Good afternoon, house. Mature advice is needed, preferably from married persons.

I'm in a relationship with a man who really loves me and is ready to settle down with me. I'll be rounding up my studies soon and he is willing to wait for me.
I am not much of a religious person but I'm a believer. He, on the other hand, was a Christian but stopped practicing. For now, he does not involve himself in any religion and he does not have issues with me practicing my religion.
For the purpose of brevity, I will quickly highlight my dilemma;

a) we are not from the same tribe ( he is Yoruba, I am Idoma) and I doubt if my parents would consent.
b. The religion aspect highlighted above.
c. His father is a Muslim even though his mum is a Christian.I think my parents will have issue with this.

Above all, he really loves, respects, understands and adores me. His love seems genuine and sincere. I love him too but I'm afraid the whole exercise may turn out to be futile for the both of us because of the points listed above. Should I call it off now?

Love is not enough.

This one is serious

Sharon999:

Above all, he really loves, respects, understands and adores me. His love seems genuine and sincere. I love him too but I'm afraid the whole exercise may turn out to be futile for the both of us because of the points listed above. Should I call it off now?

.......wait....so u have someone that wants to marry and u claim u love each other ....yet, you are not even going to try and see if it would work out??

Are u sure ur folks is the problem or you ?? Cos it appears to me like u are not totally down with this guy....mayb u just love the way he cares for you but you are not totally into him...

It's like u already have this secret notion that u have time... and u can get something more perfect, or perhaps u even have a back up ...

Anyways...u can dump him if u have sure backup.... .remember that while women can boast of hundreds of toasters.

Na fvckboys dey plenty pass....

advanceDNA:


.......wait....so u have someone that wants to marry and u claim u love each other ....yet, you are not even going to try and see if it would work out??

Are u sure ur folks is the problem or you ?? Cos it appears to me like u are not totally down with this guy....mayb u just love the way he cares for you but you are not totally into him...

It's like u already have this secret notion that u have time... and u can get something more perfect, or perhaps u even have a back up ...

Anyways...u can dump him if u have sure backup.... .remember that while women can boast of hundreds of toasters.

Na fvckboys dey plenty pass....

Of course, I love him and I have no one else apart from him. I am just worried about having to wait for me till I'm ready and my parents refuse to give consent.

Sharon999:


Of course, I love him and I have no one else apart from him. I am just worried about having to wait for me till I'm ready and my parents refuse to give consent.

I thought they said ladies are more closer to their mom! Why not explain to your mom and see what she would say first!

Sharon999:


Of course, I love him and I have no one else apart from him. I am just worried about having to wait for me till I'm ready and my parents refuse to give consent.

Ohhhh...I see........ So u are not ready for marriage anytime soon......

well that shouldn't stop you from introducing him to your parents once u graduate, since u said its soon........ if they say NO, then he doesn't have to wait for u for long..


Anyways ....U go dey alright shaaa....weda in ur husband's house or otherwise....

Sharon999:
Good afternoon, house. Mature advice is needed, preferably from married persons.

I'm in a relationship with a man who really loves me and is ready to settle down with me. I'll be rounding up my studies soon and he is willing to wait for me.
I am not much of a religious person but I'm a believer. He, on the other hand, was a Christian but stopped practicing. For now, he does not involve himself in any religion and he does not have issues with me practicing my religion.
For the purpose of brevity, I will quickly highlight my dilemma;

a) we are not from the same tribe ( he is Yoruba, I am Idoma) and I doubt if my parents would consent.
b. The religion aspect highlighted above.
c. His father is a Muslim even though his mum is a Christian.I think my parents will have issue with this.

Above all, he really loves, respects, understands and adores me. His love seems genuine and sincere. I love him too but I'm afraid the whole exercise may turn out to be futile for the both of us because of the points listed above. Should I call it off now?

Please call it off to avoid needless issues later.

I still don't understand why many Nigerians and other people around the world allow religious differences cause them undesirable problems.

For the record, I believe the world will be a better place if these religious differences were never weaponized. What matters most in relating with other people is the character and moral compass of the individual which can be developed by individuals irrespective of the religion they subscribe to.

The earlier we realize that there is only one God the creator of the who universe and people and he doesn't care about our religions, the better for the human race. And the endless wars in many parts of the world now as a result of religious differences will die a natural death.

Think about these:
1. Humanity has been in existence longer than any religion as we know it today. Go verify it. Research on when man has been in existence, how long the major religious of today have been in existence.

2. The two religions whose rivalry is the cause of this disharmony in humanity are in the minority joined together when compared to other religions in the world but yet both of them are causing more harm the good to humanity. What do I mean? The population of those who practices Hinduism, Chinese folk religion, Buddhism, Taoism, folk sects, and those that identify with no religion are in the majority than those who practice the above rival religions. See below:

(79.8% of the population of India practices Hinduism, 14.2% adheres to Islam, 2.3% adheres to Christianity, 1.7% adheres to Sikhism, 0.7% adheres to Buddhism and 0.4% adheres to Jainism) for INDIA

(No religion / Chinese folk religion (73.56%) · Buddhism (15.87%) · Taoism, folk sects, and other religious organisations, (7.6%) · Christianity (2.53%) · Islam ( ... ) for CHINA.

(Buddhism (31.1%), Christianity (18.9%)
Islam (15.6%), Taoism and other Chinese religions (8.8%), Hinduism (5.0%), Other religions (0.6%), No religion (20.0%) ) for Singapore.

(50% identify with no religion, 17% with Buddhism, 16% with Protestantism, 6% with Catholicism, and 1% with other religions) for South Korea.

Note that there are more countries in Asia with the kind of statistics illustrated by the few I used above.

3. From the above, you should realize that God and humanity is the ultimate thing that can ensure peaceful and sustainable relationships and development in our society.

advanceDNA:


Ohhhh...I see........ So u are not ready for marriage anytime soon......

well that shouldn't stop you from introducing him to your parents once u graduate, since u said its soon........ if they say NO, then he doesn't have to wait for u for long..


Anyways ....U go dey alright shaaa....weda in ur husband's house or otherwise....

Thank you

U guys breed poverty in this nation at every bad decision u take.

After school,pls go and find a job.

Marriage shouldn't be the first thing u should be talking at this age and time.

If u marry immediately after school without any obvious things doing,e go hard oh. Such marriages usually stand on one leg.

Learn from the Chinese...and that is why they are doing well as a people.

Sharon999:


Of course, I love him and I have no one else apart from him. I am just worried about having to wait for me till I'm ready and my parents refuse to give consent.

On this, you are not ready for serious relationship and you feel you can't give him assurance to wait for you because you don't know if you will find someone better than him later.

You're just looking for an escape route to dump the guy...cuz I don't really see any sense in the red flags which you just highlighted..

Anyways,na you sabi ...If you don't value what you have in your hands presently, you'll be shocked at last to see how many bannies who will willingly rush him the moment the lose him.....

Stevenbright:


On this, you are not ready for serious relationship and you feel you can't give him assurance to wait for you because you don't know if you will find someone better than him later.

Yeah, about being in a serious relationship?
I never envisaged that. I wanted to finish school, get something doing before entertaining any man.

Anyway, he came along and made his intention known. He is even willing to wait for me.

It's just the issues I highlighted that appear to be a stumbling block as my parents may be very difficult to deal with.

Sharon999:


Yeah, about being in a serious relationship?
I never envisaged that. I wanted to finish school, get something doing before entertaining any man.

Anyway, he came along and made his intention known. He is even willing to wait for me.

It's just the issues I highlighted that appear to be a stumbling block.

For the good of both of you, tell him your fears and if possible, put an end to the relationship now because if he insists on waiting for you, you are likely to disappoint him. And it won't be easy for him to bear it as a result of the waiting period and the invested resources.

Stevenbright:


For the good of both of you, tell him your fears and if possible, put an end to the relationship now because if he insists on waiting for you, you are likely to disappoint him. And it won't be easy for him to bear it as a result of the waiting period and the invested resources.

Thank you.

Sharon999:
Good afternoon, house. Mature advice is needed, preferably from married persons.

I'm in a relationship with a man who really loves me and is ready to settle down with me. I'll be rounding up my studies soon and he is willing to wait for me.
I am not much of a religious person but I'm a believer. He, on the other hand, was a Christian but stopped practicing. For now, he does not involve himself in any religion and he does not have issues with me practicing my religion.
For the purpose of brevity, I will quickly highlight my dilemma;

a) we are not from the same tribe ( he is Yoruba, I am Idoma) and I doubt if my parents would consent.
b. The religion aspect highlighted above.
c. His father is a Muslim even though his mum is a Christian.I think my parents will have issue with this.

Above all, he really loves, respects, understands and adores me. His love seems genuine and sincere. I love him too but I'm afraid the whole exercise may turn out to be futile for the both of us because of the points listed above. Should I call it off now?

The way his father treat his mother will
give you a hint how he might treat you, their are from
different religions and seems like they have a common grounds due to the fact that their are still married now then

As for your parents up now you must know their views on inter marriages of tribes, you know them better than us

When you say he was a christian and stop practising are you saying he changed religion or stopped going to regulare services?

For your parents, if parents of boyfriend are functioning well in their marriage then your parents should also learn from it and give you a chance

ZIMDRILL:



The way his father treat his mother will
give you a hint how he might treat you, their are from
different religions and seems like they have a common grounds due to the fact that their are still married now then

As for your parents up now you must know their views on inter marriages of tribes, you know them better than us

When you say he was a christian and stop practising are you saying he changed religion or stopped going to regulare services?

For your parents, if parents of boyfriend are functioning well in their marriage then your parents should also learn from it and give you a chance

He stopped believing and he prefers not to get involved in any religion

Sharon999:


He stopped believing and he prefers not to get involved in any religion

So what your fear when he has no problem with religion

The only mature thing to do in this situation is to see it through to the end. Talk to your mother first and express your love for the man. Stand your ground like an adult and explain to her the relationship you have and what you want.

Tell her your fears and that you would respect her wish but that she should also gives you the same mercy. Then hear your mum out and work from there.

Sometimes we live in our heads and reality is often different from our thoughts and feelings. Play it out to the end. Don’t end things on a hypothetical scenario that you concocted in your head.

ibechris:
U guys breed poverty in this nation at every bad decision u take.

After school,pls go and find a job.

Marriage shouldn't be the first thing u should be talking at this age and time.

If u marry immediately after school without any obvious things doing,e go hard oh. Such marriages usually stand on one leg.

Learn from the Chinese...and that is why they are doing well as a people.

Please! The Chinese are soon to be extinct in one generation time! These are the people where half of their population can’t find a girlfriend let alone a wife.

The things you find important (material) is actually not that important in the grand scheme of things.

The Chinese are going from 1 billion to less than half their population in 2/3 generations. This is their last generation. Stop romanticising money because humans need to procreate in order to exist.

Double0h7:
The only mature thing to do in this situation is to see it through to the end. Talk to your mother first and express your love for the man. Stand your ground like an adult and explain to her the relationship you have and what you want.

Tell her your fears and that you would respect her wish but that she should also gives you the same mercy. Then hear your mum out and work from there.

Sometimes we live in our heads and reality is often different from our thoughts and feelings. Play it out to the end. Don’t end things on a hypothetical scenario that you concocted in your head.

Thank you very much

Sharon999:


Thank you very much

Our parents are more human than we give them credit for. Now if you have a problem with the things you listed then that’s a different story! How do you feel about the things you’ve listed? Can you live with them? Can you accept him as he is without ever changing?

Love is not enough.

Double0h7:


Our parents are more human than we give them credit for. Now if you have a problem with the things you listed then that’s a different story! How do you feel about the things you’ve listed? Can you live with them? Can you accept him as he is without ever changing?

For his tribe, I do not have any issue.

On his stance on religion, I would've preferred we were on the same footing though. But since he has no issues with me practicing my religion, it's fine.

And for his father, I don't have any issue with this too. It's just my parents could be a hard nut to crack when it comes to religion.

Sharon999:


For his tribe, I do not have any issue.

On his stance on religion, I would've preferred we were on the same footing though. But since he has no issues with me practicing my religion, it's fine.

And for his father, I don't have any issue with this too. It's just my parents could be a hard nut to crack when it comes to religion.

Obviously Religion is important to you and your family. If you have an unspoken understanding about religion in your home then you should honour that.

I’m Muslim and I would never bring home a man from another religion because I don’t want to compromise my relationship with my family. They probably wouldn’t fight me but I would definitely be breaking an unspoken agreement.

Forget what others say, religion is an important part of life for many people. Above all things follow your heart (you want to end the relationship it seems) and then let your parents have the last say.

I can honestly tell you from the many years I’ve walked this planet, going against the grain never ends happily. It’s better to follow the path well trodden than to try and create a new path.

Life is hard as it is and if you can find as many things in common with your husband as you can then it will make things so much easier.

Double0h7:


Obviously Religion is important to you and your family. If you have an unspoken understanding about religion in your home then you should honour that.

I’m Muslim and I would never bring home a man from another religion because I don’t want to compromise my relationship with my family. They probably wouldn’t fight me but I would definitely be breaking an unspoken agreement.

Forget what others say, religion is an important part of life for many people. Above all things follow your heart (you want to end the relationship it seems) and then let your parents have the last say.

I can honestly tell you from the many years I’ve walked this planet, going against the grain never ends happily. It’s better to follow the path well trodden than to try and create a new path.

Life is hard as it is and if you can find as many things in common with your husband as you can then it will make things so much easier.

Thank you very much.
I really appreciate

Sharon999:


Thank you very much.
I really appreciate

You’re welcome sis; Just follow your heart and put your trust in God 🫶

Double0h7:


You’re welcome sis; Just follow your heart and put your trust in God 🫶

Hello, all your points on the issue of discuss are cool. But you left out an important aspect of it, which I considered the most deciding factor in all of these. It is the fact that she is not ready for a serious relationship.

If she were ready for a serious relationship with the guy, she would have got a clear head to be able to see through some of her red flags by herself.

Stevenbright:


Hello, all your points on the issue of discuss are cool. But you left out an important aspect of it, which I considered the most deciding factor in all of these. It is the fact that she is not ready for a serious relationship.

If she were ready for a serious relationship with the guy, she would have got a clear head to be able to see through some of her red flags by herself.

My brother, with us women it’s ALWAYS complicated. She could be ready or not ready but the deciding factor is always “is he the right man?.”

I think the things that confuse her outside of love, outside of being ready, is the “is he right for her “ question. That’s what’s happening here.

She loves him, she thinks he could fit into her plans for the future outside her expectations (to work , live and explore post education) but he’s so different to what she expected.

Women love drama and that’s our downfall. But if we sum it up; she is not ready for this particular man and his particular situation! For those reasons she has to abort mission. But it’s her decision in the end.

The sad reality is she came here looking for an answer but we’ll just confuse her more 😂😂😂

Double0h7:


My brother, with us women it’s ALWAYS complicated. She could be ready or not ready but the deciding factor is always “is he the right man?.”

I think the things that confuse her outside of love, outside of being ready, is the “is he right for her “ question. That’s what’s happening here.

She loves him, she thinks he could fit into her plans for the future outside her expectations (to work , live and explore post education) but he’s so different to what she expected.

Women love drama and that’s our downfall. But if we sum it up; she is not ready for this particular man and his particular situation! For those reasons she has to abort mission. But it’s her decision in the end.

The sad reality is she came here looking for an answer but we’ll just confuse her more 😂😂😂

Ohhh, I see.


On the flip side, I am interested in the Chinese analogy you made.

From Wikipedia, the Sex ratio of the Chinese is as follows and it doesn't seems to correlate with yours.

At birth: 1.11 male to female (2020 est.)
65 and over: 0.90 male to female (2020 est.)

Stevenbright:


Ohhh, I see.


On the flip side, I am interested in the Chinese analogy you made.

From Wikipedia, the Sex ratio of the Chinese is as follows and it doesn't seems to correlate with yours.

At birth: 1.11 male to female (2020 est.)
65 and over: 0.90 male to female (2020 est.)

Wikipedia isn’t a good resource to start with.

From the news and current debates, china is struggling to undo the one child policy. It’s currently struggling with a new generation that no longer wants to take part in government strategies.

You have 20-30 years olds who have tapped out of societal expectations. Men and women no longer want to marry or procreate because they see through the scam.

Men and women in their 20/30s want to remain single rather than to procreate due to poverty. There are more men to women to begin with due to the 1 child policy; while the women are enjoying feminism and freedom of expectations.

They are inviting African men to entice their women into procreation and the men who can afford to leave are seeking out white women to procreate with.m;it’s coming to the end of the china we knew. Imagine a 1 billion population reduced to half by 2/3 generations due to the 1 child policy!

Sharon999:
■Of course, I love him and I have no one else apart from him. I am just worried about having to wait for me till I'm ready and my parents refuse to give consent.

Let me be very honest with you here. Having doubts is OK, however, it equally means that as a human being you have no excuse not to have a backup plan for if things should go south after you both eventually get married. Anyone entering into marriage without a possible exit plan, with all the wisdom that is available to us in this day and age, is merely a fool.

Here are some of my tips for everyone out there planning to get into or already in a marriage.

▶ The contract that is marriage is neither eternally nor life-long. It is only legally meant to last for as long as both parties are willing to remain in agreement. Divorce is a legal and rational exit plan in the case that two people no longer see a future together or one of the partners no longer wishes to continue with the union
▶ Never base your marriage on what others think or say. Again, the wisdom available to us has more than revealed that no single person on this planet has the answers for any others when it comes to relationships and love. You need to do your life and love the way you want, not as your father or mother wants but the way you want. If you are not ready for that level of maturity and responsibility, then skip marriage until yu are, or else meaningless suffering awaits you.
▶ Any suffering you endure in marriage or the name of marriage, you will likely never be rewarded for by anyone, not even your spouse. So, if you are into marriage to endure and receive accolades, remember Osinachi!
▶ As for those of you who claim to believe in God and who think marriage makes you holy or closer to God in some delusional way, Jesus Christ said, over 1900 years ago, that your marriages are of this world of men, and not of the Kingdom of God. He said to women who have children that they are to cry for themselves and their children — they are on their own. Given all this, if you still believe that endurance in marriage is sanctioned or blessed by God or Jesus Christ, you are well on your way to a life of meaningless suffering.
▶ Any Nigerian woman who does not already have a life — established career, job, and or business of her own — and money of her own even before and after marriage is signing herself up for a world of hurt, suffering, and humiliation and no trophies are waiting for her at the end of it all.

Good luck!

P.S. There are people ---- men and women alike --- who eventually had to go through marriage more than once before finding one to settle with for life. Their lives and marriages are equally as valid as those of those who decided on their first marriage..