₦airaland Forum

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!

If you are Ok being single in your 60s, all good. If not, you had better bend and quickly too. I know a bunch of single women in their 60s. They all had your kinda attitude, picky & unable to trust men. They are all in their 60s now, lonely and regretful. I don't presume they are lonely & regretful. I know because they tell me. Two out of those are family members.

@jewessgratittud3

I know who you're. You're an introvert with a very strong spiritual awakening, use it to your maximum benefits in order to get the very best for your life in every aspect.

The decisions you're taking are the best for you and you're in the right track.

But, to have a good husband of your wish, you know what to do. It's just that you haven't implore the power in you to get it done once and for all.

Call to play the power of spiritual awakening in you and soonest you'll see the very best coming your way and as you want it.

Puss360:
To have a child is easy....To see to the needs of that child is the problem..
Try and go out and be exposed and see that there are actually some people living good lives who are aren't bothered about kids...
Some people are actually living for today.. they don't think about anything like future or tomorrow...
So having a child is not a life achievement...
It's just a common option for those who are Sexually Mature to procreate...

Please the bolded statements refer.
1) please define good life.
2) please define life achievement.

If you're delusional, please don't export it to others.

Hopefully waiting till when u turn 52 maybe the story will still be interesting to tell.and i ncase u don't reach that age and u die,las las na termites go chop that ur aging kpekus wet u no wan give guys chop..

Even at your age you still haven't learnt the code of marriage. That is why you're still saying "I must like the person first".

Let me enlighten you a bit..... there's a reason the scripture says "Men LOVE your wives and Wives SUBMIT to your husband.

Love as we know it can never be mutual! And like you even alluded in your post, men are expected to be the one to carry the bulk of the family's responsibilities (financially and otherwise). Since most women will not agree to carry the family's responsibilities even when they have the means, and since humans tend to take advantage of the one who loves and desires them especially men, it is wise for women to suppress their own feelings and follow the man who desires them. You're only required to submit to them. Besides, most women end up liking the men on the long run

That way, the man would gladly shoulder his responsibilities as the man of the house! It is easier that way! Women who insist that they must marry the one they have feelings for should be ready to go after the men they desire, woo them, withstand all the time he'll be playing "hard to get", marry him and cater for him and the family! If you cannot do all these, then follow the age-long method or remain single for life.

Even in biology, males are represented with the diagram bent towards the direction of the female which stands straight.


This generation of ladies will want to eat their cakes and still have it.

Puss360:
Yes... That's true...kids contunues our lineage... But the main question is as a man what lineage do you want to pass on when you/ the man is poor...
Even bible said A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children, so you need to look yourself well to know if you are able to take care of that child and keep "investment" for him to continue....
So everybody has reproductive organs, but not all has the money to train a child

Well said. I modified one of my posts and wanted to make sure you saw the modification:

It is not a bad thing for a woman not to be inclined to be a mother... The problem we have in Nigeria is we try to force motherhood on every woman... Some women are meant to be career women who have no or little interest in men, some are meant to be nuns in the convent, some are meant to be mistresses and concubines, some female players, etc... its not a bad thing....

Jewessgratitud3:
I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age....

You just succeeded in showing us how you wasted your prime years without having any healthy relationship.

You said your parents raised you to be decent, why didn't you join singles fellowship in Church and date Christian guys who would equally abstain?

Maybe you were just too proud that your ego made you lose willing and able suitors. But you don't need to get married madam, it's not by force.

Samcent:
I commend the op's courage but what she's looking for does not exist.

Yes, there's a right person but there's no perfect person. However, she is looking for a perfect man.

There's no way, that of all the suitors that have approach her in the past, not one of them is good enough for marriage.

It's not a must to get married and it's not a must to have children. But to be alone is not good.

I wish her the best of life.

Well, you happen to be wrong. You assume the way you experience life is how every one else experiences it. Just because one is not married does not mean one is alone. Also, for your information, some people actually enjoy being "alone". Everyone is not the same. So people should stop assuming that everyone is just ike them!

RightToReject:
You like lying to yourself, and that has always been your major problem. Every gullible person reading through this your submission will think that you're either a virgin or have had only sex once without knowing that the reverse is the case.

For an instance, you've done virginal tightening before, your word on this forum in one of your now deleted monikers not mine. So, you can see that you personify oxymoron.

Jewessgratitud3:

So you don fvck before? Then, why the prudishness?

Ladies are never meant to be alone, it against nature. The first woman, Eve; she was placed with a man right from Day One.

You are engineered to have and raise beautiful kids into fine men and women and one day to be buried by this beautiful creatures. This is your first and foremost purpose, creation has placed on you. You are never meant to die a lonely, pathetic, sympathizing death.

As a woman; When you are no longer here, your success in life are not measured by the earthly things you have accumulated but how well the people you are leaving behind are doing; if you are leaving behind successful, ethical, kind children, then you have did great in life, whether you have a man in your life or you are illiterate does not matter. You will observe that you will be jealous around friends and family. You can’t blame them, true success breeds envy and admiration.

To women, you guys have no idea the enormous power within you; once you strive to do the right thing, the things that are noble, the universe will assist. Do not be afraid of tomorrow, cast away the fear of becoming a single mother or ending up marrying a man that as no respect for his home. Replace this fears with the fear of raising kids that would become a nuisance to you and to society at large.

Do all you can to give your children good education (the best education you can strive to afford, do not be fooled by how small it is), set a tremendous example on how to properly behave and leave the rest to the power that brings you into existence. I can assure you that if you do this two things well, every experience you acquired right here be it good or bad will become a fabulous one during your final moments on this plane. You will look back someday and be filled with deep gratefulness.

Jewessgratitud3

Jewessgratitud3:
LoL... Na your own?

you either masturbate a lot or u r doing it with ladies to quench your thirst for men's stick. You have anger management problem n you are very stingy woman

Obviously, you are no longer a virgin. And you've rejected men, like a lot of good men. I don't want to add to your worries. But when people hide on morality and use that as a shield for stupidity and ignorance, I find it appalling. But to say I have no pity for you is an understatement. I think it's more of this overestimation of one's own self worth. Some don't even have any self worth, some think too high of themselves without bringing anything to the table except pussy and nagging. I'll advise you go and store your eggs if you still can and start saving and when you're 45, you can find a sperm donor and do IVF. Omo this story just weak me

Bluearrow:
Writing this long story obviously means u are not happy. You are just trying to console yourself by saying u are happy. No woman above the age of 40 single is truly happy. It's natural. Work on your character & humble yourself, a man will find u.

Pls advise Op very well...
She really need a lot of counselling...
Why did God create Man and woman in the first place...?
Now the LORD God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.”

Puss360:
Better reanalyse your life... Your child is not an achievement... Any potent man and fertile woman can conceive regardless of their financial status...
So your child won't make your life better or worse... Maybe seeing them gives you joy, that's fine, but being happy isn't an achievement....
Are your living well?
Is your standard of Living high/good?
Do u have assets,?
Consider all those....

I don't know how old you are
But having your own children brings joy, happiness and fulfilment

Then nurturing them well and they become responsible and successful
There is no Joy that pass that


Loneliness no good at all at all
Even Baba God talk am for Bible that it's not good for Man to be alone

Loneliness not good at all
One needs either a spouse or children

Jewessgratitud3:
author=Newborn27 post=126658739]Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.


At this point, if it comes fine, if not, fine. I'm not the one to make such plans. If I get what I want, oh.. why not but if not, men e go hard o. Like I said... In this year alone, I've had two suitors. A very responsible guy and a man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, it will be very difficult. These two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage all because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it.



Like I told you before, what tickles every one's fancy is different likewise what bothers them.
You may fancy all the bolded and I may not. What you want out of marriage is different from what I want. So it's not a one size fits all" thingy or compulsory that we all must like to do or have things the same way. That is why you will never see me envy married people or people with children because to me it's really nothing. Now, my Mom married at the age of 10 . Had all of us before 30 but died in her Early 40s. So of what use was her early marriage and child-bearing to her? Fine they use us to remember her but she as person, what did she enjoy in her life for achieving those? Just suffered to raise children that she didn't live to see even one grandchild? Abeg abeg.


Why? That's like saying I regret.. I have saidvit countless times that I've never regretted it for once . Ok let me even pause for a moment and try to remember if I ever wished I did.......... 🤔 🤔 🤔.... Ogbeni nothing like that o. Rather I've always thought that if I had married maybe by now I would have left the marriage cos e for don taya me and that's the truth. In fact.. sometimes I used to silently thank my stars that I'm not married with kids in this economy because I can't endure suffering and hardship with children. Not like Im wishing myself hardship but men in this present economy, everyone is facing it and someone like me can't take the heat with such responsibilities even when shared.
There's a friend of mine that always wish to switch places with me saying I'm enjoying because I don't have anything bothering me and I'll tell her I'm glad I don't have those bukata.



Stigmatization? LoL.. see so far e no affect my pocket, whatever anyone says in that regards does not bother me. it's when you listen or go close to people they'll stigmatize you. I don't keep companies. I'm a loner and it helps a lot to stay away from such. No be if I smile with you you come know wether I don marry or not. I feel free saying it here because no body knows me in person and it all ends here. Of course some people in the past have said some things like your twin is married you're here forming oge, but I didn't give a damn because when I look at their lives im doing far better than them and living life to the fullest. Abi What is life about? No be enjoyment? See it's all in your head o.life no hard reach like that




I love my family. They will never pressure you. My dad before he died would be like, if you do anyhow I'll take my daughter back ( referring to my in-laws.) So all his inlaws are pals with him. They'll be like ogor, oya make we go chill. He will tell you, don't stress them for me o. As for the single ones he'll make sure he provides our needs so we don't look outside. Even as a working class lady, my dad when he collects his pension, he will buy a bag of rice and share to every one of us in our various houses. He was still giving me money till his death in 2012 ( miss you pop). My dad na guy man. Him no send o.

Forget, this life is what you make of it. I try as much as I can to enjoy myself and make every minute of it count

@ Jewessgratitud3 what you must realize or had but ignored is that, life is full of compromises!

That perfect man you love, I mean that your spec, would not love you as you loved him, it is never equal.

You might not be the spec to your spec. The most perfect ones without faults are angels and if they show up today as possible suitors for you, you will be imperfect before them.

You are bold and courageous but the downside of that is, you are too selfish. Don’t get me wrong, we are all created to be selfish and our very natural survival instincts is built by God to be selfish, but sometimes we also have to balance that with empathy. Empathy is the ability to put one’s self on the side for a moment and listen to the other person, travel in their shoes for a moment and see if you can feel what they feel or understand but not condole what they do atimes.

A healthy relationship is one with two imperfect people who have acknowledged their imperfection and have come together to help each other in the journey to that more perfect self, the truth is, none of will ever achieve that perfection hence it is a journey.

You are also a believer, I don’t mean it in the religious sense, but they are parallel. As a believer one is tied or anchored, and that anchored restricts or defines all your life experiences.

The downside to that is, all your life you don’t get to live to your full potentials, you don’t explore the unknowns in your life, you don’t venture out on faith, you try to predict and orchestrate what would happen in the future before going on the journey.

Lastly, you are a lady and probably leaving in Nigeria, have you started thinking about, retirement, old age? When your strength and intellect would not be as sharp? Who would be that next of kin you would trust your care and affair to while you age?

If you were living abroad with enough money saved, you can check yourself into a nursing home or some type of Assisted Living arrangement, how are you going to do that in Nigeria?

Now your strength is top notch and you can bend an Iroko tree, but there will come a time when you must rely on someone, a close confidant to fetch you a clean glass of water, who would that be?

Now you have company of people around you in church, works, the local club, suitors, admirers, etc there will come a time that those companies and admirers would be no more and the only ones that would be left would be families. Mom & Dad would be no more, and siblings will be dealing with their own sets of aging challenges, who will be there for you, to make sure you are properly taken care off, they make sure no one takes advantage of you?

Jewessgratitud3:
no way!

I don't know u personally and I may be wrong so take my words only if they apply to Ur personality.

I don't think marriage is for you. Plan Ur life as a single. 2 reason below:

1. u come off as flippant, any small thing u run off and break up, u never serious.
That's not the way someone that wants to marry behaves. There will be challenges in dating relationships and u must sit down with Ur partner to iron them out when they arise.
If can't do this, u can't marry. BTW this helps u when married because there will even be more challenges in marriage.
Learn to face Ur issues and address them constructively, not to take flight.

2. U must want something to have it. The attitude of 'if it comes fine, if it doesnt come no wahala' doesn't cut it. U must be deliberate to get a husband, he won't drop from the sky into Ur life. It takes active, not passive participation from u.

Don't be deceived by how good u think u look now, women who never had babies look younger averagely when put side by side with those who have.

In conclusion, no one online should tell what/how to live Ur life. It's your sole decision to make. But if u know u would like to get married someday and maybe have kids, then know that u have some changes to make.

Immediately I saw the part where you said you are happy blah blah blah, I lost interest in the long epistle.

No woman at that age will be happy to be single with no child provided they are not religious(Reverend sisters etc.)

That is the bitter truth!

Please stop being too picky. Age is no longer by your side and menopause is seriously kicking in. Unless you don’t want to have a mini-you running up and down your apartment.
You’re still strong and kicking but a time will come when you will wish you have a companion but it will be too late.
Please set a target for yourself next year and get pregnant for the first good guy you meet that wants to be with you.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!


Modified

I don't know why you're pained. That was me just being witty to lighten up the tense mood of my story but your dumb olodo self cant recognize a witty saying when you see one hence holding unto it and reacting like a beheaded chicken.

Empty skull

You're still talking about feelings at your age

I think one thing the church is failing to do is grooming young minds towards marriage. They are always after sin and fornication but forget to groom the young minds who are coming up to build them for better mindset and marriage. If you had one, I am sure you would have planned your life better. Marriage is actually good. Don't tell me you spent the years a celebrate or something.

Why do people single people see indulging in SEX without being married as normal? Why?

98% of men are in this category.

Where is your conscience?

Where is your fear of God?

The worst are the ones who are married and are looking to having sex outside marriage.

It is not normal?

If you are in this boat, put your right hand on your chest now and say....

"Oh lord deliver me for I am a Pervert and I am ABNORMAL".

Harddiskng:
Imagine having eyes on another person’s money, calling him stingy. She is a thief, you can tell.

That is one reason I don't fancy relationships with women, someone out there will be putting eye on my own money, money I suffered to get. Until I marry a lady, I just can't spend on her anyhow.

sonyad:
I don't know u personally and I may be wrong so take my words only if they apply to Ur personality.

I don't think marriage is for you. Plan Ur life as a single. 2 reason below:

1. u come off as flippant, any small thing u run off and break up, u never serious.
That's not the way someone that wants to marry behaves. There will be challenges in dating relationships and u must sit down with Ur partner to iron them out when they arise.
If can't do this, u can't marry. BTW this helps u when married because there will even be more challenges in marriage.
Learn to face Ur issues and address them constructively, not to take flight.

2. U must want something to have it. The attitude of 'if it comes fine, if it doesnt come no wahala' doesn't cut it. U must be deliberate to get a husband, he won't drop from the sky into Ur life. It takes active, not passive participation from u.

Don't be deceived by how good u think u look now, women who never had babies look younger averagely when put side by side with those who have.

In conclusion, no one online should tell what/how to live Ur life. It's your sole decision to make. But if u know u would like to get married someday and maybe have kids, then know that u have some changes to make.

Very wise post...learned a lot from it....

Funnily, this isn't first time she'll do that..

She seem not cared because some BOYS has even done that many times before.

She's just free minded but wouldn't advise such either on this forum.

To each his own

folake4u:
In all honesty, you do not owe any Nairalander this true story.

Most likely they will use this against you and troll you for being sincere.

I wish you the very best in your pursuit of happiness.

Harddiskng:
Imagine having eyes on another person’s money, calling him stingy. She is a thief, you can tell.

What happened to her making her own money even in her 40s... No be small thief...

Whenever a guy or a girl feels he or she is too special and better than others to commit to anybody, they always end up miserably single for long if not forever.


Only fools find love.

People who sometimes allow themselves to be deceived end up having meaningful life than those who always overthink life and always on guard against being cheated or used by others.



I was brought up just like you, very strict family, them no born you well to keep a male friend to talk of a female friend while growing up. My only friends were my siblings and few cousins.


I lived a miserable life growing up and even missed amazing people I would have become friends and acquaintance with while I was thinking I was too good and far better than anybody else.


Until I unlearned some of the wrong things I was inculcated into while growing up as a child, I lived a very miserable life; found it hard to talk to girls, avoided girls, always too shy around girls and even guys. My only companion was my book, house chores and my siblings. But when I unlearned and started being open and allowing myself to mingle and sometimes be deceived by others, I began to grow in all ramifications of life and I became more street smart and to the glory of God I ended up a great man with great wife, amazing kids, awesome friends, quality life and more than what I asked from God.


The only thing giving me stress in life now is the useless Nigerian government that always keep me angry at most Nigerians and my new academic study (a cross I carried oh in the name of growing my academic qualifications for bragging rights ).


So op, you made a lot of mistakes, you had lots of things you should have done differently.


Your quick in breaking up is a curse you need to pray over and break out of if not

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

Madam try born. Even if na surrogate sef like lni Edo in her early forties no husband
My own mother entered menopause at 45.
Time is no longer on your side.
Even fertility drugs induced pregnancy are very risky for older women. At 45, U should be seeing a 15years old kid rounding up secondariy school to college/100levrl or have a 14years old SS2 child at least , ready to be hitting ss3.
on a serious note, 42 U don over try.try born time waits for no man. Like me, my papa died at 60. Life expectancy these days is even something else

Some ladies are just delusional, they think when a serious minded and well to do mature man comes around they will say he's a potential suitor

Nice guys are smarter now , when they know they have so much to lose a d take a woman who has a lot of emotional baggage. Na to chop and clean mouth

Saintinoo:
That is one reason I don't fancy relationships with women, someone out there will be putting eye on my own money, money I suffered to get. Until I marry a lady, I just can't spend on her anyhow.

In my opinion, marriage is an ancient institution similar to stoning people to death... The marriage provision that everything financial is on the guy's head is old and antiquated..... Just that religious folks refuse to use their head to understand this common sense truth....

djon78:
Not true people can adopt be it Man or woman

There are many children born without parental care and Love

Adopting a child and nurturing them till they grow is very fulfilling

There are even adopted children that are raised well and became valuable to there adopted parents in there old age who are better and more useful than children born by parents who become useless and untrained

The key is proper child rearing and upbringing. Training and nurturing them well

So they ain't useless

You were not put on earth to adopt, your primary reason of being here is to birth... There's no sustainability of the human race with adoption.

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

I gleaned from your write-up that you are a working-class lady and should at least have some money set aside now. As you near menopause and if marriage is not currently an option for you, kindly go and freeze your eggs or look for a surrogate mother to have at least a child for you, as old age in Africa without offspring could be very lonely. Old age as a spinster in Africa is different from old age( care homes to the rescue) as a spinster in the Western world

Take my advice and not form super woman and attempt to have at least a child as stated above. There is no one in this life without at least a regret, and I am definitely sure you have some and therefore quite a few lessons as well. In your private time, please do not blame your experience on your upbringing, but on the decisions you took in the past

Also, tone down your feminism as could be gleaned from your write up, you never know who is responding to your write-up and for what purpose

With love from me xxxxx

''Being happy is not an achievement...''
Hello??

Ifbu have all those things u listed: money, assets, standard of living etc and u are depressed or sick, u go know what happiness means.

Obviously u are still a yungin.

Puss360:
Better reanalyse your life... Your child is not an achievement... Any potent man and fertile woman can conceive regardless of their financial status...
So your child won't make your life better or worse... Maybe seeing them gives you joy, that's fine, but being happy isn't an achievement....
Are your living well?
Is your standard of Living high/good?
Do u have assets,?
Consider all those....