As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? - Family (4)

As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by boxypane: 3:04pm On Dec 23, 2023

Gambling is a disease everyone should run away from. It's high time the FG look into this. It is not an investment to the country, it's a negative addiction on people. My dad is managing this condition. I was affected too but thank God.
Ma, your husband needs therapy. Tell him no "grand audit" anywhere.
The journey to recovery starts with a step.
N.T You are taking the right step ma.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Karlifate: 3:09pm On Dec 23, 2023

ednut1:
i can never understand that ish. a man was a womanizer during the dating phase, you were also one of his side chicks at a point. But you expect faithfulness from him haha haha

There are many reasons, but these 2 trumps it all:

1. Low self-esteem: some didn't experience childhood love, hence they don't know how to differentiate love from obsession.

2. False sense of [messaiac] superiority: those people who want to claim "I changed him...", "I did what nobody could do...", etc

The number 2 is more peculiar to women.

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Sterope(f): 3:13pm On Dec 23, 2023

@Greatmind653

Don't endure nonsense please, you creating a generational curse by exposing your kids to that level of irresponsiblility. It might not even be a divorce just separation untill you are ready for a divorce. You are already a single mother. You are better off alone with handling your kids in conducive environment.

However don't bring your husband up with your kids, that discussion is meant for your friends and family if you need to unleash and above all, don't compare your kids with their father when they mess up. You might also have some rage within you, be careful not to unleash it on your kids.

You are beyond capable of of moulding your kids exactly how you want them to be (responsibility wise). I hope you have a support system to help you.

2 Likes

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by fkj950ax(m): 3:17pm On Dec 23, 2023

Greatmind653:
What's the right thing to do here?

Any form of relationship between two individuals is not a prison sentence.
Our society frowns upon separation or divorce so does our religions.
But nobody goes to bed at night with you. Nobody deals with all the emotional upheaval with you.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by obesse: 3:18pm On Dec 23, 2023

Felix6:
Exactly. All I read is a woman whose husband is currently facing challenges, must have lost his job or business is bad for a while.
She didn't tell us how things were, when she was busy opening legs for the man to produce the boys, and how things were growing to the stage they are now. Suddenly he has become irresponsible, because he now eats from what she provides.

The man didn't run to nairaland.com to narrate how she was eating what he provides when the going was good for him.
Woman you are only looking for the final nail in the coffin for him, which you have deceptively come to seek through public opinion on a faceless forum.
What ever backing you get from here will never stop your conscience from pricking you.
Because you have done him dirty already with these rubbish you spewed here.

Absolutely!

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by nairalanda1(m): 3:20pm On Dec 23, 2023

millionboi2:
read the post again,she said it that she knew he was a gambler.

Yes, which leads to one of the point I made, that about lying before the marriage and putting up a false face.

She probably knows now that he was a gambler before they met...it is also very possible he hid it from her, and she found out AFTER they married.

People lie.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Peejayz: 3:20pm On Dec 23, 2023

What I know is that as you keep feeding him and paying the bills, your husband has nothing to worry about, so he will keep on gambling.

Make him have something to worry about.... He will work for money

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by tbliss22(m): 3:20pm On Dec 23, 2023

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Until our government wake up from their slumber to regulate these betting hubs here and there...

Gambling is wrecking homes, sending able men to debts.... Gambling is a bloody addiction...

That man won't change, a fool at 40 is almost a fool forever...

Take your kids far away and accept your fate to Carter for them till adulthood

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by YeyeBoyfriend: 3:24pm On Dec 23, 2023*

Try to complain less and instead find a way to help him out of that addiction, I'm sure he wasn't like that when you met and married him.

I'm sure he has been the bread winner of the house before whatever happened that stops him from doing the needfuls at home.

You'll be a failure in marriage if you leave that house with your kids and allowing him be alone in that conditions, you've automatically reduced his lifespan, you didn't met him that way so don't leave him in that conditions as long as domestic violence isn't involved, get him back up.

Sit him down talk about him finding a job, discuss, ask him if he has any business ideas in mind that he would like to venture into if God surprises him with a job that pays well, just discuss with him respectfully.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Goddyrichie(m): 3:24pm On Dec 23, 2023

preshpraiz:
My dear, I can relate to you because I have a first hand experience of what you are going through. Please keep providing for your boys, God will always come through for you.
As for the deadbeat dad, karma is real. He will definitely reap what he is sowing
I have managed to teach my children contentment, even if it's garri and sugar that I can afford, we all drink it in joy and lots of laughter. Contentment has really helped me.
FYI some men will blame you for his addiction to gambling, they will say you nagged him into gambling. Wait for them, they will soon land but sweetheart I will advice you press the IGNORE BUTTON.

pls don’t blame d man he may willingly to do his responsibilities as a good father to his children and good husband to his wife but gambling won’t let him do that I’m a gambler too I know how this things goes it’s not d man fault unless if he dont want to do his responsibilities though

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by BigIyanga: 3:28pm On Dec 23, 2023

Do what works best for your kids. A stark reminder that people dont change.. Gambling b4 marriage and still gambling

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by nairalanda1(m): 3:28pm On Dec 23, 2023

boxypane:
Gambling is a disease everyone should run away from. It's high time the FG look into this. It is not an investment to the country, it's a negative addiction on people. My dad is managing this condition. I was affected too but thank God.
Ma, your husband needs therapy. Tell him no "grand audit" anywhere.
The journey to recovery starts with a step.
N.T You are taking the right step ma.

tbliss22:
Until our government wake up from their slumber to regulate these betting hubs here and there...

Gambling is wrecking homes, sending able men to debts.... Gambling is a bloody addiction...

That man won't change, a fool at 40 is almost a fool forever...

Take your kids far away and accept your fate to Carter for them till adulthood

I hear both of you, and I agree. If I was president of Nigeria, I will ban gambling.

But the problem is, if Nigeriawe ban gambling

1.Either the illegal gambling sector would flourish.(even in countries with legal gambling, there is illegal gambling as well)...and that means criminal elements moving in to play too...which could be bad for punters.

2.They move offshore...like the Chinese betting companies did when their government banned them...and also move online.(And also start advertising on European teams football shirt...Newcastle, Wolves, and Palace are all sponsored by Chinese gambling firms...and on the stadium hoardings...though EPL plans to ban all of them in a year's time). And blocking websites online as we know does not work (punters go dey share VPN tips, lol...remember twitter ban in Nigeria that DID NOT WORK)>

For now, NGO's could be formed with a focus on helping gamblers, and the gambling companies could be forced by law to fund such NGO's so that gamblers in a pinch can be helped.

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by 198800Mam(m): 3:28pm On Dec 23, 2023

ITS WELL WITH, HE WAS A GAMBLER EVEN B4 YOU MARRIED... FOR NOW YOU ARE A SINGLE MOTHER CARRY YOUR KIDS AND TRAIN THEM AS YOU DIMWIT

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by tsamson(m): 3:29pm On Dec 23, 2023

Sadly this is what most men do daily for their unemployed none contributing wives and the society feel it's normal but when a lady does same, she's seen as a strong enduring woman.

Am not saying taking side with man but I think there is something op is not telling us.

Is he always like this since marriage? Did he lost his job? Have you tried talking to him how you feel? Leaving him without informing him is selfish and heartless thing to do.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by dbestuncle: 3:29pm On Dec 23, 2023

i celebrate you honestly you are a good woman and life sometimes is not fair.
on what you should i will advice that you turn to Jesus, yes give your life to christ if you havent done so already then turn your children to christ. start a family praying time together, dont say you dont know the bible, start where you are.
ask yopur kids sometimes to read and explain.
get a devotional, turn all this worries to christ and sincerely do this things even if the guy didnt change God will give your strenght andyou can refocus both your energy and the childrens attention to God.
from all the above they will begin to get the idea of an ideal father that God is.
lastly dont be using their father as example but continue to pray for him and everyone else.
your children will turn out just fine, trust God.

He never let sincere women suffer twice, you aint enjoying your husband besure to get the best of joy from those kids.

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by GreatAchiever1: 3:34pm On Dec 23, 2023

Felix6:
Hm, you are probably a simp. I pray you don't meet manipulative woman as a wife.
Have you ask her when she changed her name to Endurance.
Over 11 years atleast there was no noise because the "now irresponsible man" was providing for the home, apparently things have taken a down turn for him now, names calling have started, soon she would add alcohol and finally womanising.
Woman, May God have mercy on you, if you like take your children to the moon, what will be will be.

.

You misuse the word simp. I do agree women can be manipulative, no doubt, but the point is not to ask what happened during the 11 years where there was no complaint but to deal with the issues at hand and help and encourage the husband to get back on his feet and be responsible once again instead of the unnecessary disrespect.

2 Likes

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by CJStarz: 3:34pm On Dec 23, 2023

You have to be grateful to God for giving you that enablement to cater for your kids and also pay d house rent

Supposing you were jobless,a housewife,I can assure you that the world would have seen your unclothedness and shame.
Your children would have been worse off for it as they would have become school dropouts.

Appreciate God for providing and He will do more.
So long as your husband isn't the violent type,stay put and raise your children with love and happiness. No more complaints.
Overlook the man. If you cook,serve him food. Infact,this is the time to show him love.
Believe you me,God will sort everything out for you.
Teaching your children to be responsible and not to make daddy's kind of mistakes.
They should never disrespect him for anything.
Take good care of yourself.
God shall keep you alive to enjoy the fruits of your labour upon your children.
You shall not sow and another reaps in Jesus Name.
May the Lord grant you good health and strength to carry on.
Pray for your husband.
Complain no more because that will give the enemy the room to give you terrible pieces of advise.
I survived this.
You will too!

2 Likes

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Paramount01(m): 3:34pm On Dec 23, 2023

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by johnog4sure: 3:37pm On Dec 23, 2023

There are only 2 problems here:
1. He is not providing for his family.
2. He has a gambling habit.
Now these are the solutions:
1. Let him earn more, I have a friend who does bet Naija, but he makes nothing less than 30k a day, he ahs an upper limit of 5oK a week for his gambling, he takes care of his wife very well, expanded his business, recently bought a car and expecting their first child in weeks. So dont be too hard on your husband, talk to him softly, help heim look for jobs, share opportunities with him, I am a business developer I can assist him with links to government and foreign grants and loan opportunities he can use to start a profitable business, even if he continues gambling you wont even know.
2. Gambling is a HABIT, a terrible one for that matter, the tested way to KILL BAD HABITS is to replace it with a new habit, let him get a copy of this book https://www.amazon.fr/Science-systems-achievement-English-Lawrence-ebook/dp/B0BRJJLH9D it will erode that non-sense gambling habit

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Cantonese: 3:38pm On Dec 23, 2023

Basicend:
Look, woman, we have to admit responsibility for our decisions in life.

You knew he was gambling before you married him, so you should have prepared for such repercussions.

Do you expect him to stop a habit? Even in marriage when financial responsibilities keeps climbing?

My advice; stay in the marriage if you still love him, and pray passionately with well-timed counsels for him to shift.

As per the kids, you just have to let them know clearly that you don't want them to follow such ways. You have to be very close to them and try to take good care of them while in this challenge. In the future, if you have funds or means, you can send them abroad to school.

It's still a one-sided story. That is my take.

The best of all counseling here.
Unbiased, properly addressed the issue, even as we only heard the lady’s side.
Thanks.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Paramount01(m): 3:39pm On Dec 23, 2023

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Are u sure he provides nothing? Or you never put kinds for small things he does, I always assume my wife does nothing in the house u til one day I sit down and think of one or 2 things I would have done that she will do notice, like pure water, Maggi, salt and money for house cleaner.

Think well, however,there are somthihg he provides apart from money, like security, respect, the joy of having a having somebody called husband. Anyway think we'll, I. Wish I the best

I got to know is my mum that was paying my school feels on til I graduated from university, anytime I asked my mum she will say I will tell ur dad that he Wil give me to give u, I. Don't knwo that ma no dey give shi shi, until when I graduated and my mum told us, but morally my dad was there not that my dad don't want to give but him no get ni

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by loswhite(m): 3:45pm On Dec 23, 2023

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Madam is your husband jobless? Why are focusing on gambling? You should just tell us that you are married a jobless husband madam and stop attacking gambling.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Felix6: 3:56pm On Dec 23, 2023

GreatAchiever1:
.

You misuse the word simp. I do agree women can be manipulative, no doubt, but the point is not to ask what happened during the 11 years where there was no complaint but to deal with the issues at hand and help and encourage the husband to get back on his feet and be responsible once again instead of the unnecessary disrespect.

Did she state anywhere in her gibberish that she wants empowerment/encouragement for the man? She's simply asking for opinions on how to further isolate him or bolt with the children.
That's why I am amazed at your seemingly easy emotional stand on the matter, no disrespect intended.

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Felix6: 4:00pm On Dec 23, 2023

Peejayz:
What I know is that as you keep feeding him and paying the bills, your husband has nothing to worry about, so he will keep on gambling.

Make him have something to worry about.... He will work for money

Don't believe everything she put up there, you d slap someone if you hear the man side of events.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by EvangelistChuks(m): 4:01pm On Dec 23, 2023

Accept Jesus into your life and the Grace or enablement will be released to you to cope;Even with your kingdom principles visibly expressed his salvation may not be long.See your cup half full.JESUS IS THE ANSWER AND NOT MAN.

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by Paramount01(m): 4:11pm On Dec 23, 2023

Felix6:
Hm, you are probably a simp. I pray you don't meet manipulative woman as a wife.
Have you ask her when she changed her name to Endurance.
Over 11 years atleast there was no noise because the "now irresponsible man" was providing for the home, apparently things have taken a down turn for him now, names calling have started, soon she would add alcohol and finally womanising.
Woman, May God have mercy on you, if you like take your children to the moon, what will be will be.

My prayer has always been,"God continue to provide for all married men at every point it time, if I am the husband, I will just pack out, let me go and face my life outside, depression is real, I. Knwo the man is depressed

1 Like

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by GreatAchiever1: 4:16pm On Dec 23, 2023

Felix6:
Did she state anywhere in her gibberish that she wants empowerment/encouragement for the man? She's simply asking for opinions on how to further isolate him or bolt with the children.
That's why I am amazed at your seemingly easy emotional stand on the matter, no disrespect intended.

No,it doesn't sound like she did, this is why I'm pointing her mind not to leave the man no matter what and help him get back on his feet afterall it is her duty as a wife to help him even in his darkest of days though in her post, it sounds like her mind is made up that she wants to leave him even though I hope she don't.
Women communicate by emotions, even though I try to communicate the truth of what she is to do, If I can come straight up hard, I don't think it will resonate well with her, and this is an online forum, I can't read body language so its best to keep it emotional.

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by ford101: 4:19pm On Dec 23, 2023

I don't have any advice for you but in any thing you do don't add another man to the picture eals you ll find out how growing boys can be rebellious. And how it could hurt them the are not girls the are boys.

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by bellarmine: 4:26pm On Dec 23, 2023

The story is above my Pay Grade.

Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by alizma: 4:31pm On Dec 23, 2023

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

If he is not beating you and not in any other way threatening your life, I will advise you stay and pray to God for more blessing to enable you carry the load. See him as your cross for the sake of your children and what you believe in, that's keeping the house together. despite his gambling life style, I can tell you that his father figure is still a protection of a sort to you and the kids, take him out and you will see what you never imagined. I don't mean a threat but that is the truth.

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Re: As I'm Enduring This, Am I Really Making My Children Better? by tete7000(m): 4:34pm On Dec 23, 2023

SmileDance:
You are not making your children better by staying there enduring or else they will grow up with the mentality that they can be irresponsible and expect their wives to also endure.
Since you've already decided to go to your family house, I hope you have solid plans in place how to take care of your children.
I would have said being a single parent is not easy at all, but then again you are a single parent already and your husband is an extra burden for you. Just takes care of your kids and train them well so they don't follow their father's footsteps.

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