₦airaland Forum

Jewessgratitud3:
My parents were not toxic but my Mom was a bit on the harsh side. She would smack and hit at the slightest and this made me distant from her. So what I did was avoid direct confrontations with her by doing any task I already know is my duty before she even asks.

I also try to stay away from the house whenever she's around and prefer following my dad to his relaxation spots in the evenings till late in the night when I know she'll be preparing to retire to bed. Though we lost her quite early @ (43) and missed her so greatly for not being around to make necessary amends now that we are much older and more mature.

I now understand why she handled us that way. It was because she married so early and had us quite early too so we all grew up like siblings . Well too bad all this realizations are coming late years after her demise.

Sorry about her demise.
For most part of our lives,we humans are emotional entities and we will always judge people based on how they made us feel.

Mind sharing what took her away,I'm kind of interested in your story.

Jewessgratitud3:
Death. That's all I can say.

michael1508:
it's okay you don't want to go into details,I understand.
Stay strong,man.

JayPeeOham:
How do you deal with a mother who has confessed that she used your destiny and is the reason why you have been struggling all your life and living from hand to mouth. Despite all your hard work and perseverance, nothing to show for it!
She even go as far as transferring such ill-treatment to your wife and children, her own grand children, please how do you deal with such?

This question has been on my mind since late last year when I got the news and it has been a huge burden to me!

Sirchiboy:
This is what I am facing.
My parents damaged my childhood and made me an object of ridicule.

nandyz:
I never wanted to say a word but most times it is good to say it out.

I spent little time with my parents from birth. But the little time I spent with them. I and my siblings had terrible memories that is affecting us today. Being the first son, I tried all I could to bring my siblings back but no way. They drive joy from friends. My elder sister has an everlasting mark on her right leg which was caused by my father over what my mum told him concerning her.
By the grace of God, I narrow escape Axe thrown to me by my father over what my mum told him because I went to plug mango from the bush. While we were growing up, they said different bad things to me n my siblings. We struggle to survive now. They can never giv us advice or tell us what to do up til today.
But God has been faithful to us.

Klass99:
Nigerian parents? You had me laughing out loud at this. Naija parents are some of the most boundary crossing and disrespectful set of people I have ever come across.

They act like they own you/your life because they gave birth to you, they are quick to use emotional and spiritual blackmail to manipulate you into doing what they want. They love the scripture of honour thy mother and father but have no memory of the one which says do not provoke your children to anger.

I recently tried to talk to my mom about something hurtful she did a long time ago, that brings back unpleasant memories and feelings, because I saw her doing it again with the two girls who are at home with her and really helping them out (she and popsie)

I didn't get far before the conversation escalated into a shouting match, because she's never open to allowing you have your say or speak your truth (let me talk like these GenZ baddies ) She started saying I shouldn't accuse her, we are always accusing her of one thing or the other.

I got pissed off, kept my mouth shut and started pressing my phone while we sat in silence. After a few minutes she started telling a roundabout story with no relevance to the issue or topic at hand, to try and justify herself and make me feel bad for.calling her out. I was having none of it, manipulation hardly works on me.

Another day she was doing something she used to do where I was concerned but with regards to the two girls. I told her to please stop it, these girls are not children they are grown women, she should recognize and respect that while allowing them to breathe. That conversation was also escalating into another shouting match with her saying the same things as before i.e. I accuse her of things, what do I know, I was young, she was almost attacked and killed during a communal clash while bringing me home from boarding school one day etc.

Are you seeing how manipulative some mothers in particular can be, what did any of that have to do with what we were talking about? She is always trying to guilt trip me into feeling bad that she did this and did that for me, I shouldn't be calling her out or rather accusing her of things like she puts it.

I can't and won't cut off my parents ever, in spite of their shortcomings they were and are good parents, who did right, did good and did well by me. They are not maliciously toxic but they can say or do things that are hurtful, and when they provoke me to anger enough, dem dey collect through a cold silent treatment. Where calls and texts go unanswered until I feel ready to engage with them, I did it one time for a month and they started calling my siblings to complain, two called me to say please talk to them.

I told my favourite sibling they don't have the monopoly of rude/disrespectful behaviour, I can be just as rude and disrespectful. I will engage when I am ready to, not before then or because they want me to.

Sholaco:
You can't skin her alive.
Are those confessions directly from her mouth, like for real or a manipulation from the gods of men?
Don't believe in the prophet of doom trying to pitch you against your mother o
It shall be well with you.
Please love you mother for whom she is and you will see the favor of God and that of men

Imma624:
Who told you the news?
I hope it's not a false prophet, who want to milk the daylight out of you.

madridguy:
You better not allow the fake soothsayers hustling around for what to eat to deceive you.

KnowledgePower7:
No matter how pure and clean and gentle a SEED looks
It still need a dirty soil that is filled with manure, bacteria, worms and fertilizer inorder to grow up to a plant.

Sometimes, growing up in such environment push you to become a better version than your popsi.

There are mistakes my dad did that I can never do, I learnt from their mistakes
Forget!!!!
Our parents don't know shit!!!!


Our generation is 10 times more informed and aware of a lot of things

Our parents literally entered adulthood without any orientation other than church.

So you have parents who were so awful at raising kids but will use African culture and religion to cover it up

It's now we have internet we are more exposed and we now have awareness

The next generation will be more free
More liberals
More risk takers than the previous generation
More inovations More breaking records
That is the POWER of information

Cut your parents some slack
The truth is they are ashamed to tell you that they themselves are still learning about life. Some of them have not figured it out yet