₦airaland Forum

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Why did you not make a lengthy post like this one all those years when the man was providing for the family and had not started gambling?
How are we even sure it was not your attitude and constant demand for more money that pushed your husband into the addiction of betting?
Women sef don tire me with the way they whine every time they provide a couple of meals for their husbands.
Must the man kill himself because of you and your children?
If you like, remain with your parents o. Soon the man will replace you and things will start working for him again.
And the people giving advice, telling you to leave your husband, eh? Some of them will go behind your back to ask him to marry them!
Did anybody tell you marriage would be easy? No way, it requires constant, everyday work, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Better apart because the dad is a dead beat dad. Gambling and poverty are next door neighbours for a beginner

If leaving for your own family house is an option then I'll advice you leave,I have always employ men to do everything just to be responsible for their family and any man that fails in this regard is not worthy to be a father. If gambling is not favoring him then he should quit.

This life really ain't balanced! At times I wonder,how good people end up with the wrong type!
And how in God's green earth you chose to roll with someone you knew was a gambler?!

preshpraiz:
My dear, I can relate to you because I have a first hand experience of what you are going through. Please keep providing for your boys, God will always come through for you.
As for the deadbeat dad, karma is real. He will definitely reap what he is sowing
I have managed to teach my children contentment, even if it's garri and sugar that I can afford, we all drink it in joy and lots of laughter. Contentment has really helped me.
FYI some men will blame you for his addiction to gambling, they will say you nagged him into gambling. Wait for them, they will soon land but sweetheart I will advice you press the IGNORE BUTTON.

Please get your fish brain advice away from her and from here.
Only the type of men in your life will blame her not sane gentleman who you obviously don't deserve.

Leave him when the rent is about to expire,let him know how hard it's to pay rent,let him be thrown out of the house,let him feed himselfvor starve ,he is only hiding under your kindness

laluski:
How can you marry a Gambler with all the signs there while dating.. You and only YOU caused the trauma your kids are going through... You felt love and private parts smashing each other brings happily ever after?

Anyway, just stay away till your husband changes.. I don't support divorce... It's a sin

when someone comes to u for advice....stop blaming them for something....go ahead n give d advice n ignore d blame game....that's how we blamed Obi for everything bad till we elected Tinubu....

Cutehector:
Endure.. U said it with your mouth, for better for worse.

If you are in the OPs shoes, will you endure a chronic gambler who brings nothing to the table, yet he insists on eating from your pot

Ahnii:
Osha're mavor no'ne?

Òmòte mè, màriè zezi ò.

Ko mà rà?

Justiceleague1:
This life really ain't balanced! At times I wonder,how good people end up with the wrong type!
And how in God's green earth you chose to roll with someone you knew was a gambler?!


Please get your fish brain advice away from her and from here.
Only the type of men in your life will blame her not sane gentleman who you obviously don't deserve.

Idiot. Avoid me

Hnmm! Almost what happened in my home too. I just stop betting few weeks ago and I thank God it's becoming something if irritating to me cuz I can now feed my home conveniently. Well, you need to think over this before taking step, firstly I will advice you look for a cleric who can convince your man on betting by telling him that..... he's into something that may wreck him cuz it's not his way and If he want to doubt him he should stop it for like 14 days to see what will happen.
If he can seize betting for 14days, trust me he would become addict free. My wife did it for me and I'm a living testimony today.
Don't plan to be a single mother cuz you'll later be carried away and your focus on the children will become less. Work on how your man will stop betting and become responsible.
Thansk

Please leave that man. How did you marry a man who sinks his all into gambling? Cant provide but can eat and hogg the remote control?

[quote author=preshpraiz you smell,I can't even quote you post=127589823]Idiot. Avoid me[/quote]

SmileDance:
You are not making your children better by staying there enduring or else they will grow up with the mentality that they can be irresponsible and expect their wives to also endure.
Since you've already decided to go to your family house, I hope you have solid plans in place how to take care of your children.
I would have said being a single parent is not easy at all, but then again you are a single parent already and your husband is an extra burden for you. Just takes care of your kids and train them well so they don't follow their father's footsteps.

Nope, they will grow up to being better men. They knew what their mother felt, they felt her pain, they cried when she cried. Trust me, they will be better!!!

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

You no see before you marry?

laluski:
How can you marry a Gambler with all the signs there while dating.. You and only YOU caused the trauma your kids are going through... You felt love and private parts smashing each other brings happily ever after?

Anyway, just stay away till your husband changes.. I don't support divorce... It's a sin

you want her to remain single forever,most men gamble if you don't know.

GreatAchiever1:
I admire the persistence but you should not leave your husband no matter what, I don't know how hard you've tried helping him overcome his gambling addiction, probably it's the kind of herd he has ganged up with that introduced him to it. I believe you should try and challenge him to become a better father(be respectable and submissive about this) and back it up with prayers. There are Men coaches online including pastors where he can listen to their messages and be motivated to take up fatherly responsibility, encourage and cheerlead him in doing this.

And for your boys, don't bad mouth their father to them. No matter what a boy when growing up needs his father even if he is not responsible(afterall they are the result of their father's seed). If your husband is lacking the father figure they need at that age, I don't know if you have relations that can teach and guide them in the right masculine path. A boy needs mentors to look up to to become a man so as not to become a nuisance in the society and a woman can't be the mentors they need. Again I will say look up resources online they can learn from incase you don't know relations that can help guide them.

nonsense talk. “You should not leave your husband no matter what”. Why should she not leave him. The wey una Dey reason sometimes ehhh. Someone clearly enjoys being useless and you still want her to stay no matter what, under the disguise of marriage.

ravensckar:
Dear OP, you have indirectly answered your own question without realizing it. Didn't you say your kids don't ask their father for anything since they already know he's penniless due to gambling addiction? Therein lies your answer. They will choose to never become like him and that's their first step to becoming successful in life. He is the example of who they will never wish to become.

At 11 years old, your boy is still in his 'formative stage' hence his brain is already distinguishing between right and wrong. And trust me, he already knows who is the lazy and hardworking one in that house.


Do not separate them from their dad so that it wouldn't psychologically mess them up. It's better to have an irresponsible dad than to have none at all. If you separate them from him, it may lead to pent up anger and other 'Daddy issues' which will later affect them in life. Seeing that he is 'irresponsible' is even a form of education. At least, they will grow up to never want to be like him. What greater education is more than experience?

In summary, the fact that your kids see you toil to provide for them is the fuel that will propel them to face their studies and be serious in life. All through my years in the University, I never forgot my parents hustle and that motivated me to study hard, shun cultism and other social vices. Don't hide your struggles from your children, they will learn from it.

see talk. So it is better to have an irresponsible dad than not to have one? Funny

Keep on providing for the children..Travel for a time for mental sanity.I am very to say your husband decided not to provide because he see you as his sure plug...Move away for a time to see if he will change without financial support from you..If he does not change,leave him to God and nature because Karma go play one day because your children need a father figure no matter how deadbeat a man is,he is still a man....

Good afternoon madam and sorry for what you are passing through.

My quick but simple counsel is that you can't change anyone, it's the work of Holy Spirit. Changes start from inside and only Holy Spirit brings conviction.

Please make your husband your prayer project, since you will prefer the family togetherness for children sake.

Also, please lead your children to God, they are better off with Him.

Be rest assured that you won't labour in vain. You will surely reap the fruit of your labour, amen.

akube34:
see talk. So it is better to have an irresponsible dad than not to have one? Funny

Yes, I stand by my point. As irresponsible as he may seem, he's still their dad. You'll never understand what a fatherless child is going through. Ask those whose father is dead, they will tell you.

naija4life247:
Okay nah. Let the analysis begin. Billions of men all over the world are providing for their lazy wives and their parents, yet no noise from the men

This is the whole truth!
I keep wondering why women make so much noise when they provide for the family for a few months. What is the big deal?
Why don't they loud it when the husband provides for the whole family at the expense of his health?
It is really so annoying!

Hmmm omoh...
You are really trying, he should get himself a job and shun gambling it will not help him. One will use 1k or less to gamble for many years and when they eventually win 70k they jubilate forgotten that when you calculate all the money used in placing a bet all those while 70k is nothing, I hope he is not that type that has this mentality[b]" I don't want to for anyone"[/b] while at home doing nothing.

Your kids should know that they are responsible for their families when the time comes...

Where is Ahnie now that she's mostly needed to come and tell us how she coped with this kind of situation those days?

No husband then, yet catering two kids and still happy

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Stop enduring. But before you go, make sure he understands that he's on his last grace and that there would be no more. He will most likely ignore you, but you have given him fair warning for when you leave.

sylve11:
Òmòte mè, màriè zezi ò.

Ko mà rà?

Me sa'sa

obesse:
Why did you not make a lengthy post like this one all those years when the man was providing for the family and had not started gambling?
How are we even sure it was not your attitude and constant demand for more money that pushed your husband into the addiction of betting?
Women sef don tire me with the way they whine every time they provide a couple of meals for their husbands.
Must the man kill himself because of you and your children?
If you like, remain with your parents o. Soon the man will replace you and things will start working for him again.
And the people giving advice, telling you to leave your husband, eh? Some of them will go behind your back to ask him to marry them!
Did anybody tell you marriage would be easy? No way, it requires constant, everyday work, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Who is this?

This contribution can only come from a baby.

You completely exemplified the stupidity of seeking counsels from the neophytes that populate the Nairaland milieu.

preshpraiz:
My dear, I can relate to you because I have a first hand experience of what you are going through. Please keep providing for your boys, God will always come through for you.
As for the deadbeat dad, karma is real. He will definitely reap what he is sowing
I have managed to teach my children contentment, even if it's garri and sugar that I can afford, we all drink it in joy and lots of laughter. Contentment has really helped me.
FYI some men will blame you for his addiction to gambling, they will say you nagged him into gambling. Wait for them, they will soon land but sweetheart I will advice you press the IGNORE BUTTON.

Lol

ravensckar:
Yes, I stand by my point. As irresponsible as he may seem, he's still their dad. You'll never understand what a fatherless child is going through. Ask those whose father is dead, they will tell you.

what do they go through that they do not come out of? Tell me

Stupid bird of a feather, they never reason with their 🧠 but gives stupid advice. Well, nothing good can come out of a bad vesel 🙄😏

TheWinterBird:
For the sake of your children's wellbeing, health and mental health, please leave. Based on your post, they're already being badly affected by their father's habits, so please leave that place and go give them a healthier, saner upbringing elsewhere.

Keep on providing for the children..Travel for a time for mental sanity.I am very sorry to say your husband decided not to provide because he see you as his sure plug...Move away for a time to see if he will change without financial support from you..If he does not change,leave him to God and nature because Karma go play one day because your children need a father figure no matter how deadbeat a man is,he is still a man....