₦airaland Forum

NOC1:
Only DNA can solve this problem

.


Which DNA, so you didn't read the story

Words fail me.

toysodja:
Had a one night stand with this Cross River girl back home in Cameroon in 2006. After some years she claims i'm the father to her daughter. I start taking care of the child including schooling from primary 3 till date. Fast forward until 6 months ago i tried bringing my supposed daughter over to the US by filing for her since i'm a US citizen. USCIS demanded me and my daughter take a DNA test. Spent lots of money especially as she was back home and the test had to go through the US embassy. The results came in. She was 0% biologically related to me! My world crumbled. I felt used and all that. Went back home in May 2023 to confront the mom. she had nothing to say about my daughter's biological father. She herself is still confused till date. I've made a promise to myself to still help the child to achieve her dreams no matter what. my daughter doesnt know what has happened yet. i'm so afraid this might affect her psychologically coz i'm all she has ever known. I'm in to mental health so i know whats up. She'll be taking the GCE Advanced Level Certification next year. I might possibly have to adopt her too coz shes very promising academically. Its always good to do a DNA these days especially where theres doubt! I used to see it only on naija movies till it happened to me...

Just one night stand.....anyway, everything happens for a reason

NOC1:
Only DNA can solve this problem

they get money for DNA?

I know it must be from the Wastern part of Nigeria.

See how the hoelosho woman carry them dey catch cruise saying both of them are not the father of the girl.

I don't even know why they are fighting for the girl is not as if they can't even take care of her.

That's how so many members of nairaland who come here to talk nonsense against igbos don't have fathers. The men that they call father is not actually their father but only their mothers know this.

toysodja:
Had a one night stand with this Cross River girl back home in Cameroon in 2006. After some years she claims i'm the father to her daughter. I start taking care of the child including schooling from primary 3 till date. Fast forward until 6 months ago i tried bringing my supposed daughter over to the US by filing for her since i'm a US citizen. USCIS demanded me and my daughter take a DNA test. Spent lots of money especially as she was back home and the test had to go through the US embassy. The results came in. She was 0% biologically related to me! My world crumbled. I felt used and all that. Went back home in May 2023 to confront the mom. she had nothing to say about my daughter's biological father. She herself is still confused till date. I've made a promise to myself to still help the child to achieve her dreams no matter what. my daughter doesnt know what has happened yet. i'm so afraid this might affect her psychologically coz i'm all she has ever known. I'm in to mental health so i know whats up. She'll be taking the GCE Advanced Level Certification next year. I might possibly have to adopt her too coz shes very promising academically. Its always good to do a DNA these days especially where theres doubt! I used to see it only on naija movies till it happened to me...

I don't understand...DNA test says she isn't biologically your child and you still dey call am your daughter!

Your confusion is confusing you!

BadMaster:
Igbo women are the most promiscuous in the whole world

Fatimoh Oloyede the woman in the story is Yoruba and she is displaying typical Yoruba culture.

Deal with it!

talented321:
I started doubting this gender at the tender age of 10 because of what i see with my eyes.
Imagine the '''format''' alone
Na how she take use two grown up men for 11 years bafle's me or are they some sort of simps.
U way dey read this so' if u like be trusting ur wife and don't go for dna' last last na gateman go claim all your children.
What do u expect from a woman u met in a beer parlor.

Agege beer parlour of all places!!!

Nobody cares. 🤷‍♂️

When you do anyhow you go See anyhow!!! U know See Who to Sleep with and befriend in a Woman na Ibadan indigene illiterate,Muslim Who you met in a Beer Parlour Even their Educated Christian,Women are Promiscuous let alone to their illiterates.

Na all this Idiots they make Men Insult and degrade decent Women Wetin yo no fit Chop make you no Smell am!! Men Should be wary of the things they Sleep with because if you Sleep with anything anyhow You go see anyhow because Even me as a Lady I am wary of the type of Men I roll with..

toysodja:
Had a one night stand with this Cross River girl back home in Cameroon in 2006. After some years she claims i'm the father to her daughter. I start taking care of the child including schooling from primary 3 till date. Fast forward until 6 months ago i tried bringing my supposed daughter over to the US by filing for her since i'm a US citizen. USCIS demanded me and my daughter take a DNA test. Spent lots of money especially as she was back home and the test had to go through the US embassy. The results came in. She was 0% biologically related to me! My world crumbled. I felt used and all that. Went back home in May 2023 to confront the mom. she had nothing to say about my daughter's biological father. She herself is still confused till date. I've made a promise to myself to still help the child to achieve her dreams no matter what. my daughter doesnt know what has happened yet. i'm so afraid this might affect her psychologically coz i'm all she has ever known. I'm in to mental health so i know whats up. She'll be taking the GCE Advanced Level Certification next year. I might possibly have to adopt her too coz shes very promising academically. Its always good to do a DNA these days especially where theres doubt! I used to see it only on naija movies till it happened to me...

I hope you have other kids.

Adoptive parents regularly share their regrets particularly when the kids fly the coop. Most humans want to know their roots. If your daughter finds out, she'd be distraught. But, after some time, she'd likely be curious, confront her mom, and possibly seek out her biological father.

If she's your entire world, that'd wreck your psyche.

I've read many accounts of adoptive parents saying it's better to be a fur parent. I'm not saying that'd happen to you, just an exposition of what happens in the real world.

Raising a kid that isn't yours isn't a big deal. Anyone who is successful enough should give back to society by contributing to the upbringing of at least one disadvantaged kid that's not a relative. Say through an orphanage, monastery, charity, or sth. Just be mindful of establishing a consanguine link. You'll be shattered if it is not reciprocated when you're a senior.

It's painful when biological kids do it, it is hellish when adopted kids do it. That's how we're wired.

One life lesson young boys/men are not told early enough is that a woman will screw whoever she wants but pawn paternity to whoever can give the kid the best life. When a woman pins a pregnancy on you, you're the best option for the kid at that moment. Philosophically, this tracks. It is why the Western courts tend to prioritize the child's needs over the father's rights. But I'll never shrug off the deception and duplicity.

So always do a DNA test clandestinely. It's cheaper than a year of tuition you'd pay in the future. In fact, borrow money to do it if you're short on cash.

-Lord

talented321:
I started doubting this gender at the tender age of 10 because of what i see with my eyes.
Imagine the '''format''' alone
Na how she take use two grown up men for 11 years bafle's me or are they some sort of simps.
U way dey read this so' if u like be trusting ur wife and don't go for dna' last last na gateman go claim all your children.
What do u expect from a woman u met in a beer parlor.

Your mouth and gender oooo🤣🤣🤣

am not suprised cos its very common in yoruba land. infact 80% of yoruba population have paternity issue ..its not against yoruba culture..even Tinubu your part time president doesn't know his father

flokii:
Every guy should save up for DNA test to be sure of the paternity of any child that other gender gives to them.. as things dey cost anyhow now, one h0e go still dey find guy to carry handicap.

She even claims none of the two miscreants fathered the girl.. 'set awon brother se e fe?, awon animashaun'

My children are mini-me, the 3 of them are just my replica, for that am grateful to God.

Please adopt the girl but try as much as you can to distance yourself from that woman. She can arrange with her current boyfriend to kill you. They are that dumb

“I did not accompany her on the trip because she had yet to formally introduce me to her family as her husband.

Ode nigga

LordAdam16:
I hope you have other kids.

Adoptive parents regularly share their regrets particularly when the kids fly the coop. Most humans want to know their roots. If your daughter finds out, she'd be distraught. But, after some time, she'd likely be curious, confront her mom, and possibly seek out her biological father.

If she's your entire world, that'd wreck your psyche.

I've read many accounts of adoptive parents saying it's better to be a fur parent. I'm not saying that'd happen to you, just an exposition of what happens in the real world.

Raising a kid that isn't yours isn't a big deal. Anyone who is successful enough should give back to society by contributing to the upbringing of at least one disadvantaged kid that's not a relative. Say through an orphanage, monastery, charity, or sth. Just be mindful of establishing a consanguine link. You'll be shattered if it is not reciprocated when you're a senior.

It's painful when biological kids do it, it is hellish when adopted kids do it. That's how we're wired.

One life lesson young boys/men are not told early enough is that a woman will screw whoever she wants but pawn paternity to whoever can give the kid the best life. When a woman pins a pregnancy on you, you're the best option for the kid at that moment. Philosophically, this tracks. It is why the Western courts tend to prioritize the child's needs over the father's rights. But I'll never shrug off the deception and duplicity.

So always do a DNA test clandestinely. It's cheaper than a year of tuition you'd pay in the future. In fact, borrow money to do it if you're short on cash.

-Lord

Most likely male kids that go trace their roots,rarely females .
Even if a make child realises that his biological father tried killing both mom and child,they will still go to hear the other side of the story or reconciliation.

While this post is about paternity fraud,I will want to divert by giving my 2 cents about adoption in Nigeria and while we shouldn't hate it or resent adopted kids but reflect on our values.


Also,I am worried about why it is only in Africa that adoption ends in tears,never the western world. Says alot. Or could it be that adopted children in Africa rarely get the privileges as biological kids? I mean, adoption is a last resort to barren couples and should the couple conceive later on,the stranger has to give a way for the "real children". The adopted kids acts out on noticing their relegation as second class child,then the news spread out about adopted kids being this and that. There is always a distinction between adopted and biological children.

How dare an adopted child ever want to inherit properties like the "real child". They should be grateful that someone picked them from the streets and fed them,but never try to raise shoulders or struggle with real kids. This is the mantra of Africans concerning adoption. That is a repercussion of adopting kids not out of love but you can't conceive or other selfish reasons.

This doesn't apply to adoption alone but step kids.
Abroad a child will be aware of both biological parents and step parents at a tender age. Scheduling time for visiting each parent.And no one cries in the end.

One igbo man paid for sperm from a sperm donor organization after over a decade of childlessness . He absconded when he realised that the surrogate will deliver a male child .why? He previously assumed it will be a girl and he can't bear the thought of another man's child inheriting his properties( in the east male children get inheritance not females).

Coming back to this thread.

My advice to @toysodja is spill the truth. Nothing is superior than the truth. It sets the people free. Since she is old enough,tell the girl the entire truth. Whatever she chooses to do with the truth is no longer your business. If you chose to , continue training her,but kindly don't expect anything in return. The idea of expecting things or seeing kids as investment has led many elderly people to high BP. If you later have biological kids,give your best and don't expect much,their spouses may turn them against you or something else. Make this with that.

Candidlady:
Iam trying to understand your first paragraph 😡

Explain better why a man would wanna sleep with his SUPPOSED daughter just because he feels she is not his ?


Please danallah explain

Asin justify the act in a way Ican understand
Kai

Instead of necklace they should place tyres round your neck dab you with gas then lit a stick of dunhil.. splash the red ashes on you
😡

The poster was not justifying the act.

Naija men do these because they can go Scot free with it. They are that irresponsible,and can't function well in a structured society. That explains why when they find themselves in a functional society they feel oppressed.

To them

Paying child support for your child=oppression/man hating culture/gynocentism

Stop approaching minors=
oppression/man hating culture/gynocentism

Stop hitting women=oppression/man hating culture/gynocentism

The way people die in Nigeria, I don't even sure I dey alive.
Her former husband died. Her friend that connected her to bilaminu died. Their mother died.

Life span in Nigeria is less than fifty three.

CuriousStudent:
Most likely male kids that go trace their roots,rarely females .
Even if a make child realises that his biological father tried killing both mom and child,they will still go to hear the other side of the story or reconciliation.

While this post is about paternity fraud,I will want to divert by giving my 2 cents about adoption in Nigeria and while we shouldn't hate it or resent adopted kids but reflect on our values.


Also,I am worried about why it is only in Africa that adoption ends in tears,never the western world. Says alot. Or could it be that adopted children in Africa rarely get the privileges as biological kids? I mean, adoption is a last resort to barren couples and should the couple conceive later on,the stranger has to give a way for the "real children". The adopted kids acts out on noticing their relegation as second class child,then the news spread out about adopted kids being this and that. There is always a distinction between adopted and biological children.

How dare an adopted child ever want to inherit properties like the "real child". They should be grateful that someone picked them from the streets and fed them,but never try to raise shoulders or struggle with real kids. This is the mantra of Africans concerning adoption. That is a repercussion of adopting kids not out of love but you can't conceive or other selfish reasons.

This doesn't apply to adoption alone but step kids.
Abroad a child will be aware of both biological parents and step parents at a tender age. Scheduling time for visiting each parent.And no one cries in the end.

One igbo man paid for sperm from a sperm donor organization after over a decade of childlessness . He absconded when he realised that the surrogate will deliver a male child .why? He previously assumed it will be a girl and he can't bear the thought of another man's child inheriting his properties( in the east male children get inheritance not females).

Coming back to this thread.

My advice to @toysodja is spill the truth. Nothing is superior than the truth. It sets the people free. Since she is old enough,tell the girl the entire truth. Whatever she chooses to do with the truth is no longer your business. If you chose to , continue training her,but kindly don't expect anything in return. The idea of expecting things or seeing kids as investment has led many elderly people to high BP. If you later have biological kids,give your best and don't expect much,their spouses may turn them against you or something else. Make this with that.

I hear you, Nne.

But the handle I quoted is American. Go on Reddit. Input the search string, "regret adoption". Lots of cautionary tales.

Most would not apply to the @ I quoted because he's had a wonderful relationship with his daughter who's now a teen. But there are still landmines going into the future.

I cannot speak to an outcome disparity by gender. I'm not a psychologist either, so I can't make authoritative statements on the subject matter.

That said, it does not appear to me that pining for closure is a gendered phenomenon. A lot of the times, these kids just want to an answer to the burning question, "WHY"? Why did you abandon me? What was my offence? Why did I have to miss out on the unconditional love that my peers took for granted. Significant traumas to unpack there.

Eventually, they try to reconnect. Their now older birth parents may have had their altar call and see an outreach as a fortuitous opportunity for a do-over. If the parent turns out to be a write-off, that piles on to the trauma of abandonment. Now, the kid wonders if s/he is impaired. If s/he will be a good parent or turn out to be like their birth parent (apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that).

And recall, we're talking about the West. With the culture of individualism, lean support system, and oodles of mental baggage. Consequently, as adults, many adopted kids become withdrawn. Not necessarily out of malice for their adoptive parents. But being around them can be a tireless reminder and standard disagreements can take on new dimensions.

To your note about Nigeria. I would give Nigerians flak on a lot of things, but on this, I can be empathetic. Most Nigerians in the middle class and higher have wards. Anecdotally, Nigerian adoptive parents who are childless care for their adoptees without reservation. The imperative to prioritize birth children is natural. It is not civilized, but most parents have favorite kids for instance. Can't help it. So one would have to make a mental effort to eliminate any discrepancies in parenting birth vs adoptive kids.

Especially when you have to raise them on scarce resources. There'd always be that subconscious inclination to elevate the needs of your birth children.

The man in your story should have adopted the "Die With Zero" philosophy.

To your last paragraph, it is incredibly difficult "to expect nothing". Even when you don't, you'd struggle to shake off the pangs of ingratitude and displeasure when friends, family, and acquaintances are waxing lyrical about how they vacationed with and spoiled their grand kids, meanwhile you are getting the runaround for a simple FaceTime.

Everything is not about money.

Happy Sunday!

-Lord

taylor88:

kia

IconicR:
Hehehe well well well Fatima played their games perfectly. If they didn't deserve Fatima they won't have come across Fatima. She fatimad them all 😂😂😂😂

Really? Naivety can lead people into error.

Mehn I wondered how she'll live with herself, again I'm not advocating promiscuity, but if you look into fatimoh's growing up you'll see gaps of adequate parenting, how can a 17 year old young girl in 2002 be serving in a beer parlor?

Wahala.... Make I come read all of these this afternoon?

OdefaGirl:
Wahala.... Make I come read all of these this afternoon?

There's profit in being detailed.

Hmmm Yoruba women, if you leave with them you will know, I have One like that in my compound, claim to be a married woman but jump from one man to another while in housband house, with there lazy husband.

LordAdam16:
That said, it does not appear to me that pining for closure is a gendered phenomenon. A lot of the times, these kids just want to an answer to the burning question, "WHY"? Why did you abandon me? What was my offence? Why did I have to miss out on the unconditional love that my peers took for granted. Significant traumas to unpack there.

If this is the dreaded phenomenon adoptive or step parents face then I am sorry,in my opinion,it is not enough.
"Looking for real father/mother" or "tracing roots" seems trivial to qualify as a risk.

Why should your child knowing their biological parents be a problem.i will surely tell my child about their birth parents and give them a ride to know them(except off course there are of questionable character or dubious intentions) when there are of age. If you chose to stay fine,or join your birth parent,fine as well.

Would your child disown you or change their surname or build house for their new found biological parents? Hell no. Except off course you made life so difficult for them by virtue of not treating them like your biological kids,then finding their birth parents will be a relief to them.

The idea that a parent just pops outs of nowhere to claim a child and the child will willingly follow neglecting who they considered parents for life is false-except off course a festering relationship exists between the child and the adoptive parent.

And recall, we're talking about the West. With the culture of individualism, lean support system, and oodles of mental baggage. Consequently, as adults, many adopted kids become withdrawn. Not necessarily out of malice for their adoptive parents. But being around them can be a tireless reminder and standard disagreements can take on new dimensions.

I agree, timing is everything. I suggest until they are adults and have attained emotional and psychological maturity before having the "talk". You obviously should not have the "talk" with a junkie or some kids having issues in school or an emotional wreck.

Especially when you have to raise them on scarce resources There'd always be that subconscious inclination to elevate the needs of your birth children.

Wait oh,are poor or struggling people permitted to adopt? I assumed a legal process follows where your financial status and proof of sustaining the child must be clarified. Also if you intend having other kids should be established .

In my books adoption is not for the faint hearted or the average Joe especially in a third world country were hunger and selfishness is the motivation for most decisions. No be Nigerians again? People that go to dates for free food and act on survival mode are those that the court will afford custody of a child!

Haba!

So I believe that adoption should not be practised in Nigeria except for some few. Such delicate decision should not be given to the common man.

And adoption should only be considered if you honestly have decided to take the child as yours,if you can't,refrain from adopting.it is that simple. Adoption is not compulsory. Explore other options like surrogacy or ivf if barreness is your problem. If it's sympathy for a child that is your problem,then be sending money to the child instead of adopting.

The man in your story should have adopted the "Die With Zero" philosophy.

what does this mean?

To your last paragraph, it is incredibly difficult "to expect nothing". Even when you don't, you'd struggle to shake off the pangs of ingratitude and displeasure when friends, family, and acquaintances are waxing lyrical about how they vacationed with and spoiled their grand kids, meanwhile you are getting the runaround for a simple FaceTime.

Everything is not about money.

Happy Sunday!

-Lord

I agree,parenting is a risk. You can give your child all the best in life then suddenly you will listen to a podcast of them denouncing you. They can be the next criminal hanged or the girl that got pregnant in secondary school. Or the drug taker or the one that a pastor has convinced that you are a witch. Lawrence aneni mother would have expected her son to be a doctor or lawyer and pastors may have prayed for him during his naming ceremony.

These are all risks all children pose, adopted kids are not the only ones posing risks. But a third world national speaking from his stomach and interest may feel otherwise.

Islie:
– Girl’s mother: I deceived them both; they’re not her real father

– Embattled mother of five pleads for forgiveness



https://thenationonlineng.net/drama-as-opc-member-nurtw-official-row-over-paternity-of-11-year-old-girl/#google_vignette

Women are a mistake by creation walahi

useless yoruba people

She lied about her father passing.. No red flag?
She dumped her baby at your door… No Red flag
You met her again and she came to knack.. and only asked about her baby.. No red flag?

Once knack dey involved.. some men no get common sense?? Lolp

CuriousStudent:
If this is the dreaded phenomenon adoptive or step parents face then I am sorry,in my opinion,it is not enough.
"Looking for real father/mother" or "tracing roots" seems trivial to qualify as a risk.

Why should your child knowing their biological parents be a problem.i will surely tell my child about their birth parents and give them a ride to know them(except off course there are of questionable character or dubious intentions) when there are of age. If you chose to stay fine,or join your birth parent,fine as well.

The bolded is the rub. When kids come of age, they can take any decision they like, even if you're not enthused by it.

Nonetheless, it'd be doubly hurtful when an adopted kid opts to vinculate with their birth parent after your sacrifices. That stings.

Would your child disown you or change their surname or build house for their new found biological parents? Hell no. Except off course you made life so difficult for them by virtue of not treating them like your biological kids,then finding their birth parents will be a relief to them.

The idea that a parent just pops outs of nowhere to claim a child and the child will willingly follow neglecting who they considered parents for life is false - except off course a festering relationship exists between the child and the adoptive parent.

Not quite. It happens with disquieting periodicity.

And again, far be it for me to cast aspersions about legitimate feelings of discontent and dreariness of parents who braved conception difficulties and went through the ringer to adopt and raise a kid that isn't theirs.

Provided the kids were not molested or abused, I'll commiserate and be partial to their gripes.

Parenting is difficult. Most normal people are doing the best they can. The postulation that only bad parenting can impel adopted kids to pull back is uncharitable.

Wait oh,are poor or struggling people permitted to adopt? I assumed a legal process follows where your financial status and proof of sustaining the child must be clarified. Also if you intend having other kids should be established .

Your assumption is correct.

However, most households in Nigeria are on economy drive, including the middle class.

Those feelings of neglect you highlighted will arise in virtually any middle-class household if the parents are not alert to their subconscious biases.

In my books adoption is not for the faint hearted or the average Joe especially in a third world country were hunger and selfishness is the motivation for most decisions. No be Nigerians again? People that go to dates for free food and act on survival mode are those that the court will afford custody of a child!

Haba!

The popular parlance is that children are a blessing. So even if you're broke, having a kid socially means you're not a dreg. Before all the womb-watchers table your matter. Infact, before it gets to the stage of an adoption, the woman would often have had an affair and failed to conceive, confirming the complication is not from the husband.

The lawyers will even advise the couple to inflate their income if that'll be a hold-up. Nigerians will call it "smartness".

What does this mean?

The "Die with Zero" philosophy is a book by Bill Perkins that argues that people should aim to invest all their money in experiences and relationships before they die. The book's main idea is to live a fulfilling life today, as well as in the future, without compromising one's retirement. The goal is to get the most out of one's money and life, and to stop over-saving and under-living.

The "Die with Zero" philosophy encourages the financially secure to die with zero dollars in the bank. This means no inheritances for children, and saving less for retirement, retiring earlier, or making periodic lump-sum withdrawals for specific experiences.

The book argues that experiences and relationships give life meaning, and that people should be strategic about spending and saving to squeeze every cent's worth of value from life. It also argues that people should live their lives as if they have a finite amount of time left, and that certain memories need to be created now, not later.

Courtesy of Google Bard

I agree,parenting is a risk. You can give your child all the best in life then suddenly you will listen to a podcast of them denouncing you. They can be the next criminal hanged or the girl that got pregnant in secondary school. Or the drug taker or the one that a pastor has convinced that you are a witch. Lawrence aneni mother would have expected her son to be a doctor or lawyer and pastors may have prayed for him during his naming ceremony.

These are all risks all children pose, adopted kids are not the only ones posing risks. But a third world national speaking from his stomach and interest may feel otherwise.

And I'm saying it hurts more when those risks don't pay off with adoptive kids. That's primarily due to our programming.

I'm not adjudicating the morality of this. Only acknowledging it and making recommendations on that basis to avoid the potential "after all I did for her" lamentation.

-Lord

LordAdam16:
The bolded is the rub. When kids come of age, they can take any decision they like, even if you're not enthused by it.

Nonetheless, it'd be doubly hurtful when an adopted kid opts to vinculate with their birth parent after your sacrifices. That stings.



Not quite. It happens with disquieting periodicity.

And again, far be it for me to cast aspersions about legitimate feelings of discontent and dreariness of parents who braved conception difficulties and went through the ringer to adopt and raise a kid that isn't theirs.

Provided the kids were not molested or abused, I'll commiserate and be partial to their gripes.

Parenting is difficult. Most normal people are doing the best they can. The postulation that only bad parenting can impel adopted kids to pull back is uncharitable.



Your assumption is correct.

However, most households in Nigeria are on economy drive, including the middle class.

Those feelings of neglect you highlighted will arise in virtually any middle-class household if the parents are not alert to their subconscious biases.



The popular parlance is that children are a blessing. So even if you're broke, having a kid socially means you're not a dreg. Before all the womb-watchers table your matter. Infact, before it gets to the stage of an adoption, the woman would often have had an affair and failed to conceive, confirming the complication is not from the husband.

The lawyers will even advise the couple to inflate their income if that'll be a hold-up. Nigerians will call it "smartness".





Courtesy of Google Bard



And I'm saying it hurts more when those risks don't pay off with adoptive kids. That's primarily due to our programming.

I'm not adjudicating the morality of this. Only acknowledging it and making recommendations on that basis to avoid the potential "after all I did for her" lamentation.

-Lord

Okay you have made a case that makes alot of sense. However you were more on the side of adoptive parents than the kids, I wished you extended the same reason with those helpless kids that didn't decide to be born or circumstances to be born.

i hope you will agree with my recommendations:
-dont adopt kids unless you have always had the desire to adopt kids. Using kids as backup plan when conception fails just to appease womb checkers feels selfish. Ivf ,surrogacy ,and the rest can solve it.it is okay to accommodate a child,or feed them or cloth them for as long as you can
You can be their guardian or sponsor or God parent but don't adopt them and give them your surname if you can't vouch for unconditional love for them.

"Home will always be home" may be the driving force behind kids returning to their birth parents.it is possible they noticed the subconscious biases and the resolved to return to their real home with the hopes that they get love with any biases.

When you see two grown men fighting over a woman, that woman his loaded behind. Big Ny*sh. No one wan loose