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Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? - Family - Nairaland

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Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by EkelediliBuhari: 5:49am On Sep 17, 2023
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

48 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by STARGREEN(m): 5:50am On Sep 17, 2023
It's well.

But sometimes, bear in mind that in spite of how you encourage and support someone, without passion for the job, there's no satisfaction.

I would rather ask that you help her to grow her passion, it gives peace of mind, comfort, fulfilment, and even experience to do better in the entrepreneur you crave for.

Moreover, not all customer service jobs in the 21 century requires going to the office, some are done at the comfort of your home.

Quite sure, family 1st, entrepreneur 2nd, but you need experience and passion to be successful.

32 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by henidord3: 5:57am On Sep 17, 2023
It's well oh chia😞
Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by TimT: 5:59am On Sep 17, 2023
Next time go straight to the point... How much you make, How much your father makes, where you or your father works. All these are quite unnecessary for we to hear... we don't need it ..

Suffice to say, let your wife be who she wants to be... She's your wife, not your child for you to control...
Free her..
You yourself, you can take over your father's business, then someday hand it down to your child...
But as for madam, all she need from you is your support...

108 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Kobojunkie: 6:00am On Sep 17, 2023
Wow...see question person dey ask in 2023/2024 lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Towma(f): 6:02am On Sep 17, 2023
Your wife wants more income than what she's currently getting and she doesn't want to depend on anyone for that. I don't know what your personal story is in your family but I feel her catering business isn't going as well as she hoped or it isn't yielding desired profits and she is not comfortable depending on you for her upkeep.

If you two can afford it, hire the services of a good creche or carer for your kids while she does her office work. Let her follow it and hopefully, she would succeed or go far.
It's not advice able for women to not have a source of income they can use in taking care of themselves and kids alone, in case something happens to their husbands.

My two cents.

24 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by EkelediliBuhari: 6:10am On Sep 17, 2023
STARGREEN:
It's well.

But sometimes, bear in mind that in spite of how you encourage and support someone, without passion for the job, there's no satisfaction.

I would rather ask that you help her to grow her passion, it gives peace of mind, comfort, fulfilment, and even experience to do better in the entrepreneur you crave for.

Moreover, not all customer service jobs in the 21 century requires going to the office, some are done at the comfort of your home.

Quite sure, family 1st, entrepreneur 2nd, but you need experience and passion to be successful.


Thanks for your impute.

She has passion for catering, nothing she loves more, she refused to make cloths after learning and buying equipment.

The only problem in working is the rat race never ends… and she won’t want to be a disappointment by quitting after sometime. She will want to prove that she can do it knowing who she is…

For making money, she makes money yes… am also 100% confident she can make x5 her present profit margins in the near future if she keeps her present work rate.

7 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by EkelediliBuhari: 6:11am On Sep 17, 2023
Towma:
Your wife wants more income than what she's currently getting and she doesn't want to depend on anyone for that. I don't know what your personal story is in your family but I feel her catering business isn't going as well as she hoped or it isn't yielding desired profits and she is not comfortable depending on you for her upkeep.

If you two can afford it, hire the services of a good creche or carer for your kids while she does her office work. Let her follow it and hopefully, she would succeed or go far.
It's not advice able for women to not have a source of income they can use in taking care of themselves and kids alone, in case something happens to their husbands.

My two cents.

I preach this independence every other day… working is really not independence as you need a thriving company to pay you salaries… she makes good money from her business too… frankly I think am missing something…

7 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by JASONjnr(m): 6:29am On Sep 17, 2023
Why are you trying so much to align your wife with your dad?

Do you think she will be comfortable around him?

And from all what you wrote it seems you're the only making the decisions and planning....and if she's not yielding, you get nuts.


Someone said up there that you should give her support.

I will say guide her through her desires. If she wants to work to earn. Allow her, get a nanny to look after the kids and probably she will learn about being a boss. She will get experience from working for people.


Just let her chose her path and while you design your retirement.


But how do people make millions monthly in this Nigeria?😳😳

34 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by talented321: 6:31am On Sep 17, 2023
With my loud.. .

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by michlins(m): 6:38am On Sep 17, 2023
While you have her best interest in heart, she's still a human and I believe she wants to chart her own course. She doesn't want her life to revolve around you and your family so support her to get the 9-5 job.

The demands and stress of the said job will make her a better person and prepare her for the job you want her to take over from your dad. Without such experience, she will not understand the pains your dad had to put in to build the firm.

Both of you are right depending on where you're looking at it from

18 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Jennyclay(f): 6:54am On Sep 17, 2023
What advice do you need or what should we do for you? because you haven’t said anything undecided

You’re just showing yourself. It’s not as if you’re a millionaire undecided

5 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by HarunaWest(m): 6:55am On Sep 17, 2023
EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advices and funded.
You son's of Adam keep repeating the same mistake. When a woman is determined to chart a course for her life, let her be. Stop trying to impose your ideas or wishes on her. For if she fails, you Don buy market for that marriage. You can only advice and meeuvve.

11 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by MrsTwrite(f): 6:58am On Sep 17, 2023
Please let her be!

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Mindlog: 7:26am On Sep 17, 2023
From the write up, it is all about what you want wife to be.....she is your wife and an adult, not your child.

That she studied accountancy does not mean she wants to practice as an accountant. She loves to cook and bake does not mean she will not like going out to work for an organization, it is part of her self-actualization and can always have her catering business as a side gig.

When she gets an office job, you both should work out how you both would be available for the children as there are many couples who both work 9 to 5 and still, their children do not lack parental care and affection.

17 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by talk2hb1(m): 8:05am On Sep 17, 2023
EkelediliBuhari:

Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
No Problem!
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
Maybe
This your writeup grammar self, my input here is that I gat no input.
It's your home, I can't give you the best advice.


My suggestions are call her and understand why she intend to pick that job, if she is being honest with you, you can always negotiate with her. Alternative option is to slam your masculine hammer that you don't want her to pick any job or she move go her father house where she can do anything she wants.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Ibechris2: 8:15am On Sep 17, 2023
May be u guys didn't defined all of this when u started the relationship.

That was where the real problem started from.

Tell ur dad to talk to her...and don't forget also,that her family members cherish her just as ur family sees u,therefore,they expect more from her.

U guys should have a plan B together and find away to sort this out timeously. One man decision or ideas doesn't perfectly work despite the fact that urs look better and has some betterment in it.



EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by oweniwe(m): 8:16am On Sep 17, 2023
EkelediliBuhari:


My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship.

Una men no dey hear word. Invest in yourself. Don't invest in woman's business.

All the funds you have been putting in her biz, if you had invested in your own biz, would have been better for you.

You see, women, on a good day, want a man that will be laboring to provide for them while they just stay at home doing simple things. Most of them then don't want to task their brain.

So forget all that gimmick of looking for work, she's just pretending so that she will look serious in your eyes. You said she's trained accountant like your Dad, then why is she applying for customer service roles? Because accounting is hard and customer service is soft... She don't want work that will make her to be using her brain grin

Tailoring requires a lot of brain work na why she quit am sharply.. cheesy

Just leave her alone. Next time you have money use it to establish another business for yourself or expand your current business. Make she dey do her catering and customer service for one corner.

No be today women dey pretend to be serious about something when they are just doing it so as not to look lazy grin

46 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Mindlog: 8:42am On Sep 17, 2023
talk2hb1:

This your writeup grammar self, my input here is that I gat no input.
It's your home, I can't give you the best advice.


My suggestions are call her and understand why she intend to pick that job, if she is being honest with you, you can always negotiate with her. Alternative option is to slam your masculine hammer that you don't want her to pick any job or she move go her father house where she can do anything she wants.

And when they get to court, he would tell the judge that the end of the marriage was because she picked up a job against his wish and the court should grant him custody of their children.....las, las e go become bachelor again and the court mandating him to be regularly paying their children' school fees and sending their monthly upkeep money to the ex-wife who will later have another uncle who would be visiting her at home, taking care of her needs. cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by starpower(m): 9:15am On Sep 17, 2023
EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k
Invest in yourself more from now on and try avoiding telling her what to do. I had this issue in my marriage quite a time ago, I just try investing more in myself and people who value my initiative. I stop advising and complaining and support when I can not as a duty. Some people aren't really very logical ones and finds business uncertainty depressive, one will learn to manage people like resources that have choice of expression of meaning. Maybe you should be the entrepreneur and make that your priority. Can hire professionals for your dad and manage them. A friend is an accountant he manages 6 pharmacies. We can't over plan our lives and that of others. I have a business but find it very boring doing the manual stuffs, I learnt delegation through systemizing, my wife doesn't like doing anything than studying I relieved her of the office functions and let her continue studying . My business has progressed better without her distractions and her life is better hopefully. I have more time for my kid which I have love to. By over supporting people along your own experiences makes them entitled in the long run and they over value there capacity. Unleash your partners let them know survival ain't easy and they might be very lucky and make ones life better and more fulfilling.

35 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by SeaTrade(m): 9:39am On Sep 17, 2023
Chief,creation of enterprise should be on you and not your wife,there's just a few women who can truly develop and run a profitable enterprise.
Let her chose her path according to what she can handle so she don't end up losing all at the end of the day.
No dey put woman prospect in your growth plans,it hardly ends well.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by cornelin(m): 9:56am On Sep 17, 2023
You have to really sit her down and discuss what she really want and where she want to be in the foreseeable future. If her passion lies in being an employee, support her otherwise, if she is forced to take the the path you've chosen for her, she might not be totally committed to it which will bring all your financial contribution to the business to ruin.

So think wisely and act wisely.


Just in. The truth behind Tinubu recent university Transcript


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e9XGDmpAPQ
Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Shelter100(f): 10:01am On Sep 17, 2023
Support your wife if you want a happy home. Make provisions for the kids and let your wife chase her dream. I won't want you to take the blame that you stole your wife's dream.

4 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by deltateam: 10:12am On Sep 17, 2023
Okay
Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by amalgram69: 10:13am On Sep 17, 2023
Selfish oh. Nothing you want tell me cheesy

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by MisterBanny(m): 10:13am On Sep 17, 2023
Hh
Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Dproperties: 10:14am On Sep 17, 2023
Talk to your wife about why she wants a job. Maybe she's applying because she needs more money or feels something is missing.

Listen to her, but also share your worries about the problems that come with a job, like less time with the family.

Discuss your future plans together and try to find a solution that works for both of you.

If she still insist, remind her that you're the head of the house.
Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by OkpaNsukkaisBae(m): 10:14am On Sep 17, 2023
your moniker alone is a turn off. carry your cross
Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by omooba969(m): 10:14am On Sep 17, 2023
Op abeg next time just go straight to the point... Stating your income and what your dad does for a living is unnecessary - we don't need to know.

Secondly, ask your wife what she would love to do going forward and then support her. She deserves to be happy doing what she loves to do.

4 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Sarbee(m): 10:14am On Sep 17, 2023
Alr
Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by NaughtyBrainiac: 10:15am On Sep 17, 2023
Dear Ekeledilibuhari,

Please have a proper proper conversation with your wife.

Be calm, be sweet and as friendly as possible. Let her understand your point and also ask her how you both can work together to achieve family goals.

Please ask her what you need to do to make her give up certain things and consider the "better" options you have.

If you both love echother and are good friends, I am certain that a compromise will be reached.

4 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Sarang(f): 10:16am On Sep 17, 2023
When has working made anyone rich and yet you work. Dude you're being selfish!

3 Likes

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