Jewessgratitud3:
Hmm.. op you're wrong!!!! Very wrong.

Now let me start with your age. At 28 you shouldn't be living under your parents. You should be responsibly and independently living on your own. You shouldn't be there stressing that old woman with your "I'm a big girl and no body can control me attitude " that is what your attitude smell of and what your mother perceives that makes her treat you the way she does. For Christ sakes if you're a big girl then leave and go be on your own where no one will control you but as long as you're still under her roof you'll live by her rules and regulations.

See, all mothers are like that but your character will determine the degree of that trait in them. If your mothers "africnaness is raised to power 2 then you are the problem. We all managed ours like that and never saw it as anything; today we are the better for it.. See they are trying to protect you and that's their own way of doing so but you will not know now. ok, imagine what your sister did.. got pregnant out of wedlock, which mother will be happy about that? The other one got married without her consent and you think she'll want you to end like them. What your sisters did has intensified what was already on ground and made her more strict to you because she doesn't want you to end up that way. Seems you and your sisters have eyes for worldly things but feel caged by her for not letting you operate with that hand. Ok, Why is she not like that to the boys? Because boys can't get pregnant and bring her Shame exactly what she's guarding against. Op, can't you see.? When they are telling you people now it will look as if they hate you, they're toxic and all that but when it happens now, you'll remember you have a mother somewhere.

Your mother is no different from most African mothers only that she added strictness to hers due to her religious position and now see what your sisters did....


I left my parents house at the age of 26, a year after my Mom died. If she was alive she won't allow me, that tells you they are simply protecting you. when I was leaving I told my dad and he gave me his blessings but while I was home before my mom died 2 years before I left she did all those mother things but I never saw it as anything or thought of running away from the house... Things were different back then and children were more respectful who know wetin bible talk then but see now you started by quoting the scriptures to justify yourself. To me thats rude. No problem with knowing your right but children of nowadays na I too know dey kill una. Quote bible , quote law to justify every action no room for moral justifications any more and that is why we have so many broken marriages because we come too know law pass ourselves. Humble yourself or leave that old woman before you give am bp biko.


Ask your brothers how they are getting along with her. You are stubborn and feel nobody can control you under person roof o. Abeg commot there, make you go test outside small and see. See how you painted your mother bad all through but you didn't even mention one single error you did. Saint Obi.
Mtchew.

I never said I'm a saint in my narrative you there. There are ways to correct a child. Did your mum beat you at the age of 20? , not to talk of 28 years

You are getting me totally wrong.
You dont know that's it's how she treated my sisters that made them do what ther did. I'm the soft one that's why I'm still enduring. I pray that no one you know experiences what we have experienced

Before you comment, read carefully oga!

Shes the one that acts like a saint
Why is she fighting everybody around her.
Dont expect me(us) to act the way the boys act, they are hardly at home and they dont spend time the we I do with her.

You dont know us that's why. People always praise me( not that I'm righteous) and say I was well brought up. If I was stubborn and arrogant, why am i not a fighter every where i go. Read well before you judge biko

Omotehanny:






I never said I'm a saint in my narrative you there. There are ways to correct a child. Did your mum beat you at the age of 20? , not to talk of 28 years

You are getting me totally wrong.
You dont know that's it's how she treated my sisters that made them do what ther did. I'm the soft one that's why I'm still enduring. I pray that no one you know experiences what we have experienced

Before you comment, read carefully oga!

Shes the one that acts like a saint
Why is she fighting everybody around her.
Dont expect me(us) to act the way the boys act, they are hardly at home and they dont spend time the we I do with her.

You dont know us that's why. People always praise me( not that I'm righteous) and say I was well brought up. If I was stubborn and arrogant, why am i not a fighter every where i go. Read well before you judge biko

Look, I'm a lady and i'm not judging you or trying to excuse your Moms behavior but trying to let you know all shes doing is to protect you and your siblings and prevent you from bringing her shame but because you already have a mindset that she's toxic you won't see it from that angle. Please erase that notion from your head.

Now, have you sat down to think what are those things you're doing she doesn't like... Have you examined your attitude towards her? Ok if you're calm like you claim then why is she abusing you physically? Only a mad person will attack a calm person sitting on her own.

Again, are you working? You asked if my Mom still beat me at 26.. well she was already late by the time I turned 26 but before then she still talks to me like a baby if I don't do what she wants and I know I'm the one looking for her trouble. But then I was working and as a working class lady when I get back from work I'll carry jerrycan on my head to go look for water when it's my turn on the roster if I don't want my ears to be full that day because I'm still under her roof but now if they tell you people to do certain chores you'll be forming big girl.
Even in my late 30s I still carried baff on my head to fetch water in my sisters house before her husband dug a borehole for her. That's how far a good home training can go.

Lastly, look for money and get a place of your own and seek her consent before leaving but don't use it as a license to begin to live anyhow life cos I know men, they'll be flocking around you. Don't get carried away so your mother won't say, she said it.

So all I'm saying is get off your high horses. You too will be a mother someday. Hm

This was what my Mum and her siblings went through with their Father,he is more than toxic and manipulating.They all ran out of the house one after the other.
My Mum had me at 21, she had no choice,her other siblings regretted not leaving earlier.
Am 36 years with two kids,my Grandfather is still same way,as first Grandchild I tried all I could to make him come back with his children,am tired and exhausted.He still brings up issues of 1960s.
This 2024,I hands off.I wonder how he sleeps at night despite old age.Also a Pastor

Have you heard of Sniper? Just a heads up

Caleb15:
Have you heard of Sniper? Just a heads up

Since you already heard of sniper, why not try it and then tell us what you experienced.

Mindlog:


Since you already heard of sniper, why not try it and then tell us what you experienced.

Experience is the best teacher, intelligence cannot compete against knowlegde, just a heads up

Most parents are like that.... especially the ones that bore children early....for mothers...

But I wonder why born children if you will be very toxic....and all that....
Money is everything...I swear.... just make money and move to where nobody will disturbe you...
I know what I still suffer, but I don't have money.... Yes that's the problem for me suffering and taking bulldog shit...

OP get money, go and live the good life except you are enjoying this present one

Jewessgratitud3:


Look, I'm a lady and i'm not judging you or trying to excuse your Moms behavior but trying to let you know all shes doing is to protect you and your siblings and prevent you from bringing her shame but because you already have a mindset that she's toxic you won't see it from that angle. Please erase that notion from your head.

Now, have you sat down to think what are those things you're doing she doesn't like... Have you examined your attitude towards her? Ok if you're calm like you claim then why is she abusing you physically? Only a mad person will attack a calm person sitting on her own.

Again, are you working? You asked if my Mom still beat me at 26.. well she was already late by the time I turned 26 but before then she still talks to me like a baby if I don't do what she wants and I know I'm the one looking for her trouble. But then I was working and as a working class lady when I get back from work I'll carry jerrycan on my head to go look for water when it's my turn on the roster if I don't want my ears to be full that day because I'm still under her roof but now if they tell you people to do certain chores you'll be forming big girl.
Even in my late 30s I still carried baff on my head to fetch water in my sisters house before her husband dug a borehole for her. That's how far a good home training can go.

Lastly, look for money and get a place of your own and seek her consent before leaving but don't use it as a license to begin to live anyhow life cos I know men, they'll be flocking around you. Don't get carried away so your mother won't say, she said it.

So all I'm saying is get off your high horses. You too will be a mother someday. Hm

Ok ma,
I put it to you again , I'm not badmouthing my mum. Do you know what depression is?

Let me tell you. As the only girl at home now I kill myself with almost all the chores at home before going to work , my younger brothers dont do anything. I'd there's anything to cook, they'll keep it for me till I come back from work. Sometimes I stay in the kitchen for up to 11 o'clock, when will I sleep?. Is it water ? Around 5:30 I'm up to fetch water for everyone monday to sunday. I go like three streets away sometimes when water is scarce. So it's not like I'm forming big girl. Would your mother have said Ill words to you as early as 6 am? Words that can make you commit suicide. Your mum will always chastise and beat you in the presence of your younger ones, till they dont have a single drop of respect for you. The other day my brother in which I use 6 years to senior and I got into an arguement, he started using those words my mum always use on me to abuse me that day.
Fear do you know what this has caused me physiologically? I cant defend myself outside, cos when I try my words gradually turn into tears , I'm not able to control that, at the end of the day, I'm mocked for it

If I'm eventually moving, im not doing it to be free . I'm doing it to have peace of mind. I'm not a wayward person at least I've past that stage for anyone to influence me like that

So dear, my story and yours are not thesame.
I stayed with my grandmother(mothers mother) , she corrected harshly too but I still choose her anyday anytime, she did not do it as if shes God over you. She did not use words like " you wont give birth to a child" " you wont marry" " bad egg" and the rest which I dont store in my head so as not to work on me. But shes gone, if not I would have gone to stay with her

Omotehanny:



Ok ma,
I put it to you again , I'm not badmouthing my mum. Do you know what depression is?

Let me tell you. As the only girl at home now I kill myself with almost all the chores at home before going to work , my younger brothers dont do anything. I'd there's anything to cook, they'll keep it for me till I come back from work. Sometimes I stay in the kitchen for up to 11 o'clock, when will I sleep?. Is it water ? Around 5:30 I'm up to fetch water for everyone monday to sunday. I go like three streets away sometimes when water is scarce. So it's not like I'm forming big girl. Would your mother have said Ill words to you as early as 6 am? Words that can make you commit suicide. Your mum will always chastise and beat you in the presence of your younger ones, till they dont have a single drop of respect for you. The other day my brother in which I use 6 years to senior and I got into an arguement, he started using those words my mum always use on me to abuse me that day.
Fear do you know what this has caused me physiologically? I cant defend myself outside, cos when I try my words gradually turn into tears , I'm not able to control that, at the end of the day, I'm mocked for it

If I'm eventually moving, im not doing it to be free . I'm doing it to have peace of mind. I'm not a wayward person at least I've past that stage for anyone to influence me like that

So dear, my story and yours are not thesame.
I stayed with my grandmother(mothers mother) , she corrected harshly too but I still choose her anyday anytime, she did not do it as if shes God over you. She did not use words like " you wont give birth to a child" " you wont marry" " bad egg" and the rest which I dont store in my head so as not to work on me. But shes gone, if not I would have gone to stay with her

Oh. Boy! For your Mom to use this kind of words trust me you must have done something but you're not telling us. Anyways, if like you claimed you didn't do anything before she said those things to you. Then maybe she has mental problem and I'll advise you leave for your mental health. Try and get even if it's a room apartment for now.

@omotehanny.

What kind of question is that ... "What do you think ?" You want online people to agree to your thoughts before you take action on your decision ?

Abi you want make one of your eyes go blind ( God forbid ) before you move out and stay on your own)

You already know the kind of mother you have and you are doing like this. You already said you suffered depression in the past due to her treatment towards you, your ego and self confidence as a person, as a lady is almost Gone... And you still dey ask. Question of " What do you think ?"

If you value your mental health, you wouldn't wait for online validation.

Do what you have to do for your mental sanity.

Alcatel17:


Calm down...she is still ur mom n we don't choose d family we were born into....probably she is ur karma from ur previous life sins....just find a way to manage her until u dey buoyant enough 2 move out...keep ur head up girl...cheers

Are you mad?

kkins25:


Are you mad?

.see what I'm talking about. You children of this generation lack manners and tomorrow you'll say they heaped cures on you you didn't do anything.

If you're well trained you would know how to address a stranger even if you're not ok with their comment but you just want to talk. Even if I don't curse you, you have cursed yourself like this.

Jewessgratitud3:


Oh. Boy! For your Mom to use this kind of words trust me you must have done something but you're not telling us. Anyways, if like you claimed you didn't do anything before she said those things to you. Then maybe she has mental problem and I'll advise you leave for your mental health. Try and get even if it's a room apartment for now.

You don't need to "have done something" to a narcissist before he/she uses demeaning words on you because saying those demeaning words "helps" them achieve the high a drug addict gets from abusing drugs.

They lack empathy and OP's mother is hiding under the cloak of religion do display hers....when her type ends up being admitted into a psychiatric hospital, they rarely get visits from their children!

Omotehanny:
Hi everyone

I'm 28 years of age and I'm female
In the book of ephesiand there's a verse that says children should obey their parents , but there is also another verse that says there that [/b]Parents should not provoke their children[b]

I'm open to criticism but put yourself in my shoes.

My mum is a pastor but at thesame time very very toxic person. My dad (bless his soul) has been seen has a bad person at home, it was not until I started looking at her toxicity apart from me that I knew that my dad wasn't has bad has she painted

She does and says everything she feels is favourable to her, then she puts it as that is what God wants. She literally calls herself God most times. Like when she wants you to do what she wants, she will say you are disobeying God that you will die.

When I was much younger I had depression which I've not recovered from till today both mentally and physically. I had no belief in myself, neither did I have a personality. It didn't make a sociable person, for example when I have a quarrel with other folks or even my younger siblings I end up crying.

She uses words that a mum shouldn't use on her children, she curses her children. She narrates how she has been suffering ti feed you since you were born , how she has clothed you , how she has sent you to you, she will always ask if you can repay her? Like why would she make such statements, did i ask to be born?

The one that will baffle you most is that as old as I am, she still physically abused me, she beats me even at this age. Last week she injured me near my eyes and the blood I lost was much. Several times I've wanted to report her but she will later manipulate me with words because she is manipulative also. She acts like okay at times just for you to listen to her , to things that had gone down in her life. But if I tell her things about my life she will use it against me tomorrow. So I usually keep my happenings to myself and just listen to her. It is still her that will be crying and saying that she takes us as friends but we dont tell her about our lives.

We are not in contact with our dads family, even her own family because of her as she is fighting them. Ever since childhood she has been narrating bad things about them to us, even encouraged us to not greet them whe they were still living with us in thesame compound.c

She fights everybody , even neighbors when she doesnt get what she wants.

And the problem is that she is extra toxic to her girl children. My elder has left the house for long and doesn't talk to her at all, she even got married without my mum attending her wedding(me and my elder sister do not share thesame father). She did not attend her mothers burial because of that quarrel she had with her family and she is the first daughter. My younger sister( thesame father) got intentionally pregnant without wedlock just to leave the house. I'm the only girl child at home now and my own level of tocixtiy is just 100
Na me suffer pass everybody. She never listens to anyone or take advice on anyone on how to discipline her children with love and not with violence.

She doesn't respect a child. Even tho I give her almost half if my salary every month, she doesnt give me a single respect. She abuses me in front of my younger brothers and their friends.


There is nothing I do that pleases her. She will use what has happened for years to still judge you, repition upon repition. She doesnt truly forgive and forget. She expects you to always do everything to her liking, forgetting you are human. She lays false accusers on me when reporting me to people , things I did not even dream of doing. She lies on me. One moments she loved you, the next day she hitting and beating you like a goat. And whether you are wrong or not , after physically and verbally abuse you, she will still expect to kneel down and beg her like God, forgetting she hurt you also.


When my dad was still alive, whenever she starts with me my dad will not make a single speech, If he does she will face him head on.
She brings her family matter to the church and preaches it like a sermon only for the members to be treating you as a bas person. She made me not to believe in God, I'm just gradually recovering from all those.

I've left the house bedorebeause of all these. But she manipulated me into coming back', crying and saying she was not able to wat

But honestly, with the way she injured me this last time, I've lost all fear fro her. At this moment we are not crossing paths. When I greet she doesnt answer me, whenever she is praying, she is abusing me saying all sorts of evil in her mouth while praying. Which Christian does that, not to talk of a pastor.
Shes still looking for ways to make trouble with me but I'm avoiding her. I don't fear her anymore. She stopped us from wearing jewelry when I was 16, but now she has made me stubborn. I'm wearing jewelry in the house and shes saying all sort of evil against me , but I dont really care

I dont think I can continue staying her. The boys dont have much problem with her. She gives them once in a while. But the girls is too frequent. P.s I'm not a bad person, I have never had a fight with anyone before, just misunderstanding here and there which is unevitable.


I want to move out, I'm not buoyant enough but as long as I have peace and mental sanity I dont mind. Because even though we resolve It today( which she will make me beg for days as if she is God) . A worse scenario will come up again

What do you think?

I'm really sad for you.
But can encourage you to move out discreetly, change number and break communication with her. No need feeling sorry for her.
At your age now you're above this kind of influence from a parent.

Maybe cos I'm a guy but when this kinda issue started with my mom, I counted my skills and talents and snuck out of the house and no one knew where I was for weeks! I never looked back from there!

I met a lady on a trip long ago and somehow she ended telling me about her toxic aunt who she lived with. I counselled her to move out get a job or sell something to cater for herself. Raised some cash for her and three years later she had married! That aunt tried to manipulate her back but she stood her ground!
She told me she'd never been able to do that...
10 years on she and her husband still reach me!
So girdle up and find yourself dear

Omotehanny:

What do you think?

Stop giving her half of your salary. The house choice you do is enough as a give back to her as your mom for now. If she ask you why, tell her any made up story you can while you start saving aggressively to move out by renting a small apartment you can afford, from where you can have your peace and plan your life.

Alcatel17:


Calm down...she is still ur mom n we don't choose d family we were born into....probably she is ur karma from ur previous life sins....just find a way to manage her until u dey buoyant enough 2 move out...keep ur head up girl...cheers

Oh boy see judgement. Kaiii...Na wa oo

Omotehanny:
Hi everyone

I'm 28 years of age and I'm female
In the book of ephesiand there's a verse that says children should obey their parents , but there is also another verse that says there that [/b]Parents should not provoke their children[b]

I'm open to criticism but put yourself in my shoes.

My mum is a pastor but at thesame time very very toxic person. My dad (bless his soul) has been seen has a bad person at home, it was not until I started looking at her toxicity apart from me that I knew that my dad wasn't has bad has she painted

She does and says everything she feels is favourable to her, then she puts it as that is what God wants. She literally calls herself God most times. Like when she wants you to do what she wants, she will say you are disobeying God that you will die.

When I was much younger I had depression which I've not recovered from till today both mentally and physically. I had no belief in myself, neither did I have a personality. It didn't make a sociable person, for example when I have a quarrel with other folks or even my younger siblings I end up crying.

She uses words that a mum shouldn't use on her children, she curses her children. She narrates how she has been suffering ti feed you since you were born , how she has clothed you , how she has sent you to you, she will always ask if you can repay her? Like why would she make such statements, did i ask to be born?

The one that will baffle you most is that as old as I am, she still physically abused me, she beats me even at this age. Last week she injured me near my eyes and the blood I lost was much. Several times I've wanted to report her but she will later manipulate me with words because she is manipulative also. She acts like okay at times just for you to listen to her , to things that had gone down in her life. But if I tell her things about my life she will use it against me tomorrow. So I usually keep my happenings to myself and just listen to her. It is still her that will be crying and saying that she takes us as friends but we dont tell her about our lives.

We are not in contact with our dads family, even her own family because of her as she is fighting them. Ever since childhood she has been narrating bad things about them to us, even encouraged us to not greet them whe they were still living with us in thesame compound.c

She fights everybody , even neighbors when she doesnt get what she wants.

And the problem is that she is extra toxic to her girl children. My elder has left the house for long and doesn't talk to her at all, she even got married without my mum attending her wedding(me and my elder sister do not share thesame father). She did not attend her mothers burial because of that quarrel she had with her family and she is the first daughter. My younger sister( thesame father) got intentionally pregnant without wedlock just to leave the house. I'm the only girl child at home now and my own level of tocixtiy is just 100
Na me suffer pass everybody. She never listens to anyone or take advice on anyone on how to discipline her children with love and not with violence.

She doesn't respect a child. Even tho I give her almost half if my salary every month, she doesnt give me a single respect. She abuses me in front of my younger brothers and their friends.


There is nothing I do that pleases her. She will use what has happened for years to still judge you, repition upon repition. She doesnt truly forgive and forget. She expects you to always do everything to her liking, forgetting you are human. She lays false accusers on me when reporting me to people , things I did not even dream of doing. She lies on me. One moments she loved you, the next day she hitting and beating you like a goat. And whether you are wrong or not , after physically and verbally abuse you, she will still expect to kneel down and beg her like God, forgetting she hurt you also.


When my dad was still alive, whenever she starts with me my dad will not make a single speech, If he does she will face him head on.
She brings her family matter to the church and preaches it like a sermon only for the members to be treating you as a bas person. She made me not to believe in God, I'm just gradually recovering from all those.

I've left the house bedorebeause of all these. But she manipulated me into coming back', crying and saying she was not able to wat

But honestly, with the way she injured me this last time, I've lost all fear fro her. At this moment we are not crossing paths. When I greet she doesnt answer me, whenever she is praying, she is abusing me saying all sorts of evil in her mouth while praying. Which Christian does that, not to talk of a pastor.
Shes still looking for ways to make trouble with me but I'm avoiding her. I don't fear her anymore. She stopped us from wearing jewelry when I was 16, but now she has made me stubborn. I'm wearing jewelry in the house and shes saying all sort of evil against me , but I dont really care

I dont think I can continue staying her. The boys dont have much problem with her. She gives them once in a while. But the girls is too frequent. P.s I'm not a bad person, I have never had a fight with anyone before, just misunderstanding here and there which is unevitable.


I want to move out, I'm not buoyant enough but as long as I have peace and mental sanity I dont mind. Because even though we resolve It today( which she will make me beg for days as if she is God) . A worse scenario will come up again

What do you think?

I can see the FTC typing if this is true. It's 💯 true cos by gradma is exactly like that. Exactly!!! That I can't minus or add anything to it. She's the only one good others her bad, and like the Op stated mine believes she's the child of God and God talks to her. Only that my gradma isn't a pastor, that's the only difference. Upon all my mum did for her both before and after we were born that we the children saw, she's forgot everything and it's my mum who hated her. She did it till my mom died last year and now since her daughter is dead it's our turn. But because me and my siblings has recognize her toxicity and manipulation we don't allow her get to us and this is paining her badly. If I didn't have this woman has my gradma I wouldn't have believe someone like this ever existed.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hmm.. op you're wrong!!!! Very wrong.

Now let me start with your age. At 28 you shouldn't be living under your parents. You should be responsibly and independently living on your own. You shouldn't be there stressing that old woman with your "I'm a big girl and no body can control me attitude " that is what your attitude smell of and what your mother perceives that makes her treat you the way she does. For Christ sakes if you're a big girl then leave and go be on your own where no one will control you but as long as you're still under her roof you'll live by her rules and regulations.

See, all mothers are like that but your character will determine the degree of that trait in them. If your mothers "africnaness is raised to power 2 then you are the problem. We all managed ours like that and never saw it as anything; today we are the better for it.. See they are trying to protect you and that's their own way of doing so but you will not know now. ok, imagine what your sister did.. got pregnant out of wedlock, which mother will be happy about that? The other one got married without her consent and you think she'll want you to end like them. What your sisters did has intensified what was already on ground and made her more strict to you because she doesn't want you to end up that way. Seems you and your sisters have eyes for worldly things but feel caged by her for not letting you operate with that hand. Ok, Why is she not like that to the boys? Because boys can't get pregnant and bring her Shame exactly what she's guarding against. Op, can't you see.? When they are telling you people now it will look as if they hate you, they're toxic and all that but when it happens now, you'll remember you have a mother somewhere.

Your mother is no different from most African mothers only that she added strictness to hers due to her religious position and now see what your sisters did....


I left my parents house at the age of 26, a year after my Mom died. If she was alive she won't allow me, that tells you they are simply protecting you. when I was leaving I told my dad and he gave me his blessings but while I was home before my mom died 2 years before I left she did all those mother things but I never saw it as anything or thought of running away from the house... Things were different back then and children were more respectful who know wetin bible talk then but see now you started by quoting the scriptures to justify yourself. To me thats rude. No problem with knowing your right but children of nowadays na I too know dey kill una. Quote bible , quote law to justify every action no room for moral justifications any more and that is why we have so many broken marriages because we come too know law pass ourselves. Humble yourself or leave that old woman before you give am bp biko.


Ask your brothers how they are getting along with her. You are stubborn and feel nobody can control you under person roof o. Abeg commot there, make you go test outside small and see. See how you painted your mother bad all through but you didn't even mention one single error you did. Saint Obi.
Mtchew.

I didn't read all. I read like 3-4 lines. But I can bet my last money all you wrote there was thrash. Just thank God your mum wasn't like that. This one you are claiming a curse to make a point.

U are living with a control freak and a narcissist.
Only option is throw guilt outta the window and run for your life cos this will definitely affect the way you parent your kids. It is already affecting your mental health.

kkins25:


Are I mad?

Fixed!

Omotehanny:
Hi everyone

I'm 28 years of age and I'm female
In the book of ephesiand there's a verse that says children should obey their parents , but there is also another verse that says there that [/b]Parents should not provoke their children[b]

I'm open to criticism but put yourself in my shoes.

My mum is a pastor but at thesame time very very toxic person. My dad (bless his soul) has been seen has a bad person at home, it was not until I started looking at her toxicity apart from me that I knew that my dad wasn't has bad has she painted

She does and says everything she feels is favourable to her, then she puts it as that is what God wants. She literally calls herself God most times. Like when she wants you to do what she wants, she will say you are disobeying God that you will die.

When I was much younger I had depression which I've not recovered from till today both mentally and physically. I had no belief in myself, neither did I have a personality. It didn't make a sociable person, for example when I have a quarrel with other folks or even my younger siblings I end up crying.

She uses words that a mum shouldn't use on her children, she curses her children. She narrates how she has been suffering ti feed you since you were born , how she has clothed you , how she has sent you to you, she will always ask if you can repay her? Like why would she make such statements, did i ask to be born?

The one that will baffle you most is that as old as I am, she still physically abused me, she beats me even at this age. Last week she injured me near my eyes and the blood I lost was much. Several times I've wanted to report her but she will later manipulate me with words because she is manipulative also. She acts like okay at times just for you to listen to her , to things that had gone down in her life. But if I tell her things about my life she will use it against me tomorrow. So I usually keep my happenings to myself and just listen to her. It is still her that will be crying and saying that she takes us as friends but we dont tell her about our lives.

We are not in contact with our dads family, even her own family because of her as she is fighting them. Ever since childhood she has been narrating bad things about them to us, even encouraged us to not greet them whe they were still living with us in thesame compound.c

She fights everybody , even neighbors when she doesnt get what she wants.

And the problem is that she is extra toxic to her girl children. My elder has left the house for long and doesn't talk to her at all, she even got married without my mum attending her wedding(me and my elder sister do not share thesame father). She did not attend her mothers burial because of that quarrel she had with her family and she is the first daughter. My younger sister( thesame father) got intentionally pregnant without wedlock just to leave the house. I'm the only girl child at home now and my own level of tocixtiy is just 100
Na me suffer pass everybody. She never listens to anyone or take advice on anyone on how to discipline her children with love and not with violence.

She doesn't respect a child. Even tho I give her almost half if my salary every month, she doesnt give me a single respect. She abuses me in front of my younger brothers and their friends.


There is nothing I do that pleases her. She will use what has happened for years to still judge you, repition upon repition. She doesnt truly forgive and forget. She expects you to always do everything to her liking, forgetting you are human. She lays false accusers on me when reporting me to people , things I did not even dream of doing. She lies on me. One moments she loved you, the next day she hitting and beating you like a goat. And whether you are wrong or not , after physically and verbally abuse you, she will still expect to kneel down and beg her like God, forgetting she hurt you also.


When my dad was still alive, whenever she starts with me my dad will not make a single speech, If he does she will face him head on.
She brings her family matter to the church and preaches it like a sermon only for the members to be treating you as a bas person. She made me not to believe in God, I'm just gradually recovering from all those.

I've left the house bedorebeause of all these. But she manipulated me into coming back', crying and saying she was not able to wat

But honestly, with the way she injured me this last time, I've lost all fear fro her. At this moment we are not crossing paths. When I greet she doesnt answer me, whenever she is praying, she is abusing me saying all sorts of evil in her mouth while praying. Which Christian does that, not to talk of a pastor.
Shes still looking for ways to make trouble with me but I'm avoiding her. I don't fear her anymore. She stopped us from wearing jewelry when I was 16, but now she has made me stubborn. I'm wearing jewelry in the house and shes saying all sort of evil against me , but I dont really care

I dont think I can continue staying her. The boys dont have much problem with her. She gives them once in a while. But the girls is too frequent. P.s I'm not a bad person, I have never had a fight with anyone before, just misunderstanding here and there which is unevitable.


I want to move out, I'm not buoyant enough but as long as I have peace and mental sanity I dont mind. Because even though we resolve It today( which she will make me beg for days as if she is God) . A worse scenario will come up again

What do you think?

Mine is same but the difference is she loves my siblings more than me( not same dad).it messed up my self esteem and confidence.i do have panic attacks once a while especially when tensed.

Don't make a mistake of getting pregnant just to leave the house .it may not end well.

The best you can do to is to work hard and be successful. Do what you feel you want to do for her in future from afar. Be the best friend to your own children.

Thank God I have my own place now.i hardly tell her things but send her whatever I can from afar. I keep things to myself and would rather share with an elder or matured friend.

I will never behave or act like my mum.i will be a better version .that's how I heal and feel better.

Omotehanny:
Thanks everyone

Moving out has always crossed my mind but when I go to meet people for advice, they always tell me to bear. That staying alone as a lady does not paint a good picture of me. But it's getting out of hand year by year.

And most times I emotionally immature but I just cover myself up for people not to understand anything about me

She said when she gave birth to me she died and woke up. Is that why shes treating me with extra wickedness. Sometimes she even says I came into this world to kill her but her head was stronger than mine that is why she came back

She is trying to use all those things to break you and blackmail you emotionally.

Try to find your own place even if it's a room and work hard.

Ask around for a shared apartment and move out ASAP. Reduce the amount of money you give her and channel that into paying your rent. Be determined to succeed in life and cling to God! Read your Bible for at least 30 minutes every day, first thing in the morning when you wake up. I mean every day and pray and cancel any negative words she may be speaking against you or else you will have a very hard life o! The words of a mother spoken against you have a life of their own. But the blood of Jesus is able to save and cover you. I wish you all the best.

Mom007:
Ask around for a shared apartment and move out ASAP. Reduce the amount of money you give her and channel that into paying your rent. Be determined to succeed in life and cling to God! Read your Bible for at least 30 minutes every day, first thing in the morning when you wake up. I mean every day and pray and cancel any negative words she may be speaking against you or else you will have a very hard life o! The words of a mother spoken against you have a life of their own But the blood of Jesus is able to save and cover you. I wish you all the best.

The bolded is how you putting go about putting fear in people and enabling toxic parents to continue to maintain their hold on their children.
Do you have any empirical proof that children whose parents are praying for do better than those who don't ?
I mean with the way most parents pray for their children, you'd think everyone in Nigeria should be prosperous now yet most people live below the poverty line despite all the prayers of their mothers morning and night...

It is hardwork and Gods grace that makes a man prosper, a mother is a human being and cannot determine the direction a mans destiny will take except the child allows her to.

realtalk19:


She is trying to use all those things to break you and blackmail you emotionally.

Try to find your own place even if it's a room and work hard.

Thanks realtalk19

I do much appreciate what you've said

So you said you moved away from her house. How was it for you. Did you feel guilty like I did the first time when I left home?

Jewessgratitud3:
Hmm.. op you're wrong!!!! Very wrong.

Now let me start with your age. At 28 you shouldn't be living under your parents. You should be responsibly and independently living on your own. You shouldn't be there stressing that old woman with your "I'm a big girl and no body can control me attitude " that is what your attitude smell of and what your mother perceives that makes her treat you the way she does. For Christ sakes if you're a big girl then leave and go be on your own where no one will control you but as long as you're still under her roof you'll live by her rules and regulations.

See, all mothers are like that but your character will determine the degree of that trait in them. If your mothers "africnaness is raised to power 2 then you are the problem. We all managed ours like that and never saw it as anything; today we are the better for it.. See they are trying to protect you and that's their own way of doing so but you will not know now. ok, imagine what your sister did.. got pregnant out of wedlock, which mother will be happy about that? The other one got married without her consent and you think she'll want you to end like them. What your sisters did has intensified what was already on ground and made her more strict to you because she doesn't want you to end up that way. Seems you and your sisters have eyes for worldly things but feel caged by her for not letting you operate with that hand. Ok, Why is she not like that to the boys? Because boys can't get pregnant and bring her Shame exactly what she's guarding against. Op, can't you see.? When they are telling you people now it will look as if they hate you, they're toxic and all that but when it happens now, you'll remember you have a mother somewhere.

Your mother is no different from most African mothers only that she added strictness to hers due to her religious position and now see what your sisters did....


I left my parents house at the age of 26, a year after my Mom died. If she was alive she won't allow me, that tells you they are simply protecting you. when I was leaving I told my dad and he gave me his blessings but while I was home before my mom died 2 years before I left she did all those mother things but I never saw it as anything or thought of running away from the house... Things were different back then and children were more respectful who know wetin bible talk then but see now you started by quoting the scriptures to justify yourself. To me thats rude. No problem with knowing your right but children of nowadays na I too know dey kill una. Quote bible , quote law to justify every action no room for moral justifications any more and that is why we have so many broken marriages because we come too know law pass ourselves. Humble yourself or leave that old woman before you give am bp biko.


Ask your brothers how they are getting along with her. You are stubborn and feel nobody can control you under person roof o. Abeg commot there, make you go test outside small and see. See how you painted your mother bad all through but you didn't even mention one single error you did. Saint Obi.
Mtchew.

You Sir, are sick in the head..just like the mum the op is talking about.

Jewessgratitud3:


Look, I'm a lady and i'm not judging you or trying to excuse your Moms behavior but trying to let you know all shes doing is to protect you and your siblings and prevent you from bringing her shame but because you already have a mindset that she's toxic you won't see it from that angle. Please erase that notion from your head.

Now, have you sat down to think what are those things you're doing she doesn't like... Have you examined your attitude towards her? Ok if you're calm like you claim then why is she abusing you physically? Only a mad person will attack a calm person sitting on her own.

Again, are you working? You asked if my Mom still beat me at 26.. well she was already late by the time I turned 26 but before then she still talks to me like a baby if I don't do what she wants and I know I'm the one looking for her trouble. But then I was working and as a working class lady when I get back from work I'll carry jerrycan on my head to go look for water when it's my turn on the roster if I don't want my ears to be full that day because I'm still under her roof but now if they tell you people to do certain chores you'll be forming big girl.
Even in my late 30s I still carried baff on my head to fetch water in my sisters house before her husband dug a borehole for her. That's how far a good home training can go.

Lastly, look for money and get a place of your own and seek her consent before leaving but don't use it as a license to begin to live anyhow life cos I know men, they'll be flocking around you. Don't get carried away so your mother won't say, she said it.

So all I'm saying is get off your high horses. You too will be a mother someday. Hm

Didn't realise you are woman which makes it even worse.
Justifying abuse all in the name of the word mother.
Newsflash, I'm a mother and I find it deplorable that a mother would act that way towards her offspring.
Seems like in this moment, the lass needs protection from her mum.
Who needs enemies when there are mothers like this?
Still, you are a dolt for the word salad you conjured up earlier, supporting and excusing abuse.

shaybebaby:

Didn't realise you are woman which makes it even worse.
Justifying abuse all in the name of the word mother.
Newsflash, I'm a mother and I find it deplorable that a mother would act that way towards her offspring.
Seems like in this moment, the lass needs protection from her mum.
Who needs enemies when there are mothers like this?
Still, you are a dolt for the word salad you conjured up earlier, supporting and excusing abuse.

How are you any different from the mother you're condemning With this your rude and mannerless approach to a stranger for saying her opinion on a matter. You can make your points known without barking and you would still be heard but because you too, lack the same home training that is the bone of contention here you chose to display your uncultured behavior here.


For the records, not everyone who gives birth is a mother. Someone with a bad sense of judgement like you doesn't qualify to be a mother. I mean... How can you judge from one side of a story? It's possible If we hear the mothers side of the story majority will take back their words.

In any matter you don't get to hear the other person side of the story, try to use your wisdom to approach the matter by weighing certain probabilities and possibilities to balance your judgement so it doesn't look one sided and that was exactly what I did. For all we know the op may not be saying the entire truth just to attract sympathy and label the Mom bad, I can't say for sure, neither can you.

Let's not be quick to pass judgement in instances like this so that out children will not grow up someday and lie against us.

Go and learn your manners before you mention me again on the forum. I won't be dignifying you with a response again. You're clearly not a wise fellow. Wisdom is profitable to direct. In all thy getting, get wisdom.

Juwessgratitud3:


How are you any different from the mother you're condemning With this your rude and mannerless approach to a stranger for saying her opinion on a matter. You can make your points known without barking and you would still be heard but because you too, lack the same home training that is the bone of contention here you chose to display your uncultured behavior here.


For the records not everyone who gives birth a child is a mother. Someone with a bad sense of judgement like you doesn't qualify to be a mother. I mean... How can you judge from one side of a story? It's possible If we hear the mothers side of the story majority will take back their words.

In any matter you don't get to hear the other person side of the story, try to use your wisdom to approach the matter by weighing certain probabilities and possibilities to balance your judgement so it doesn't look one sided and that was exactly what I did. For all we know the op may not be saying the entire truth just to attract sympathy and label the Mom bad, I can't say for sure, neither can you.

Let's not be quick to pass judgement in instances like this so that out children will not grow up someday and lie against us.

Go and learn your manners before you mention me again on the forum. I won't be dignifying you with a response again. You're clearly not a wise fellow. Wisdom is profitable to direct. In all thy getting, get wisdom.

Wisdom is supporting abuse, victim shaming, and looking for justifications for abusive actions, got it!

May you be subject and on the receiving end of the wisdom you purport and reap all the profit from it.

I don't need to hear any other side because there is NO world in which such actions are justifiable.

You's an effing manipulator, and guilty of the same sadistic tendencies by implying anyone who suffers such may have contributed to it and is responsible for placating monstrous actions like that.

I hope no human being is ever subject to your ilk.

And quite right, don't respond to me again. Go sit and reflect on where it went wrong for you and how you can remedy such a mindset.

If you work, save up and move out.

Also forgive her for your sanity and in commandment to God's word.

Send something to her every month if you can afford it after moving out.

The end.