₦airaland Forum

Edited

Leave your marriage you are the first or the last person maybe you will become adviser

Nawa ooo I'm just speechless.

Make we hear your hubby's side of the story

I no dey conclude without hearing from both parties

Yawn!!......

Ur own problem na private space........ Not infidelity,not domestic beating/abuse ...issokay

Hope una dey see food chop shaa??

...if u wan divorce.....make it snappy abeg...

All of una go dey alright......

As a man, you learn that an aspect of wisdom is not taking a woman's word at face value.

To live in a woman's house; to cover yourself with a woman's wrapper; the day she gets upset she'll have no qualms stripping you naked.

Women will never state their own errors when discussing issues, but they'll really emphasize and even give timelines on the other person's errors. They're devoid of faults.

so many issues that is SOLELY your fault....
- from the get go that man was without a house and only got a house to "marry you". when marriage was done, he didnt need to get a house any longer, thus why he hasnt ever since.
- the dude told you he would get a house and never did... and never will.
- when you saved up, instead of getting a place just for you (that you could manage), you went to get a house for you, his mum and sister.... why would you even care about these people when that man himself doesnt? you cant even manage on your own but want to carry other people's load on your head?
- if after 9yrears you didnt get the picture of this man, then you will never understand.

abeg sista, divorce that man and move on with your life...

I doubt if your husband will ever leave that family house if he is still living there @50. Is he the first son or only son? He probably wants to inherit it. Not a problem, each mallam to his kettle.

However, with this knowledge, the onus lies on you to decide what you want and move forward based on your decision.

How did you guys go this on for 9 years? Were you at any time married in the real sense of a marriage? He isn't willing to be responsible and you aided him for too long. Can you guys go for counseling to determine your best option and how well to cope with it?

This matter tie rapper.
I want to ask
Is your husband working?
Is he having his personal building project at hand ?
Is he the only Boy or he's the eldest Son?
Is the family house rent or it belongs to your father in-law?
And hes 50 yrs of age, then his parents are aged now, he wants to be closed to his parents and probably inherits the property from them.
If you people stay in a separate apartment in the same house, it will have been good.
Nine years nor be beans for marriage oo!!

Hubby is not a serious man. At 50? Maturity goes beyond age.

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My advise to you is this. Don't divorce yet. Obviously, you can raise money for yourself from what you wrote. Go and pay for a house and move in. If your husband doesn't turn up within a year, you have good grounds for divorce.

I however think your husband has fears. Nigerian women can be very terrible to a man when his finances and economic potentials are low. So maybe that's your husbands fear.

But that's not an excuse. Is he lazy? What does he do to earn money? You say he is 51 and at this age he is not on his feet? I think you married a child and that's unfortunate. Your husband needs to man up! Though your post didn't address who is responsible for the family upkeep.

As much as I've come to doubt tales from women, since it is always narrated to suit them, if what you are saying is true, then go ahead and move away from your husband. But if what you've said is only one sided and your husband is actually trying in the little way he can, then madam thread gently.

lilyheaven:
■ That family house is your house, go and take your possession. You are running away because of insults from sister in law and father in law, hmmm. That means President Tinubu and Peter Obi , will run away from Nigeria with the amount of insults they receive every second from Nigerians . You are lucky your mother inlaw dey your side. Money you are supposed to collect from your uncle and start better business, you want to use it for house rent. Please grow mental power. If you leave your husband remember “THE STREET AREN’T SMILING”

If the husband were to unfortunately die before her father-in-law, do you think that that father-in-law and sister-in-law will let her and her kids remain in that home in peace? A nice mother-in-law who is probably powerless will not be able to do much then.

I do agree with your second which is that OP should spend money building herself and/or a business of her own so that when she finally leaves, she does not end up on the street herself.

If I read rightly, you already have 2 kids.

Will advise you stick with him. Except you want to be screwing up and down.

Your chances at your age of getting sex or even a partner is low. You will be looking for divorcees/ widowers / become 2nd wife / become sidechick to a married man / sugar mummy to a gigolo.

If the guy himself is a good guy minus the housing issue... billions of men / women have seen horrible things they disliked, couldn't change and yet, had to stay.

Response to a lot of questions asked.

- Yes, hubby is the first child and first soon. There are two boys.

- Hubby has a business but it doesn't bring much.

- He brings some items every week like indomie (5), milk, juice, and a roll of tea.

- He doesn't have a personal building project.

- The house is a personal house, not rented. Hubby has a room there.

GeneralOjukwu:
If I read rightly, you already have 2 kids.

Will advise you stick with him. Except you want to be screwing up and down.

Your chances at your age of getting sex or even a partner is low. You will be looking for divorcees/ widowers / become 2nd wife / become sidechick to a married man / sugar mummy to a gigolo.

If the guy himself is a good guy minus the housing issue... billions of men / women have seen horrible things they disliked, couldn't change and yet, had to stay.

This ordinarily would not be a bad idea. However I wonder how my mental health will be when hubby never defends or protects me

If he did all these, I'd have moved in years ago.

MommaD:
Response to a lot of questions asked.
- Yes, hubby is the first child and first soon. There are two boys.
- Hubby has a business but it doesn't bring much.
- He brings some items every week like indomie (5), milk, juice, and a roll of tea.
- He doesn't have a personal building project.
- The house is a personal house, not rented. Hubby has a room there.

Women, una dey really marry things abeg!

OP, if indeed you are truly done with the marriage then before you leave, may I suggest you take time out to consider the economic situation in the country as well as the possible future that awaits your kids if you leave right now. Hope there is no violence in the marriage. I mean from your story you did not indicate any verbal or physical abuse from your hubby. Only that altercations between you and his family tend to get loud which is potentially an issue as well. But I will assume you don't consider that all that damaging since you didn't indicate they were. Are you yourself financially stable enough to get a place of your own. I am not asking if you can borrow from someone else but if you have enough in your bank account right now to get yourself and your kids a place of your own. This economy is hard and so not one someone should think to take a chance on, especially someone with two kids to feed and cater to. Try to make sure you have at least $250 before you make your move because those children don't need to suffer some more abeg!

What are you doing to support hubby about you just place all the financial burden on hubby because say na magician wey dey conjure money from tree

You guys just can’t imagine a woman outside of not being with a man or a relationship.

Like everything in her life revolves around what she’s doing or not doing with her body. Give it a rest

GeneralOjukwu:
. Except you want to be screwing up and down.

Your chances at your age of getting sex or even a partner is low. You will be looking for divorcees/ widowers / become 2nd wife / become sidechick to a married man / sugar mummy to a gigolo..

onlin:
Make we hear your hubby's side of the story
I no dey conclude without hearing from both parties

Flesh and blood has not reveal this unto you....

MommaD:
This ordinarily would not be a bad idea. However I wonder how my mental health will be when hubby never defends or protects me

If he did all these, I'd have moved in years ago.

Your mental health is a priority. Look after that first in the way you deem fit.

And leave the tough decisions until after you are in a better frame of mind.

Do what is best for you and your kids. You are not responsible for a grown man, so leave him out of the equation except he is on ball with your future plans.

Do what you need to do to progress in life, with or without him.

Think it through for the second time. It's not that luxury on the street for being lonely.

I know a lady with a similar issue, her own even involved abuse from her in-laws while she was living with them and the husband did nothing.

She and her kids moved to her parent's which is a stone throw from her in-law's and the husband has made no effort to move from his family house nor reconcile with his wife and kid.

Clearly, the man neither loves nor respect his wife. The question then is, why marry someone you don't love or respect?

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[quote author=MommaD post=130461539][/quote]I don't really advice people to leave their marriage if there is no case of domestic violence.
But I think your husband is not responsible at 50.


Does he have a job?
How many children do you have?

Nawa ooo I'm just speechless.

Dizzyyish:
As a man, you learn that an aspect of wisdom is not taking a woman's word at face value.

To live in a woman's house; to cover yourself with a woman's wrapper; the day she gets upset she'll have no qualms stripping you naked.

Women will never state their own errors when discussing issues, but they'll really emphasize and even give timelines on the other person's errors. They're devoid of faults.

staying if your fathers house married at 50 is madness. The man and his father is useless. How will you permit that from your son. No matter how large that house is. A growing home need privacy. The man is useless without exception.

lilyheaven:
That family house is your house, go and take your possession.
You are running away because of insults from sister in law and father in law, hmmm.
That means President Tinubu and Peter Obi , will run away from Nigeria with the amount of insults they receive every second from Nigerians .
You are lucky your mother inlaw dey your side.

Money you are supposed to collect from your uncle and start better business, you want to use it for house rent.
Please grow mental power.
If you leave your husband remember “THE STREET AREN’T SMILING”

I understand the angle u are coming from so are u telling her to accept curses and abuse at 41 😢😭😭😢😭

Even if the outside is not smiling to see another husband but I think happiness should be first priority in life .

I shouldn't have supported ur decision but let's take a look at this
1) a 50years old man
2) he has not official residence
3) he has no future because he is above 40 already
4) I can see he is not even matured as a man or to be a man .
5) you still come to his aid to rent an apartment yet he denied and didn't offer to see it as a way to assist him.


SO WHAT ARE YOU STIL DOING WITH HIM??

he will just ruin and destroy you path in life at 41 😲😳

Please don't wait to sign the divorce paper as early as possible.


We all deserve to be happy and not to be receiving curses while living in a family house at 41 😲😳

[quote author=MommaD post=130461539][/quote]Pls leave the adult that still behave like teenager. How can 50 years old man still living under the umbrellar of his parent. Very absurd.

Pls my dear sister walk out of that marriage and face your children.

Your husband still sucks his mummy breast

"By all means marry. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy. But if you marry a bad one, you'll become a philosopher". Plato.