₦airaland Forum

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

SerLaery:
The OP is in a difficult position regarding his family. He is seeking for advice not providing assistance of any kind.

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

Jennyclay:
What advice do you need or what should we do for you? because you haven’t said anything

You’re just showing yourself. It’s not as if you’re a millionaire

phemy36:
Please don't blame her. She's sensitive enough to see great potential. Let her utilize it. Who no like better things

phemy36:
Kindly avoid anything that has to do with Nigerian female. They are driven by emotions. Nothing on the upstairs. You can see from the way they respond to you clear write up. Forgetting that without clear purpose, compromising and cooperation in marriage failure abund. They think marriage is one way traffic. Do things the way that pleases you without considering other partners. That's the reason behind many failed marriages this days.

phemmyfour:
Let her be, you can't force a career woman to be a business woman over night. Let her work under supervision so that eventually if she becomes a boss, she would have gained the needed experience to lead others.

Passion changes with time, support her dreams now, she ll return to support you later.

Working in your field isn't about getting rich, it's about fulfilment knowing you are doing what you enjoy

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

SIMPonPatrol:
I hope you know you're an idiot

Obierika:
Have you considered the possibility that some of those who give her catering contracts may be pestering her for sex?

This happens more than people care to admit so I suggest you ask her directly

phemy36:
But can take responsibility of her failure and provide for her as husband. Who are this kids.

pongwa:
you have to allow her follow her dreams. Why don't you stay home and take care of the kids instead since they are also yours and you care about them.

easzypeaszy:
Please allow her to work.. Humans are never satisfied until dey hv to pay fr it one way or the other.. Especially married women.
Let her get her job n by time she see shege, insults, stress, restlessness, pressure from Customer service job ehhn na she go run comot by den don't gv her any support immediately until her head totally format fr good.
Dis may sound like waste of time like 1yr but dis current one u are dragging can tk 5yrs to 10yrs to settle n na u go still chop blame

Women wahala too much as dey are Born or Naturally Brutal but men are pushed to it.

My advise as a Married Man.

phemmyfour:
You are ignorant of so many things
Ki lọmọde ẹ mọ

You get the best from your woman when you support her in achieving her dreams. She ll eventually come around to support the business but if you forced her against her wish and passion, I will will be here to read your thread on your business crumble via frustration from your wife.

Mindlog:
And when they get to court, he would tell the judge that the end of the marriage was because she picked up a job against his wish and the court should grant him custody of their children.....las, las e go become bachelor again and the court mandating him to be regularly paying their children' school fees and sending their monthly upkeep money to the ex-wife who will later have another uncle who would be visiting her at home, taking care of her needs.

phemy36:
When you get married. You will understand. Enjoy yourself

EndRape2:
She might not like staying at home, neigbours hardly respect a woman at home, why not open her business outside your home, a mini fast food and bakery? Where she has to wake up and go to, not staying doors?

Also why do you want her to drop her own vision for yours? I think accepting her own vision, and helping her to buikd it, will bring peace in your home, some women can not be entrepreneurs, they prefer office work

You do not have problem in your marriage, just do not let foolish people advice you otherwise.

Open her bakery office outside the house
Or. Let her start the job.

easzypeaszy:
Please allow her to work.. Humans are never satisfied until dey hv to pay fr it one way or the other.. Especially married women.
Let her get her job n by time she see shege, insults, stress, restlessness, pressure from Customer service job ehhn na she go run comot by den don't gv her any support immediately until her head totally format fr good.
Dis may sound like waste of time like 1yr but dis current one u are dragging can tk 5yrs to 10yrs to settle n na u go still chop blame

Women wahala too much as dey are Born or Naturally Brutal but men are pushed to it.

My advise as a Married Man.

dacool1:
Don't mind all these kids here on nairaland. Don't give up on your ideas. I just think she's having a wrong mindset thinking it's a control mechanism or she lacks indepth understanding of the subject matter or she's selfish. Forget all these independent talks from people here.

How is she independent when she will be controlled by a coy, she prefers to work for other people's organization than her family. Most women have this problem.

If she doesn't understand the pros and cons of her decisions, try educating her but if you sense she's putting herself ahead of the family, you will have to appeal for her selfish nature by making her see from how it benefits her more.

It's most likely she wants to have some level of freedom to move around without getting queried. If this is the issue, just plan your retirement without her in the picture for now. When she's about 50years old she'll come around.

EkelediliBuhari:
Thanks for your impute.

She has passion for catering, nothing she loves more, she refused to make cloths after learning and buying equipment.

The only problem in working is the rat race never ends… and she won’t want to be a disappointment by quitting after sometime. She will want to prove that she can do it knowing who she is…

For making money, she makes money yes… am also 100% confident she can make x5 her present profit margins in the near future if she keeps her present work rate.

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

phemmyfour:
When I get married? Kids everywhere

SmartyPants:
Whether or not they are together will he not foot the fees and expenses of his kids? That is a constant and has no bearing on the suggestion made by the person you quoted.

How and where her needs are met will not be any concern of his either.

phemy36:
If you are married. Don't compare your marriage with another, and always give a realistic advice devoid of emotion please. Things work when we are selfless in marriage

Mindlog:
And you have not even seen on Nigeria's justice court tv shown on Youtube, were fathers who refused to provide for their children because they don't have custody of them were dragged to the court? Or have you ever spent some time in welfare offices to observe the back and forth?

Mindlog:
And you have not even seen on Nigeria's justice court tv shown on Youtube, were fathers who refused to provide for their children because they don't have custody of them were dragged to the court? Or have you ever spent some time in welfare offices to observe the back and forth?