₦airaland Forum

Isatim:
Hmmmmmm
This problem exist in families.
Am the living example of this querel among brothers and sisters.
Presently, for like 3 years now, I don't talk to my immediate senior sister. Even at any event that we meet we just like strangers. No greetings.
Well, am worried about it but no one really make up reconciliation mind for now. And our seniors are not helping matters, they seems to enjoy the situation.
IT'S WELL!

. I beg you in the name of Jesus to make the move to reconcile with your sister. I lost my immediate elder sister on the 2nd of this month. I am yet to recover from the shock and loss. One thing about her is that no matter the offence or fight ,she will act the next time she sees me as if there was never a fight. Life is too short and effeminate she was just 47 when she died.

Musty112:
This is always sad to see. Siblings fa. But then, never be the cause of family ties being severed. Try as much as possible to stitch it together, the lord will surely bless you for it

....I tried getting it stitched but got burnt for it. It's sad, painful and at the same time, pathetic!

1forall:
Hey OP, division among siblings is real! It can arise for different reasons like:

Spousal issues
Jealousy or envy
Money or inheritance
Unhealthy competition
Pride or superiority complex
Preferential parental treatment
Mismanaged individual differences

If these situations are not arrested early but left to grow and fester, they are liable to cause irreparable damage to sibling relationships.

Because everyone is important, leadership and maturity is required; particularly on the part of elder siblings, to navigate these situations without fracturing relationships.

now I have two elder ones that we have not being in talking terms. Till now I cant say what the problem is. But me I no send anybody.

ogene144:
I am from polygamous family I am the only one that attended higher institution for that reason my siblings didn't like me I went through hell wen I live with my immediate sister In Abule Egba they hate my daughter they even scatter my marriage now I don't call anyone of them polygamous family are not good let's abstain from it...

but u have issues in monogamous home/family too... So what ll u say... some polygamous home u have peaceful coexistence... It's different tales ooo

It all depends on how they were raised....

I happen to be the only child my late mom has for my dad...I have 5 other siblings from my step mum...one of the reasons why siblings fall apart in my own case is envy...my step mum thinks I am doing better than her children, so she chose to tarnish my image b4 family, neighbors and friends, exaggerating things and telling lies against me just to make people hate me and by extension causing hatred btw some of my step siblings and I....and she's supposed to be a pastor...
another issue I observed is that some of my step siblings only reach out to me when they need money, that thing pisses me off...I no be ATM machine, me sef get blood wey dey run through my veins, so I have decided to stop giving

yazga:
I've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and I'm sure they feel the same way towards me so I can't really imagine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they don't ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

. I don't just understand because me and my siblings love ourselves to pieces. I think it is just grace because I don't understand why simblings will be sworn enemies .There is this successfull lawyers. He is even the the most successful lawyer.let me leave it at that make them no sue me .whose children fought badly because of his property and they are all from thesame mother. I couldn't wrap my head around it and keep asking myself that what will have happened if that were of different mother. But thank God ,I think peace has now reigned.

yazga:
I've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and I'm sure they feel the same way towards me so I can't really imagine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they don't ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

From my experience it's just two reasons.
The parents and trust.
Once the parents starts to favour the rich children on issues and giving preferential treatments it brings in hate...
Once you trust your brothers or sisters to help handle task and they blow your founds it brings in hate....
But to me it's the parents some parent can send you on errands, that your younger ones should handle but because you not yet successful they fit send you to buy fuel, wash car , wash plates , turn on the gen while the younger ones seat and do nothing...
They won't even allow you contribute to issues that concern the family...
The truth is just make money...
If the success train starts from the first child to the last then they won't be issues but if it starts from the button aaaaah there is a huge problem

At times it could be a parent fuelling the issue or due to ungrateful and too much pressure which is not reciprocated. When one gets tired of being mistreated or needs to stop them mismanaging one’s life.

For example.

Sibling 4 :Paid 9k pa pounds International student fees, went to 9ja took her to Abuja for interview and all. Paid all accommodation with all bills, feeding expenses, cooking, did all the shopping and then one day you ask person to go market go buy meat 10 minutes walk away and she they give attitude. After 15 months ask for 50 pounds a month towards all housekeeping and feeding (was going to save this for her) again attitude.

Finished education wants big society wedding (Hall big with decorations alone 10k pounds) but not prepared to work to save up but want me to foot the bill. Will then with mother start to be point of contact for the jealousy enemies because you don’t continue to fund their lifestyle and hand over your salary to them but insist that they work and live within their means.

Then they decide to be a stay at home housewife but want you to be working and sending them money. You give money to them to build house for themselves they throw it away and want to come back a second time.

yazga:
I've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and I'm sure they feel the same way towards me so I can't really imagine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they don't ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

Not saying my siblings are perfect. I have an elder bro and a younger sister. Maybe it's because of the way we were raised, there's nothing like competition, we all got the same gifts as kids irrespective of behavior or academic success. My widower dad raised us alone. No mother figure to teach us malice or gossip. Everything we do is collective. Hard times and trials have reinforced our kinship.

This time last year, i had just moved in back to my father's house after agreeing not to pay for another year of a self con at ajah. It cost me my job, used the rent money to upgrade to a better laptop. I didn't find another job in time, i was very picky, my siblings supported me this period without complaining for six months. June a call came out of the blues, former assistant ceo of where i resigned was starting up his own company, called me asap. Supernatural elevation. Almost twice my prev salary. Before i resigned, i was the one earning highest in the household. You can imagine the new levels.

Did it enter my head? Nope. My life i have one simple rule, if you dey for me, i go dey for you. When i was down, their character wasn't compromised, for good six months i was still being treated like I hadn't lost my job. Rn like this, my family is my world ooo. Supporting erryone of em every way i can.
When i get married, i know it will change a bit, but for now, I'm enjoying the best times of my life with the only loved ones I'll ever have asides my kids whose title would never change .

Nazgul:
Siblings don't just fall apart for no reason. Possible reasons why they do include...

1. Polygamy.

2. Poverty.

3. Divorce of parents.

4. Loss of one or both parents.

Your friend's who's elder sister maltreated her, if you dig deep into their family, you'll discover that they fall under one of the reasons I mentioned above.

Your comment is the most spot on. Since both my parents died, I and my siblings are like sworn enemies.

gimakon2:
When you have a younger Sister like mine, I am pretty sure you won't ask this type of question. Someone who shows she is envious of good things and wishes no good come to people. Even went as far as calling meetings because she heard I wanted to go for my travel history, and the same human being is processing admission to go to the UK.

I wanted to date her friend, she had already started to like me, This lady went very extra length to scatter the relationship between us both, went very far as telling the girl stories that were not true in anyway. The relationship shattered , everyone moved on, even when the girls father died, it was a feat for me to extend condolences, but whatever , I am a man, it did not have to be so, i extended my condolences and moved on, and we thank God for all in the very end.

So many other things, OK let me talk about the one of last year, I lost my job. I got bored with accepting anything that looked like a job offer and decided to focus on having my personal startup, instead of being engaged and loosing out after sometime. I was able to finance things for the family and what not. Even this same girl was working, the only thing she does is to come and cause problems in the house, then she comes to the house and pack everything i bought as food stuff with my money, and takes to her own house. Just a minor shaking, she as usual, went to feed my father with abrupt nonsense. If my father sees me, I started to look like irk to him. At some point , i used to go to Cotonou like weekly in order to avoid provocation. She did not stop there, She even made my elder sister fight me and threw something at my face that made me bleed from my nose. And what did she do, she pretended to be the Angel as the very usual. When she heard I started working, she called on the phone and started to behave like she was the best person. I just laughed loudly. And stomach certain things for the major interest of peace.
Before i got the job, i was seeking finances to put my startup in order, after I lost friends , helpers and what not. Just few friends were there for me. I resorted to using Loan sharks to put that my business in order, so i would not be able to pay in say a day or 2 after the due date, when they call, She would tell my parents to leave me to suffer alone, that when I had money i never cared for them at all. I remember i paid Light bills, bought fuel and all treated the family members well when I had money before i lost the Job, what was my offence? That i do not give her money personally at hand, so therefore they should leave me to suffer and bear the brunt alone - but this is someone that comes to the house to pack everything and move to her house, My father saw this and he said it is normal, i looked at him and never said a word.

Or is it the one a friend in Canada volunteered to help me offset the bills, she called the boy in Canada never to help me. That i spend money and go to Ghana and other countries for travel history, that no one should help me, they should allow me bear it alone. I thank God later on, my friend in Ancona in Italy send me over 3000 Euros and i was able to offset everything once and for all, and happiness came back. The boy in Question said if he sees her, they would have serious problems. I been the one calming him down. The one in Canada ended up marrying someone else because of her bad character.

Lately, I worked for a Switzerland company and i was able to get finances, from the money mules, i been able to cost out few cash for house rentals , and i am still working squarely to get cash and give my father for the remainder Also from there i was able to establish my startups for good, we working closely on the funding. She lost her job, and she just been at home here. When money comes, i give her and she also eats. I buy fuel for the generator and do things for the family as usual. She does not even feel free and she barely talks to me. I just let her be for the time being and focus on what I think is quite necessary and I let myself be happy no matter what. I was helping her work out admission in the UK where i was her reference, i completed the reference form and submitted it, she said because I did not upload a letter, she started to haul abuses at me again. So the letter i typed for her is what? She started to call me names like i am useless and co, I just held myself because i am expecting something from GOD so, I would not want to say anything. I went to church and knelt down to thank GOD for all. The visitor who came to the house be like "Is this what you see?" I just laughed! This happened few days ago!

Its quite Long and everyone be asking me to forgive, personally i have forgiven her, but she is very free to go, but i told myself one thing, if it would take the last drop of blood from me to make sure i give my children the best life without any of my siblings, and having anything with my kids to do with any of them, I am ready to do everything. As for her, she can go. We thank God for all.

With siblings like these, We do not need enemies. I have accepted everything, and right now, I will work hard with all It will take to go very far away from them, and I am very glad, its gradually working out. I just have to be more prayerful.

The thing i deciphered from everything is envy.I have the best job, from the job I got my own company, I travel anywhere, even if I get shakedowns , few days i am back on my feet. This is the main reason, Siblings have problems. For me, I have forgiven her, but I will never have anything to do with her again. She and the rest can go.

This is so Deep! It is well with you Bro.

jaydeevaa:
I happen to be the only child my late mom has for my dad...I have 5 other siblings from my step mum...one of the reasons why siblings fall apart in my own case is envy...my step mum thinks I am doing better than her children, so she chose to tarnish my image b4 family, neighbors and friends, exaggerating things and telling lies against me just to make people hate me and by extension causing hatred btw some of my step siblings and I....and she's supposed to be a pastor...
another issue I observed is that some of my step siblings only reach out to me when they need money, that thing pisses me off...I no be ATM machine, me sef get blood wey dey run through my veins, so I have decided to stop giving

I can relate to this. My dad never remarried after we lost our mum. Highest he did was court women for a period of time, he always had to pick his children first. I remember one time a lady who was always on my daddy's neck mistakenly swept away my junior waec result, my dad sent her packing that night.

Omo you try o. If it was me, 5 olorogun siblings, I'd have moved out since.

I have been advised to wait till I get married or atleast get a job outside our current location b4 I move out....because single ladies shouldn't live alone especially if their family resides in the location where she is

Negroid001:
I can relate to this. My dad never remarried after we lost our mum. Highest he did was court women for a period of time, he always had to pick his children first. I remember one time a lady who was always on my daddy's neck mistakenly swept away my junior waec result, my dad sent her packing that night.

Omo you try o. If it was me, 5 olorogun siblings, I'd have moved out since.

Someone once said "we were once friends; we became strangers when we started making money".

Same applies to siblings split.

yazga:
I've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and I'm sure they feel the same way towards me so I can't really imagine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they don't ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

Some children want to find favour with one or both parents at the expense of their siblings, understandable in childhood, utterly reprehensible in adulthood.

jaydeevaa:
I have been advised to wait till I get married or atleast get a job outside our current location b4 I move out....because single ladies shouldn't live alone especially if their family resides in the location where she is

Oooh. Doesn't matter tho. If you can handle the unnecessary envy then it's fine. If not, move oooo. Step mum's are devils. They'll just be poisoning their kids mind against you.

This is so Deep! It is well with you Bro.[/quote]

it's envy...people should learn to understand that when God has chosen to bless you, no hatred, envy
or strife from anyone can bring u down...instead make she calm down enjoy your money, she dey vex for your success

TwentyOneP [quote author=gimakon2:
When you have a younger Sister like mine, I am pretty sure you won't ask this type of question. Someone who shows she is envious of good things and wishes no good come to people. Even went as far as calling meetings because she heard I wanted to go for my travel history, and the same human being is processing admission to go to the UK.

I wanted to date her friend, she had already started to like me, This lady went very extra length to scatter the relationship between us both, went very far as telling the girl stories that were not true in anyway. The relationship shattered , everyone moved on, even when the girls father died, it was a feat for me to extend condolences, but whatever , I am a man, it did not have to be so, i extended my condolences and moved on, and we thank God for all in the very end.

So many other things, OK let me talk about the one of last year, I lost my job. I got bored with accepting anything that looked like a job offer and decided to focus on having my personal startup, instead of being engaged and loosing out after sometime. I was able to finance things for the family and what not. Even this same girl was working, the only thing she does is to come and cause problems in the house, then she comes to the house and pack everything i bought as food stuff with my money, and takes to her own house. Just a minor shaking, she as usual, went to feed my father with abrupt nonsense. If my father sees me, I started to look like irk to him. At some point , i used to go to Cotonou like weekly in order to avoid provocation. She did not stop there, She even made my elder sister fight me and threw something at my face that made me bleed from my nose. And what did she do, she pretended to be the Angel as the very usual. When she heard I started working, she called on the phone and started to behave like she was the best person. I just laughed loudly. And stomach certain things for the major interest of peace.
Before i got the job, i was seeking finances to put my startup in order, after I lost friends , helpers and what not. Just few friends were there for me. I resorted to using Loan sharks to put that my business in order, so i would not be able to pay in say a day or 2 after the due date, when they call, She would tell my parents to leave me to suffer alone, that when I had money i never cared for them at all. I remember i paid Light bills, bought fuel and all treated the family members well when I had money before i lost the Job, what was my offence? That i do not give her money personally at hand, so therefore they should leave me to suffer and bear the brunt alone - but this is someone that comes to the house to pack everything and move to her house, My father saw this and he said it is normal, i looked at him and never said a word.

Or is it the one a friend in Canada volunteered to help me offset the bills, she called the boy in Canada never to help me. That i spend money and go to Ghana and other countries for travel history, that no one should help me, they should allow me bear it alone. I thank God later on, my friend in Ancona in Italy send me over 3000 Euros and i was able to offset everything once and for all, and happiness came back. The boy in Question said if he sees her, they would have serious problems. I been the one calming him down. The one in Canada ended up marrying someone else because of her bad character.

Lately, I worked for a Switzerland company and i was able to get finances, from the money mules, i been able to cost out few cash for house rentals , and i am still working squarely to get cash and give my father for the remainder Also from there i was able to establish my startups for good, we working closely on the funding. She lost her job, and she just been at home here. When money comes, i give her and she also eats. I buy fuel for the generator and do things for the family as usual. She does not even feel free and she barely talks to me. I just let her be for the time being and focus on what I think is quite necessary and I let myself be happy no matter what. I was helping her work out admission in the UK where i was her reference, i completed the reference form and submitted it, she said because I did not upload a letter, she started to haul abuses at me again. So the letter i typed for her is what? She started to call me names like i am useless and co, I just held myself because i am expecting something from GOD so, I would not want to say anything. I went to church and knelt down to thank GOD for all. The visitor who came to the house be like "Is this what you see?" I just laughed! This happened few days ago!

Its quite Long and everyone be asking me to forgive, personally i have forgiven her, but she is very free to go, but i told myself one thing, if it would take the last drop of blood from me to make sure i give my children the best life without any of my siblings, and having anything with my kids to do with any of them, I am ready to do everything. As for her, she can go. We thank God for all.

With siblings like these, We do not need enemies. I have accepted everything, and right now, I will work hard with all It will take to go very far away from them, and I am very glad, its gradually working out. I just have to be more prayerful.

The thing i deciphered from everything is envy.I have the best job, from the job I got my own company, I travel anywhere, even if I get shakedowns , few days i am back on my feet. This is the main reason, Siblings have problems. For me, I have forgiven her, but I will never have anything to do with her again. She and the rest can go.

We have three major reasons while siblings fall apart

1: getting a wife
2: bringing wives into the family
3:refer to number 1& 2

Some are cause by parents , envy, lies from siblings, trying to outsmart one another , some behaving like Esau and Jacob in the Bible.
Imagine one parent showing love to your only brother

victme1:
Someone once said "we were once friends; we became strangers when we started making money".

Same applies to siblings split.

I disagree. Depends on environment and how they were raised. There's this duo in my street. They are brothers, they had good jobs and were living together with some other friends before the elder brother married. Erryone moved out when the new wife came in. Younger brother also got married too and got a flat also on same street. They see each other almost everyday. Younger brother lost his job, and elder bro supported him for a year before he picked back up. Both of their wives use to confide in me about the other because i was close to them and used to run a lot of errands for em. See life, kept my mouth shut. Got to a point i was the courier the elder bro used to give money to his younger bro, he would tell me not to tell both of their wives.

If money is everything, why didn't the brotherhood compromise? Not even their devilish wives could interfere.

Why they get married

wengerman:
. I don't just understand because me and my siblings love ourselves to pieces. I think it is just grace because I don't understand why simblings will be sworn enemies .There is this successfull lawyers. He is even the the most successful lawyer.let me leave it at that make them no sue me .whose children fought badly because of his property and they are all from thesame mother. I couldn't wrap my head around it and keep asking myself that what will have happened if that were of different mother. But thank God ,I think peace has now reigned.

I know a family too that are similar.

Father successful lawyer, all four boys from the same mother and all successful lawyers.

Father died and they split into two camps and started dragging themselves in court.

Prominent people have tried to help to no avail.

This inheritance that has caused problems sef, if the Dad had willed it all to charity, the children would still be rich enough to cater for their own grandchildren.

Dis life no jus balance at all

I also don't like my sister for a reason though

jaydeevaa:
it's envy...people should learn to understand that when God has chosen to bless you, no hatred, envy
or strife from anyone can bring u down...instead make she calm down enjoy your money, she dey vex for your success

Make she kuku day.
I am happy i have 2 startups now. All I can say is God get power.

Make she continue.

So siblings do fall apart in other tribes. I thought it only in my father kindreds. My father is trying everything to stop it among his children which is working well for now. I pray it continues that way

Pride

yazga:
I've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and I'm sure they feel the same way towards me so I can't really imagine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they don't ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

However,
You came to this world alone. So, the best you can do, if you are appreciated, good, if not, live your life. Everyone came to this life for a purpose. Get that fulfilled.
I love my sibs, and I want the best for them, but if they keep giving in the bad energy they are exhibiting, I focus on my life. I can only do my best and not to kill myself.

My elder brother, we were like real brothers until he made some real cash and upgraded
He sent me out of his apartment for no reason, parents weren’t condemning his actions, they takes money from him and kept trying to make peace btw us but I no gree even though I’m on the struggling side for now, I rather be on my own than dominated like a little kid

He complained to our parents that I don’t greet him, they told me to nicer to him cos we’re blood, I laughed, blood indeed, whenever he sees me comes and extend hand for handshake and I’ll shake him well but I’ll never pretend we’re in good terms while we’re not, we can greet if he initiates it but I won’t talk anything else except it’s mandatory

The real problem now is that business terms we need each other to succeed faster but due the betrayal I can’t try any deal with him, I’ll not get burned for the second time, before he sent me out he never thought he’ll later need me badly though it’s a vice versa situation the real good money we’re suppose be making from each other’s hand is going down drain

I have my junior bro and he trusts and respect me like hell, I don’t try to dominate or control him, I just have my piece of advice and support for him.

Imagine a brother literally saying he’s like a father and a boss to me and calling me an egotist person only bcoz he senior me with 10-9years