Gloriagee:
The question is how much does the op give his parents and siblings? How much did the parents contribute to covering her tuition?

Now, assuming there are issues shes facing, wat stops her from opening up to her mum? Ive been in situations where people have had high expectations of me and sometimes the only way out is to confide in them on why their expectations are truly unreasonable.

xevove2061:


Make she drop from pedestal abi? Shebi na one italy girl wey her family share money wey she send them use build house, she say she wan come back, them dey tell am male she no come.

deewhydoski:
I don't know how training a child has become an investment that u must get a return. A child that will help you at old age will do so even if u no train ham go school. In a family children can never be the same, you will see one that cares alot and u will see one that care less.

Gloriagee:
Please lets keep it real. Her parents invested in her by setting funds aside to pay part of her tuition. Its possible somethings have gone wrong with respect to her expectations but wat happens to communication. Her folks may be civil servants, we dont know. Her mum is so hurt and has refused to speak to her. She can reach out to her, explain whatever is making life hellish to her and get the blessings of a mother.

xevove2061:


I cannot speak for other children. I maintain that children need to take care of their parents because their lives stopped when they birthed us. I am that aware. I kmow what parents go through, i have seen the good, bad and uhly in how i was raised as a kid. I still maontain that, that girl is not doing anything wrong. She is already paying fees for another sibling, plus se ding 40k momthly to her parent. What about the boys in the house. What are they doing. If that dirty cosmixdust boy is saying he sends 70k to his parents too, thats 110k, which is very good for monthly feeding atleast. What else do they want from the girl? My salary in naira runs into 8 figures monhly and i still do not see what i use the momey for, if not to pay one bill or the other and the sisters case is not different. Why will a grown ass married man bring this kind of issue here in the first place when he should, as a matter of fact, up hos contribution frok his side and his siblings side if he feels his elder sister is not bringing enough to the table.

InvertedHammer:

/
I guess life experience in Canada can only be viewed through the prism of you and your friend.

/

RomanGreen:


Why are you guys so selfish and self centered. This is the reason most people have lost their human touch and why so much wickedness abound coz most people don't care. Tufiakwa with this sort of me.ntality, just remember life happens and pray not to be a victim

Gloriagee:
Shes not paying the fees from his write up. I personally dont expect anything from people. Some people dont even get to say thank you after a ' huge' favour. Do i dwell on it? A little but more importantly we meuve!

CosmicDust:


She was partly sponsored there to do a Masters Programme. Few months later she got a job in a financial company and has been doing that for 5 years. Please tell me how I will be doing better than her.
I am here. I have a barbing saloon with 2 barbers, I have my own car that I use for cab hailing. And every month I bring out at least 70k to support my parents from my earnings because of their condition. I still have a wife at home. And I am not complaining. Please the situation you may considering isn't what it is.

CosmicDust:


Na this kind baßtard go watch him loved ones die then spend big on burial. Greedy evil scum. To hell with you.

CosmicDust:


Don't mind the lowlife please. Says he has a house and house like who gives a fck. He didn't even comprehend my story before going on his tirade like i am the reason behind his problems.
xevove2061or whatever you call yourself, i will bring issues i want to Nairaland anonymously. If that hurts you, your choice to harm yourself. I won't let foolish comments like his spoil the wonderful advise many have given me here.

TheRealestGuy:


Oh parents make a lot of sacrifices.

Anything your parents did for you after you clocked 18 years of age is a sacrifice you must never forget if you're a normal human being.

Emphasis on the last three words in the preceeding paragraph.

I rest my case.

Gloriagee:
Naija is a mess. All these paltry amounts are creating an enabling environment for corruption

Klass99:


My parents had a choice and they made the choice to birth me. There is no law or rule book which says I must follow in their footsteps or make the same choice to have children too.

That's the beauty of the power of choice and freewill Almighty God has given us. I don't run with the herd neither do I do things because others are doing it or it is expected by society.

Cc: Emmaodet, can you see what I was talking about on the other thread?

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

larrypourl:

Big mess. The problem with Nigerian govt is that they failed to review wages in accordance with inflation, which to me is plain wickedness. You see ASUU and other unions crying and begging for help when govt refused to review their wages for 13/14 years. How can wages remain static for 13years with the double digit inflation we keep having. A graduate assistant employed 13years ago received 90k and in 2023 you're still paying a graduate assistant same 90k, tell me why such lecturer won't extort students to get more money to survive.
The truth is that govt is fueling corruption. Majority of civil servants in Abuja survive and live on corruption because I don't know how they afford to pay rents there.

Klass99:


Please ehn, when it comes to your parents remove your eyes from the sibling who is not performing or under-performing and do your best for your parents, while they are alive.

I am not impressed by your sister either but I don't want to dwell on her too much, because I don't have the full picture of her life in Canada, she may or may not be struggling financially.....

However, I hate nonsense and stupidity when it comes to aged parents who deserve better but don't get better, from selfish offspring they gave birth to. Children like your sister are one of the reasons I am staying child free for life.
end of discussion i really commend you : FORGET ABOUT OTHERS MAKE SURE YOU DO YOUR BEST FOR YOUR PARENTS ONCE THEY ARE ALIVE

Sapeleomi:

____---------------------------------------------------------
Hi bro,
First and foremost. You have to clarify what your sister earns and her expenses.
She has only been in Canada for 60 months and you feel she is okay financially. She may not be. She may be struggling financially, emotionally and trying to settle down to clear debts.
2, Secondly, l assume she would assist you and the family if she is stable herself.
You alluded that she sends money but the issue is that it is too small. She does not owe you and your parents anything!!! Africans feel entitled and see relationship with children or their siblings as transactional. Address poverty and plan your life and stop relying on others.. It will lead to dissapointment. Is clear that you have never lived on your own, pay rent and bills and also suddenly have to set aside money for others during an emergency.
3, As a young person, take life insurance
to protect yourself, that's what many of our parents should do to avoid medical health issues and large bills in older years...Plan your retirement..
4, God forbid, if your sister dies suddenly or loses her job, you will survive and move on with your life.
5, if you want people to do more for you in life. Be grateful for the little and you get more in return. A positive and agreeable attitude gets you more favours in life.
6, l personally feel with your attitude, high demand and unhappiness. You will do your sister a lot of good/favour. If you indeed distance yourself from her.
7, The question you must ask yourself what value do you add to her life? When did you call her and ask about her welfare, her relationship, how she feels? Her relationship, children and her state of mind? You think she does a robber or slave sent to Canada to make your life easy!! THINK RIGHT BEFORE YOU RUIN AND LOOSE YOUR BECAUSE OF SELFISHNESS. I LIKE TO THINK YOUR PARENTS KNOW THEIR DAUGHTER BETTER THAN YOU.
8, If you continue with your entitlement mentality, keeping grudge over money and imposing HIGH expectations on others without understanding. Then you ran the risk of loosing your sister for life. Asking for help or support from others is optionally not mandatory.
9.Before you judge her ask yourself what kind of support does she have in the event of her loosing her job or failing ill? You have a support network in naija and can bounce back by getting support from the community. Abroad people rarely borrow money to anybody or house others when they are homeless.
10.Be grateful for what you have and improve your communication and relationship and stop making unreasonable demand or expectation... 5 years in Canada and you expect wonders unless you want to do Yahoo.

xevove2061:


Lmao! Go and take care of your parents they need you more than you need nairaland.

DestinyGlory:
Your story made me smile cause my elder sister is even worse than this lol. Don’t discount her efforts, it’s better than nothing. In your case, I’ll say focus on yourself and ask God to empower you to do more. God has a way of enriching those with a heart to give.

In my case, my mom is a single mother and she sent my elder sister to UK single handedly - Undergrad, masters and Law school. By the time it was my turn, things had dried up so I went to Uni in Nigeria. While I was still in Uni, my mom went to prison. My sis will call to track progress on the case but never sent a dime or travel to Ibadan to see us (She was in Lagos working then). But the difference between me and you was that I wasn’t entitled, I positioned my mind on God not man; and somehow I never lacked and my fees got paid till I finished.

When I wanted to come to Lagos to start working after Uni, same sister said she can’t accommodate me and ghosted me lol. But somehow God provided. That period was a blur - traveling to see my mom in prison and sending money, supporting my younger sister with stipends, dragging my absentee father to pay her fees now cause mom is no longer capable. By this time I was still fighting and getting angry like you but I learnt to removed my mind from my sis because God was faithful. When she sent 5k, 10k - I appreciated her.

Faster forward to a few years, I got transfer to the US even though I didn’t get to school abroad. So I can now I send dollars back home which translates to more. My sis is still stingy and I noticed she hasn’t really grown. Still sends same 10k every now & then and we continue to encourage her. She claims broke but uses nice hair and bags. I still relate with her normally but not close.

Stop fixing your mind on humans, you will just darken your heart with bitterness for nothing. Investing in children is like oja okunkun (night market). What you give may not be what you get or you get where you didn’t expect. Besides, you don’t know what she’s going through on her end. Look to God and do what you can for your parents and siblings.

CosmicDust:



Because someone chooses to air out his mind online, you begin to judge the person that he is entitled? Did you read the piece, did i beg anybody for money, or what the fúck is your problem?

DestinyGlory:


I see. When most people complain they only want to vent and not necessarily seek or accept solutions to their problems - so they continue to recycle seasons of pain. Being rude to everyone that doesn’t agree with your ideology is not going to solve your problem. Hopefully you got the relief you were seeking by “airing out your mind”.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.