₦airaland Forum

SmartyPants:
Only a mad man would refuse to pay his kid's fees simply because he does not have custody. I am assuming he has his sense intact.

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

You have tried boss, only few marrieds would get your path and pity your missery.managing women at home ...why is your wife confused sef ?she has successfully landed two hand work(abi profession)yet keep a ampering white collar,that is insatiation !I don't wanna conclude you starving her her of funds ?looks like her relatives are also pushing her to go carrer ,else she has issues with the competition in the town.Those two profession requires hard work, tota focus and patience ...your wifey is truely RUNNING AWAY from such responsibility looking for simpler English speaking and paying jobs...that's her major trouble.Pls make plans for your kids ,just so bad that they are too young to be left in d hands of strangers now ,your wife sef mean oga , thisuna BIG MEN MARRIAGE OR FAMILY,una wahalla too much .Marriage is 3 yrs and kids are two ,but madam is already running into white collar??who does she expect to be responsible for the home ? I hope she isn't jealous ?.Then you sef come down , it doesn't revolve around you, let her breathe small sir,come around her plans and help her achieve them(but she can't go white collar now )her kids are quite young , strangers would complicate your home o ! Your wife too wants to prove she can make it by going out there ,that means you are a bit domineering and assertive at home.you are letting her know you can meet up all the bills ,she is listening and seeing her class mates hoping in and out of colorful offices ,what do you think she's gonna do? She will opt-out of that "local street job "so to look classy in match with her mates.please thread softly and desire wisdom over this sir.THIS BREAKS HOME ,... IT DOES .

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business .

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

phemy36:
You are living in the past. Court is not a jungles. They deal with fact not emotions

prophetfire:
Too bad your wife is the type that's never satisfied with what she's doing.
A jack of all trades and master of none. Just like to go into things for fantasy sake.
She's not being reasonable and realistic. Petty explorer. Such persons battle with confusion and instability and at the end of the day,, don't reach their full potential.
An accountant, Learnt to make dresses and drops it, is doing a good catering outfit, wants to drop it, doing part-time in a family accounting firm, wants to drop all these to go do low-paying customer service job.
Fantasy pursuer she is.
Let her be. Let her go and waste some time there too. At the end of the day, she would come back to square one. Problem with such people is they waste time jumping from one thing to another and never reach any good height in what they later settle to do.
Some even go into retirement without having settled their lives.
You have to manage and plan the future of the family alone because she's not with you. That would be draining and disappointing but you have to try.

JASONjnr:
But how do people make millions monthly in this Nigeria?😳😳

henidord3:
It's well oh chia😞

SerLaery:
Are you being serious, sir? Head of the family with good source of income to stay at home and take care of the kids?

flexyrule:
LOL

OP doesn't earn close to 1m per month.

It's all packaging.

Like someone said, he should had gone straight to the point.

No need for all those my daddy this, my daddy that.

Shelter100:
Support your wife if you want a happy home. Make provisions for the kids and let your wife chase her dream. I won't want you to take the blame that you stole your wife's dream.

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

pongwa:
don't let some people see this. That said, I believe you have married a career lady and its gonna be hard to convince her. Moreover, I also want you to know that your case is not a peculiar one. It just calls for more deliberations, so I suggest you sit her down and devise plans on taking care of the kids. Whatever arrangements or strategy to be employed should be agreed upon. Lastly if your wife has feminist tendencies, please don't portray yourself as head of the house o.

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

MrsTwrite:
Please let her be!

phemy36:
May God bless you 💯. I don't understand the kind of female we have this day. Their thinking is shallow

kurlz:
Don't stress yourself, let her learn from experience, they don't tell a child not to put hand in fire when the fire burns the child he will learn, so leave her to work she will start complaining and quit by herself because she may not be able to meet up with time, stress, shores, kids care, pressure....... And may not be able to condole how she will be treated when working under someone. You are even stressing it too much let her work under someone and learn by her self, it's just for a little while.

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

phemmyfour:
Mister , give your advice and move on. What gives you the impression that the experience in your marriage will work for the OP.

Don't force it, except you are misogynist

oweniwe:
Una men no dey hear word. Invest in yourself. Don't invest in woman's business.

All the funds you have been putting in her biz, if you had invested in your own biz, would have been better for you.

You see, women, on a good day, want a man that will be laboring to provide for them while they just stay at home doing simple things. Most of them then don't want to task their brain.

So forget all that gimmick of looking for work, she's just pretending so that she will look serious in your eyes. You said she's trained accountant like your Dad, then why is she applying for customer service roles? Because accounting is hard and customer service is soft... She don't want work that will make her to be using her brain

Tailoring requires a lot of brain work na why she quit am sharply..

Just leave her alone. Next time you have money use it to establish another business for yourself or expand your current business. Make she dey do her catering and customer service for one corner.

No be today women dey pretend to be serious about something when they are just doing it so as not to look lazy

starpower:
Invest in yourself more from now on and try avoiding telling her what to do. I had this issue in my marriage quite a time ago, I just try investing more in myself and people who value my initiative. I stop advising and complaining and support when I can not as a duty. Some people aren't really very logical ones and finds business uncertainty depressive, one will learn to manage people like resources that have choice of expression of meaning. Maybe you should be the entrepreneur and make that your priority. Can hire professionals for your dad and manage them. A friend is an accountant he manages 6 pharmacies. We can't over plan our lives and that of others. I have a business but find it very boring doing the manual stuffs, I learnt delegation through systemizing, my wife doesn't like doing anything than studying I relieved her of the office functions and let her continue studying . My business has progressed better without her distractions and her life is better hopefully. I have more time for my kid which I have love to. By over supporting people along your own experiences makes them entitled in the long run and they over value there capacity. Unleash your partners let them know survival ain't easy and they might be very lucky and make ones life better and more fulfilling.