandfather. Should the mother get married, the boy still bears the grandfather's name never the biological father's.

If you want baby mama, jukwaese!

Tradition where bride price is not do or die, even sometimes it is returned to the husband on the ground that they do not sell their daughter.

The story may be made up but look real because we have many many dead living fathers very irresponsible fathers.

Mindlog:


Not even one kobo.

My place it is a non-issue, even if the child is a boy and as long as no bride price was paid....the boy bears the maternal grandfather's name and is entitled to inherit ancestral land from the grandfather. Should the mother get married, the boy still bears the grandfather's name never the biological father's.

If you want baby mama, jukwaese!

Lol. Your village people never jam. As if tradition is greater than the constitution of a country.

I have baby mamas from Imo and Anambra and the law gave me the right to have their custody after winning them in all this rubbish you typed here. Money stops nonsense. Na only a poor man pikin dey loss.

Justbehave:
Lol. Your village people never jam. As if tradition is greater than the constitution of a country.

I have baby mamas from Imo and Anambra and the law gave me the right to have their custody after winning them in all this rubbish you typed here. Money stops nonsense. Na only a poor man pikin dey loss.

Eyah🤣🤣🤣🤣

U get money pass Davido or access to the best lawyers in Nigeria pass am?😆😆😆😆

Or did you not know Davido had to pay Chioma's bride price before their late son could be buried as his son?

That your baby mamas come from dysfunctional families you could intimidate with your chicken change does not mean it is the standard in every community in Igbo land....What gave Linda Ikeji the boldness to have her son's surname changed from Jeremi to Ikeji (she and Chioma are both from Nkwerre in imo state).

Go give Hope Uzodinma pikin belle as a baby daddy and get custody.😆😆😆😆😆

There are communities in Igbo land, that have no issues with the child born outside wedlock bearing the baby daddy's name and having custody, just as there are communities that gives the custody of the child to any man who pays the bride price of the baby mama and communities, when the baby mama eventually marries, the child continues to bear his or her grandfather's name.

Once again, jukwaese!😆😆😆😆