franchasofficia:
Whenever a guy or a girl feels he or she is too special and better than others to commit to anybody, they always end up miserably single for long if not forever.


Only fools find love.

People who sometimes allow themselves to be deceived end up having meaningful life than those who always overthink life and always on guard against being cheated or used by others.



I was brought up just like you, very strict family, them no born you well to keep a male friend to talk of a female friend while growing up. My only friends were my siblings and few cousins.


I lived a miserable life growing up and even missed amazing people I would have become friends and acquaintance with while I was thinking I was too good and far better than anybody else.


Until I unlearned some of the wrong things I was inculcated into while growing up as a child, I lived a very miserable life; found it hard to talk to girls, avoided girls, always too shy around girls and even guys. My only companion was my book, house chores and my siblings. But when I unlearned and started being open and allowing myself to mingle and sometimes be deceived by others, I began to grow in all ramifications of life and I became more street smart and to the glory of God I ended up a great man with great wife, amazing kids, awesome friends, quality life and more than what I asked from God.


The only thing giving me stress in life now is the useless Nigerian government that always keep me angry at most Nigerians and my new academic study (a cross I carried oh in the name of growing my academic qualifications for bragging rights ).


So op, you made a lot of mistakes, you had lots of things you should have done differently.


Your quick in breaking up is a curse you need to pray over and break out of if not

Wisdom. 💎💎

Suzzytee05:
You are a bold lady to share your story. I have a younger sister who is the same age as yours with almost the same story as yours.

I hope you will one day find the right man to share your life with, if not for child bearing, at least for the sake of companionship. After all Rita Dominic got married at the age of 45 I think.

Now what are the odds of something like that happening to a random person? She said she is comfortable single and she is not looking for a relationship. Which is peace of mind...

Jewessgratitud3:


Life na jeje. Marriage is not a do or die affair dear.

Commendable writeup by the way.


Agreed, but you're also part of the reason you're single, which you've rightly admitted.

While you're still open to relationship I think you need to do some reading and praying. Why do I say this, Relationship life is stratified into four cadres:

1. Love relationship
2. Destiny relationship
3. Business/Work relationship
4. General relationship

Understanding the principles that govern each remains the key to success as regards relationships, but as pertaining our topic, first of you need to know how to recognize and spot a good guy, keep that you feelings first aside, you can fall in love with anyone if given time to know that person and if the same have value system that you respect, how comes you've ended up with people who are cheats? It speaks to your person, especially if it happens up to three times, the first two can be a mistake but the third time you're part of the problem.

You see I once dated a cheat, hopefully my first and last, when I now met a good lady, I was not so patient with her, so I called it off based on an initial reference, I knew this because, during prayer, God asked me to sit down with a pen and paper after prayer and think for three hours about my relationship life, at the end of that analysis I discovered I wasn't so much a patient person and I missed out on a good lady.

You have limitations you need to work on if you want something different in your next relationship, it's not so much about the other person, if you've done your due diligence, you can sense bull shit from afar and call it quits while hoping on God to help bring sincere and progressive people your way. That will not take out the place of understanding that a man is different from a woman and how you relate to both are different, respect, proper communication, conflict resolution and making sacrifices on the basis of a committed relationship.

There are men who will respect your body before marriage, yes there are (mind you they know how to fvck and make a woman cum), but finding them will now be the work of prayer and discernment, keeping them will now be the work of wisdom (reading to demonstrate sound judgement). Those kind of men too will be people God have worked on and have integrity as well.

YoshihideSuga:


Good to know I'm not alone with such thought. I've never believed in love, but the bold, including forgiveness. Those three attributes are what I seek for, not love. I can only love myself.

Really?
Well, I believe truly loving yourself is loving someone else (others).
Love is something you give, not hold within.

Jewessgratitud3:


It is called "self worth." YOU can afford to go with every Tom and Harry because you have have self worth. It's not my fault dear.

No it is not self worth...it is hypergamy...the number one thing that destroys women if uncontrolled...

It's funny how some people think they can speak for other people.

First off, my message wasn't directed at you.

Secondly, where in my writeup did I say I want to marry her or have a relationship with her.

Don't bother quoting me. Just read and pass. Thanks.

LivingSage:
What's your plan
Getting man isn't her problem, she's only focus/fixated with the negative aspect of relationship.

Why do you think she'll even like random guy like you, THAT'S EVEN IF YOU HAVE PURE INTENTION

Jewessgratitud3:


Really? Hey God. I wish youre close to me. You'll know that I'm the happiest soul on earth. I only withdraw when people become toxic to me.

Make I tell you my best friends, children. If you where we are playing and discussing you'll think we are mates. Im not only happy but a joyful soul.

Dey deceive yourself...I give u 3 more years. Your cry will start getting bitter.

Aaaaarghmed:
Nice story,life is all about choices.only you knows what will make you happy and it is not dependent on marriage. For me,I will like to have like 2 kids.but marriage.. I don't tink I can stay In the same house with a woman because I dont have patience to tolerate their issues .I was almost dating a lady of your age too early this year but what baffled me was that ,there was no aspect of her life that is functioning well,she was 43,no husband, no kids,no job,no house,staying in church house.it was weird to me because at least she should be doing something,so I just blanked her.i cant deal with a liability at my stage now.beem there,done that.All the best in pursuit of happiness.

That's why they should be married off at a early age to be mentored and molded by their husbands.

The moment she crosses 15, peer pressure and social media will recolonize their brain.

Even tho i be christian, early marriage na one of the thing I respect most in the Islamic religion.

If your wife cannot revere you like she does her pastor/imam/boss, then u are on ur own.
(I didn't include 'father' bcus not all women respect their papa).

correctguy101:


You shouldn't mind too much about what people say about you.

But, you'll still have to pay attention and be aware that whatever they say, works for your benefit.

Even if ya wahala plenty, it's still preferable to some women wahala we've experienced.


This ancestor likes you...

Pay attention to who? To those morons that their own life is nothing to write home about and are hiding under someone's honest post to type trash and feel good about their miserable life?

Are they feeding me?

If e sure for them make them write half paragraph of their life history. Only then will I start listening to their useless talks. Till then, their talk no hold water and they are not better than me.

Dougad:


You spoke facts!!

Wish it was possible to bookmark posts on this site, would have done it.

So many people including the OP needs to read it.

Her strict parental upbringing was meant to protect her from the dangers of this world as a child. It was supposed to expire the moment she graduated from university at most. She was supposed to open up small and learn some street smartness that ought to have helped her make the best choice of man she would have ended up with happily, she was supposed to have allowed herself to be deceived at some point, its normal in life, its from being deceived or being fooled that most ladies and gents find love or meet their best partners.


If you lock up yourself thinking you are better than everybody else, thinking you are more righteous than others and therefore deserve Angel Gabriel or Assistant Jesus or Assistant Virgin Mary as spouse or partner, you will definitely end up miserable in life except God in His mercy intervenes in your life for whatever reason.



How can a girl be breaking up with good guys because of singular reasons without giving a second chance, is she God? Sometimes people appreciate your value the more when you give them a second chance after they wrong you, but most ladies learn from sadistic women they call mentors who themselves never lived a happy life.



What's the meaning of life without being happy at the end ? No family, no kids, no legacy, no nothing just some bragging right that no man ever had sex with you, what sort of achievement is that?



My advice to any single Nigeria lady reading this is this, if you must stay single forever, please make sure you are financially rich and living abroad so that you can be sending plenty money to your parents and siblings you failed as a child and sibling. Let them use the plenty money you will be sending to them to fill the empty spaces you left by staying single and unmarried.



For you ladies info, no father or mother will ever feel fulfilled watching his or her daughter or son age without being happily married with kids, it breaks their heart even though they might be well understanding and enlightened not to complai, but know it that they are not happy

If it was yourself you posted in your picture the other day, you aren't 42.


You're a troll.

djon78:



I know someone that had exactly same attitude like you
She is 43, presently single
Wasn't into Men

The problem is that you were used to being single
You don't tolerate nonsense

And honestly many women in Marriage tolerate a lot of bull.shit from there Men.

But that's life is
Humans are beings with weaknesses
Most of the people that have stayed long in marriage have had issues, battles and challenges
But in the end things pulled through
And that's Life for you


Like John Maxwell said in one of his books:

"Life is hard and difficult. He doesn't even understand who told people that Life is meant to be easy.
That anything you see successful be it marriage, business, Companies, careers all went through though challenges before they became successful"


This his analogy have given me a very good perspective to Life.


Coming to marriage, it's very challenging

My parents are still alive, have been married for over 46 years and I know different challenges they went through.
But today they have raised 7 children all graduates, almost all happily married, plenty Grand children.

If you ask them the Joy they enjoy now in comparison to the challenges
They will tell you it's worth it

My sister our first daughter is 43
My parents made sure she married in her 20s she was 26 then
But today all her children are in secondary School. SS 2, Js3 and J's2

Likewise our second daughter is 41 with a 12 years old and a seven years old kids

But these my sisters, some of there friends from primary school and university are still not married in there forties


But from another angle one shouldn't compare
Just do what works for you

Like my mum's younger sister, she was 70 this year, my mum is close to mid 70s
But she didn't Marry
She always had issues with men
She retired a deputy director in the federal civil service
But she adopted a girl in her mid 50s.
I was talking with her last month
Her daughter will write waec this June
At least she has someone that makes her happy and she is fulfilled

So she did what worked for her


Op my advice: if you still want to get married, Men looking for matured women will come
But if not, just ensure you adopt a child, especially a baby girl
Nurture and grow her

But if you feel you are ok then just be

But in old age we all need someone either spouse or children. Better you adopt so that when your mates children are getting married, you won't be left behind

This advice goes for both men and women
If you are in your unmarried or without children in your 40s time is running out (and we have so many in this age range unmarried and without children, a very big problem this time)
Better either get married and have children or adopt

Because in the next 20 years you will be in your 60s
If you have children now it's still not bad
You ain't late even 50s
But doing it now is better
So depression won't finish you in old age

A stitch in time saves nine

Arey still living with your mum? If not, has depression finished her in old age?

I rest my case

jaksmillioniar:
I think like u wen I was young wen not married. U have a baby brain.wen I born I knew dat dat was my biggest achivement in life d best thing dat happen to me.wen u marry u will understand children are gift

Children wey you no fit train. Come here dey make mouth after you'll go and worry your life out.

Na true

Primusinterpares:


Those suitors will stop coming very soon as your biological clock is ticking... You won't look young forever.

And what is the worst that could happen if they stopped coming? Loneliness for life? Shame for life? What exactly will happen? Death?

The more you look at these things, the more you realize it's all in your head. Instead of running away from things like this just face them head-on. I can relate to the OP perfectly because I used to be referred to as "picky" during my dating days, and I was also prepared for the possibility of being alone for life had a desirable partner not showed up.

You did those men you turned down a favour. They all just dodged a dangerous bullet.

You are just too damned self-centered to marry any man for the rest of your life.

Remain single. As for me, i fall for and need a TOTALLY SUMBISSIVE WOMAN. Not forced or fake submission, but women who are very happy being submissive.

They are out there.

Well this is something you don't get to see everyday

Jewessgratitud3:
apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has)

You people will always find a way to project your dilemma on others.


Very typical. 😂


Just like the yeyebrity in this thread:

https://www.nairaland.com/7892355/every-woman-abortion-once-twice

Abuchindugba:
At your age 42, you are still picky.. You are suppose grab any available man now, am sure by now you have lost 95% of your ovaries already, to get pregnant will be by the grace of God. Na menopause you dy now.. Most men now will only use you and move on because you are already old. Why would I marry you of 42, when I can get someone of 22 to marry? You have already lost your value in the eyes of men. My advice is try get Belle and be a single mother.. Your most productive stage is over my dear sister

The way they are using the one you're going to marry, use your daughters and dump them. You think I'm a woman of easy virtue like the females in your blood line?

If me and your so called overused 22 years old sisters stand, theyll pick me ten times over them. No cap.

You think everyone is rotten like you.

Ode. U dey blame religion & men, mugu. U have a work yet u can't pay ur bills u dey wait 4 man 2 pay ur bills..one simp even went as far as 2 borrow just 2 give u money 2 solve ur matters. Where is he now? What else did he benefit 4rm d relatshp apart 4rm sex?

If Tinubu can proscribe the act of simping, declare them threat 2 national security, he will forever be remembered. Death to all simps

Bluearrow:
Writing this long story obviously means u are not happy. You are just trying to console yourself by saying u are happy. No woman above the age of 40 single is truly happy. It's natural. Work on your character & humble yourself, a man will find u.

Bluearrow fired a blue arrow 🎯

nairanaira12:


You'll soon reach menopause.

LoL.. you think that scares me?

Ogar, my life no revolve around having children and doing what society feels it's the norm. Get that into your thick skull abi which language I wan use tell una this things again.

E no dey hard to sabi people wey get mental issues , continue !!!

Jewessgratitud3:


Life na jeje. Marriage is not a do or die affair dear.

/

Your life your choice.

There are people who regret being single too long and can't wait to get married.

There are people who regret being stuck in marriages and can't wait to jump out.

You could have had a child out of wedlock for the heck of it...and he turns out to be Bobrisky


/

Firstly marriage Is not for everyone
if your truly the picky type trust me you might end up not getting anyone because I have aunt who's story is similar to yours now she's single without kids 55 plus yrs know one to call her own except we the cousins nephew and others.

If your looking for the perfect men look inward first, are you also the perfect woman for that man, someone you only met when he has grown to an adult you expect him to be perfect immediately u guys met in few months.

with all I red I noticed alot of red flag 🚩 in your attitude.

1, you lack communication skills
2, you don't listen before judging
3, you don't give room for explanation
4, pride is written all over you
5, your full of yourself
6, your also a cheat
7, your upbringing is not the issue but you are the problem
8, your looking for fault and not partner
9, your confused about what you truly want
10, you need some repair not the guys you met.

You're not single by choice or your upbringing, there are deep psycho social issues involved. There are lots of people that were 'caged' and still got married.

Just mere reading this, I can diagnose, some level of 'superiority complex' which usually is actually inferiority complex. I will advice counselling and therapy. If you continue like this, depression is just around the corner. This is free medical advice, try therapy.

greypencils:
If you are Ok being single in your 60s, all good. If not, you had better bend and quickly too. I know a bunch of single women in their 60s. They all had your kinda attitude, picky & unable to trust men. They are all in their 60s now, lonely and regretful. I don't presume they are lonely & regretful. I know because they tell me. Two out of those are family members.

Na your family members be that. My case can never and will never be like theirs because for me if I choose to marry now now, it only takes a phone call or replying my dm. So, don't conclude yet.

imagrg:
We Nigerian men are toxic. It takes God's Grace to get a responsible man to marry.

Women really take shiit from men these days but all the same, keep searching. I could be your Mr Right though but you appear somewhat too choosy. This is where you go wrong. Gold is found in a dirty enclosure.
This is why your choice of men is such that serves you rotten food for breakfast!

All these shalaye jus cos of püssy


LMAO! 😂 😂

Ensa777:
It is only when you are in marriage that you notice it's much more work than being single.

I dey like live my life on my terms but marriage has and is still bending me. My partner dey hear am too.
Sometimes when I watch those dancing on Saturdays to officially enter it,I just dey SMH.

If not for home training ,I just want to have 2 kids and travel the world without someone always asking me"What of the kids?" Each time I pack for a conference or training or telling me "we need to try for a girl."
I want to spend time conducting researches.
I want to make money and be a great aunt!
To read again the way I used to.The way I used to be in solitude and immerse myself in books.Chai!
Nigerian men are stressful ,they will find a way to gaslight you even when they are seeing pepper in their own

Jewessgratitude,I hope you live your happiness,whether married or not.

Not just dancing but spending millions...

But the children are his too...

You got me, I poked nose.
Apologies

vikkogg:
It's funny how some people think they can speak for other people.

First off, my message wasn't directed at you.

Secondly, where in my writeup did I say I want to marry her or have a relationship with her.

Don't bother quoting me. Just read and pass. Thanks.

Jewessgratitud3:


It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

What about all the relationships that pop-up on Nairaland here with the most recent one being with the "my German bobo"? None of those stories featured in this tell tale.

Well, just asking for a friend!

Everbomb:
@jewessgratittud3

I know who you're. You're an introvert with a very strong spiritual awakening, use it to your maximum benefits in order to get the very best for your life in every aspect.

The decisions you're taking are the best for you and you're in the right track.

But, to have a good husband of your wish, you know what to do. It's just that you haven't implore the power in you to get it done once and for all.

Call to play the power of spiritual awakening in you and soonest you'll see the very best coming your way and as you want it.

Hmm... You seem to understand my personality.

The thing is, they come anytime I talk to God about it but my fear is I keep getting what I don't really want. Like no feelings for them. Like now, as I was typing , one just called me. He's everything but the attraction is not there. I'm scared I don't want to enter and now regret. No feelings for him.

Jewessgratitud3:
author=Newborn27 post=126658739]Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.


At this point, if it comes fine, if not, fine. I'm not the one to make such plans. If I get what I want, oh.. why not but if not, men e go hard o. Like I said... In this year alone, I've had two suitors. A very responsible guy and a man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, it will be very difficult. These two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage all because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it.



Like I told you before, what tickles every one's fancy is different likewise what bothers them.
You may fancy all the bolded and I may not. What you want out of marriage is different from what I want. So it's not a one size fits all" thingy or compulsory that we all must like to do or have things the same way. That is why you will never see me envy married people or people with children because to me it's really nothing. Now, my Mom married at the age of 10 . Had all of us before 30 but died in her Early 40s. So of what use was her early marriage and child-bearing to her? Fine they use us to remember her but she as person, what did she enjoy in her life for achieving those? Just suffered to raise children that she didn't live to see even one grandchild? Abeg abeg.


Why? That's like saying I regret.. I have saidvit countless times that I've never regretted it for once . Ok let me even pause for a moment and try to remember if I ever wished I did.......... 🤔 🤔 🤔.... Ogbeni nothing like that o. Rather I've always thought that if I had married maybe by now I would have left the marriage cos e for don taya me and that's the truth. In fact.. sometimes I used to silently thank my stars that I'm not married with kids in this economy because I can't endure suffering and hardship with children. Not like Im wishing myself hardship but men in this present economy, everyone is facing it and someone like me can't take the heat with such responsibilities even when shared.
There's a friend of mine that always wish to switch places with me saying I'm enjoying because I don't have anything bothering me and I'll tell her I'm glad I don't have those bukata.



Stigmatization? LoL.. see so far e no affect my pocket, whatever anyone says in that regards does not bother me. it's when you listen or go close to people they'll stigmatize you. I don't keep companies. I'm a loner and it helps a lot to stay away from such. No be if I smile with you you come know wether I don marry or not. I feel free saying it here because no body knows me in person and it all ends here. Of course some people in the past have said some things like your twin is married you're here forming oge, but I didn't give a damn because when I look at their lives im doing far better than them and living life to the fullest. Abi What is life about? No be enjoyment? See it's all in your head o.life no hard reach like that




I love my family. They will never pressure you. My dad before he died would be like, if you do anyhow I'll take my daughter back ( referring to my in-laws.) So all his inlaws are pals with him. They'll be like ogor, oya make we go chill. He will tell you, don't stress them for me o. As for the single ones he'll make sure he provides our needs so we don't look outside. Even as a working class lady, my dad when he collects his pension, he will buy a bag of rice and share to every one of us in our various houses. He was still giving me money till his death in 2012 ( miss you pop). My dad na guy man. Him no send o.

Forget, this life is what you make of it. I try as much as I can to enjoy myself and make every minute of it count

Sister Ur strong but I bet you a time will come when u regret it all,u see Ur flat Tommy and small breasts and feel on top of the world.
Yes country is hard but does not stop u from getting married,a time will come when u will regret,Ur family ,Ur parents can't be there forever but Ur kids will be.
Marriage don't guarantee happiness but find a way to adopt.
I don't know if u are the lady I met in Enugu,Ur story sounds like hers she is 45,a manager in a federal govt establishment ,level 15 with two cars,beautiful but no husband begging me for marriage as I'm a divorced man,flaunts her wealth,chokes my kids with gifts but money nor wealth don't guarantee happiness,we have copulated for six months she can't take in,she has the money paying millions for IVF,will be donating for her on Tuesday after IVF fails she going for adoption.

My elder sister 51,her story nearly like yours today marriage no,no relationship,no work a nuisance now to my aged parents 86 and 83 at home,
My dear sister wish you the best but all that have kids is for a reason,even if Ur kids all not rich but they always there 4 u when u need them.
Take kia but with Ur story u can't be managing at same time childless ,in all Ur a virgin congrats