₦airaland Forum

Acidosis:
Please ignore this post for your own good.

I thought I was the only one that saw that post as coming from someone who is unstable.

Anyone getting advice from that person is digging his grave while alive.

Inspirer1:
Good advice,
Does a husband have right over how a wife spends her money especially considering the fact that the husband is not lacking money (he didnt state that he was lacking money)? I think he should leave that part of how she spends her own money for her.
But all other aspects he raised should be discussed as you advised.

He should not discuss finances of the home? I don't think so. The man didn't say he is so affluent that his wives resources becomes negligible, even if it is negligible the essence of her looking inwards is to foster a habit of responsibility for the family. Those who invest in their family see it as their sweat and it's difficult to let go unlike those who do absolutely nothing for their family. They can decide to run when they see a bigger spender.

This is not making any sense at all, talk to her one on one, let her know her wrongs.

Kobojunkie:
OP, Humans are not robots to be configured according to your whim. You can tell another human being what you desire and want but there is no marriage contract out there to obligate that person to doing all you demand if that person is not himself/herself configured to those same specifications/settings that you were looking for.

You did not marry wrong! Rather, you went in with the wrong ideas, I am afraid. What you described earlier sounded more like you were attempting to program her according to your needs without considering her personality and needs as well. If what you wanted was someone to dote on you and play mother figure to you, you should have paid a woman to be that to you. Money talks and these days, I am sure you will be able to find someone to pay to be just that for you. Your wife, however, is not a robot and she too has her desires and needs which she could equally impose on you. So, if you both want to benefit from each other, then I suggest you start by going back to the table and drawing out a contract that will equally benefit both parties here.

P.S. Those of them here advising you to do to her what you seem to think she has been doing to you are only preparing you for a future filled with marital hurt and loneliness.

Wetin you smoke this morning kobo, if this man na your brother na the kind advice wey you go dey give am be this?

Woman wey no sabi cook, come still dey thief her husband clothes dey dash her brothers, no respect for that man at all chai.

In a nutshell u no do ur assignment wellIn a nutshell u no do ur assignment well...

You re a miserable simp to pay for transport she used to go work that pays her monthly salary. Oga, na you use your two hands cause it.

Now see my advice,
Sit her down, tell her you don't want a call more than 1 minute whenever two of u are together, tell her to stop taking your cloths without your permission, stop giving her transport money for her work share home expenses - she will bring some whole you bring yours. Declare your monthly (please cut it down by 30% - 50%) while she will declare her own too.

Be a real man. Alpha man

Jewessgratitud3:
She just use you cross singlehood she never really cared about you or your feelings. I doubt if she even loves you because how can you ignore a man you love sitting in the same room with you for eve a second. You don miss road.

Just call her and tell her your concerns about her behavior and that if she's not ready to change you would rather continue your single life. But na wa o, how can someone start begging for love and attention in a new marriage bayi?

As in. this truth hurts.Damn!

Call her and ask her to prepare your monthly bill for the home. Ask her how much she will bring to the expenses since she's working.

That's the first step. She will contribute her own and then sort her personal bill. She will have so little to throw around

You should change completely and over haul your brain.
First you should have known how she cooks in a three years dating relationship before marriage. So na you fall hand there.

Secondly, Stop giving her any shishi for transportation to work. Refuse it completely with out warning.

Don't talk much.


When she begins to agitate , tell her you need to see her savings or what she does with it.
Give her, her own bill, it should be monthly or yearly.
With the way you are going, she will liquidate you and leave.

I must also add that you sound like a SIMP . No insult intended. ........my wife go answer calls for hours and pretend that I wasn't there ? My look alone will reset her brain.

This was almost my experience but i dodged it the moment i saw the glaring signs. In my own case , i did not entice with money, but somebody told the family i was rich. I began to see maximum sense of entitlement with no atom of love or sacrifice to the relationship

Stevenbright:
With this statement, it shows you enticed her with your money and with the impression that you are available to meet all her needs and that of her family. So, she sees you as her meal ticket/atm not a life partner hence the lack of loyalty/respect.

The reason she is not warm towards you is probably because you are not spending for her family.

Gr8mind07:
This was almost my experience but i dodged it the moment i saw the glaring signs. In my own case , i did not entice with money, but somebody told the family i was rich. I began to see maximum sense of entitlement with no atom of love or sacrifice to the relationship

Haaaa! Just imagine ooo

GoodSpirit:
Make ladies responsible and accountable in marriage and relationship but most men won't, this is always the results.

Someone is building and another is collapsing, this is not an ideal marriage.

I once discussed finances with my ex and how we can booster our family if we get married and she bluntly said she is not a team member when it comes to finances in the home that everything is surely on my shoulders. I then asked what if I open a multi million business for her and help her grow the wealth? She replied that the money that she will generate from the business belongs to her and si should never worry how she spent the revenue even if the business is 100 percent done by me. That was it, a selfish woman with almost zero responsibilities.

The problem is that most men don't discuss finances with their partners before marriage and they give out the persona that every bills in the family will be taken care by them which in reality isn't so. Imagine a worker who pays all her bills before she got married can no longer even pay her transportation fare even when she receives her salary the previous day what irresponsibility and zero accountability.

You brought this up on yourself by not setting out the ground rules during dating and even during marriage. A way forward, call for a management meeting in your family and discuss your grievances as well as the way forward in order to strengthen the togetherness and team work in your family.

The disadvantage of building alone is that it will take you a longer time to do that than when you build together. Currently you are building alone, you need to bring her into your team.

Good luck to a fruitful family session.

I hope you are not still with the selfish lady? What she said doesn't make sense at all. I don't know why some ladies are misbehaving. I dey shame to share same gender with such senseless thinking fellow.

As for the Op he made a big mistake in the first place by tolerating his wife nonsense attitude,to the extent of giving out his clothes without his permission/consent. That's stupidity

See, eh in the cool of the evening just find a contact of a girl, but don't cheat o. So as i was saying, maybe a best or close friend, then whenever ur wife is around call the girl talk about matters and use a low tone, what i trying to imply is to create jealousy in the wife but create it with caution if this works come and thank me later, because she would begin to attach to you, isn't that what you want?

laivwire:
If anything, I concur with this paragraph the most. Women may keep secrets about their money or like to talk to family but some sure signs of a woman who loves you is she will enjoy talking to you because you're her confidante.

She would also cook even if her food isn't tasty...and a third is she would show some care at least about things that concern you the husband. Things like protecting you, asking if the stress you face isn't too much, chipping in so you manage your finances well because you're the breadwinner of the family. If you go broke, the family goes poor.

Any partner different from that is a woman in daylight and vampire in darkness.

My advice is to sit her down and have a straight talk. No capping. Yes! you need love and care, you're human and you will say it because you deserve it. You should not be reserved about laying down your expectations in black and white so if she doesn't meet up, it's clear she's failing and can't draw any pity or grey lines on you.

Also make her know you're not an ATM just because you make money. Matter of fact, I hope you do not disclose all your earnings to her because women have strong hedonistic tendencies to ask, demand and spend until nothing is left.

Allot funds for the house and give her in bits because she will always come to ask for more...and when the budget is expended, make everyone dey look each other.

because women have strong hedonistic tendencies to ask, demand and spend until nothing is left

All this yeye people, we didn't you made to becomes couple... We don't care if you eats apple or pineapple, we don't care if you are couple or quadruple... People would be people, if you like choose/select colour purple to make a couple or your couple... Couples with what?

hstar:
Please for knowledge and enlightenment sake, tell me the story of how you meet your wife and how your discover her good traits when you are less busy

na my village chick

carojody:
I can earn her full month salary in a deal. I am not thinking about the money, I'm only concerned about loyalty

Wetin con carry you come here, eat what you likes & do what you want! Stop asking us question you were not there to ask your pa and grandpa...

Capernum:
Trash!!! Your response is more irritating than the wife described.

He simply married wrong.

A lady who is not submissive, who is not clean, who doesn't have respect, who lives as though she has no head she submits to, who can just take her husband dresses and dash them out.

She is really not fit for marriage especially to a gentleman. She needs to marry a tout to learn submission the hard way. Obviously, she lacks home training.

Dear bro, wake up to your leadership role, call her and confront her. After that, give her rules, I'm sure she won't be able to cope with the rules because she's not submissive. If she didn't change, get her off your life or you'll remain unhappy for life.

I also smell see finish and in her. She has seen all about you. I guess she's either older than you or your mate.

The wife should beat him join, he deserves to be strictly beaten&smitten...He is such a Mitten playing badminton, or is he a milton?

Let me gives you a pill to kill, this pill would gives you the will&skill to kill. Did you needs the pill? You don't needs to peels the pill!

Posts like these are the reasons why I broke up with my Ex. Zero financial accountability. The werey even made a statement one time saying that if I want her to be supporting in Paying the bills, I have to be ready to share my “Headship” as the Head if the family. Lol
Dear mean, never be too lazy to dump a lady that isn’t meeting up. Any lady that isn’t investing in the relationship should be kicked out! Period

Exceptional300:
Posts like these are the reasons why I broke up with my Ex. Zero financial accountability. The werey even made a statement one time saying that if I want her to be supporting in Paying the bills, I have to be ready to share my “Headship” as the Head if the family . Lol
Dear mean, never be too lazy to dump a lady that isn’t meeting up. Any lady that isn’t investing in the relationship should be kicked out! Period

Your ex was a wise gal!

Kobojunkie:
Your ex was a wise gal!

what do you mean by that?

Marriage has refused to make sense to me.

Exceptional300:
what do you mean by that?

She wasn't wrong!

Exceptional300:
what do you mean by that?

Explaining the obvious which is that headship in marriage only applies when you bear full financial burden makes her a wise woman.

Kobojunkie:
Explaining the obvious which is that headship in marriage only applies when you bear full financial burden makes her a wise woman.

what do you mean by that? God has made the man the head of the wife. Read your bible there wasn’t any conditions attached to it. Ppl like you are men that will come here on Nairaland to complain when their wives start maltreating them because they can no longer provide due to a significant live eventt.

Exceptional300 post=128661178∆ :
what do you mean by that? God has made the man the head of the wife. Read your bible there wasn’t any conditions attached to it. Ppl like you are men that will come here on Nairaland to complain when their wives start maltreating them because they can no longer provide due to a significant live eventt.

The God of Israel who swore His only inheritance in the land of men are those born from the loins of Jacob -- Israel --- told you, a Nigerian, this? You ex was indeed wise for escaping the fraud was is you.

Kobojunkie:
The God of Israel who swore His only inheritance in the land of men are those born from the loins of Jacob -- Israel --- told you, a Nigerian, this? You ex was indeed wise for escaping the fraud was is you.

Juding from the way you started your response, I think there is no point dragging anything with you. Anybody that lives as if there is no supreme being that directs the affairs of Men is a lost soul. May you never be in a position where you can no longer provide for your family. Have a nice day

Exceptional300:
Judging from the way you started your response, I think there is no point dragging anything with you. Anybody that lives as if there is no supreme being that directs the affairs of Men is a lost soul. May you never be in a position where you can no longer provide for your family. Have a nice day

Supreme being you conceited lot only claim knowledge of when it looks like it might favor you over others. Again, your ex dodged a bullet for real.

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

is normal bro. Women look to their family. I understand how you feel. Tbh women respond to action not words. Since she has been paid let her use her money for transport. Try and cut down expenses, let her bring someghing to the table. If she is not giving you attention you need, please storm out. Let her ask you were you went and then tell her the reason. First year of marrauge is always full of fight because the gift has been unwrapped. If you pass this year and next then your marriage will survive.

marsoden:
Sit down with her and talk about all the issues that you raised. If she insists that she won't change, then walk away from the marriage.
Your peace of mind is of utmost importance.

women only listen to action. He should not walk out. He should use wisdom and conquer.

Man up. Take charge. Stop whining.