₦airaland Forum

Tonero5200:
you are so foolish for this statement

Guy you still grieving, you need help cos the way you are throwing tantrums and dispersing your aggression is toxic.

Fahvvy:
The society has painted the picture that a man is only as useful as the depth of his pockets, but nothing could be more further from the truth ...

The presence of a man in a family is so potent that his absence leave the family exposed to a lot of mishaps ...

presence of a man matters a lot in a family

The hypocrisy of the African family value system.


If govts (past and present) were doing their jobs as required to, the burden of the nuclear and extended family would be less.

Same goes for the "first born" curse in Africa.

Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

That’s MAN o. MALE. Descendant Of ADAM. THE FIRSTS. To be a MAN no easy.

Men carry so many responsibilities beyond financial and in the end you can’t cry they say you weak, you can’t drink to forget they say you a fool, you just have to soldier on.

Most times, men that drink excessively are the ones that failed to reach their potential and they just couldn’t deal with it. They know they should be doing way better and they fail to recognize and appreciate what they already have, like their family.

I’m curious, did you ever ask your dad why he drinks so much? I’m only 26 and I drink a lot too because I feel like I’m already failing.

Deeprooted:
Tears running down my cheeks

I lost my lovely Dad

Ndo..... death is painful and much more painful when it involves a close relative or associate.

Babysho:
That’s MAN o. MALE. Descendant Of ADAM. THE FIRSTS. To be a MAN no easy.

Men carry so many responsibilities beyond financial and in the end you can’t cry they say you weak, you can’t drink to forget they say you a fool, you just have to soldier on.

Most times, men that drink excessively are the ones that failed to reach their potential and they just couldn’t deal with it. They know they should be doing way better and they fail to recognize and appreciate what they already have, like their family.

I’m curious, did you ever ask your dad why he drinks so much? I’m only 26 and I drink a lot too because I feel like I’m already failing.

@26? You are already feeling low? That's dangerous to your psyche

meditator:
Be sincere, would you like your children to be become drunkards ?

A "highly functional alcoholic" is better than a "Non-functional non-alcoholic" roaming the streets and constituting a nuisance!

There is a Yoruba proverb that said
Ti agba ile Baku ile di aworo Which mean ( When the elder in a family die the house become empty )
Honestly the words is authentic the same happens when my mother father die.
So you guys need to earn those families respect not by money or showing but by humidity and interigrity.

ogaontop:
A "highly functional alcoholic" is better than a "Non-functional non-alcoholic" roaming the streets and constituting a nuisance!

An alcoholic would never become functional. He's desecrating his values and would end up being a menace to the society. He could become more useful to himself and the society if he/she shuns alcohol.

benjyyyyy07:
I’m sorry, but I feel you don’t understand what he’s saying.
Drunkards are similar to alcoholics but way different ask around.

I'm sure u wouldn't your children to be any of the two.

Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

Deep! Really profound comment

Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

I'm sorry about the loss of your dad.
However, visiting should go both ways.

Those that visited your dad while he was alive would probably be expecting you to visit them to return the same respect to them. It's not personal at all. It's just the way power hungers people.

I have a similar experience too. My uncle's that were trooping to our house while my dad was alive too stop coming because they felt we were too young for them to be running to but instead, we should now be coming to their places.

The problem is, I wasn't going to them much before and now, the power dey hungry them because they want to step in my dad's shoe and would need a subject like me to be coming to them for advice.

Nothing personal. It's just power hunger/power transfer.

End of story.

malcom1X:
Shows you he was the one holding that family.

What you need now is to stand on your own and gain respect.

They only respected your father because he earned their respect. The focus is now on someone else now that he's dead.

What have you done to earn their respect? You don't expect them to come and pay homage to you or seek advice from you. Or is that what you want? Move on.

meditator:
An alcoholic would never become functional. He's desecrating his values and would end up being a menace to society. He could become more useful to himself and society if he/she shuns alcohol.

You're not wrong but I have seen a few Medical Doctors that are @ their optimum when they drink or smoke, I don't understand how that happens!

Cruise777:
It's a forum for general discussion not your private social media and I can bet any amount you can't even stand in my presence to call me a kid

Moderation is a vague word, your moderation isn't my moderation

While I was in the Middle East everyone smoked and we took smoking break at work

In Nigeria smoking is so frowned upon

.

Let's bet, £50,000?

NSK4U:
@26? You are already feeling low? That's dangerous to your psyche

Well, age is just a number like they say. At 26, I’ve seen some messed up things that some 40 year olds have not/may not see. And also, I’m not really hopeful for the future.

Cruise777:
An Average Russian is a regular alcoholic who is dependent on Vodka... Russia don't see that as a problem because they don't constituite nuisance after taking Vodka in moderation


Irish and Scottish Men on Average Consume more Beers, Stout, Whiskey daily even Americans

Try this is Nigeria and watch people start looking at you like sinner


.

Thank you for not mentioning Germany in this matter.

ogaontop:
You're not wrong but I have seen a few Medical Doctors that are @ their optimum when they drink or smoke, I don't understand how that happens!

You are right but i think they could have been more brilliant if they had nothing to do with alcohol.

Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

Let me put it like this.
Where ever i hear the "Medilin cartel" Only pablo Escobar comes to my mind because he was the face of that family but since Escobar died nobody cares about the Medilin cartel.
Talk about the "Dangote Family" only Aliko Dangote comes to my mind.
But it seems your father was the picture and face of your family but now he's gone no one sees your family like they saw it while you're father was alive.
I know you felt disappointed in your father for not having that responsible father image you wanted but in the sight of others he had the image they wanted...in your family he was the image they saw but now he's gone they no longer see that image therefore your family is not noticed like before because it is faceless.
If you're family has a face now it will stand for something...Your father stood as something to others.
Try and understand that everything God created is not useless because everything he created has a purpose on earth.
You can still stand as the image of your family amd it will regain a new taste.

Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

It's only a black man especially the chimps in the zoo that does not value human beings who doesn't have money. If you are poor in the zoo republic, you are worthless but if you kill or scam or rig election to hit it big, you are treated like God. Your case is similar, and over familiarity. When you marry, you will understand more of your fathers condition when he was alive. For now you still dey for shege level.

Tonero5200:
Now go back and read my initial post and see if you find that bolded word there.

Kids like you who hardly understand post, just to rush and comments irritates me so much

you are the kid in this conversation because your response to some comments are childish

Formularcr7:
you are the kid in this conversation because your response to some comments are childish

I generated 404 likes on a post from people that can father your father because they understood me and saw wisdom in it. My son I have done my humble part to show people like you the way, don't make same mistake I did while I was your age so you won't have to come on nairaland 2043 to tell same tale.
Everyone matters

Hmmmmmm ! My dad was an abusive man , he drink and beat my mother almost everyday and then I was still a boy . I always wished him death due to how he treat my mother and even us the children sometimes, but one thing was certain no one in my community dare disrespect our family name . He died in 2001 and mehn No one regards us as anything when we go to the village, all our lands are taken away by others and my elder brother can't do anything.
The point is everyone still breathing is important in one way or the other in a family!!

Tonero5200:
Holding the family in terms of what?


My elder bro has been the one fending for us since 2009

He trained me to the stage I am now, while my father was just looking, drinking.

But hey if you say my father was still the one holding the family I agree but you have to be specific, because from your post it seems financially but it's not.

The point I am trying to make here is different.

Everyone is useful you might not know now, but when they are gone. You get to realise that

From my observation ur father has a unique identity, while ur bro only has money, identity over money all day bro

Any father is better than no father at all.

Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

This is saddening...
your story reminds me of my father except for the drinking part...
He was respected...holds alot of history that ordinarily people don't know about both the family and village and so many cultures... People come to him for pictures of relations distant and close, when they need to take important decisions. He takes the final decision and best advice to give and trust me if disregard it na you go regret, negotiation skills is top notch especially at marriage and family meetings. It's so painful he won't be at mine and make it memorable ...no dulling moment with the man. I MISS HIM SO MUCH