₦airaland Forum

@dearlove2me.. He is already deep into it, and I doubt prayer will solve this aspect of him coupled with him been jobless, which means what ever freebies he gets or small runz job he does he gambles the money away without thinking of the home front including a baby. You know what to do and whatever your family or his says/do/want will only be to save themselves of the embarrassment of having a family member divorced.
Give him a timeline (it's not necessary he knows about it), speak calmly with him, ask him of his plans going forward, do all within your capacity as expected of a good woman/human while documenting them and also saving for any eventualities, at the end of the timeline if you are comfortable with the outcome you take your decision without considering anybody outside you and your baby. This I have always done when dealing with people who pose a threat to my peace of mind. Never married though.

macphilip:
Ma'am, you saw the red flags when you were dating him, but chose to ignore.

Anyway, which of these 4 vices below is the worst for a man?

Drinking
Smoking
Gambling
Womanizing

Don’t let us say stealing just add fraud(yahoo) I want know something about being human

Dearlove2me:
Is like I'm in a sound prof house shouting on top of my voice and no one is hearing me. It seems they don't even understand what I'm going through.

I explained everything to my family and everyone including my mother, and they keep advicing me to stand on my feet and fight for my home, so long as they's no violence. That I shouldn't divorce my husband.
We always have heated argument, raising voice at each other.

My mother inlaw on the other hand, was crying on the phone. Telling me not to mention that name (divorce) ever again.
All the family members are not in support of divorce, but the main person I'm married to seems not to care at all.


He obviously refused to stop gambling away with any money that comes to his hand.
He presently have no job and he's owning a lot.

He's addicted and he's not making effort to stop. This is the root problem in my home. Because he exhibit all the wrong behavior as a result of this addiction.
Once he have any little money, his attitude, everything changed. He becomes scary. Until he finishes everything in betting, I wouldn't be able to talk to him and he will listen.

What should I do? Where do I go that I wouldn't look like a disobedient person, dispite everyone's pleade?
I'm using all my time to cry, qurrel and grieve here. Can't find myself.
I am not financially stable to make a move without my family's support.

Lets start from a logical point of view, why do you think arguing and quarreling will make him stop? You said someone is deeply addicted in a destructive act and you are engaging the wrong tools in stopping him. Well, divorcing him is a very strong option but do you love him, do you want the marriage to work? Then its help he needs, all the help he can get, including a psychiatric evaluation

People need to learn never to bet more than they can't afford to lose.
For instance, instead of buying designer wears, drinking or womanizing use part of the money for gambling then you won't lose much.
Always make sure all your bills, feeding and medication are paid for before gambling, most of all just gamble for fun, it's better that way...

tivta:
People need to learn never to bet more than they can't afford to lose.
For instance, instead of buying designer wears, drinking or womanizing use part of the money for gambling then you won't lose much.
Always make sure all your bills, feeding and medication are paid for before gambling, most of all just gamble for fun, it's better that way...

How about not Gambling at all?

mukthar2000:
And u think you are doing that woman favour with all this ur discouragements articles, can't u just stop judging and stop talking As if u are a God that create the guy and stop discourage that good wife if u can't console her with what she was passing through right.

I read that write up and I can't just believe someone will still blame a woman in that situation for not doing enough, when the man is not even using the little money he gets for himself but to give it all out to the bet company. He comes back home expecting food meaning he could not even spare himself small ₦300 to load his belly with bread and beans.

BeigJawnson:
There is nothing God can't do and there is nobody God can't change. Please engage yourself with night prayers for him. I fmdint know if you are a Christian. If you are a Christian. .. at least wake up by 12am. That is when morning starts, before any other activities of the day. Cry to God on his behalf. Even if it is one hour vigil. Anytime you go to Church, pray for him. And inform your pastor too, so he can help you with him in prayers. Also in your prayers don't blame God for giving you as a husband ... Thank God for giving you as husband... And always thank him for all He has done in your life.. you can quote me and give me his full name so I can help in prayers in my quite time.

Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.

Oju4190:
If u have done everything then let him be.....chill.....later he eye go clear....just keep praying 4 him because prayer nor dey too much.....No need to b quarrelling u have tried ur best

Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.

walexok:
How about not Gambling at all?

We all have our addictions, some to chase women, some music, some movies, some eating etc.
It's always best to do all moderately, afterall no one is a saint.

KingofHearts:
[b]It appears that you don’t want to listen! You may have put efforts and no result yet that is well understood!! You see that divorce you mentioned that’s what is on your mind and the only thing stopping you is that you don’t have enough money to do it yet.

You are letting your emotions get the best of you as well as allowing the devil sit permanently in your home. Within a short time everything beyond your imagination will be destroyed completely.
Everyone on Nairaland will leave you and focus on another matter or their own struggles. This is the exact plan of the devil for you and your child. It’s in your hands whether you want to act the script or not.

Marriage is not beans, those oath you swore has now come before you, now you are tired and want to abandon ship. It can be tiring and draining I know, it can be overwhelming and give that sinking feel. The truth is , our problems in reality are not as big as our mind and brain present it to us…this is what results in hopelessness!!

Your present approach is not working and will end your marriage. Talk calmly and peacefully, take it to God in prayer,find something better to do to give you money and don’t you ever ever give him money(that’s the fuel for the addiction)be there for your child as it’s both your responsibility,he needs you more now than ever to win this battle. There is battle everywhere even in the places you may jump to(May be worse sef)

God Will strengthen and bless you, he will give you the wisdom,knowledge and understanding to win this battle,joy and happiness will return to you again,your husband will come to his senses again and he will even compensate you beyond your imagination. Stay strong and reach out directly for help.
[/b]
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Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.They just can't stand the audacity of you.

macphilip:
Ma'am, you saw the red flags when you were dating him, but chose to ignore.

Anyway, which of these 4 vices below is the worst for a man?

Drinking
Smoking
Gambling
Womanizing

Most cases, it only becomes bad when it drains one beyond one's financial capacity. If you engage in any one of these and you are close to me but you no come bill me to rescue you from important things you could have used that money for, you are good to go even if I will not in any way support it. Whoever indulges in it will know with time if it's bad or not when there is health complications as a result of the choice of their vices.

mukthar2000:
And u think you are doing that woman favour with all this ur discouragements articles, can't u just stop judging and stop talking As if u are a God that create the guy and stop discourage that good wife if u can't console her with what she was passing through right.

Are you able to intelligently explain exactly how it is that I act like God by telling this woman and the man who is an addict exactly what God said of people in her situation--- the unrighteous? I would like to read a more informed address from you on this conclusion of yours.

Kobojunkie:
Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.

Please is your reaction directed to me or someone else? Show the real you please.

dealslip:
Avoid this person's advice like COVID 19. He/She is a sad, angry, bitter, resentful and God hating soul.

On the other hand; gambling, when it gets to the stage of addiction is not easily broken!!! At the moment he is not different from a cocaine addict. Everything you tell him falls on deaf ears. He has been animated by the spirit of gambling(destruction). Only the power of the Holy Spirit can break the stronghold of darkness over his life. You are not confronting your husband, you are confronting a wicked spirit operating through him. The weapon you have against it is not a physical one but a mighty one through God, specifically designed for the pulling down of strongholds and everything that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. Trust me, fighting him is futile. For the sake of the love you have for him and your baby - fast and pray for him - using the appropriate weapons of warfare. Sometimes a knife might be appropriate and other times only a hammer can work. If you want me to share the scriptures to use, you can indicate to me when you respond to my comment.

Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.

Tzar:
There is nothing wrong with the woman praying for her man and/or marriage to become better. Marriage in most cases benefits the woman more than the man. Therefore a lot is required from her to stay married. Men on the other hand have less consequences to contend with if they choose to be unmarried....

So even though God Himself made clear that He will never answer her prayers because she is an unrighteous, you rather believe it is in her favor to engage in such vain ritual anyways because, according to you, marriage benefits a woman? You would rather she live a meaningless existence because according to you, marriage benefits a woman? You folks are irredeemable!,

jaxxy:
Addiction to anything is bad and gambling is a major disaster Addiction.

Ure husband needs education on what gambling is and how it works and is configured to make u lose than win.

U don't play gambling with ur last income. u play it with what u can throw away even though economically no money should be thrown away.

He's pursuing a Fantasy win that only few get and most of them don't play with their last savings or borrowed money.

For ur mental health get a source of income urself and stop being totally or too dependent on ur husband and when u are averagely independent u can seek a separation not a divorce so he can have time to reflect on what he's doing to himself or go and stay with ur parents for awhile.

He's trying make big money for his family bt he's doing it the wrong way. He needs financial education.

Gambling can make a rich man broke very easily.

@ bolded is False...A rich guy sees gambling has a means of fun 🤩 or the person might have grow up being a gamblers before being a rich dude but Na rich man Dey win game pass twice on Saturday and Sunday evening...your confident in selecting your game will be super and don’t forget na greediness Dey make gamble hard an average Nigeria man want use 100naira win 38million which the uncertainty is very high...

Football betting is a financial pool 🏊‍♀️ whereby a large Numbers of losers compensate a few winner at the end of every game.

Aklee4994:
@ bolded is False...A rich guy sees gambling has a means of fun 🤩 or the person might have grow up being a gamblers before being a rich dude but Na rich man Dey win game pass twice on Saturday and Sunday evening...your confident in selecting your game will be super and don’t forget na greediness Dey make gamble hard an average Nigeria man want use 100naira win 38million which the uncertainty is very high...

Football betting is a financial pool 🏊‍♀️ whereby a large Numbers of losers compensate a few winner at the end of every game.

The bold ur made isn't false. Not every rich person with money knows the rules or how to gamble and once it becomes their addiction they will go broke loosing more than winning.

Rich winning gamblers don't get addicted.

dealslip:
Avoid this person's advice like COVID 19. He/She is a sad, angry, bitter, resentful and God hating soul.

On the other hand; gambling, when it gets to the stage of addiction is not easily broken!!! At the moment he is not different from a cocaine addict. Everything you tell him falls on deaf ears. He has been animated by the spirit of gambling(destruction). Only the power of the Holy Spirit can break the stronghold of darkness over his life. You are not confronting your husband, you are confronting a wicked spirit operating through him. The weapon you have against it is not a physical one but a mighty one through God, specifically designed for the pulling down of strongholds and everything that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. Trust me, fighting him is futile. For the sake of the love you have for him and your baby - fast and pray for him - using the appropriate weapons of warfare. Sometimes a knife might be appropriate and other times only a hammer can work. If you want me to share the scriptures to use, you can indicate to me when you respond to my comment.

Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.

I day think am too

garriAndsugar:
Did you know he was gambling before marriage or he was winning then you didn't notice

Lol

rooftops:
My only advise to you right now is do everything within your power to put hold on child bearing so that if he doesn't change and you want to leave there will be less baggage.
How people don't get you can't beat this bet companies is what I don't get.
Every new season, there is always a new bet company sponsoring premier league on dstv, that is to show how much money those guys get.

If person beat dem self thinks say he had won millions Omo nah the next week he go day beg for garri around neighbor

rooftops:
My only advise to you right now is do everything within your power to put hold on child bearing so that if he doesn't change and you want to leave there will be less baggage.
How people don't get you can't beat this bet companies is what I don't get.
Every new season, there is always a new bet company sponsoring premier league on dstv, that is to show how much money those guys get.

Lmao Shay bet looks like winning centers for ur eyes u want both of dem to be poor abi

Skyfornia:
If you have done enough and he doesn't want to change..join him. They said if you can't beat them, then join them.

Locate his popular betting spot and meet him there, as he is staking games, stake your own too. Two of you will join hand and go home empty after loosing..he won't expect you to prepare food at home since both of you went to work gamble at the betting shop..

You will sleep with empty stomachs, but make sure your baby dey chop.

Na the man go use him hand begin advice you say make una stop.

No be only him sabi madd

Nah u wan ruin him finish no be 1.0 dem played

ChizzyBuna:
Tell him to play Ac Milan vs Inter over 2.5
And thank me later..

Ajeh another name for virtual is person go die young

Revolution2022:
E no go pass Virtual.

Dearlove2me:
Why are you so pain? Does his lifestyle look like yours? That you have someone talking you to stop gambling away your life shows God still love you. When everyone give up on you and walk away, that's when you will realize you've made the wrong decision.

Lol
Who opened your cage and why have you stopped taking your medications?
I'm not sure you're referring to me or maybe you're mistaken me for your father...

bukatyne:
1. Chronic gambling is not a 'little' problem.

2. The OP has reported the issue to her in-laws and family without resolution. So divorce was not her first line of action

3. Women are keepers; men provide what the women keep. So what is the OP's husband providing?

While I am not saying the OP should divorce her husband (I have not given my opinion on this thread), it is gross misrepresentation to infer that the wife is the problem or the one that doesn't want to 'keep' the marriage.

You cannot solve a problem if you can’t even get the problem statement right.

Just read to understand and not to reply, love is different from reporting him to his parents and anybody, what do you think a rehabilitation center is for? You correct an adult through love, for him she is trying to prevent him from making it in life through gambling.

The unemployment situation in this country had led so many men into gambling just to provide their families.

She can also help him and encourage him to look for.a job, if he is busy, gambling will vanish naturally.

Not talking about divorce at this stage, what did she see that made her accept marrying him?

Anyways what do I even know

Dearlove2me:
Is like I'm in a sound prof house shouting on top of my voice and no one is hearing me. It seems they don't even understand what I'm going through.

I explained everything to my family and everyone including my mother, and they keep advicing me to stand on my feet and fight for my home, so long as they's no violence. That I shouldn't divorce my husband.
We always have heated argument, raising voice at each other.

My mother inlaw on the other hand, was crying on the phone. Telling me not to mention that name (divorce) ever again.
All the family members are not in support of divorce, but the main person I'm married to seems not to care at all.


He obviously refused to stop gambling away with any money that comes to his hand.
He presently have no job and he's owning a lot.

He's addicted and he's not making effort to stop. This is the root problem in my home. Because he exhibit all the wrong behavior as a result of this addiction.
Once he have any little money, his attitude, everything changed. He becomes scary. Until he finishes everything in betting, I wouldn't be able to talk to him and he will listen.

What should I do? Where do I go that I wouldn't look like a disobedient person, dispite everyone's pleade?
I'm using all my time to cry, qurrel and grieve here. Can't find myself.
I am not financially stable to make a move without my family's support.

When you marry am you know know?
Carry your cross well and keep praying for him.

kwasoly:
When you marry am you know know?
Carry your cross well and keep praying for him.

Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.

Kobojunkie:
Dearlove2me, see dem! They will never subject themselves to such a miserable existence but will quickly, even without second thought consider it the best solution for women in marriage. If you look well, some of dem have developed a sick form of admiration for women who sit tight year after year praying and fasting for their dead marriages to rise from the dead. Deep down they know it won't ever happen but they cheer the foolishness on anyways because in their minds that is the lot of a woman in marriage. undecided

They hide the wickedness behind the many mentions of the name of a God whose truth they have little to know real regard for. If you ask them, they won't hesitate to cast God as a liar by claiming He answers all of their prayers when in truth, they can't even tell which direction God breaths.

As bitter as ever . The fact you have not experienced the beauty of God doesn't mean others haven't. I have enjoyed the beauty of God and it's so sweet. Taste the Lord and see the Lord is good!!! Better don't let bitterness kill you. What's your own solution for her? nothing!!!! but bile and vile anger. Come make I show you the way

Kobojunkie:
Praying to whom exactly? Are you kidding?

You see, Scripture states that God does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous; the pleas and requests and every petition, praise, offering, work, plea, sacrifice, etc., of the unrighteous are tainted by their sins(disobedience/unholiness) and are hence an abomination to God. So, what is definite is that even your many pleas for the forgiveness of sins are not answered by God given that God made no special exemptions for that kind of plea. No amount of praying can cause God to change His mind regarding that which concerns the unrighteous by the way. So if you are thinking of prescribing more prayers that only means you really don't understand or know God at all.

God, however, openly bragged about how He only answers the prayers of the righteous; He delights in granting them the desires of their heart meaning that they are those who are loved by Him. For this very reason, Jesus Christ urged His followers to seek first the Kingdom of God and God's Righteousness in order that all things— the blessings and rewards of the Kingdom of God(holiness), answers to prayers included—shall be added on to them. And as Jesus Christ explained in His Gospel, the only way to become Holy, and then also Righteous, is by way of continuous submission and obedience to the teachings and commandments of Jesus Christ, god's Truth and Law in the Kingdom of god - John 8 vs 31 - 36 & John 14 vs 15 - 23. Jesus Christ is the only way. Obedience to the Truth of God is the one and only path to righteousness. No amount of praying and other religious rituals can accomplish that.

God deals indirectly with the unrighteous, the same way He deals with the unbelievers including the wicked and the ungrateful and that is by pouring out His mercy and kindness on them daily. So every time as an unrighteous you feel that God has answered your prayer know that at that same moment, or moments before that, God also provided the same mercy or similar to someone else across the world — or maybe just across from you— who does not even believe in God, nor asked God for anything. So, if answers from God are what you seek, then do what Jesus Christ said you should, which is to seek first the Kingdom of God(holiness), and then God's righteousness, in order that all these things —the blessings and rewards of the Kingdom of God(including answers to prayers) can be added to you.

Magic has a better chance of happening to her than God hearing her prayer. She needs to get off her arse and move for the sake of her own life and future.

This your reply speaks volumes of your kind of person. I'm not one to reply most times in cases like this but I just can't ignore it.
Firstly, the Bible (the word of God) is not mere text they have deeper meaning much more than what meets the human eye. If you say God does not listen to the prayers of sinners, that means He doesn't listen to anyone's prayers which would be terribly wrong. There are even cases in the Bible where "sinners" pray & God answered them. I won't engage you in any back & forth replies. Do not misinterpret the Bible and lead people astray.

Jaymidas001:
■ This your reply speaks volumes of your kind of person. I'm not one to reply most times in cases like this but I just can't ignore it.
■ Firstly, the Bible (the word of God) is not mere text they have deeper meaning much more than what meets the human eye.
■ If you say God does not listen to the prayers of sinners, that means He doesn't listen to anyone's prayers which would be terribly wrong. There are even cases in the Bible where "sinners" pray & God answered them. I won't engage you in any back & forth replies. Do not misinterpreted the Bible and lead people astray.

1.

2. So, where in [b]Isaiah 1 and Isaiah 59[/b]God declared that He does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous, you believe instead that God prevaricated?

And where in the Gospels, Jesus Christ urged His followers to seek first the Kingdom of God(holiness) and God's righteousness in order to have all things added(including answers to prayers), you believe Jesus Christ didn't mean what He said at all?

3. Name some of those sinners please so we both learn.