GreatAchiever1:
I admire the persistence but you should not leave your husband no matter what, I don't know how hard you've tried helping him overcome his gambling addiction, probably it's the kind of herd he has ganged up with that introduced him to it. I believe you should try and challenge him to become a better father(be respectable and submissive about this) and back it up with prayers. There are Men coaches online including pastors where he can listen to their messages and be motivated to take up fatherly responsibility, encourage and cheerlead him in doing this.

And for your boys, don't bad mouth their father to them. No matter what a boy when growing up needs his father even if he is not responsible(afterall they are the result of their father's seed). If your husband is lacking the father figure they need at that age, I don't know if you have relations that can teach and guide them in the right masculine path. A boy needs mentors to look up to to become a man so as not to become a nuisance in the society and a woman can't be the mentors they need. Again I will say look up resources online they can learn from incase you don't know relations that can help guide them.

which kind talk be dis?? Most of the tins you typed are off point and trash.

In this case, it’s best you take your children away from their father because as they’re growing up they’re watching their father and will eventually become like their father. Their father is doing more harm to them than good. You should take them far away from him. He can come visit from time to time.

wiseone28:
What if she leaves a month time the man come hit 50m?

He will still lose it all to gambling again. That's 1 beautiful thing about gamblers!!
!

drimzsmoke:



He will still lose it all to gambling again. That's 1 beautiful thing about gamblers!!
!

Are you his financial adviser?

wiseone28:
What if she leaves a month time the man come hit 50m?

He will reinvest it for 100 million..in gambling

millionboi2:
you want her to remain single forever,most men gamble if you don't know.

Eh, most men gamble. Most of them don't gamble to the point where they cannot provide for their families.

wiseone28:
Are you his financial adviser?

Abi you no know how addictive gambling is? Very addictive.

You will lose more than you would win.

madridguy:
Another one-sided story as usual.

A strong member of the Association cited.😂

nairalanda1:


Eh, most men gamble. Most of them don't gamble to the point where they cannot provide for their families.

he is saying why did she married him when she knows he gambles.

laluski:


How can you marry a Gambler with all the signs there while dating.. You and only YOU caused the trauma your kids are going through... You felt love and private parts smashing each other brings happily ever after?

Anyway, just stay away till your husband changes.. I don't support divorce... It's a sin

Heheh...where to start

1.People lie. Especially during courtship. Am sure the joker was lying and hiding his gambling when they were dating. After...

2.Most addcits know how to hide their addiction

3.It is also VERY possible that the man was not a gambler at all when they were dating and when they married. After all, all it takes is to place the first bet....which he probably did after they married.

akube34:
see talk. So it is better to have an irresponsible dad than not to have one? Funny

when I read that comment I didn't even know what to say.

millionboi2:
he is saying why did she married him when she knows he gambles.

Like I said, many addicts know how to hide their addiciton. Especially when dem dey court woman wey they wan marry. Am sure the man hid his addiction well well, till they married.

It is also possible he started the habit when they had been married, and it grew from there. Think that people cannot develop bad habits after marriage and adult hood? Think again.

madridguy:
Another one-sided story as usual.

Exactly. All I read is a woman whose husband is currently facing challenges, must have lost his job or business is bad for a while.
She didn't tell us how things were, when she was busy opening legs for the man to produce the boys, and how things were growing to the stage they are now. Suddenly he has become irresponsible, because he now eats from what she provides.
The man didn't run to nairaland.com to narrate how she was eating what he provides when the going was good for him.
Woman you are only looking for the final nail in the coffin for him, which you have deceptively come to seek through public opinion on a faceless forum.
What ever backing you get from here will never stop your conscience from pricking you.
Because you have done him dirty already with these rubbish you spewed here.

nairalanda1:


Like I said, many addicts know how to hide their addiciton. Especially when dem dey court woman wey they wan marry. Am sure the man hid his addiction well well, till they married.

It is also possible he started the habit when they had been married, and it grew from there. Think that people cannot develop bad habits after marriage and adult hood? Think again.

read the post again,she said it that she knew he was a gambler.

JAPA

ravensckar:
Dear OP, you have indirectly answered your own question without realizing it. Didn't you say your kids don't ask their father for anything since they already know he's penniless due to gambling addiction? Therein lies your answer. They will choose to never become like him and that's their first step to becoming successful in life. He is the example of who they will never wish to become.

At 11 years old, your boy is still in his 'formative stage' hence his brain is already distinguishing between right and wrong. And trust me, he already knows who is the lazy and hardworking one in that house.


Do not separate them from their dad so that it wouldn't psychologically mess them up. It's better to have an irresponsible dad than to have none at all. If you separate them from him, it may lead to pent up anger and other 'Daddy issues' which will later affect them in life. Seeing that he is 'irresponsible' is even a form of education. At least, they will grow up to never want to be like him. What greater education is more than experience?

In summary, the fact that your kids see you toil to provide for them is the fuel that will propel them to face their studies and be serious in life. All through my years in the University, I never forgot my parents hustle and that motivated me to study hard, shun cultism and other social vices. Don't hide your struggles from your children, they will learn from it.

@ Op listen to this, it's one of the best advice here.
You just need show your boys way to God which is also very important.
And please don't bad mouth their father for them as it has negative effect on the children. Peace!

nairalanda1:


Abi you no know how addictive gambling is? Very addictive.

You will lose more than you would win.

I don't believe it

ednut1:
The children will likely behave like their dad and be entitled even when you are at a retirement age. During courtship or early in the marriage didn’t you see the signs

Mr or Mrs Fix-It always think they can change an adult.


Someone that his/her parents and/or relatives failed to train, you now want to "change" him/her

Are the women gamblers?
Wisdom profits much.

naija4life247:
Okay nah. Let the analysis begin. Billions of men all over the world are providing for their lazy wives and their parents, yet no noise from the men

GreatAchiever1:
I admire the persistence but you should not leave your husband no matter what, I don't know how hard you've tried helping him overcome his gambling addiction, probably it's the kind of herd he has ganged up with that introduced him to it. I believe you should try and challenge him to become a better father(be respectable and submissive about this) and back it up with prayers. There are Men coaches online including pastors where he can listen to their messages and be motivated to take up fatherly responsibility, encourage and cheerlead him in doing this.

And for your boys, don't bad mouth their father to them. No matter what a boy when growing up needs his father even if he is not responsible(afterall they are the result of their father's seed). If your husband is lacking the father figure they need at that age, I don't know if you have relations that can teach and guide them in the right masculine path. A boy needs mentors to look up to to become a man so as not to become a nuisance in the society and a woman can't be the mentors they need. Again I will say look up resources online they can learn from incase you don't know relations that can help guide them.

Hm, you are probably a simp. I pray you don't meet manipulative woman as a wife.
Have you ask her when she changed her name to Endurance.
Over 11 years atleast there was no noise because the "now irresponsible man" was providing for the home, apparently things have taken a down turn for him now, names calling have started, soon she would add alcohol and finally womanising.
Woman, May God have mercy on you, if you like take your children to the moon, what will be will be.

nairalanda1:


Like I said, many addicts know how to hide their addiciton. Especially when dem dey court woman wey they wan marry. Am sure the man hid his addiction well well, till they married.

It is also possible he started the habit when they had been married, and it grew from there. Think that people cannot develop bad habits after marriage and adult hood? Think again.

It's true that people can pretend, but many people love fantasies.

They would rather go with the fantasized expectations of the other party, rather than ask practical questions about their life choices.

Perfectly said boss.

Felix6:

Exactly. All I read is a woman whose husband is currently facing challenges, must have lost his job or business is bad for a while.
She didn't tell us how things were, when she was busy opening legs for the man to produce the boys, and how things were growing to the stage they are now. Suddenly he has become irresponsible, because he now eats from what she provides.
The man didn't run to nairaland.com to narrate how she was eating what he provides when the going was good for him.
Woman you are only looking for the final nail in the coffin for him, which you have deceptively come to seek through public opinion on a faceless forum.
What ever backing you get from here will never stop your conscience from pricking you.
Because you have done him dirty already with these rubbish you spewed here.

Felix6:

Hm, you are probably a simp. I pray you don't meet manipulative woman as a wife.
Have you ask her when she changed her name to Endurance.
Over 11 years atleast there was no noise because the "now irresponsible man" was providing for the home, apparently things have taken a down turn for him now, names calling have started, soon she would add alcohol and finally womanising.
Woman, May God have mercy on you, if you like take your children to the moon, what will be will be.

God bless you, Felix6 for your objective reasoning!

Another woman wrapper cited.

NEIGHBOUR:


A strong member of the Association cited.😂

madridguy:
Another one-sided story as usual.

some times try to have sense

You made a mistake knowing his behavior and still going ahead to marry him.
Anyway, no need to blame you now.

As for your sons, they have already seen your struggles for them and they rely on you only.
So do not fear or fret. They will grow up with much respect for you and repay you back with care.
As for your decision to go and not return,
well that's a good one. He will come looking for you when he gets back to his senses and becomes responsible.

Sorry about this, we all have our trials and tribulations,
this is yours...keep praying.

If you have opportunity to travel out with your kids, please do so quietly. Dont tell a single soul about it.

When you get there, divorce him and move on with your life.

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Boys not men.
A mature man will not blame her.

preshpraiz:
My dear, I can relate to you because I have a first hand experience of what you are going through. Please keep providing for your boys, God will always come through for you.
As for the deadbeat dad, karma is real. He will definitely reap what he is sowing
I have managed to teach my children contentment, even if it's garri and sugar that I can afford, we all drink it in joy and lots of laughter. Contentment has really helped me.
FYI some men will blame you for his addiction to gambling, they will say you nagged him into gambling. Wait for them, they will soon land but sweetheart I will advice you press the IGNORE BUTTON.

People hold elaborate weddings, go to church and take the oath for better or worse, they enjoy the better but protest vehemently against the worst!

This situation is a case of a chronic gambler struggling with addiction, there's no sign of violence just a man that you knew was a gambler and you married him anyways, now you're acting all new as if his behavior is strange to you.

Now you want to leave him, take his offspring and leave him in a state where he's even more susceptible to his gambling demons.....Women!

Let me shock you some more, if this guy actually hammered from his gambling, I can confidently say that you wouldn't have problem with it, you wouldn't see it as a bad role model for your child and that in itself says a lot!

Now with that said, leaving him is probably the best solution for this situation. It will either break or make him! Since rehabilitation is a foreign concept to most Nigerians, the man must be baptized through trials and tribulations, there's simply no other way! He must hit rock bottom before iyanu can shele!

Karlifate:


Mr or Mrs Fix-It always think they can change an adult.


Someone that his/her parents and/or relatives failed to train, you now want to "change" him/her

i can never understand that ish. a man was a womanizer during the dating phase, you were also one of his side chicks at a point. But you expect faithfulness from him haha haha

Greatmind653:
What's the right thing to do here?

Have taken some time apart before? Did anything change?
If the and to the above is no, then try taking some time apart and be firm in your stance about him changing else he will not see his children again.

If you are buoyant enough to cater for the children, then you can leave for your mental health and general well being. Also for him not to polute the psyche of the children.

The children seeing his behavior everyday, has adverse effects in their lives in the near future.

Some men are very irresponsible. They rush into marriage without maturing (not number) properly to be able to take responsibility. They end up tormenting their wives left, right and center.

Be strengthened and leave the house peacefully until he comes to his senses and change for good.

Pls if you are reading this, resist any negative habit before you become addicted to it . Addictions ruin lives.

A word is enough for the wise.