₦airaland Forum

Achor1111:
■ Why is positive change difficult?

Is positive change so very easy for you in your own life though?

Don't mind all those people calling you stalker and all those other names. You are monitoring her because she has given you reasons to not trust her.

See, your wife is a pathological liar and she is gaslighting you. She is damaging you psychologically and all these ignorant folks here on Nairaland are making it worse.

I have dealt with a pathological liar before so I understand what you are going through. I completely removed them from my life. They are silent abusers.

If she was not your wife, I would have advised you to do the same.

It is very unlikely that she will ever change, so proceed with caution.

twang414:
In as much as I wanted to quote each and every post I would have loved to respond to, I feel I should just summarize my point here real quick. Yes we have had issues which obviously led to me knowing she cheated on me, but u know women u cant catch them red handed unless you are lucky, That aside though cos I have gba kamun that whatever she wants to do she can do, I am busy trying to work my ass out to sort bills, but one thing you all need to understand that am surprised is not being pointed out is if equality is the main thing in this country, how can a man paying almost 80% of the bills is being treated un-equal? What happened 3 days ago wasnt me trying to track her or whatever, she had left the house since 9am, promised to be back by 3pm, and I had an appointment with someone for 4pm, and u cant leave kids at home here if u are caught, kids will be taken from you. So my major reason for the call was to inquire as to how close she was getting even though the time she was suppose to be home had elapsed. Na her hustle she find go, na my own hustle me sef dey find go knowing fully well i have even more to spend, am i suppose to be put under that kind of situation?

I really do have questions for some people saying am stalking my wife and she should be allowed to live her life. Is that truly what marriage is all about, if you guys that stated that are truly married, is it normal to u that if u call ur wife she dont take ur calls? Does it mean that she can be out there and come back anytime she wants without a legit explanation when we both have responsibility to take and tend to the needs and attention of the kids. I am really lost here.

Zonefree:
Guy, before you seek marital advice here, you should be aware this place is filled with broke and wretched feminists and unrepentant simps who always find means to glorify women and their promiscuous lifestyle.

The woman your wife is now following has introduced your wife into illicit acts. Do well to pay attention and observe what's going on. Document your evidence for further reference.


Shalom.

Quite an interesting take coming from you.

For someone who has a million comments openly endorsing male infidelity, I wonder how you typed this without feeling some shame. But then, it is you. You would sacrifice common sense for NL likes.

bukatyne:
@bold:

Warris this?

She does it so easily and without guilt.
I suspect it is something she does professionally. I bet in his wife's head she is just doing what she has to do and so far as she isn't cheating, nothing wrong. No woman would cheat, keep cheating, refuse to separate and still act meek when he calls and tracks her. If she were indeed that terrible, he wouldn't remain or take her to the UK.

pocohantas:
Quite an interesting take coming from you.

Fot someone who has a million comments openly endorsing male infidelity, I wonder how you typed this without feeling some shame. But then, it is you. You would sacrifice common sense for NL likes.

Oh, sorry you came late...I don't entertain foolish mentions again. I'm sorry

Kobojunkie:
Is positive change so very easy for you in your own life though?

Being truthful will cost her nothing!
Are you a chronic liar like OP's wife?

Zonefree:
Oh, sorry you came late...I don't entertain foolish mentions again. I'm sorry

Lol. You can't entertain what you give. That would be an overdose.

LandMann:
Terrible people are just terrible people. You don't make excuses for them unless you are equally as terrible as them.

The op's wife is a terrible human being and you're worse for trying to spin it around and blame the man.

Truth is the foundation of trust. Lies destroy trust and creates acrimony in relationships.

The op's wife is a perpetual liar and she may destroy the op if care is not taken.

Thank you! So many people here don't understand this.

Achor1111:
Being truthful will cost her nothing! Are you a chronic liar like OP's wife?

1. Really? You know this because the OP himself is always truthful to her in his dealings? I don't know if the wife is a chronic liar but I do know that OP's tale is that, OP's tale!

@OP this post may be very long, please try and read through. There are 7 basic things that make marriage work. The absence of any of these will affect the health and the institution of marriage itself.
1. Unconditional love
2. Absolute Trust
3. Mutual Respect
4. Complete Honesty
5. Unquestionable Commitment
6. Forgiveness
7. Reach out to me, I'll tell you

Your marriage need what I call emergency care. You both need to revisit why you were married in the very first place. You both need to sit yourself down in an atmosphere of love and ask yourself the difficult questions.

*What would you like me to do differently in this marriage?
*What do I do that bring you joy and you'll want me to continue to do?

Your marriage can be good again if you are both willing to work at it. I strongly believe you are a melancholic person (from the way you've analyzed the situation). You may need to take some self-development classes to better understand yourself and others. How to turn your weakness to strength. Truth is that we ALL have weaknesses. For some it is trust. You don't have to do anything before they have trust issues with you. For some it is control. They just always want to be incharge (male/female). For some it is unchalant attitude no matter how serious an issue is.

You both need an accountability figure (a mentor, coach anything you want to call it). Someone who can speak with either or both of you and misbehaviour will gradually turn to desired behaviour.

Please feel free to reach out to this email if you want to talk to a professional that can help. rhemalogosng@gmail.com

pocohantas:
In all this your CIA work, you have never seen that she is with a man or in a man's house. I also like the fact that you don't rely on "them say...them say", but do the work and come up with evidence of where she is. These places come out clean, the problem is she distorts facts. That counts for something.

The issue here is that you might be a possessive partner, so she has to twist things a bit. It is bad, very bad, but many partners do it when they know who they are dating/married to.

If she is picking other calls but not picking yours ALONE, then wherever she went to, wasn't the worst place to be. If you were a woman, you will be advised to give your husband breathing space. Stop checking his phones and or monitoring him.

So, I will suggest you don't give yourself high bp. Is this grounds for separation? I can't be the one to tell you the level of emotional abuse you should endure. That decision is yours to take.

Your wife has the characteristics of a Nigerian tailor or artisan. Is she one?

What is this one saying? Just typing grammar but not making any sense.

For your wife to comfortably hand her phone to somebody she barely knows to talk to you on an issue that ordinarily should be superprivate, that shows she has little or no respect for you and is tired of your checkmating her. Trust me, I know.

And now that she has found herself in an environment where she wields some power, I honestly see her walking out of that marriage. I hope it doesn't come to that. Braceup for more of her shenanigans.

Berankis:
What is this one saying? Just typing grammar but not making any sense.

I am saying he can divorce her if he wants to. It is not going to affect me in anyway. I don't even know his username. So, I really do not care what happens to his marriage.

MJluv:
■ For your wife to comfortably hand her phone to somebody she barely knows to talk to you on an issue that ordinarily should be superprivate, that shows she has little or no respect for you and is tired of your checkmating her. Trust me, I know.
■ [s]And now that she has found herself in an environment where she wields some power,[/s] I honestly see her walking out of that marriage. I hope it doesn't come to that. Braceup for more of her shenanigans.

1. Or OP may have become a source of anxiety for the woman.

2. Or the woman may simply be looking desperately for a way to get off from under OP's control too. We don't know these things since all we have is OP telling us this story from his introverted trust-issue-claiming-but-rather-control-freakish point of view..

My dear OP

I am really sorry about your situation but I have to be blunt with you. Your marriage will be over in a couple of years. Take these steps

1. Stop monitoring your wife in any form. Zero intrusive calls and all that.

2. Assume everything is normal in your day to day activities.

3. Insist that all bills should be split 50-50.

4. Empower your wife financially as much as possible ( invest heavily in her self development) so she will find divorce very attractive and file for one.

5. Sign the divorce papers as soon as she presents it. This part is extremely important because she can come to her senses and change her mind.

6. Do not fight for your kids custody but insist on visitation rights.

7. Live your life to the fullest.

pocohantas:
I am saying he can divorce her if he wants to. It is not going to affect me in anyway. I don't even know his username. So, I really do not care what happens to his marriage.

Okay, no problem.

twang414:
I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.

We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.

To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.

So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.

I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.

Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?

A woman you don’t trust why did you travel with her out of the country?Hmm your matter is really complicated because you have kids together but obviously your wife isn’t a good person..very selfish woman and you are in for a bumpy ride with her o..

Wow. Unresolved issues for 10 whole years.
Twang414, you're a strong man.

From my limited perspective here, I'd say your situation is one of two things:

You react emotionally/irrationally to seemingly innocuous situations such as your wife hanging out with a new female friend (who you think may influence her negatively)...so instead of her going round and round, trying to explain that she was just having a drink with her lady friend, she tells you she's stuck in traffic

Or
Like Poco said, she just lies. I've dealt with people who lie as easily as they breath. As in, no single reason to lie but they sha lie. It's like a medical condition...

It'd be a far cry to assume she's cheating just because she's lying...

Maybe you should just give her a dose of her own medicine. That has always worked; putting the shoe on the other foot and turning tables around.

The only way you'll have an honest conversation about these issues is if you do same to her; when two people have a similar experience as a topic for discussion, it's easier to resolve.

So when she complains that you lied about your whereabouts (meanwhile she saw you lounging at a bar) and you tell her how hurt you were when she said she was in traffic but was chilling at a friend's house, it's easier for you both to merge experiences together, have a peaceful resolution and move forward; this is me assuming that this is a marriage where both parties are still interested to make it work (by being accountable to each other).

Lastly , monitoring your wife on an app without her consent is just weird.

Kaycee54321:
Wow. Unresolved issues for 10 whole years.
Twang414, you're a strong man.



So when she complains that you lied about your (meanwhile she saw you lounging at a bar) and you tell her how hurt you were when she said she was in traffic but was chilling at a friend's house, it's easier for you both to merge experiences together, have a peaceful resolution and move forward; this is me assuming that this is a marriage where both parties are still interested to make it work (by being accountable to each other).

Lastly , monitoring your wife on an app without her consent is just weird.

Hehehe. That works in a way.
I don't think his wife is willing to let go. And if she were such an evil woman, she would have changed it for him all the years he has been tracking her. I would suggest they see a counsellor. You don't throw away 11yrs like that. Not when the ones that beat themselves are warming up to celebrate 20yrs anniversary.

pocohantas:
Hehehe. That works in a way.
I don't think his wife is willing to let go. And if she were such an evil woman, she would have changed it for him all the years he has been tracking her. I would suggest they see a counsellor. You don't throw away 11yrs like that. Not when the ones that beat themselves are warming up to celebrate 20yrs anniversary.

Yeah, true that.

Everything of value na work. It's work to get married and work to stay married. Na work to divorce and work to start afresh.

So long as both parties are always willing to work it out, they shouldn't have a problem in the long run.

20 years of marriage, 35 years of marriage... growing old together...na tonnes and tonnes of hard work (including silly silly nonsense fights )...

I hope they sort it out and move past this.

Kaycee54321:
Yeah, true that.

Everything of value na work. It's work to get married and work to stay married. Na work to divorce and work to start afresh.

So long as both parties are always willing to work it out, they shouldn't have a problem in the long run.

20 years of marriage, 35 years of marriage... growing old together...na tonnes and tonnes of hard work (including silly silly nonsense fights )...

I hope they sort it out and move past this.

twang414:
I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.

We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.

To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.

So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.

I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.

Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?

I cannot read all but you have entered one chance ,you allowed her to japa with you,the next thing is she will abandon you and then bolt off. You are stupid to have travelled with her to a woman world country,where women are the overlord and husbandwoman.

So the thing dey pain men liadis

Nobody even advise the op to get a 2nd wife or side chick just because he's in the UK.

Had it been he's in Nigeria, I trust the men here , their own no pass get 2nd wife or side chick, that one concern woman wey carry man put for head 🥱🥱🥱

For woman wey be say she no send ur papa, if you like marry Buhari pikin, if you no get better character, she sef go misbehave.

twang414:
I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.

We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.

To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.

So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.

I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.

Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?

The last result na divorce. But before then, no kill urself. Marriage suppose be an institution where trust no scarce. Abeg be sure say no be another man pikin u dey take care of first. Secondly, dey pray for God to xpose the hidden things about her. It worked for me

Kobojunkie:
The black man's major delusion... he convinces himself that by virtue of marriage, he acquires for himself property.

Was the bride price a token of gratitude? 🤣 🤣 of course a property is purchased.

twang414:
I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.

We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.

To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.

So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.

I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.

Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?

Then stop calling her and have peace of mind.
[color=#990000][/color]

isabi2lof:
So the thing dey pain men liadis

ROFLMAO!

bepositive11:
Don't mind all those people calling you stalker and all those other names. You are monitoring her because she has given you reasons to not trust her.

See, your wife is a pathological liar and she is gaslighting you. She is damaging you psychologically and all these ignorant folks here on Nairaland are making it worse.

I have dealt with a pathological liar before so I understand what you are going through. I completely removed them from my life. They are silent abusers.

If she was not your wife, I would have advised you to do the same.

It is very unlikely that she will ever change, so proceed with caution.

honestly.. The constant lies is what is disturbing.. I can't stand it at all...asin it can take one lie to ruin everything.. no matter how long..

pocohantas:
She does it so easily and without guilt.
I suspect it is something she does professionally. I bet in his wife's head she is just doing what she has to do and so far as she isn't cheating, nothing wrong. No woman would cheat, keep cheating, refuse to separate and still act meek when he calls and tracks her. If she were indeed that terrible, he wouldn't remain or take her to the UK.

That is a dangerous trait to have though. Plus, it could be that the "meekness" is a cover-ops until she is financially stable.

kkins25:
That is a dangerous trait to have though. Plus, it could be that the "meekness" is a cover-ops until she is financially stable.

Nice perspective. He should divorce her then.

twang414:
I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.

We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.

To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.

So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.

I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.

Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?

Simply sit down and resolve the 10years old issue so it finally becomes a thing of the past.

twang414:
I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.

We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.

To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.

So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.

I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.

Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?

In a life where you are born to live (if long for like 87 years and die then i don’t know why anyone over 25 will bother to give themselves sleepless nights over simple issues like this.

Find your way out of that marriage abeg

Divorce that woman.

Your marriage is dead gone.

You are just a figure head (just to boost that she is still married).

If you can't stay single, and you still want a woman come back to Africa and marry a traditional woman (and don't take her to the UK).

Western exposure damage our women.