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Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? - Family - Nairaland

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Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 11:59am On Sep 20, 2022
A teen in my compound has a problem with body odor. several times she come to my house left the air smelling so stale and rotten, i noticed her younger sister had same issue too.

i couldn't take it anymore, it was so bad and i was afraid she might be mocked in the future if nothing is done to combat it.

i asked her if she ever heard about roll-on or antiperspirant, she replied NO! shocked and this is someone using an iphone and changes clothing periodically. shocked

i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.

i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.

did i do wrong ? children of these days.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by laluski(m): 12:01pm On Sep 20, 2022
You did nothing wrong, that's humans for you...you'll offend me if ever greet that cow again

482 Likes 27 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by robinso01(m): 12:06pm On Sep 20, 2022
Truth no dey bitter, na person wey dem tell dey feel bitter.

231 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 12:09pm On Sep 20, 2022
HRHQueenPhil:


U did nothing wrong, someone needs to tell her the truth...I use to smell like a rotten fish too till d day I was insulted inside bus.. pls if u are still using Eva soap, stop it immediately..buy her gifts of good soap, perfume and anti persperant

with the attitude she gave me just now. I dont want her to be closed to me. i don't need insults from a girl my younger sister is older than.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Nobody: 12:09pm On Sep 20, 2022
They said truth is bitter. Not everyone has the consciousness and insight to see and reason with the purpose OR the heart to feel at ease with it.

Leave her and give her time. Besides, are you very sure she's offended with you or you're reading meanings into her approach or conduct?

40 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Yusufisraelj(m): 12:21pm On Sep 20, 2022
Ginaz:


with the attitude she gave me just now. I dont want her to be closed to me. i don't need insults from a girl my younger sister is older than.


Then you'll be playing at her level, she's being unreasonable I should think, she'll come around.

More so it may be that it's not what you said but how you'll have said it. In any case you act mature and forget whatever attitude she's displaying with time she would come to realize that you were the best thing that ever happened to her personal hygiene.

168 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Nobody: 12:33pm On Sep 20, 2022
You did nothing wrong..

She may feel embarrassed now, but she's gonna thank you later.

We need more honest people like you in this life.
Ginaz:
a teen in my compound has a problem with body odor. several times she come to my house left the air smelling so stale and rotten, i noticed her younger sister had same issue too.

i couldn't take it anymore, it was so bad and i was afraid she might be mocked in the future if nothing is done to combat it.

i asked her if she ever heard about roll-on or antiperspirant, she replied NO! shocked and this is someone using an iphone and changes clothing periodically. shocked

i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.

i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.

did i do wrong ? children of these days.

78 Likes

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Uyi168: 12:58pm On Sep 20, 2022
..
just imagine how her nunu will smell like..

41 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by NemoDatQuod(m): 1:28pm On Sep 20, 2022
You may not have done something wrong. But there are ways of communicating that will be welcoming especially with such challenging themes such as cleanliness. If your younger self were told the same thing you told that teen and in the same way you told her, your younger self will also be upset.

Truth is never bitter. It is how it is told that may lead to it being bitter or it being very sweet and welcoming.

I hope your conversation with her was one on one and in private. If you had told her that the conversation you were about to have is delicate and may result in her being upset, but that you prefer that she be upset with you than you not ell her, it may have led to a different outcome. If you had also assured her that everyone who does not take care of their armpit will smell and that you used to smell until you learned to take care of your armpit, she would have been more receptive. If you had assured her that the conversation is also private and between you two, she would have been more receptive.

I work in an environment where I have to give feedback regularly to those who work with me and some of the conversations involve some of the most difficult topics/themes one can ever discuss with anyone. I have to spend time thinking through the theme and I usually start by putting myself in the recipient's shoes and review different scenario's of how the individual may feel or react based on his or her background.

My aim is to make them better workers, not to antagonise them and make them leave the firm, because it is cheaper to maintain the employee you have than to go through the process of hiring new ones and training them.

If I were in your position, I will call her to a meeting and humbly explain where you were coming from and apologise for any slight she may feel. You seem to be a good person. Don't let her be on her own as it appears she will need the help and guidance of kind others to navigate through teenage life.





Ginaz:
a teen in my compound has a problem with body odor. several times she come to my house left the air smelling so stale and rotten, i noticed her younger sister had same issue too.

i couldn't take it anymore, it was so bad and i was afraid she might be mocked in the future if nothing is done to combat it.

i asked her if she ever heard about roll-on or antiperspirant, she replied NO! shocked and this is someone using an iphone and changes clothing periodically. shocked

i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.

i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.

did i do wrong ? children of these days.

214 Likes 24 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Kobojunkiee: 3:04pm On Sep 20, 2022
Ginaz:
i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.
i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.
did i do wrong ? children of these days.
WOW... even I would feel insulted by the statement there. undecided

44 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by jabolo(m): 3:10pm On Sep 20, 2022
NemoDatQuod:
You may not have done something wrong. But there are ways of communicating that will be welcoming especially with such challenging themes such as cleanliness. If your younger self were told the same thing you told that teen and in the same way you told her, your younger self will also be upset.

Good talk. Communication is underrated if what you are trying to achieve is behavioral change, not simply win the talk talk prize. Else, it's one ego trip after another.

I always advise people to Google "criticism sandwich".

If you subtly add critical advice in between two episodes of praise/flattery, you will reach her better.

So... (1)You look nice today, I always enjoy your company (2) Maybe try this deodorant (3) Hian! No one can slay pass you now.

Good Day.

61 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 3:30pm On Sep 20, 2022
NemoDatQuod. it was just us and my mom that were in the house. she's friend to my mom and she visit most cos of her.

i raised the topic in a tender way , she's in secondary school and i didnt want to make her feel uncomfortable. the antiperspirant i gave her was mine, i taught her how to use it.

i didn't leave her empty handed after my advice , i made sure i gave her solution and she took the antiperspirant home.

i tried and i hope she uses it. well, I won't be close to her anymore. i don't want insults

27 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 3:31pm On Sep 20, 2022
jabolo:


Good talk. Communication is underrated if what you are trying to achieve is behavioral change, not simply win the talk talk prize. Else, it's one ego trip after another.

I always advise people to Google "criticism sandwich".

If you subtly add critical advice in between two episodes of praise/flattery, you will reach her better.

So... (1)You look nice today, I always enjoy your company (2) Maybe try this deodorant (3) Hian! No one can slay pass you now.

Good Day.

believe me, i communicated nice with her like my younger sister.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Mindlog: 4:13pm On Sep 20, 2022
Ginaz:


believe me, i communicated nice with her like my younger sister.

"I told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left".

That was a hit at her self-esteem....trust me, behavioural change will less likely be achieved by that. You did mention her younger sister had same issue and that is a likely indication that personal hygiene scores very low in their home and body odour is so normalized in their home, that it is a non-issue to them. I have been to homes entire family share same towels and toothbrushes (imagining family of 8 sharing 3 toothbrushes) shocked

Yes, many of us while growing up were told things we considered nasty point blank and were expected to go deal with it. Reality is, a teenager today is not same as the teenager of 2012, not to talk of the 80s and 90s, just like when you view the brains of 3year olds of today and those of the 90s, when you compare.....e go shock you! cheesy

32 Likes

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Nobody: 8:16pm On Sep 20, 2022
.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Kirkman: 9:44pm On Sep 20, 2022
You have done your own part in the best possible way that you can. Its left for her to take your advice and smell nice or she lingers on in her glorious body odour.

5 Likes

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 9:44pm On Sep 20, 2022
goodamerican:
Telling her she didn't smell nice, acting shocked when she said she had never heard of antiperspirant, giving her an antiperspirant you've used ― all make your approach seem offensive and like you were mocking her. You probably presented your message in these manner, so you can't blame her for not greeting you. This is a sensitive something, meaning your words AND your body language have to be kind, otherwise the individual will take offense.

Imo, If I'm going to do something like this, I'll probably buy a gift set of some sort beforehand: consisting of some yummy-smelling soap, body wash, sponge, shaving stuff, antiperspirant, etc. Then, when next I see her, I would sit her down, start by saying I care (telling her this first will let her know I'm not trying to offend), then tell her I often perceive an odor from her. At this point, she would likely ask what kind of odor, then I would tell her in a gentle way, then bring out the gift set and tell her how to use them.

lolz you are funny. this is someone who gets herself clothings and has an iphone. i should buy her gifts just to tell her to take care of herself?

i gave her my antiperspirant because i didn't want her to go home empty handed and moreover so she could know antiperspirant next she wanna buy.

i didn't yell and spoke hashly to her. i even educated her about need to always keep the armpit clean and our personal hygiene. well if she can't get the message but choose to get upset, then no problem.

I'm done.

34 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Nobody: 11:28pm On Sep 20, 2022
.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 11:38pm On Sep 20, 2022
goodamerican:
Basic reading comprehension is needed here. My first paragraph is meant to critique your approach/the things you must've done wrong when speaking to her (e.g. your words and body language). You shouldn't have opened the thread asking what you did wrong if you weren't willing to hear people's opinions. My second relays what I would do: provide a template for her to follow - that she needs to be doing these things to keep her hygiene up to par. If I know a teenage girl who has this problem, along with her younger sister, then they've definitely not being taught these things or have no one to teach them, and I would try and do that for them, knowing the next person may not be as nice about it as I would.

About her buying her clothes and an iPhone that you keep shouting, these shouldn't be your concern and quite frankly, they've nothing to do with you passing your message across kindly. There're people who drive the nicest cars but go to their homes and it stinks or it's a mess, so don't let outward appearances fool you. Some people are oblivious to these things either b/c they grew up in a similar environment and have grown accustomed to it, or due to nonchalance. How much less a teenager and her sister who are obviously uninformed about hygiene and aren't aware they smell badly (some people don't know they do until you bring it to their attention). The problem of hygiene itself is likely a big problem in Nigeria. I wouldn't be surprised if there're adults who don't wear antiperspirants or are nonchalant about hygiene.

No one here is fighting you. With the attitude you're exhibiting, you definitely didn't approach her as calmly as you'd like to claim you did, so you can't blame her for walking by you/not talking to you the next time you saw her.


aunty.. let's forget the issue. hopefully someone will help her more than I've done. they will buy her roses , sing celine Dion and buy her all the gifts in the world. cheers!

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Nobody: 11:43pm On Sep 20, 2022
Ginaz:


aunty.. let's forget the issue. hopefully someone would help her more than I've done. they will buy her roses , sing celine Dion and buy her all the gifts in the world. cheers!

I hope someone does. You obviously have more issues than this girl. Pele.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by henrimoto(m): 12:08am On Sep 21, 2022
@Ginaz, you did no wrong. Just that, this kind of issue, it's a very sensitive issue and its common among teenagers and young adults. When ever such person comes around, i think " how do i convey this message to this person"... without making her/him feel bad ( bad - as in, demoralise/ashame). Just as @mindlog wrote ' it hits the self esteem ' of the person involve.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 5:30am On Sep 21, 2022
goodamerican:
I hope someone does. You obviously have more issues than this girl. Pele.

may the issues come from you! end the matter but you still looking for issues you inherited. rest aunty!

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 5:38am On Sep 21, 2022
henrimoto:
@Ginaz, you did no wrong. Just that, this kind of issue, it's a very sensitive issue and its common among teenagers and young adults. When ever such person comes around, i think " how do i convey this message to this person"... without making her/him feel bad ( bad - as in, demoralise/ashame). Just as @mindlog wrote ' it hits the self esteem ' of the person involve.

out of my goodwill i spoke to her and i did so in privacy. my voice was gentle, i educated her as a fellow lady and i tried. atleast she knows about roll-ons and antiperspirant now.

someone else will take over from me in the future.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Sirqt5(m): 12:53pm On Sep 21, 2022
Seun lalasticlala Mynd44 nlfpmod
Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Richy4(m): 1:26pm On Sep 21, 2022
i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice..

If you have heard the word euphemism and the wonders that it does, u won't be confused or asking if you have done something wrong...

If everyone in the world should open their mouth w-a-a-a-a-a and say certain things, don't you think that there will be chaos around the globe? smiley

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by AyobamiIsaac12: 2:00pm On Sep 21, 2022
Ginaz:
a teen in my compound has a problem with body odor. several times she come to my house left the air smelling so stale and rotten, i noticed her younger sister had same issue too.

i couldn't take it anymore, it was so bad and i was afraid she might be mocked in the future if nothing is done to combat it.

i asked her if she ever heard about roll-on or antiperspirant, she replied NO! shocked and this is someone using an iphone and changes clothing periodically. shocked

i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.

i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.

did i do wrong ? children of these days.
You did well by telling her she smells bad and I believe it was done in a way that wouldn't make her feel bad. We humans see things differently, some will appreciate if you inform them about a problem in their life that they obviously have no idea about, and some will start detesting you for trying to help their life. Just ignore her if she doesn't want to converse anymore. It's her problem!

3 Likes

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by seanwilliam(m): 3:41pm On Sep 21, 2022
Ginaz:
a teen in my compound has a problem with body odor. several times she come to my house left the air smelling so stale and rotten, i noticed her younger sister had same issue too.

i couldn't take it anymore, it was so bad and i was afraid she might be mocked in the future if nothing is done to combat it.

i asked her if she ever heard about roll-on or antiperspirant, she replied NO! shocked and this is someone using an iphone and changes clothing periodically. shocked

i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.

i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.

did i do wrong ? children of these days.
the truth is, there are no better ways to tell her she has body odor.. don’t feel bad, people like it when you lie to them especially if the lies make them feel good. You’ve done well,

7 Likes

Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Nobody: 7:30pm On Sep 21, 2022

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Ginaz(f): 8:05pm On Sep 21, 2022
goodamerican:

Back to sender. You're hyperventilating and editing your posts upandan. I wonder who opens thread to look for a fight. I am not the cause of your frustrations o.

what's the back to sender for? accept the same "issue" you wished me.

i don't like you. dark energy surrounds you. rest aunty !

first you accused me falsely saying i gave the antiperspirant as a mockery, now you go about beating around the bush tryna sound intelligent but it's not your strong point.

rest ! I'd take the other's posts but not yours! you are looking for faults and i don't like you .

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by culf: 8:14pm On Sep 21, 2022
Ginaz:
a teen in my compound has a problem with body odor. several times she come to my house left the air smelling so stale and rotten, i noticed her younger sister had same issue too.

i couldn't take it anymore, it was so bad and i was afraid she might be mocked in the future if nothing is done to combat it.

i asked her if she ever heard about roll-on or antiperspirant, she replied NO! shocked and this is someone using an iphone and changes clothing periodically. shocked

i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.

i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.

did i do wrong ? children of these days.

yes and No.

you did no wrong in telling her about her body odour but waking by you, giving you attitude, you should have held her hand, draw her close and let her know what you did is out of love and care you have for her and since it annoy her, you will never involve yourself in anything that concern her again.
She Ought to be grateful to you.

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Re: Should I Have Minded My Business? Did I Do Wrong? by Cutehector(m): 8:15pm On Sep 21, 2022
The female gender will always have issues in taking corrections. Their stubbornness will lead them to error.


These days i am even tired in dealing with ladies. You can hardly meet just one woman who would accept corrections. Hardly.


Even that op that is making noise up there, if someone corrects her, i am sure she will still carry face for the person.

21 Likes 1 Share

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