₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
Did you ever have to endure life in an abusive environment as a child? It is one of the worst things that can happen to a child. I speak from experience. All that anger and frustration needs be directed somewhere. Equally bad if they hold it all in in hopes that somehow it will all magically disappear somehow.

That child needs help— both of them do— but the mother and father are obviously unavailable. Where Mindlog dey abeg!

I dey work.

Ahnie, if from your OP you meant you slapped that girl, I would like to ask that you start by going back to apologize to her for reacting the way you did to her disrespecting her mother in front of you. As a grown-up, you reacted in the wrong way to her rudeness and so need to correct that error of yours by apologizing first. Also apologize for kicking her out too. You handled it badly.

Kobojunkie:
Did you ever have to endure life in an abusive environment as a child? It is one of the worst things that can happen to a child. I speak from experience. All that anger and frustration needs be directed somewhere. Equally bad if they hold it all in in hopes that somehow it will all magically disappear somehow.

That child needs help— both of them do— but the mother and father are obviously unavailable. Where Mindlog dey abeg!

The mother is seeking temporary separation from her husband,he has subjected the woman to lots of awful things, striping her naked in public,chasing her naked outside with cutlass,gave her lots of scars,and some dehumanizing experiences.

He's evening fighting to get hold of her 2 stores and he has started selling the woman's properties.
Because she's the calm type

ahnie:
■The mother is seeking temporary separation from her husband, he has subjected the woman to lots of awful things, striping her naked in public,chasing her naked outside with cutlass,gave her lots of scars,and some dehumanizing experiences.
■ He's evening fighting to get hold of her 2 stores and he has started selling the woman's properties. Because she's the calm type

Those children need help. Even their self-esteem go don suffer terribly abeg!

2. Is the woman an eejit or what? That ain't calm at all... that is idiocy! Why hasn't she gotten him arrested for all that has happened? Why is he walking around free? And what do you mean by separation when she should have divorced the imbe-cile from the get-go?

No, I dont mean to say that, I mean this is Nigeria and I understand human nature. To the best of my knowledge. let the family take care of their issues, if no one can, she should be taken to rehabilitation centers. OP can try his best to correct her, but its not his battle, let him focus on his own family

Kobojunkie:
1. Am I the only one who got the part that the father is an irresponsible abusive man? Why would you say a child is the responsibility of such a man, a man who probably should be in jail for his criminal acts against his own family?

2. How can she take the "lead" when she clearly hasn't been taking the lead all this while?

3. Sure, the child can be corrected but by whom? The abusive father, the mother who is probably still traumatized from her abusive relationship, or Ahnie who sees and knows something is wrong and needs to be dealt with?

4. I don't understand you at all. So, you want an abusive father to feel more of a man when he is likely the source of the pain and hurt his own 14-year-old daughter is struggling to deal with?

Thats not an husband but an Animal. Do your best for the girl if you can, she learnt her actions from her abusive dad. She thought thats the best way of life.

ahnie:
The mother is seeking temporary separation from her husband,he has subjected the woman to lots of awful things, striping her naked in public,chasing her naked outside with cutlass,gave her lots of scars,and some dehumanizing experiences.

He's evening fighting to get hold of her 2 stores and he has started selling the woman's properties.
Because she's the calm type

Styluss:
■ No, I dont mean to say that, I mean this is Nigeria and I understand human nature. To the best of my knowledge. let the family take care of their issues,
■ if no one can, she should be taken to rehabilitation centers.
■ OP can try his best to correct her, but its not his battle, let him focus on his own family

1. The family is the problem, the source of the chaos going through that girl's head, and probably her sister's too.

2. Ahnie came here trying to help, but you are saying she shouldn't. Why? Do you want her sent to a rehabilitation center in Nigeria?

3. It is not her battle? Na so una dey all talk until these same kids grow up to become threats against your very existence and livelihoods. These kids you ignore today are some of the same ones who go on to terrorize your communities tomorrow. Know this and realize that "mind your own business" living only works if you live alone on an island somewhere.

ahnie:
What can be done to correct her at this stage? Mum still funds her acct,buys her fancy seductive wears and phone.

Ahnie, the woman messed up as a mother raising daughters. She needs to apologize to her children for having them endure all that bullsheet all for her selfish desire to cling to the Mrs. badge. She doesn't need to stop funding the kids or remove their phones. What she needs to do is apologize to them and promise to get help so she can become a better mother and stronger individual and parent to them abeg! She also needs to talk to them about divorcing that monster of a husband she has there once and for all. They can each decide how they want to relate to him after the divorce.

Please update your OP with all the backstory you have revealed on the family so people can clearly see for themselves where the problem likely comes from..

Sorry, I just read op's explanation. The family is messed up. They damaged the girl mental health. OP can help or seek help from the girls extended family.

Kobojunkie:
1. The family is the problem, the source of the chaos going through that girl's head, and probably her sister's too.

.

ahnie:
The mother is seeking temporary separation from her husband,he has subjected the woman to lots of awful things, striping her naked in public,chasing her naked outside with cutlass,gave her lots of scars,and some dehumanizing experiences.

He's evening fighting to get hold of her 2 stores and he has started selling the woman's properties.
Because she's the calm type

That woman has really suffered. An abusive husband who also doubles as a deadbeat dad and a wayward 14 year old daughter........ . My heart goes out to her.

Styluss:
Sorry, I just read op's explanation. The family is messed up. They damaged the girl mental health. OP can help or seek help from the girls extended family.

Indeed! Those parents did terrible wrong to those children. The 12 year old is still just 12 but the 14-year-old powered by teenage hormones is likely having a hard time keeping in her rage.

Ganjafama:
That woman has really suffered. An abusive husband who also doubles as a deadbeat dad and a wayward 14 year old daughter........ . My heart goes out to her.

Na upside down analysis be this. You were once a child yourself so put yourself in that child's shoes to see that in this case, the parents are more likely reason for the child's rebellious behavior.

Will get even worse if she isnt tamed as soon as possible, because the older she gets the more difficult it becomes.
I just hope to have a very peaceful family because this marriage wahala scares me. I have a first hand experience of what a lovely home feels like, however, I had dated ladies from broken homes in the past and they exhibit thesame attitude of this girl in question. Parents are not only raising a child, their actions and inactions will shape their wards future.

Kobojunkie:
Indeed! Those parents did terrible wrong to those children. The 12 year old is still just 12 but the 14-year-old powered by teenage hormones is likely having a hard time keeping in her rage.

ahnie:
The mom is not a weakling, she's the type that tolerate and accomodates every rubbish thrown at her.

what happened to their father? She's an example of why most people conclude women from single mothers aren't marriage able despite glaring exceptions

Barims:
She is a psychopath

The 14 year old?

WantsandMore:
what happened to their father? She's an example of why most people conclude women from single mothers aren't marriage able despite glaring exceptions

Boths are still bound by law as Husband n wife,but she's seeking for temporary separation for now because of domestic abuse.

ahnie:
Boths are still bound by law as Husband n wife,but she's seeking for temporary separation for now because of domestic abuse.

What is keeping that nonsense woman from divorcing a man who chased her naked self around with a cutlass in public ? Is she short in the brain? What you described is on same level as terrorism..

ahnie:
Boths are still bound by law as Husband n wife,but she's seeking for temporary separation for now because of domestic abuse.

Damn, that's some tragedy ... the child could be acting out cos of this, while you r not meant to spare the rod and spoil the child, it's equally important you engage her in a kind manner to correct her waywardness. Godspeed

Kobojunkie:
Did you ever have to endure life in an abusive environment as a child? It is one of the worst things that can happen to a child. I speak from experience. All that anger and frustration needs be directed somewhere. Equally bad if they hold it all in in hopes that somehow it will all magically disappear somehow.

That child needs help— both of them do— but the mother and father are obviously unavailable. Where Mindlog dey abeg!

Toxic marriage + failed parenting = the 14 year old kid.

ahnie:
I haven't really had decent sleep for days now,which is the least of my concerns

We housing an ex neighbor and her 2 daughters who for reasons which I wouldn't want to disclose are putting up with my family pending when they secure accomodation.

This lady has 2 daughters one aged 14yrs and the other 12yrs.

M having concerns with how the 14yrs old is treating the mother,i wouldn't say the mum has spoilt her,I just don't know what's wrong with her....maybe youthful exuberance.

This child insults her mother anyhow,throws objects at her,use deteriorating words on the mother like idiot,ewu,nonsense woman.

Yesterday again she did it in my presence,I told was forced to give her some resounding slaps,and told her to get the hell outta my house or I would take her to the barracks to be beaten.

I don't have strength to deal with teenage rascality now,I have 2 lil kids that growing and I wouldn't want them to think it's cool trash treating a mother like that.


This girl just wouldn't want to engage in domestic chores,she seats down and watch people slaves for her.

This morning I woke her up with a stern warning that she has to engage in chores like washing the loo,mopping,and fetching water if she really do not want to see the ugly side of me.

Annoying of them all is...all those small dirty bob Marley boys with dirty dreadlocks are beginning to lurk around in my compound all because of her which I will not entertain.

I understand it's her time...but she should do it with moderation,I have kids that age in my compound and they're cool headed, why's her different?

I just hope she will not fall pregnant soonest,I told the mother she really has alot to do.

if the mother is not with their father, and her daughter is misbehaving in such a way,i can only see a few reasons why the daughter would act like that,the girls mother is guilty of something that 14 year old girl inows,she is only acting a saint, could be that she caught her mum cheating on her dad with someone,or the dad caught the woman cheating which resulted in their divorce or so.the mother is the reason why that girl is broken and she is taking the blame by not fighting back when the girl attacks her.it cant go beyond this reasons.i just hope that girl would not cause a draft between you and that woman.

ahnie:
How?

Leave her alone

E get why

Mindlog:
The 14 year old?

Yes

Barims:
Yes

Pls define the term psychopath you termed her.

Barims:
Yes

Wrong, she is not a psychopath but an adolescent struggling with conduct disorder.

Mindlog:
Wrong, she is not a psychopath but an adolescent sttruggling with conduct disorder.

That girl has been spoon-fed and spoilt. I see her getting pregnant and dropping out of secondary School very soon.

Ganjafama:
That girl has been spoon-fed and spoilt. I see her getting pregnant and dropping out of secondary School very soon.

From what I read, I can't say she was spoon-fed rather a product of neglectful parenting as both father and mother were busy living out their toxic marriage, least bothered about their children in meeting their emotional needs, providing structures for them. Even the 12 year old (the younger one) who seem "responsible", there is no certainty that she is not simmering beneath.

It is fundamentally parenting failure. Adolescents who are promiscuous are getting better at not dropping out of school because of pregnancy as they are "taking care" of themselves, better.

ahnie:
I haven't really had decent sleep for days now,which is the least of my concerns

We housing an ex neighbor and her 2 daughters who for reasons which I wouldn't want to disclose are putting up with my family pending when they secure accomodation.

This lady has 2 daughters one aged 14yrs and the other 12yrs.

M having concerns with how the 14yrs old is treating the mother,i wouldn't say the mum has spoilt her,I just don't know what's wrong with her....maybe youthful exuberance.

This child insults her mother anyhow,throws objects at her,use deteriorating words on the mother like idiot,ewu,nonsense woman.

Yesterday again she did it in my presence,I told was forced to give her some resounding slaps,and told her to get the hell outta my house or I would take her to the barracks to be beaten.

I don't have strength to deal with teenage rascality now,I have 2 lil kids that growing and I wouldn't want them to think it's cool trash treating a mother like that.


This girl just wouldn't want to engage in domestic chores,she seats down and watch people slaves for her.

This morning I woke her up with a stern warning that she has to engage in chores like washing the loo,mopping,and fetching water if she really do not want to see the ugly side of me.

Annoying of them all is...all those small dirty bob Marley boys with dirty dreadlocks are beginning to lurk around in my compound all because of her which I will not entertain.

I understand it's her time...but she should do it with moderation,I have kids that age in my compound and they're cool headed, why's her different?

I just hope she will not fall pregnant soonest,I told the mother she really has alot to do.

I think you need to get a room apartment for them if you can afford that so that they can pack out

Am surprise, you didn't mention your wife reactions towards all these

frozen70:
I think you need to get a room apartment for them if you can afford that so that they can pack out

Am surprise, you didn't mention your wife reactions towards all these

..so you no know say Ahnie na woman like you?

ahnie:
I haven't really had decent sleep for days now,which is the least of my concerns

We housing an ex neighbor and her 2 daughters who for reasons which I wouldn't want to disclose are putting up with my family pending when they secure accomodation.

This lady has 2 daughters one aged 14yrs and the other 12yrs.

M having concerns with how the 14yrs old is treating the mother,i wouldn't say the mum has spoilt her,I just don't know what's wrong with her....maybe youthful exuberance.

This child insults her mother anyhow,throws objects at her,use deteriorating words on the mother like idiot,ewu,nonsense woman.

Yesterday again she did it in my presence,I told was forced to give her some resounding slaps,and told her to get the hell outta my house or I would take her to the barracks to be beaten.

I don't have strength to deal with teenage rascality now,I have 2 lil kids that growing and I wouldn't want them to think it's cool trash treating a mother like that.


This girl just wouldn't want to engage in domestic chores,she seats down and watch people slaves for her.

This morning I woke her up with a stern warning that she has to engage in chores like washing the loo,mopping,and fetching water if she really do not want to see the ugly side of me.

Annoying of them all is...all those small dirty bob Marley boys with dirty dreadlocks are beginning to lurk around in my compound all because of her which I will not entertain.

I understand it's her time...but she should do it with moderation,I have kids that age in my compound and they're cool headed, why's her different?

I just hope she will not fall pregnant soonest,I told the mother she really has alot to do.

Hmm... This is a common sight when a child doesn't have a father or a father figure to ensure a balanced parenting is achieved as the child is growing. All I can tell you is to be very careful and not allow your noble intention and desire to help bring regret to you and your home.

Omotakins:
Hmm... This is a common sight when a child doesn't have a father or a father figure to ensure a balanced parenting is achieved as the child is growing. All I can tell you is to be very careful and not allow your noble intention and desire to help bring regret to you and your home.

Stop yammering abeg! Balanced parenting can be achieved even by one responsible individual taking on a supportive role in the life of a child.

ahnie:
The 12yrs old acts normal no issues with that one.


But you see the one I mentioned has already started collecting dicks.

She's having sex at 14
That's terrible. Are her partners children around her age or over 18?
If it's 18 and above the matter needs to be reported to the police because it means she's a victim of statutory rape.
If it's people her own age, you need to find out who they are, find their parents and tell them it's unacceptable and they need to stay away from her.

It sounds like the girl has some issues beyond just youthful exuberance. Constant rudeness, violent behavior, refusing to do anything to help and having sex. The mother needs to adopt some disciplinary tactics and if that doesn't work, she may need professional help before it gets worse.

JoshTim:
Imagine....using cuddling glove to treat this issue. You dare not try this with my dad or mum,....you will be served the cold treatment. A 14 years old is not beyond the rod, spare it not and save the child. That child needs to be dealt with seriously.

How many people who rebelled as teenagers were actually coddled into such a state? I would say only a few. The vast majority were driven into that state by chaos in their homes which most times you and I, outsiders were either ignorant of or chose to turn a blind eye to.