₦airaland Forum

Diamond1605:
Lies lies you won’t say how you beat her like a drum, you won’t say how you cheated more than 8 times with 8 different women.

You won’t say how you always insult her and her family.

You won’t say how you step on her while beating her.

You won’t say how you made her feel like she is not a human

Those your friends advising you will definitely lead you astray

Come out and say the full story
Coward

It's it's not true that he might have done those things. Lest we forget, some women are addicted to pain and drama that happens in marriage. They believe without those things you are boring and not man enough. Check most marriages, people believe it must be rocky for it to be interesting in as much as money is there, they will stay

missjekyll:
Stupid advice . Lay a finger on her and end up in a cell. What an atavistic way of thinking

If atavistic is all your summary from all I said. Then we all need to be more atavistic.

Sit her down for prior discussion
And if she look adamant and still in love with her call for family meeting... If it not settled there forgot about the union, she has gone far

Take it from me, you’ll regret it in future if you don’t get rid of her. She prolly still needs you for now that’s why she’s still with you.

please house I need advise on this, I don’t know if I should go for my HND or Bsc after OND in public administration

Just read through all the comments of the females on here giving every excuse for the woman's behaviour (even if we haven't heard from the woman) which they wouldn't give if it was a woman who wrote same and then u will understand the utter hypocrisy and double standard of that gender which is strongly tied their hate for accountability. And if u check these females very well, you will find out its the bitter old and single ones who just hate men because them never see man wey carry them go alter mostly becos of their repulsive behaviour. But u cant get what u hate unfortunately.

TEYA:
Misogyny.. Hmm. Someone has finally managed to sneak in the word.

It's not exactly my fault that I know more words than you do.

A bit of brighter grammar book will do you a world of good

Did I just read that your own wife asked you to get a side chicken if you can?

Holy shit

missjekyll:
It's not exactly my fault that I know more words than you do.

A bit of brighter grammar book will do you a world of good

I knew it since when you were wearing diapers and I learnt to use it in the right context long before you learnt to use words, maybe u you should learn from me.

Solofresh2:
I don't see women as lesser beings. I am only telling the guy to leave a woman responsibility for the wife and take up his responsibility as a man as well. Even if he want's too do home chores as a man,it should be once in a while not almost all the time. How will your woman respect you when you are always doing those things all the time.
Talking about abroad, have been to Texas earlier this year and am currently in Nigeria so I don't have a problem with that

You used being a woman as an insult. That is misogyny. What if I compared you to my dog? Is that OK?

Recognise and own your misogyny. What you do about it is entirely your beeswax.
Texas schmexas ,visiting is different from working in Texas.

Meadey:
It's it's not true that he might have done those things. Lest we forget, some women are addicted to pain and drama that happens in marriage. They believe without those things you are boring and not man enough. Check most marriages, people believe it must be rocky for it to be interesting in as much as money is there, they will stay

Forget about those kids forming marriage counsellor..
In as much as theirs is money, they will stay. But they will make everything boring to you.
They'll purposely want you to complain about everything.

ScotHarvath:
Whoever you are, God bless you!


Thank you.

You are just interested in online validation of what is on your mind. There are always two sides to a story. Tell us the full story or allow your wife come to Nairaland to tell us her own side.

RavagedHeart:
If atavistic is all your summary from all I said. Then we all need to be more atavistic.

Dude you advocated for violence. You are evolving back into a chimpanzee. Shouldn't you be going the other way?

What even makes you think she ll stay there and take it. I can guarantee that any intending assailant of mine or my loved ones will be hammered to within an inch of their lives.

ScotHarvath:
Sex is another issue, I always have to beg for it and when I raised the issue in anger she said I can be going to get it from other girls.

I really don’t think most Nigerian girls deserve or want a cool headed man. They will show you shege.

Thinking back and seeing only the things I did I can only can myself a fool. Helping with the chores, helping with the kids, revealing everything about my finances to her, standing up to her family for once admonishing her, spending too much time with her and trying to make her my everything.


Friends have taught me a lot in this life which I why I chose to avoid friends and focus on my wife and family but this woman is making those same guys I abandoned for her call me a fool.


If there’s an altercation, she turns on off the TV and sound system so the neighbors can hear everything.


Is it wrong to be a good man and want your wife to be your best friend.

If this marriage finally fails, the next woman I will date will see another version of me

Divorce her

Please just divorce her

1Sharon:
Propaganda topic! OP registered just today.

maybe he just have to inorder to air his thought

jaeyking:
The moment I start begging my wife for sex

The love is gone

Don’t mind any of them replying you

You are definitely right

Villa12:
Women don suffer from an average naija man hand

Do you want us to tell you to divorce your wife or tell you to stop being a responsible man?

Or you want us wey never marry to make sure we treat our woman like slave? Or you want those responsible martied men to withdraw from being responsible?

Nawa for una o

I hate to hear ignorant kids like you talk like this about what they know nothing about.
You think women behave the same way in both friendships and marriage?

Why don't you wait till you're married so you can talk from experience?

You are weak man.
Search for "the warriors" in telegram and become a red pill.
Or just lay down and d*e

Loisemm2:
Let your current wife see that other version of you first. See, most women like good men but they only respect and truly love a man they perceive as strong and firm. Mature women who have seen and experienced life will know the worth of a good man but most ladies don't till they learn to.

You need to become more firm with her. Don't tolerate nonsensical behaviour from her. Ignore her till thy kingdom come if she starts misbehaving. You can also choose not to mince words with her. Lay it all out with a very firm hard tone and face. Let her realise herself and choose a better path. Then let her know you won't continue to take mistreatment and foul words from her. Or there will be consequences. Not necessarily divorce. But don't tell her you can't do away with her if push comes to shove.
If she really values you and her marriage, she will seek for ways to make amends. If she doesn't, its her loss.

Even if she changes, love her very well but never become a door mat or an effeminate man again. Continue to be that strong firm disciplined man she knows she can't misbehave with. That man she knows loves her to the moon and back but won't take rubbish attitudes from her. This is the ideal man many women want and respect.

Op this advice is coming from a woman.... please grab it and use it, this is 100% fact.

seunmsg:
Shiit happens in marriage. And I mean, a whole pile of shiit. As a man, you will have to determine the amount of shiit you intend to put up with just to sustain the marriage. Only you can determine that so I won’t tell you what to endure and what not to endure.

But take the side chick advice more seriously whatever you decide to do. Life is too short to be sad in a trapped marriage forever. You will just die of responsibility plus sadness sooner than later. The side chick doesn’t have to be a serious relationship. Just a knacking thing for fun and nothing else.

The many faces of Kadoso Mutairu aka seunmsg! Auditor, politician, soldier,lobbyist, enforcer( 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪thug), CBN governor- to -be, marriage counselor, and so on and so forth.

ScotHarvath:
... and besides I work from home.

No matter how much you make staying at home doing a work-from-home job, your wife can develop a "see-finish" feelings toward you. Set up a place outside your home where you can work from, so you can go away from home in the morning and come back in the evening. There's a big respect it commands when you leave home in the morning and return in the evening. It's just a general human psychology.

"And another one bites the dust..."

First and foremost, being TOO KIND to a Nigerian lady is tantamount to WEAKNESS. We have said this countless times but you guys refused to listen.

All those stuff like opening car door for them, making them breakfast in bed, helping out by taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, etc may seem romantic & caring at first. But after a while, the woman begins to see you as an effeminate man, hence the disrespect.

Secondly, if you had ever listened to FELA's song titled GENTLEMAN. Then, you would have realized your second mistake. Whilst it's admirable to be cool headed sometimes, however, not knowing when to draw the battle line is another sign of weakness.

From the onset when you noticed those signs of contempt from your wife, you should have attacked the issue headlong like a LIEUTENANT. Indulging your wife when you should be treating her fvck ups is a sign of IDIOCY and the last time I checked, no lady respect an IDIOT. Even if that idiot is her husband.

Thirdly, there are many ways to understand how to relate with one's wife. The first being spending time with your parents and learning from their experience. Relating with guys who have seen it all when it comes to women. Women no really hard to handle, it's some of you that don't know how to handle them.
In conclusion, the following are your options as things stand;

1- Turn the table by seizing the initiative. This will be very difficult though because she don see you finish.

2- Continue tolerating her abuse whilst hoping she'll come to love you for being a GENTLEMAN.

3- Chase the cock-sucking b*tch out of your house.

Whatever you decide, sha don't forget to do DNA test for your children. To avoid future stories that touch.

[quote author=missjekyll post=130522508]

Dude you advocated for violence.

I didn't. Standing up for one's self instead of shameless complaisancy is not violence. It mustn't involve beating her like an animal. Even when she's treating him as one.
A little show of force is always good when diplomacy fails and backing out is not a solution.

You are evolving back into a chimpanzee. Shouldn't you be going the other way?

Really. Being a doormat and doing nothing about it but appeasing the abuser is what evolving feels like? No. I'll pass.

What even makes you think she ll stay there and take it.

That's the whole point. She should either be good or be gone. Her leaving is even better than the emotional and psychological damage she's doing.

I can guarantee that any intending assailant of mine or my loved ones will be hammered to within an inch of their lives.

Talk is cheap my friend. Making case is not as straightforward as you think it is.

You are not just being true to yourself and you know it.

ScotHarvath:
I have been noticing this things for the past couple of months. She even said recently in a fight that I disgust her and she hated me, I wanted to call for a separation after hearing such strong words but she pleaded and I acquiesced.

We have two kids.

Yesterday which was Father’s Day, she woke up at 10 o clock, before she did, I had slept the house and prepared breakfast because I felt she needed to rest.


I went out to with my friends around 6pm and came back around 10pm and asked her to help make toast for dinner and she boldly told me to go the kitchen and make it myself.

I really blame myself for this situation now, I made myself to accessible to all. I barely keep friends. So I made her my best friend, tell her everything about my finances and all. I treat her as an equal.


Is it wrong to treat a Nigerian woman well this days?


Everybody is advising me to get a side chick but I’m not that kind of man, I’m not sneaky or crafty enough to maintain two relationships.

I have been told to stop spending time with her at home but I’m an introvert, I don’t like frolicking with other people unless it’s absolutely necessary and besides I work from home.

I have also been advised to treat her like a stranger in her house and not talk to her for days but once again I don’t want that kind of life. I feel truly trapped.

It's good na you know na you cause am, so why telling us. OGA go and sort yourself.

All man to himself na you order the package, make you kuku manage the content alone, dont drag us into this as Nigerian problem is already dealing with us.

cococandy:
This literally the reason why OP created this thread. So he’ll have people come join him and tell men not to be good husbands and fathers.

On Father’s Day for that matter.

Make una rest small. At least for today.

Auntie stop saying rubbish jareee

A man is out here crying out his asss....you dey turn am to gender war ....

There are many many stories like this...it can't always be men's fault

Some women can be annoying....it's just that men don't talk as much as women do....

I keep telling men stop doing everything for your wife....especially chores ....just because u want to be a responsible man to your wife doesn't make you equal to her in home responsibilities

As much as women have equal rights to life, own properties, salary package, corporate positions with men of same status and calibre... doesn't mean they share the same right with men in marriage....

The man is the head....the woman is the helping mate....the joy of the woman lies in the submission to the man

Once the woman starts misbehaving... disrespecting her husband... something is wrong ...

Similarly, if a man starts misbehaving and disrespectful towards his wife oppressing her because he is the head of the family... something is wrong ...

Once you have a good woman as a wife...treat her right...she is a blessing

Or you have a good man as husband...treat him right ...he is a blessing...

Na so marriage be....there will always be up and downs but make up nd connect again...

ScotHarvath:
I don’t need your judgement, what you don’t understand is that is simple act of venting here has helped.

I’d rather vent here faceless than talk to family and friends about my issues.

Fuçking tale spinner.


Only God will deliver you miserable, single Nigerian guys from the plague of creating fake scenarios to punish and castigate imaginary women.

ChybuzzDD:
I hate to hear ignorant kids like you talk like this about what they know nothing about.
You think women behave the same way in both friendships and marriage?

Why don't you wait till you're married so you can talk from experience?

I hate old cargo like you old in age but not in brain. He came to a faceless forum to paint his wife black and old man like you will obviously swallow it without hearing from the other party.

You can't be an alpha male for nothing so i understand you quite alright

Loisemm2:
Let your current wife see that other version of you first. See, most women like good men but they only respect and truly love a man they perceive as strong and firm. Mature women who have seen and experienced life will know the worth of a good man but most ladies don't till they learn to.

You need to become more firm with her. Don't tolerate nonsensical behaviour from her. Ignore her till thy kingdom come if she starts misbehaving. You can also choose not to mince words with her. Lay it all out with a very firm hard tone and face. Let her realise herself and choose a better path. Then let her know you won't continue to take mistreatment and foul words from her. Or there will be consequences. Not necessarily divorce. But don't tell her you can't do away with her if push comes to shove.
If she really values you and her marriage, she will seek for ways to make amends. If she doesn't, its her loss.

Even if she changes, love her very well but never become a door mat or an effeminate man again. Continue to be that strong firm disciplined man she knows she can't misbehave with. That man she knows loves her to the moon and back but won't take rubbish attitudes from her. This is the ideal man many women want and respect.

God bless you ❣️

You said it all

In Nigeria election tribunal language, You are identify pre- marriage issues in a post- marriage jurisdiction! For she to be shuning you like that im sure she is very beautiful and her beauty must have blinded your thinking to a very dangerous red flag--OGBANJE TENDENCIES! Just go about it wisely before you discover very late that you does not father all those kids!

ScotHarvath:
I have been noticing this things for the past couple of months. She even said recently in a fight that I disgust her and she hated me, I wanted to call for a separation after hearing such strong words but she pleaded and I acquiesced.

We have two kids.

Yesterday which was Father’s Day, she woke up at 10 o clock, before she did, I had slept the house and prepared breakfast because I felt she needed to rest.


I went out to with my friends around 6pm and came back around 10pm and asked her to help make toast for dinner and she boldly told me to go the kitchen and make it myself.

I really blame myself for this situation now, I made myself to accessible to all. I barely keep friends. So I made her my best friend, tell her everything about my finances and all. I treat her as an equal.


Is it wrong to treat a Nigerian woman well this days?


Everybody is advising me to get a side chick but I’m not that kind of man, I’m not sneaky or crafty enough to maintain two relationships.

I have been told to stop spending time with her at home but I’m an introvert, I don’t like frolicking with other people unless it’s absolutely necessary and besides I work from home.

I have also been advised to treat her like a stranger in her house and not talk to her for days but once again I don’t want that kind of life. I feel truly trapped.

ScotHarvath:
I have been noticing this things for the past couple of months. She even said recently in a fight that I disgust her and she hated me, I wanted to call for a separation after hearing such strong words but she pleaded and I acquiesced.

We have two kids.

Yesterday which was Father’s Day, she woke up at 10 o clock, before she did, I had slept the house and prepared breakfast because I felt she needed to rest.


I went out to with my friends around 6pm and came back around 10pm and asked her to help make toast for dinner and she boldly told me to go the kitchen and make it myself.

I really blame myself for this situation now, I made myself to accessible to all. I barely keep friends. So I made her my best friend, tell her everything about my finances and all. I treat her as an equal.


Is it wrong to treat a Nigerian woman well this days?


Everybody is advising me to get a side chick but I’m not that kind of man, I’m not sneaky or crafty enough to maintain two relationships.

I have been told to stop spending time with her at home but I’m an introvert, I don’t like frolicking with other people unless it’s absolutely necessary and besides I work from home.

I have also been advised to treat her like a stranger in her house and not talk to her for days but once again I don’t want that kind of life. I feel truly trapped.

For you to have come on this platform to vent, shows the nature of your kind heart.

One thing is very clear from your writeup,...

You love your wife and children!

This is admirable.

A mango fruit doesn't become a venomous snake because people are throwing stones at it.

Do not stop doing the things you naturally love to do, because you aren't being appreciated.
Keep loving as you're used to.

Do not ever stoop so low to a level you've grown past, because of a wrongdoing by anyone.

Take out some time away from the house to analyse the issues in your marriage stemming from you alone, excluding your spouse.
Critically analyse every conflict and what you did or didnt do well. Learn from it, and keep moving.

Learn to overlook conflicts that don't hinge on life/death or eternal scenarios such as; money, sex, etc. Remember that you being alive is more paramount than anything.

Learn to communicate her errors or faults as and when they happen, and immediately let go without making reference to it in future conversations. Don't hold on to hurts past when they happen.

Remember your spouse isn't your enemy, and might not be at the same level as you are emotionally, intelligently, and all...

In this way you're striving to become a better version of yourself. Marriage doesn't cure any flaw, instead it amplifies it.

Therapists usually advise you allow your partner figure out what is wrong and what negative behavior they need to change by themselves.

Your spouse is not one of your children that you can teach, force or cajole into any sort of behavior. They need to be able to grow to that level.

As her husband you need to develop a higher level of patience and love until she reaches the level of growth you desire.

Lastly, marriage requires a certain level of independence.

You must realise that the moment your life revolves around your spouse you begin to loose sight of yourself, and without realising it begin to choke the relationship.

You cannot loose sight of your dreams, goals and aspirations, relationships and hobbies just because you're married.

I'm not saying you shouldnt prioritise your wife or kids...I'm saying that you should also factor into your daily schedule other activities in line with your dreams, aspirations, your relationships with others, and hobbies.

Marriage is about leadership not tutorship, or autocracy... Men should lead in the direction they want their spouses to follow. Women tend to mirror their spouses over time. Whatever you haven't said or done in the negative cannot be done or used in a word to hurt you.

Respond to every negative action or word your wife exhibits or says with a positive one.

Lastly, also learn to forgive yourself and your spouse...we are all students of life and no one is perfect.

I pray your marriage doesn't fail.

Diamond1605:
Lies lies you won’t say how you beat her like a drum, you won’t say how you cheated more than 8 times with 8 different women.

You won’t say how you always insult her and her family.

You won’t say how you step on her while beating her.

You won’t say how you made her feel like she is not a human

Those your friends advising you will definitely lead you astray

Come out and say the full story
Coward

but dear why the abuse. We all know some of the write up is sugar coated. Let try to respect one another.

cococandy:
He wants people to tell him to stop being a “good” husband, so that he can feel justified in his nonsense that he’s plotting.

That’s if the wife even exists. For all we know this is just another one of them women hating threads.

Glaringly. In HD sef.